A Very GUSA Midterm

Fellow Hoyas, this Sunday, Sept. 30, is the fall semester’s GUSA senate election. Flyers plaster the walls, ads spam Facebook feeds and candidates attempt to jump you while looking for votes.

While this time could be met with apathy or even disdain, it remains an  important part of school life. Representation matters! 

Hoya staffers are not permitted to advocate for specific candidates, but it is paramount for the press to report on politics — school or otherwise.

So, without promoting any political position, here are some people you should think about while voting this Sunday.

Abraham Lincoln

This man is an obvious first mention. During the United States’ greatest trial, President Abraham “Lumbermill” Lincoln sought to bring the country together. Balancing his values and his pragmatism, he ultimately rekindled national unity. Known for his supreme storytelling and humility, Lincoln could relate to every man.

Honest Abe is the real deal.

Abigail Adams

It would be a disservice to the second first lady to refer to her simply as “the wife of President John Adams.” Abigail “Equality Now” Adams has much more weight than just being some white guy’s spouse. Adams was, in many respects, incredibly ahead of her time — vocalizing her abhorrence of slavery and demanding that if “all men are created equal,” they should be equally treated as such.

Abigail Adams is nobody’s fool.

Benito Mussolini

Very sharp turn with this one, and not really a problem in student government elections. Still, solid advice: Don’t vote for a fascist, racist maniac like this one.

Writer’s note: This image does not, in fact, show Benito Mussolini, but rather Dwight Schrute’s famous speech from Season 2, Episode 17 of “The Office.”

Conan O’Brien

Anything I write will include Conan O’Brien. A ~Harvard graduate~, Conan displays his wit and intelligence not only through his live comedy but also through his clever and often absurdist writing. Both eloquent and goofy, Conan seldom aggrandizes himself, choosing self-deprecation instead of the typical teasing.

Sit down, be Conan.

Todd Olson, Ph.D.

The beloved vice president for student affairs is the paragon of leadership. Though he spends his life telling us to stop waking up the neighbors, the man really just wants the best for his Hoya-kiddos. Vote for that person who’s just giving their earnest.

It’s time…

With these examples of character in mind, it’s your turn to do some research. As much as it probably pains you, go to all those Facebook pages explaining the GUSA candidates’ platforms. Find someone you trust and respect, whose ideas resonate with what you believe needs to be done. And, absolutely, compare them with historical icons.

But if you end up skipping these elections, please don’t sit out come Nov. 6, the real midterms that have palpable effects on how this country functions. By that time, apathy and cynicism simply aren’t options.

Happy voting!

 

Sources: giphy.com

How To: CHARMS

Is it time for you to find your first ever college roommate? Get excited for a year (or four) of pillow talks, impromptu dance parties, sexiling and shared bathrooms! Finding/having a roommate is nothing to stress out about. In my opinion, you can have three outcomes: A. You may find and get to live with a newfound BFFL; B. Your freshman year roommate will be someone that you can get along with well enough (not the future best man in your wedding, but trustworthy and good for a couple of 2am heart-to-hearts); or C. Getting through the year may require some Facetime-enabled venting to your parents, but you’ll emerge (mostly) unscathed with some great stories to tell about your miscommunications.

Many of you will find your roommate using CHARMS (Campus Housing Roommate Matching System….CHRMS?), which is perhaps better understood as the college-roommate-version of Tinder. CHARMS has a curiously high success rate. Is it a match made in heaven? It’s actually more like a  match made by virtually dating other eligible roommate-seeking baby-Hoyas after comparing room temperature preferences and how messy neat you are. Using this bewilderingly successful forum is as much a rite of passage as Club Lau, getting lost in the ICC, DFMOing with a stranger on a Vil A rooftop and learning how to order an Epi quesadilla. In order to help you with this signature Georgetown experience, here are some tips and tricks to hopefully help make your CHARMS adventure a little ~easier~.

1. Use Facebook It is much easier to communicate via FB Messenger than on the CHARMS site itself. Using Facebook saves you from logging on to the Starrez Housing Portal to check messages and lets you see when someone has read your message. Additionally, friending your potential roomie on Facebook allows you to do some ~wholesome investigation~ to make sure that they were just as weird (and good at Photo Booth) in seventh grade as you were. Plus, this allows you two to tag each other in the comment sections of some stellar memes – objectively the most effective means of determining your compatibility.

