Bill Clinton: A True Hoya

As you may have heard, Georgetown’s very own prodigal son is returning home to the Hilltop this week. And as cynical as we usually are here at 4E, this is actually a pretty cool thing. After all, since the events of the past year have forced us to acknowledge that Eric Trump, Steve Bannon, and Paul Manafort are technically alumni, we need to celebrate the Hoyas who didn’t collude with Russia have made a positive impact in the world now more than ever.

But as you prepare to camp outside Gaston to hear his speech, many of you who were born in the late-90s may be asking yourselves, “Who is Bill Clinton?” We know from eavesdropping on Blue and Gray tours that he certainly attended Georgetown, but is he really a Hoya? If he were a student today, would he regularly attend Jersey Night? Would he mourn the loss of Quick Pita? Would he post in the meme group? And more importantly, would his memes be dank?  To try to answer some of these pressing questions, we here at 4E briefly skimmed carefully read and took diligent notes on Bill Clinton’s autobiography, My Life, and came to the following conclusion:

Bill Clinton is a true Hoya.

Take a look at our reasoning below:

1. He Loves Wisey’s

The Quote: “At Wisemiller’s Deli, just across Thirty-sixth Street from the Walsh building where I had most of my classes, I got coffee and two donuts for twenty cents every morning

Our Analysis: Like all good Hoyas, Bill Clinton both loves Wisey’s and eats there way too much. He definitely would have voted for the Hot Chick/Chicken Madness ticket back in the infamous GUSA election of 2016, and is surely a strong supporter of our unofficial school mascot, The Wisey’s Rat™. So the next time you feel guilty about eating Wisey’s cookies for breakfast as you walk in 15 minutes late to your class on the fourth floor of Walsh because the elevator was taking forever, just remember that you will probably grow up to be the President of the United States.

When you call your order in and the wait is only 10 minutes

2. He Never Leaves Campus

The Quote:In my first two years, I rarely ventured beyond the confines of the University and its immediate surroundings”

Our Analysis: For a true Hoya, Burleith is as exotic as it gets. Yes, just like a vast majority of Hoyas, Bill Clinton fell victim to the Georgetown Bubble. And yes, we know D.C. is a world-class city full of renowned food, art, and culture, but the whole Metro system is confusing and not a lot of places take GoCard. True Hoyas stick to complaining about the lack of options at Leo’s and only venture beyond M street once a semester for Instagram-related purposes. Also “immediate surroundings” is definitely code for Chi Di. We’ll see you there on Thursday, Bill. Hopefully you have a good ID though, they’ve been pretty tough this year.

When someone suggests you should “explore D.C. more”

3. He Embraces Our “Sleep When You’re Dead” Culture

The Quote: “My most memorable class sophomore year was Professor Walter Giles’s U.S. Constitution and Government… By the time I got to his class I had embraced my lifelong affinity for sleep deprivation and had developed the sometimes embarrassing habit of falling asleep for five or ten minutes of class”

Our Analysis: Same, Bill Clinton. Same. Does it even qualify as a Georgetown class if more than half its students are awake at any given time? Whether it’s in a lecture hall, on Healy Lawn, or in the middle of a professor’s office hours (it happened once), falling asleep at inappropriate times is what we Hoyas do best. Honestly, Bill Clinton, props for doing this well in an era before you could try to stay awake by scrolling through memes on Facebook while the professor thinks you’re taking notes. Side note to any of my professors who accidentally clicked on this article: I love your class! Keep up the good work!

When the professor makes eye contact during the lecture and you have to act like you’re deep in thought over whatever they just said

4. He Has a Capitol Hill Internship

The Quote: On interning for Arkansas Senator William Fulbright, “It was easy to fit the job into my daily schedule, partly because in junior year only five courses were required instead of six, partly because some classes started as early as 7 a.m.”

Our Analysis: If you hadn’t already guessed, Bill Clinton was in the SFS. This quote confirms it. I can practically hear this quote telling me he’s a STIA major and that he has to go study for MAP. Even today, when Bill Clinton meets new people, I guarantee you that he finds some way to mention the SFS. This guy is a Hoya.

When it’s been five minutes and no one has asked about your foreign service background yet

5. He Loves The Tombs

The Quote:My favorite haunts in Georgetown were the Tombs, a beer hall in a cellar beneath the 1789 restaurant, where most of the students went for beer and burgers

Our Analysis: Bill Clinton’s Tombs Night was definitely lit. But not too lit, like where you had to call GERMS and the whole night was ruined. It was just the right level of lit, like where everybody danced to “In Da Club” by 50 Cent when the clock hit midnight, and then Bill Clinton got a great Instagram pic of his forehead being stamped by the Tombs bouncer. Every Hoya since John Carrol has made some of their greatest memories at the Tombs. Need we say more?

Actual photo of Bill Clinton getting his forehead stamped on his Tombs Night. On an unrelated note, yes, I am available for freelance photoshop jobs. Serious inquiries only.

So there you have it: Bill Clinton is a Georgetown Hoya. Our diligent research has definitively proved it. We hope you all have fun accidentally falling asleep learning a lot at his speech on Monday- and huge props to the team over at #GUPolitics for making this happen! No disrespect to the time you got Martin O’Malley to play his guitar in McShain Lounge, but this is definitely much cooler than that.

