The 5 People You Meet in a GroupMe

the 5 people you meet in a GroupMe

Over the course of your four years at Georgetown, you are bound to be added to more than a few GroupMes. Whether it is a GroupMe for your friends, your dorm building, your floor or a club, you will definitely encounter some ~interesting~ people.

The Questioner
This curious fellow feels no question is too small or insignificant to pose to the entire student body. It could be anything as ordinary as asking one’s freshman floor for some Advil to cure those Sunday Scaries or anything as strange as asking the entire class of 2020 if anyone wants to go star gazing at 11 p.m. on a Tuesday night (I guess light pollution can’t stop this one). No matter the GroupMe, there is always someone who continues to embrace their fifth grade teacher’s policy of “no question is a stupid question.”

The Campaigner
It’s election season for both the nation and the Hilltop. Considering Georgetown’s location and the fact that basically 50 percent of students are government majors, it should come as no surprise that people here are really into politics and will shamelessly campaign in their GroupMes. Whether it is an invitation to call random rich people for Hillary or a desperate plea to “Vote for me for MSB Academic Council!!!” there is never a shortage of political opportunities in your extensive list of chats.

The Silent Majority
If you scroll through the 259 members of your #poppin’ New South GroupMe, more often than not you will find a small bell crossed out in the top corner of each person’s respective square. These are the people who never have and probably never will speak in the GroupMe. These are the people who don’t really want to be in the chat but FOMO too hard to leave. This is the silent majority… this is most likely you.

The Sharer
There is always that one person who is just a little too comfortable with everyone in the GroupMe. Whether it’s sending constant drunk selfies with their quesadilla in Epi or sharing the intimate details of last night’s hookup, some people have to learn some boundaries.

But you’re secretly intrigued…

The Savior
At last we have arrived at my personal favorite GroupMe person – one whom I like to compare to Jesus Christ. This is the person who alerts the GroupMe of the nearest party or more importantly, the whereabouts of free food. Those “brownies on the third floor” and “free pizza on the front lawn” messages are essentially the sole reason I remain in the vast majority of my GroupMes.

Now that you know the different types of people found in a GroupMe, take some time to reflect. Are you a questioner or a campaigner? A sharer (a.k.a. just an extremely flamboyant drunk texter)? Are you… dare I say it… the second coming of Christ? Whichever one you are, keep doing you. Or maybe don’t.

Images: giphy.com, http://bit.ly/2cOGOpx

When You Give a 14-Year-Old Boy a Cosmopolitan

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Cosmopolitan is the traditional guilty pleasure beach read of young women across the nation, boasting of insider knowledge like “The Touch that Locks Down His Love,” “How to Go from Blah to OMG in 60 Seconds Flat” and “Could Your Man Be Gay?” (all of which are real headlines).

Cosmo has always had a special place in my heart; I remember being a rebellious 16-year-old, buying one and reading it aloud with my girlfriends behind Pinkberry. We giggled and blushed at the articles and quizzes, surveying our horoscopes and flinching at the diagrams (these were my pre-HBO years). The boy advice was especially valuable. Not that I talked to boys then, but if I did, I imagine this advice would be especially valuable.

Though Cosmo seemed to have a biblical element about it back then, I’ll admit now some of the articles about what they universally lump together as the “male perspective” are kind of ridiculous. So I turned to one of the males I’m closest to and asked for his opinion on one of the many “what men think” articles. And even though Jameson is only 14, he’s the only brother I have and the one guy I knew who would take my calls (mostly kidding about that last part).

Jameson has been to several Bar Mitzvahs and uses Axe 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, evidence of budding manhood that qualifies him to comment on Cosmo’s “Manthropology” section. And though he may not have the same perspective as “Tad C., 25” or “Jason S., 28” from the Guy-fessions section, I think he contributes to the male perspective.

The article I chose was called “18 Ways He Secretly Says ‘I Love You’” found in Cosmo’s online archives from April of this year. It lists actions guys do or phrases they say, and decodes what these signs really mean. So I told Jameson each of these male behaviors without telling him Cosmo’s analysis, and asked what he thought a guy meant by doing them. The comparison is shown below.

He gives you the last bite of dessert.

Cosmo: He knows chocolate means more to you than it does to him, and he won’t fight you for it.

Jameson: He’s full.

He cleans up after dinner even if he cooked when he knows you’re tired.

Cosmo: He doesn’t mind breaking the “you cook, I clean” rule or vice versa if he knows you just need to crash at 9 like an old lady one night.