2.  Be Honest

This is my biggest piece of advice. There are roughly 2000 people in your grade, so don’t worry about revealing yourself to not be 100% compatible with one of the ~three people that CHARMS initially matches you with based on your Living Preference Questionnaire (a series of mostly arbitrary questions) answers. Don’t claim to be the world’s most organized person if, in fact, a greater percentage of your clothing is lying on your floor rather than neatly hanging in your closet. No need to disclose the exact number of empty water bottles currently in your bedroom, but come clean (#notsorry) about some of your messier tendencies and find a roommate who will understand (rather than resent) your system of putting your dirty clothes on the floor when your laundry basket is full of clean clothes that haven’t been put away yet.

3. Some Helpful Translations

“I’m in the McDonough School of Business” I won’t have classes on Friday. I have an extensive collection of Vineyard Vines polos. In my free time I enjoy cracking open a cold one with the MSBros. “I’m pre-med” I have early morning lectures. Aesthetic: goggle lines post-three-hour chem lab. Celebrity crush: Neil deGrasse Tyson. “I’m kind of a NARP” Direct translation: I’m a Non-Athletic Regular Person. More accurate interpretation: I have little intention of ever setting foot in Yates Field House (Field Dungeon?), but might be persuaded to go to SoulCycle if we can get acai bowls at South Block after. “I LOVE The Office” I will tag you in an endless stream of Michael Scott memes. You better understand my frequent references and respond appropriately, and also support my “Prison Mike” Halloween costume.

4. Plan ahead, but be realistic!

Coordinating some logistics with your roommate ahead of time is a good idea. Figure out what items you might want to have, what will be shared and who is bringing/buying a mini-fridge, a clothes drying rack, cleaning supplies, etc. Just remember that most freshmen dorm rooms are on the smaller side. I was particularly lucky to score what seemed to be a glorified closet of a freshman dorm room—great for some roomie bonding, less great for housing two humans and too many Bed Bath and Beyond purchases. Bill Clinton did it and you can too, but don’t plan on buying a couch or bringing your pet elephant. Best of luck finding a roommate! Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, theodysseyonline.com

Hillary is Coming to the Hilltop

If you’re anything like us here at 4E, you probably freaked out pretty hard when you found out Hillary was coming to campus. I mean, after all, What Dreams Are Made Of” is a modern classic.

But after watching “The Lizzie McGuire Movie” for the umpteenth time in order to prepare ourselves for what we thought would be the first stop in the 2017 Hillary Duff Comeback Tour, we noticed something a little odd about our email invitations to the event in Gaston Hall on Friday.

The invitation didn’t say Hillary Duff, it said Hillary Rodham ClintonThis couldn’t be.

Last we’d heard, the former Secretary of State and pantsuit-aficionado was lost deep in the woods of Chappaqua, New York with her dogs. We wanted to do something about it, but sending a search team to look for America’s most accomplished grandma isn’t a part of The Hoya‘s budget.

At first, we didn’t know what to think. After months of #FakeNews, we didn’t know if we could even trust our own eyes. But there it was right in front of us.

The Hon. Hillary Rodham Clinton is coming to the Hilltop!

Since the announcement, questions have arisen.

  1. Do we get in line at 3 AM or 4 AM?
  2. Should we wear that old campaign T-shirt we haven’t been able to look at since November 8th without vigorously crying?
  3. Will she mention Trump?
    (Editor’s note: In a perfect world, he would show up at the speech too and they’d have a wizard’s duel à la McGonagall and Snape in “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” over the presidency but hey, we get that that might be asking for a little too much. In fairness though, Healy Hall has always reminded us of Hogwarts.)

Whatever Hillz says, we’re sure it’ll be memorable. Almost as memorable as that time she won the popular vote by a few million votes and somehow still didn’t become president! Hahaha you’re so funny @ElectoralCollege! We’ll never get over that one! #TBT

Oh and Bill, if you see this, feel free to come too. We promise to get you lots of balloons.

