Cries for Help: Carvings in Lau Cubicles

As a nearly 230-year-old institution, Georgetown is host to secrets that current students can hardly fathom.

Hopefully no basilisks tho 🐍 #snakesofgeorgetown

Some of these secrets date back to the school’s founding. Messages etched by early students into the stone walls of Healy, White-Gravenor and Dahlgren — “Thou art fairer than a principled Jesuit,” “Thy perfume sweetens the scent of the stankiest Leo’s dish return,” etc. — have faded over time.

Actual footage of the Healy clock ringing every 15 minutes.

However, contemporary graffiti is alive and well in some of the newer and more utilized buildings on campus. Most anonymous messages, in fact, are located in none other than Lauinger Library, a hotspot of ~brutal~ nervous breakdowns on campus.

Lauinger? I barely know her.

Please join me as I reveal the most honest and repulsive thoughts of Georgetown students: those scrawled on the inside of Lau cubicles and Walsh restrooms in desperate acts of self-expression.

Me as I plumb Lau’s dusty depths. Also, if you don’t know what movie this gif is from, I can’t be friends with you.

Georgetown Confessions

It’s amazing that the president found time to helicopter over to Georgetown and vandalize our library! Spelling errors aside, this is 100% a rule to live by. #FightAgainstTheCapitalistCorp

This was found covering approximately 4 feet of vertical space on the lower level of Lau. I mean … say it loud, say it proud??? 😳🤷🏻‍♀️

Breaking down gender barriers one act of vandalism at a time.

You’ve got to admit, coming out and claiming the Walsh fourth floor women’s bathroom as one of your favorite spots on campus is a bold move. Kudos to this brave soul.

Slackademia

This one is honestly too relevant right now. I love how this ~poet~ backed up some linguistics major’s revelation with a quintessentially Georgetown story of academic humiliation.

4E was tipped off that this one was drawn by a struggling freshman who started their “Problem of God” paper the night before it was due and realized that they were supposed to “conduct a survey.” Yikes.

Quarter-Life Crises

If Lana Del Rey went to Georgetown, these would be the lyrics to her No. 1 song. FYI, if unlike this songwriter, the middle stall in the Walsh third floor bathroom isn’t really your vibe, check out these other spots on campus where you can bawl your eyes out.

This picture illustrates what happens when SFSers get too into their Neo-Sovietism class and then realize that they have to make themselves marketable to consulting firms for summer internships.

Classic Georgetown Elitism

Okay, Brock, that’s only because your dad donated a swimming pool there! Get off your high horse, please.

I mean… George Washington probably would have been a Hoya. #justsayin

Hoyas Reveal Their Ugly Side

This statement is unacceptable. Georgetown students are practically defined by their constant belittlement of campus dining and love for mainstream hip-hop. Do better, Hoyas.

Now that you’ve seen some of the innermost thoughts of Georgetown students, I encourage you to look around the next time you’re struggling to write a paper in Lau at 2 a.m. You may find inspiring messages, crude drawings or desperate cries for help.

Either way, the notes left behind by past Hoyas are an important part of Georgetown’s history that current students can and should bond over.

Did you know that Ben Gates holds a degree in American history from Georgetown? #NotableAlum

Best of luck with finals, everyone! Keep scribblin’ away.

Note: I’d like to apologize to all of the people I weirded out while sneaking around Lau and Walsh taking pictures.

Sources: Giphy, Facebook (Georgetown Memes for Non-Conforming Jesuit Teens)

Snakes of Georgetown

Urban Dictionary defines a snake as: “someone who you think is sincere and really nice, but then turns out to be a backstabber.” To people of Georgetown who have slightly inconvenienced me: welcome to your tape.

Security Guards at Lau – They let in homeless people but make me get out my GoCard. I go to Lau 1 at least three times a day.

People that don’t hold the door for you at Leo’s – Do you know how hard it is to open those heavy doors? Help a weak girl out here.

Tired Corp employee on a Sunday – I know you’re hungover, but can you at least look up at me while taking my order?

Freshman RAs – My study abroad application still lists my first week of school write-up as a disciplinary sanction. Did my noise complaint really disturb the peace of New South?

Professors who take off points after the third absence – I know this is all of them, but three absences really aren’t too many.

People who wear glasses and don’t need them, but just want to look smart and trendy – I’m essentially blind, so please don’t appropriate my culture.

Whisk guy who takes food orders – Stop taking 10 orders at once, forgetting them all, and then asking everyone their order again! It’s not an efficient system!

THAT ONE LXR SECURITY GUARD – You all know the one. We all have beef with her. Avoid this one at all costs.

The Walsh Building – It’s always blasting heat, the elevator takes forever, and the bathrooms are gross and have graffiti all over them. Students of the humanities truly do suffer.

People who press “Door Close” in an elevator when they see someone coming – You’re petty.

Jack the Bulldog’s walkers – I swear these people think they run the school. Once I was denied petting Jack because it wasn’t his “petting time.” I’m still not over it.