Jameson: Maybe he likes cleaning.

He asks all the women he knows for help picking out your birthday present.

Cosmo: Because he knows you return EVERYTHING and is determined to get you something you won’t want to return.

Jameson: I guess he just doesn’t know a lot about the girl.

[I hear my mother’s voice in the background—she’s on high alert to whenever Jameson utters the word “girl.”]

He sits quietly next to you on the couch when he has to work late at home and you want to watch TV, just so he can be with you.

Cosmo: He doesn’t care that you’re ignoring him, he just wants to share air with you.

Jameson: He probably just wanted to watch TV.

He surprises you with an emoji text even though he hardly uses them.

Cosmo: Because he knows YOU love them, and he wants to speak your language and make you giggle even when he’s not with you.

Jameson: I guess he was feeling a little bit wild then.

He trades you drinks if you accidentally order a bad cocktail.

Cosmo: Your tastebuds mean more to him than his own.

Jameson: Wait, what?

Me: Like alcoholic drinks at a bar.

Jameson: Alcohol?

[A woman’s voice comes from the background.]

Jameson: No Mom, not like that.

Me: So what does this say about the guy?

Jameson: He’s, uh … nice.

He goes shopping with you, and doesn’t look pissed off or annoyed the whole time.

Cosmo: Because he loves spending time with you, no matter what you do together.

Jameson: This sounds like slavery.

He texts you, “I miss you,” out of the blue.

Cosmo: He really means, “I love you.”

Jameson: He misses you.

He asks you how award shows or other momentous things you watch on TV were, even though he doesn’t care about said momentous things.

Cosmo: Even though he should because anything involving a red carpet and Giuliana Rancic is ~*EvErYtHiNg*~.

Jameson: He just wants you to be happy.

Me: Aw, that’s precious.

Jameson: Stop.

He takes the middle seat when you fly together.

Cosmo: So you can have the aisle or window.

Jameson: He likes the middle.

He picks up your favorite veggie burgers/kale chips/hummus before you even think to ask him to.

Cosmo: When you’re together and want to eat something, he randomly procures one of your favorite foods as if by magic. (Which it kind of is, because he absolutely reads your mind.)

Jameson: He just doesn’t want to get yelled at later.

Me: Do you even know what kale is?

Jameson: Like a vegetable thing?

I decided not to traumatize him with all 18 questions, as I could hear the pain in his voice over the phone. The poor guy was probably beat, as he did just have middle school graduation that day (which this year was renamed “transitions ceremony,” probably because of complaints by an overly PC parent). The conversation concluded with me asking him if he had a girlfriend, to which he said “no” with a tone of disgust.

So in the end, I guess we can’t be sure how men secretly say “I love you,” or at least not at the middle school level. Other than the horoscope section, no part of Cosmo is 100% true all the time. Even quizzes like “How Foxy Do You Feel?”, “Is He Only After Your Bod?” and “Are You Enough of a Bad Girl?” are bound to have their flaws. The male mind will always remain a mystery, and even the experts at Cosmo don’t have the answers to how all men think.

Emoji Dictionary

Guide to EmojisBy now it should be obvious that we love emojis. As we wait anxiously for the emoji update that promises hundreds of new emojiis, let’s make sure we’re taking advantage of the emojiis currently at our disposal. But first we have one question: tumblr_n6z1izqDbX1qk08n1o1_500 1. Flag This emoji seemed particularly necessary recently with the World Cup and summer traveling. Since communication apparently doesn’t slow down no matter what continent you’re on, these emojis can be used as a constant reminder that as you suffer through your unpaid internship or commuting from suburbia, your friends are having fun on vespas in Italy or bar hopping in Germany. Basically they are Lizzie McGuire in The Lizzie McGuire Movie and you are Gordo. emoji12. Flag + Soccer Ball A fun little twist on the Flag (see #1). For all you World Cup watchers, combine a flag with a soccer ball and you can pretend that you know something about soccer (football?) despite having no idea who Cristiano Ronaldo was three weeks ago (myself included). emoji2 3. The little chick with her hand up This is your basic bitch. It is probably the most fun emoji to send and the most annoying to receive. It’s like this little tiny lady is telling you that she is better than you. She holds more power in her left hand than you do in your whole body.emoji3 4. The single tear drop  This emoji is used when your friend has told you bad news and you want to express sympathy. Warning: this is only for when your friend has missed the bus or she has to spend the night in Lau. It would be an extremely inappropriate response to actual bad news. If your friend tells you horrible news, pick up the phone and call her instead of sending a little crying man.emoji4 5. Serious face + Gun  This combination is the best of way of saying “I hate everything and everyone, you may kill me now.”emoji5 6. Food  I always wonder about the taste of whoever created the food emojis because while it seems like there are many options to choose from, there are only a few that represent foods I eat often. I personally don’t ever crave flan enough to text about it, but to each their own.emoji6