Sources: giphy.com, tumblr.com, buzzfeed.com

Best of Georgetown’s Facebook Meme Page

For the past several months, meme culture has permeated the very fabric of American society. Everywhere you look, there are dank (or not so dank) memes. Despite the seemingly ubiquitous nature of memery, there has been a noticeable void on Georgetown’s campus… until now. In the past few weeks, the Facebook page known as “Georgetown Memes for Nonconforming Jesuit Teens” has taken the Hilltop by storm, with memes made by and made for Georgetown’s very own Hoyas.

This page really tackles some hot issues at Georgetown with prime memery. Here, we’ve compiled some of the most ~fire~ of these memes for your viewing pleasure:

Ita Uduebo takes on the ridiculous pressure and exclusivity of club culture at Georgetown with this incredible meme:

Emily Saadi similarly offers some quality satirical commentary on diversity at Georgetown:

John Matthews contributed a quality meme on being blatantly unprepared for class, as I am sure many Hoyas can relate to:

There have been a number of impressive Leo’s memes as well. Allison Kozeracki, for instance, contributed this beautiful one:

Lastly, Sayako Quinlan contributed one of my personal favorite memes on the culture of relationships at Georgetown. Truly an A+ meme:

While these are just a few of 4E’s favorites, join the “Georgetown Memes For Non-Comforming Jesuit Teens” Facebook group for an even wider selection of prime meme material. I look forward to getting that notification that “_____ has requested to join.”

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, bbc.co.uk

Judging You, Judging Your Laptop Stickers

Remember decorating lockers in middle school? Laptop stickers are the college version of this timeless activity.  But now, instead of decorating a metal cubby that you once saw in a photo from 1973 , you’re decorating an expensive computer that you’ll rely on for at least 4 years. What do your stickers (or things that you thought would make you seem cool, let’s be real) say about you?

But first, the basics:

  • No stickers? Congrats, you’re a full-blown adult. We’re all proud. Stop reading this and go back to The Wall Street Journal.
  • Stickers on a laptop case? Just like me with my constantly changing major, you’re unwilling to commit.
  • Stickers on the laptop? Bold. Determined. Committed to your ideals. Really sorry, but you might not be the next President after all.

The stickers themselves:

  • Hamilton-related: Yep, you’re part of the problem. Good job, liberal elite.
  • GoPro: How was your last ski vacation? I’m sure that you looked super cool with that camera on your helmet. Can I see the video? Was there a soundtrack?
  • H*yas for Choice: We’re all fans. But are you really in the club? Thinking that the answer is no.
  • Anything “The Office”-related: Congrats on loving such an obscure show!

  • GUAFSCU/GUSIF: You’re impressive. I understand. You crushed that application and business professional attire.
  • “Oh, Kale Yeah!”: Are you vegan? LMK. @vegans_at_leos.
  • Hillary Clinton campaign: Leave that one up until it fades to nothing, please.
  • Patagonia, or a variation on their logo:  Thank you for supporting this grassroots company, you’re really helping them get off the ground and make a difference in society. Also, it’s super cool that the logo was modified to fit the mountain that you visited recently, how unique!
  • Hometown sticker: Home is where the heart is! Which right now, realistically, is in your laptop, so this fits!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, flickr.com

4E’s Spring 2017 Blog Babies

Every semester, we at The Fourth Edition decide to open our doors to the few whom we think are pretty hilarious. This semester, we took five new, spectacular human beings out of a competitive applicant pool. We can’t wait to see what they accomplish!

Top 3 Moments on Season 21 of The Bachelor

1. When Corinne, age 24, casually discloses that she has a nanny. #FreeRaquel2k17

2. When Alexis (dolphin/shark) jumps into the pool and starts making what I presume are dolphin mating sounds to call out for Nick.

3. When Josephine forces Nick to “lady and tramp” an uncooked hot dog with her.

Top  3 Ways to Get Lost in the ICC

1. You took the stairs. Never take the stairs.

                  2.  You went to office hours. The offices seem to always be full of people and yet does anyone really know where they are?
                  3.  You went to the bathroom. If the stairs are from Hogwarts, the ICC bathrooms are practically closets to Narnia.

