Making The Best Of The Worst: Burnett’s Edition

You’ve just awoken on a Saturday morning from a night you care not to remember. You head downstairs to your kitchen, and lo and behold, someone left you some ~gifts~ you didn’t expect — Burnett’s, your favorite pal!

Beyond excited to have ended up with only the best and most delicious drink to grace our campus, you suddenly realize it’s not what you expected. You got the reject flavors.

While Burnett’s is known for creating wild nights, but it should be more well-known for some of the ridiculous flavors the people who want to end Earth as we know it its creators have chosen to produce over the years.

Those flops are unfortunately the ones your oh-so-generous friends left behind for you, but all is not lost! 4E is here to help you make the best of the worst and give you suggestions on how to keep the debauchery going.

Here’s our advice on how to consume:

  • Cucumber Lime. It’s Corona and Lime for a reason. Nobody ever asked for this. Cucumber and lime classically go with gin, so this is just a meager, failed attempt to reinvent the laws of mixology. If you’ve ever smelled the stench from a stinkbug, it’s not so different from the way this flavor smells.  Unfortunately, the only way to use this up is by covering up the taste in some sort of extreme jungle juice, where you can almost mask the flavor in your sorrows the taste of off-brand soda and random alcohols you found in the back of your fridge.

  • Maple Syrup. Aunt Jemima didn’t die for your sins so you could disrespect her delicious syrup by infusing it into an off-brand vodka. To be honest, this is like the Mrs. Butterworth’s of vodka: You simply are conditioned from birth to look down upon it and anyone that consumes it. If you’re ever ~low~ enough to actually buy this, you’ve hit rock bottom. However, this flavor is golden for a boozy brunch. Pour some into your syrup to get things started up for Homecoming or Georgetown Day — the more, the merrier.
  • Pumpkin Spice. It may be ~PSL SZN~, but that by no means justifies this atrocious flavor. There are some things that simply don’t go together, and pumpkin and vodka happen to be two of these things.  If you ~need~ to find a way to rid yourself of pumpkin spice Burnett’s, there is only one way — mix it with other alcohol. Since it’s such a unique flavor, no sodas or other traditional chasers are going to work, so mix equal parts Burnett’s and Rumchata or Baileys, depending on your preference. Serve chilled as shots or a festive cocktail.
  • Orange. Just call GERMS right now. I’m 100% convinced that this actually isn’t vodka but rather Mr. Clean Orange Floor Cleaner. There is simply no way this stuff is suitable for human consumption — which is tough to believe since citrus Burnett’s theoretically should be similar but is exponentially better. In any case, you definitely want to mix this with fruit juice. Try mixing 1-part Burnett’s to 1-part cranberry juice to 1-part Triple Sec to 2-parts orange juice for a floor-cleaning take on a margarita!

    When you take a shot of Orange Burnett’s
  • Limeade. Lime is definitely not the worst flavor, but take Burnett’s Lime, add green food coloring and a bit of Windex, and you have Burnett’s Limeade! This flavor is pretty hard to come by nowadays, and that’s definitely okay by us at 4E. In any case, you’re definitely going to want to stick with citrus. This mixes decently well with lemonade (disclaimer: this is a drink, not a song by Beyoncé). You’ll probably want to forget you went so low as to purchase green vodka, so try 3-parts Burnett’s to 2-parts lemonade. Throw some colored sugar on the rim just to be ~fancy~, and there you have it!

While they’re nothing like Citrus or Pink Lemonade, let’s hope that these ideas will help you stay lit get your creative juices flowing!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, pinterest.com

8 Steps to Aggressively Embrace the Fall Season

8 Steps to Fall

As we find ourselves in the midst of fall, it’s extremely hard to contain the excitement. Show everyone you love the fall season by following these 8 easy steps! Because 4E freaking loves the fall.

1. Gather leaves

No one will believe you love fall unless you show them! Grab some leaves from the ground, shove them in your backpack, and sprinkle them around your classrooms and residential halls to spread the fall love.

2. Chug a pumpkin spice latte and carry another around everywhere

Fall is never complete without letting everyone know you are obsessed with a mediocre drink! Also, take a pro tip from us: spill a little of your pumpkin spice latte on your shirt so people will ask about it! When they do, just remember to flash a big smile and say “Haha! Oh, it must be my pumpkin spice latte! It’s gotta be fall, AM I RIGHT?!” They’ll love it!

3. Clutter your every source of social media with pumpkin patch pictures

tumblr_inline_ne6rx2hAi11qzj4kc Instagram? Facebook? A text to your grandma? All of the above! And don’t forget to print a ton and hand them out to your friends so they know you LOVE pumpkins.

4. Bombard your refrigerator with apple cider

You’re not super into fall season if you don’t drink at least 30 gallons of apple cider! I always drink mine in a pumpkin-inspired “I LOVE FALL” mug! It always pulls everything together.

5. Bundle up!

If it’s not a Snuggie, make sure to wear a scarf, sweater, and brown boots EVERY DAY! Even if you get tired of it, make sure to stick to these items until the end of fall!

6. Pick a ton of apples and tell everyone about the experience

 All your buddies should know that you are jazzed about apple picking –  it’s all part of the seasonal festivities!

7. Call it ~autumn~

 Autumn sounds super fancy, so people will definitely be able to tell you appreciate it. You can be just like this girl, who doesn’t care that a leaf has fallen on her face!

8. Sit in a pile of leaves for a couple of hours 

 In my experience, people have approached me with some concerns as to how long I’ve admired the leaves. Don’t worry about these people – they probably prefer summer, or something crazy like that!

The fall season is only a limited amount of time, so aggressively enjoy it while you can!

Images: giphy.com, http://bit.ly/2dBmyGl