The 4E Guide to Emojis

Guide to Emojis

Here at 4E, we just have one question for you:

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And, of course, we know that you do. Emojis (or what the older generation refers to as “those tiny picture thingies”) can enhance any text or Facebook message. But, a problem arises when these little wondrous characters are used improperly. So, to make sure that everyone is using them correctly, we put together a guide to some of our favorite Emojis.

1. The Alcohol Emojis

These little guys are perfect for any party invitation via text. Whether you’ve already had your fair share of Hot Cinny Burnett’s and don’t care to type out the word “beer” or you feel like making your pre-game invitation special, you just can’t go wrong with any of these.

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2. The Chill Emoji

My personal favorite emoji is the emoji that looks like it’s just too suave for the rest of them. This can be used for so many different scenarios, but the best way to use it is when you’re trying to make moves.

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3. The Poop Emoji

We had to include this little guy just because someone at some point thought, “Hey, you know what would make an awesome emoji? A SMILING PILE OF POO!” But hey, I’m glad they did. Now, when I’m in a horrible situation, all I have to do is type out this single character.

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4. The Salsa Dancer and the Kissing Couple

Since the 4E bloggers are at the forefront of social and technological innovation, we know how to combine two emojis to convey the perfect message. Nothing goes together better than the Salsa Dancer and the Kissing Couple…

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5. The Sad/Shocked Emoji

This emoji works perfectly in situations when you really can’t tell if you are going to scream your head off or bawl your eyes out. So when you’re in this time of confusion, feel free to throw this emoji out there; the person you’re messaging will understand your pain.

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6. The Clapping Emoji

Sometimes, your friends deserve some congratulations. But when “congratulations” doesn’t suffice, give them a round of applause!

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7. The Spot-On Emoji

This is a perfect emoji to use when someone does something that is on point. Whether it’s a relevant comment in class or a solidly filtered photo on Instagram, this emoji can be used to commemorate the momentous occasion.

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Photos: wordpress.com, Fake-a-text app; Gif: tumblr.com

BroApp: Helping Bros “Maximize” Their Relationships

broappHere at 4E, we love new technology and take pride in showing you the latest and greatest in apps and social media trends. We told you about Facebook Paper. We showed you how to heat things up with Tinder. We revealed our inner intellectual with QuizUp. Now, we’re about to review the newest and bro-iest app around: BroApp. We know. Creative name, right?

Do you need to get rid of a girl fast? Never fear, BroApp is here. This app, while advertised as an easy way to balance your relationship and “bro” time, might not be as helpful as it seems…

Hate texting your girlfriend at 7 a.m.? Just set a timer on your BroApp to send automatic morning messages. You don’t need to get up early to text her; instead, you can sleep in without her even knowing. Your text wouldn’t wake her up when she’s sleeping in or anything…

BroApp-3184003Does your girl get mad when you don’t respond to her when you’re pumping iron at the gym? BroApp has an answer for that, too, with its message settings. It’s just too difficult to text her afterwards and expect her to understand the need to go to the gym.

Have no idea what to text your girlfriend anyway? Just choose from BroApp’s list of generic messages to send her! All girlfriends love a heart-felt, app-generated text. Swoon.

Are you worried your girlfriend will find out about your app use and don’t want to lie to her about it? Don’t worry, BroApp will lie to her for you! It makes sure to detect when you’re with your girlfriend so it doesn’t text when you’re together. It also has a “safety lock down” feature to prevent your suspicious girlfriend from finding the app! They do say ignorance is bliss…

So if you need more time with your bros, start using the new Australian-designed BroApp to better manage your girlfriend with minimal effort. She might even dump you, and then you’ll have all the time in the world to hang out with just the guys.

The bottom line is: If you really want this app, you need to rethink your priorities. You probably don’t even lift anyway.

For your own comic entertainment, you should check out BroApp’s promotional video on the website here. Oh, and don’t be too offended ladies, it hasn’t gone viral… yet.

Photos: Daily Mail UK, www.diaadia.com.ar