 


Top 3 Georgetown Pet Peeves

1. Facilities request.

2. When someone ignores your Venmo request.

3. Dominos closes at 2 AM????

 

 

 

 

Top 5 TV Show Episodes that Make a Bad Day Better

1. The Office, “Stress Relief”

2. Parks and Recreation, “Li’l Sebastian”

3. 30 Rock, “Queen of Jordan”

 

 

 

Top 3 Things Every Georgetown Student Can Agree On

1. The Leo’s coffee may be a crummy necessity in maintaining our caffeine addictions, but their banana bread is a delicious gift from heaven.

2. Jack DeGioia is low-key a baller. He owns his rescinding hair line and classy tie collection.

3. We look at the people on tours to see by chance if we know someone, even though we would never actually want to see some random from high school.

Photos/gifs: blog.thehoya.com, facebook.com

Diary of a SWUG: The 10 Commandments of Tombs

Banner - Tombs CommandmentsEleven days ago marked the 99th day before graduation (cue tears). Now, we are down to 88. How scary is that? 88 more days until I am officially irrelevant (Read: irrelevant here, I will always be relevant). To keep you in the loop (and keep myself in check) I will be doing a series of posts focusing on these last 99 days. Join me on an adventure of Tombs, thesis writing and goodbyes. Is it too late now to say sorry?

For those of you who don’t know, for the last 99 days of school, Tombs hosts an event called “99 Days.” Basically, for 99 straight days, (some) Georgetown seniors will visit and buy something at Tombs. Those who succeed get all the glory and an empty bank account.

For my first installment, I will be presenting the ~10 Commandments of Tombs~. While these are not written down anywhere, they are certainly true and worth committing to memory:

^Basically, I am channeling this. Take notes, my friends.

Commandment #1: Thou shall not yell at the bartender (especially if its Jon). The bartender (barkeeps? therapists?) are your friends, so treat them with kindness and maybe you will get some special treatment. Also, they are people. Calm your chill, get off your high horse and join the rest of us. It is a bar, it is going to be crowded.

Commandement #2: Thou shall request songs. Not all the DJs know what your #currentjam is, so you probably should let them know. And, don’t take no for an answer. If you want to hear “My Shot” from Hamilton the Musical, you should be able to hear it (Note: everyone should also hear it).

Commandment #3: Thou shall not steal coats. Come on people, this isn’t Brown House. Aren’t we adults (or at least quasi-adults) now? It is cold out and there is no way that I am ubering back to my house after droppin’ so much money at Tombs.

Commandment #4: Thou shall not arrive too early on a weekend. Okay, this is more of a personal rule. The earlier you get there, the longer you are going to have to wait until you can dance. Personally, I love to dance and I believe having to wait is a crime. As much as I love all my friends, there comes a point when sitting in a booth can get a little tiring.

Commandment #5: Thou shall take advantage of all the drink deals. Being 21+ is expensive, as we have all realized. Tombs has so many drink deals, so why not save money where you can? Plus, if you are doing 99 days, you can still check in if you split pitchers and wine, FYI.

Commandment #6: Thou shall make friends with all of the adults who visit Tombs to relive their glory days. Whether your parents are in town or a wedding just let out, these adults want nothing more than for you to have a good time. Never turn down the opportunity to get some free drinks, or fries. Both are important.

Commandment #7: Thou shall not judge people on the dance floor. I’ve been advocating for a no-judgement zone on the Tombs dance floor for a while now. Whatever happens, happens. We only have a few more months to make fools of ourselves at this place. Does anyone care that much?

Commandment #8: Thou shall actually go to Tombs during the day. It can be easy to forget that Tombs is a restaurant with pretty awesome food. Instead of picking up ‘za at Pizzeria Paradiso, grab a Hoya Salad at Tombs. Or, just go for brunch. Because what is better than brunch?

Commandment #9: Thou shall be aware of what time it is. The worst thing about a night at Tombs is when you forget what time it is and end up the only one of your friends on the dance floor. Things can get hazy down at Tombs, so make sure you actually know when your friends are leaving so you aren’t stuck walking home at closing time.

Commandment #10: Thou shall have fun, no matter what. So you got into a fight with your friend. So some girl spilled her drink on you. It is my personal belief that these are some of the moments we are going to miss the most. Don’t let the little things keep you from enjoying the memories.