 

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, flickr.com

Motivation Monday: Live from the Walsh Bathroom

walsh bathroom

Spring is in the air in the District. Are the clouds of flower petals on Healy Lawn or the cloudless blue skies distracting you from your last few weeks of studies? Is the stress of hearing your friends talk about their summer plans getting you down? Don’t worry! Your fellow Hoyas have your back. Here are some motivating tips from real-life (presumably) Georgetown students, left in a place where few would think to look: the Walsh bathrooms.

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First, some words of wisdom for the Class of 2019 and the freshman inside us all.

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Next up, a little optimism to get the party going.

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We all need self-love at this time of the year. Who makes your day special?IMG_9098But hey, don’t get cocky now. The school year isn’t over yet, and humility is a Hoya’s best habit.

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Let that spirit inside you soar, girl. Uncage your inner sensitivity. Spring is the time of hope!

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While we’re at it, check out this fly poetry. See, inspiration comes in places you’d never expect!

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And nope, you’ve lost me. Seems like this belongs on a more dignified place than above a toilet paper dispenser, no?

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Oh, Jane Hoya, the ever witty joker she is. I laugh at your chutzpah.

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And finally, when all else fails, we’re all in this together. Someone out there is having a day far worse than yours. Remember your Convocation oath to remain a man or woman for others, and give that stranger a friendly smile or a wave as they stroll across the lawn. For all you know, they wrote the passage below.

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We apologize for the expletives!

Photos: Alessandra Puccio; Gifs: giphy.com

Attack Of The Doors: Part II

Banner - Bad DoorsI am about to write about something very important to me, something that should also be very important to you. I am giving the people what they want: another article about doors.

1. Leo’s Doors: WHY are they so hard to open? Sometimes, I am absolutely starving. All I want is my chipotle mayo from the panini press. Why do these horrible doors stand in my way? Maybe, there is someone else, going through the right set of doors, racing to the one swiper on duty. I’m hungry, I need to be there first, but I am milliseconds behind because of the doors on the left.

2. Reiss Doors: There is nothing inherently wrong with the doors themselves. However, it is not a double set of doors. Going into my giant philosophy lecture, standing in the Reiss foyer, I expect warmth and shelter. Instead, I find myself needing a Canada Goose, as, after all, they are made for the arctic tundra.

3. HFSC Doors: There is no rhyme or reason to these doors. Some days, you can use these doors for a shortcut through the student center. Other days, they are locked. There is no pattern. All it leads to is me looking dumb.

4. Business School Doors: Leaving the undergraduate commons, there is a handy exit leading outside. However, there is no contraption at the top to close the door after opening. Why? Must I slam this door? Sometimes people forget to close it, letting in the cold air. Now I have to get up out of my seat and close it myself. What is this heresy?

 

However, I don’t hate all doors on campus. I can do more than just complain. The Walsh doors, the ones that open automatically, are my absolute favorites.

 

Photos/Gifs: noblegroupwindows.com, dailydot.com, tumblr.com

Georgetown’s Top 5 Worst Elevators

Elevator

Spring has sprung. So maybe you’re feeling active or outdoorsy or happy or something. Or maybe you’re still just as lazy as you are during the winter. If this is true, here are the top 5 worst elevators at Georgetown to persuade you into taking the stairs.

  1. NEW NORTH

This one is good for those who want some idle time while you wait. You can maybe finish War & Peace or all seven Harry Potter books.

Safety: 3.5
Speed: 1
Vibe:    2

Average: 2.17

  1. TIE — MAGUIRE

It’s great because if you’re in it, you’re probably on your way to Riggs Library. But it’s also not so great to be surrounded by black protective padding.

Riggs is the classiest place on campus and the only way to get there is via service elevator? Almost a day-ruiner.

Safety: 3
Speed: 2
Vibe:    1

Average: 2

  1. TIE — LEAVEY CENTER

The filthy carpeting and 1980s tennis facility smell might make your Cosi taste that much worse afterwards.

Safety: 3
Speed: 2
Vibe: 1

Average: 2

  1. LAU

Slow doors and faux wood paneling––this one definitely takes the cake for best horror movie setting. That’s not outside of the realm of possibility actually. Those doors stop for no one, so don’t get righteous and lose an arm trying to hold the doors for anyone.

Safety: 2
Speed: 2.5
Vibe: 1

Average: 1.83

  1. WALSH

First of all, factor an extra 10 minutes into your schedule if you plan on taking this up to class. More importantly, taking this elevator is almost a death wish. If you take it with more than four people, it literally won’t even be level with the floor when it opens. Be sure to have all your affairs in order before you let those door close behind you.

Safety: 1
Speed: 1
Vibe: 2

Average: 1.33

Honorable Mention: REGENTS

Safety: 5
Speed: 5
Vibe: -5

So the Regents elevator is actually one of the only acceptable elevators on campus. Contemporary design and a speedy trip for sure. The reason it earns Honorable Mention, however, is because of the condescending voice that chirps “Going up!” Who needs that kind of passive aggression in their life?

This post was guest-written by Matthew Melbourne.

Photos: Matthew Melbourne for The Hoya, country105.com