Guy Consolmagno: He’s Cooler Than You Think

guyconsolmagnoOK, so he didn’t say that. Kanye said that. But Brother Consolmagno is still “way more fresher” than you think. From eavesdropping on two seniors on Car Barn’s patio and reading Mug’s FML board, I’ve come to realize some seniors are a bit peeved at or just confused by the College’s decision to invite Brother Guy Consolmagno to be the guest speaker at commencement. Many college seniors just can’t understand what a Vatican astronomer could possibly say to a bunch of American college graduates.

Some of us hypothesized that Guy was just really into inspirational, sidereal sayings (hell yeah I just typed “pertaining to stars” into Google):

But the 4E thinks we’re all selling Brother Guy a bit short because one time we saw him on the Colbert Report.


He’s so cute! And it seems like he’s really going to say something substantive along the lines of, “Chill out guys, we’re pretty insignificant anyways.” Or hopefully it will be a bit more motivational, like, “LOOK AT THE STARS! THEY’RE INCREDIBLE! THE UNIVERSE IS AMAZING! BE HUMBLED! BE THANKFUL!” I’m sure he’ll be a bit more eloquent but you get the idea: This is going to be a great speech, so don’t get down on yourself that Bradley Cooper isn’t coming. He recently became the Hulk anyway.

We hope on commencement day the stars align and Brother Consolmagno’s speech is as heavenly as the bodies above.