Sources: My Life by Bill Clinton, Tombs.com, Facebook.com, giphy.com, Georgetowndc.com, georgetown.edu

MARCH MADNESS: Wisey’s Sandwiches Round 1

See full bracket and results here

Chicken Madness Gangsta Wrap

Welcome to the third installment of 4E’s March Madness. Let’s get right down to business. Whether it’s a sunny, spring March day or a blustery winter evening, one thing iscertain: Wisey’s is delicious. Today’s March Madness contenders are the best of the best on the Wisemiller’s Grocery and Deli menu. Which sandwiches will rise to the top of their mouth-watering bracket? Which will fall short? Let’s find out. Our first matchup for Wisey’s Sandwiches: Chicken Madness vs. Gangsta Wrap.

(Scroll down to see the second matchup)

It might seem impossible to take down Chicken Madness, the mother of all Wisey’s creations…

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…but Gangsta Wrap, with its turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato and parmesan pepper dressing just might be up for the challenge.

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Or maybe not. How can you say no to this? So good, it’s “madness.” See what I did there?

1951Hatter But how can you say no to something so “Gangsta”? (Note: In no way does Tate Tucker officially endorse “Gangsta” Wrap, but he does make some pretty amazing “gangsta’ rap” … I immediately regret using that term but WISEY’S MADE ME DO IT.)

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Then again… how can you say no to these ingredients?

Chicken Madness: Slices of chicken grilled hot and sweet peppers, onions, cheese, bacon and mayo. Hear the Hallelujah chorus yet?

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When it comes to Wisey’s, Chicken Madness is and will forever remain a beacon of culinary design and a Georgetown staple, making it an obvious frontrunner in this bracket. Can the Gangsta Wrap achieve an massive upset? Who will continue on to March Madness glory (and into my belly)? ONLY YOU CAN DECIDE! Vote here:

[cardoza_wp_poll id=12]

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Burger Madness Hot Chick

Onto the next one! This round looks to be a close one, folks. Part two of our Wisey’s Sandwiches Showdown: Burger Madness vs. Hot Chick.

Our number two pick is the not-so-ugly step-sister of Chicken Madness: Burger Madness. Same madness, more beef, more mayhem.

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But Hot Chick is looking to spice things up … with cayenne pepper and parmesan pepper dressing. Bam. Game changer?

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However, Burger Madness coincides with March Madness. (Here’s a bracket in case you need one.)

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But I mean, who doesn’t like hot chicks?!

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Especially this Hot Chick?MV5BMzY1NTAzNTA3Ml5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMDA5Mzc3._V1_SY317_CR0,0,214,317_

Then again, there’s always the Burger Madness’ sweet, savory goodness.

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Who will be the winner of Part 2? Will it be the beefy Burger Madness or the spicy Hot Chick? Who will make it on to the next round? Why am I salivating so much? IT’S UP TO YOU! (Except the salivating part. That’s not up to you; that’s just because Wisey’s is delicious.)

[cardoza_wp_poll id=13]

Photo: Burger Madness; Yelp; IMDB; Hot Sauce and Salsa; The Daily Beast, Mogi Beats; Alice and Wonderland Wikia; Head, Heart, and Hand; Team Rankings

Chicken Madness vs. Hot Chick

chick vs hot chick

As Georgetown students, when someone says “Wisey’s sandwich”, we typically think of Chicken Madness. Recently, there has been much debate (see here in today’s issue of The Guide) as to whether the Hot Chick actually deserves more fame than the Chicken Madness. So Hoyas, what do you think?

To refresh your memory:

Chicken Madness Slices of chicken, grilled hot and sweet peppers, onions, cheese, bacon, mayo

Hot Chick Chicken fingers, cayenne ranch dressing, pepper jack cheese, and tomatoes

[cardoza_wp_poll id=4]

Feeding Yourself Without Leo’s (It’s Possible!)

Last year I supported Leo’s. Everyone complained about the quality of food, the lack of options, and the long lines for meals that were never really worth it. But I always came to its defense because I truly liked the food that was offered and I never left hungry.

But since the start of this school year, my friends and I have gone on a Leo’s boycott (except for Chicken Finger Thursdays because, really, who can pass those up?). And with the recent report of Leo’s numerous health code violations, students are starting to demand change. While we wait for Leo’s to get it’s act together, here are some other ways to feed yourself without leaving campus:

Epicurean – This restaurant is by far my favorite spot on campus. Although it may be a bit of a trek for those who live over in Southwest Quad or Village A, the wide array of choices – a daily buffet, sushi, pizza, sandwiches, and wraps – makes Epicurean well worth the walk. I personally recommend the quesadilla and The Baja, a grilled chicken sandwich with avocado and melted pepper jack cheese.

Wisemiller’s – Wisey’s takes the cake for the most convenient off campus food option. Located directly across from Walsh, one needs to walk only steps off campus to grab a great, quick and easy sandwich. If you’re having trouble deciding what to order, go with the Chicken Madness – you will not be disappointed.

Einstein Brothers Bagels – The opening of an Einstein Bagels on the third floor of Regents has been a great addition to the gorgeous new building. Unfortunately, the ‘store’ is simply a cart, but, each time that I have gone to pick up some breakfast, there has always been a good selection of fresh bagels. Even more exciting is the recent announcement of the expansion of the Einstein’s in Car Barn later this year.

The Corp – I feel as if I have lived off of food from the Corp this entire year. Between sushi, Booey’s sandwiches and even the falafels, I seem to never run out of options. Vital Vittles in Leavey usually offers the most choices of all of the Corp storefronts so make sure to head over there if you are struggling to find some diversity. Thank you, Corp, for feeding me for the past few weeks – I don’t know what I would do without you.

Hopefully, the situation at Leo’s improves, but, until then, we’ll all just have to get a little creative. Maybe you’ll even try out those cooking skills that you never knew you had!