Stay tuned for my #knowledge in the coming weeks. That is, once I figure out my life a little more.

Photos/Gifs: tumblr.com, youtube.com, collegeranker.com

PSA: Mindy Kaling was in Georgetown

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For those of you who are fans of The Office and The Mindy Project, you might want to sit down. According to our Twitter sources, the wonderful Mindy Kaling was in DC yesterday. Even better, she was looking at food places IN GEORGETOWN.

I eat in Georgetown. She may have eaten in Georgetown. Conclusion: We are the same person.

How do we know this? Ms. Kaling tweeted out to her followers yesterday the following message:

Please commence freak out!!!

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While 4E has not uncovered which restaurant she chose as her fancy, we were very impressed with the rhymes the citizens of DC came up with to entice this fabulous lady to dine in our humble abode.

wine

mcdonalds

Georgetown University even got into the game! Could you imagine if you ran into her at Snaxa?!

Of course resident comedian and politician, Joe Luther, threw out a rhyme:

This one is my personal favorite. Possibly because of the Kimmy Schmidt reference:

Ugh, but who doesn’t love Chris Messina:

While we don’t know where she went, Mindy did respond to this tweet with the clapping hands emoji. Did she ditch Georgetown all together?

  Mindy, come back. We love you. giphy Photos/Gifs/Tweets: Twitter.com; giphy.com; huffingtonpost.com; thinmintspiration.files.wordpress.com; http://static.parade.com/

Staffer of the Week: Hannah Kaufman

staffer-of-the-week1 Once a week, The Hoya recognizes one or two staffers who have done a particularly awesome job — now you can get to know about them, too. Here’s our interview with Staffer of the Week, Hannah Kaufman:
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Hometown: Huntington, N.Y. (Long Islander, of course)
School: College
Major: History and English
Year: 2017

Why were you named Staffer of the Week?
Because of my DT on fake ID’s, underage drinking and the social life on and off campus. It was my first news piece!

What do you enjoy most while working for the Hoya?
I think working for the Guideis so great, because you get to go to all these artsy fartsy cultural events and a lot of it is free, so your assignment is literally just to have fun with it.

What is your spirit animal? 
Definitely a dragon.

If you could wake up anywhere in the world tomorrow, where would you go?
Does Mars count?

What is your favorite gif ever? 

ew

For obvious reasons.

Thanks Hannah and congrats!

Photo: Facebook

Who’s Your TV Character Valentine?

tv valentineSometimes fake people are better than real people. When that happens, you sometimes find yourself hopelessly devoted to a TV character. 4E wants you to know that it is OK for that to happen, and in fact, we even encourage it. This Valentine’s Day, it’s time to show some love to the men and women who make our hearts race, ruin our GPAs and keep us up all night long.

10. Jim Halpert from “The Office” He is a rare, endangered species: a sexy paper salesman.

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 9. Khaleesi from “Game of Thrones” She’ll whisper gibberish death threats into your ear, but you’ll still dig it.

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8. Don Draper from “Mad Men” He’s a misogynistic class act who makes you yearn for simpler times, or at least a time when people dressed like Donny.

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7. Phil from “Modern Family” His idea of a perfect Valentine is a woman with a 12-year-old’s idea of a good time.

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6. Leslie Knope from “Parks and Recreation” Sorry folks, Leslie is unavailable this Feb. 14 due to a hangover from Galentine’s Day.

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5. Walter White from “Breaking Bad” Only if you’re feeling dangerous.

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4. Sheldon Cooper from “Big Bang Theory” He’ll blow (up) your mind.

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 3. Dr. McDreamy from “Grey’s Anatomy” It’s a beautiful day to save lives. You? Me? Elevator?

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2. Olivia Pope from “Scandal” Her Valentine is found at the bottom of a glass of Merlot after a hard day of being better than you.

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10. Barney Stinson from “How I Met Your Mother” Forget Valentine’s Day. With Barney Stinson every day is legen — wait for it — dary.

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You may never meet these mythological creatures, but here’s hoping! Cheers to finding love (real or fake), Hoyas!

Photo: http://good4utv.blogspot.com Gifs: http://giphy.com/search