What’s A Boya?

All Hoya ladies know that, like rats and out-of-order bathroom stalls, f–kboys abound on the Hilltop.

See Snakes of Georgetown to learn about GU’s most prevalent demographic.

The mixture of confidence, political-mindedness and neurosis within Georgetown men is a veritable Molotov cocktail of personality traits, which can be triggered to explode by both academic debate and debauched social gatherings.

Before you accuse me of misandry, a disclaimer: #NotAllMen.

Especially not Armie Hammer and his spectacular dance moves.

Some guys at Georgetown are absolute diamonds — ladies, if you find them, hold on tight. However, some Hoya boys (henceforth known as “Boyas”) are still in a little more of a “coal” phase.

Donald Trump attempting to dig up an alibi, 2017 (colorized).

Love them or hate them — and usually it’s a confusing mixture of both —  Boyas are a group to watch.

Since 2018 is sure to be another year of, like, realizing stuff, please consult this guide to educate yourself on how to spot a Boya, both at a distance and up close.

Side note: Welcome to the world, Stormi!

Without further ado:

1. When he uses the Jesuit values to justify late-night booty calls.

2. If his room has a distinctly “fiscally conservative, socially liberal” aesthetic.

Romney 2012 poster, Vineyard Vines blanket and GUASFCU mug = red flags.

3. When he asks you for your NetID.

Okay, maybe you’re doing a group project together, but ladies, we all know what this guy wants. Sliding into your Gmail is the ~ultimate~ Boya move.

4. If every time you text him “what’s up?” he replies, “at Yates 💪🚨💯.”

Boyas be #gettin #those #gains.

5. If he wears his Patagucci like it’s a uniform.

6. When Chad is the name and ghosting is the game.

 ✌ out.

7. If his party attitude can best be described as “hit it and quit it.”

In conclusion: don’t play yourself.

Patrick Ewing knows what’s up.

Best of luck, ladies! Stay vigilant.

Sources: giphy.com, popkey.com, free-stock-illustration.com

Fifty Shades of Gray: A Campus Sweatshirt Analysis

Banner - sweatshirts

Fall is upon us. It is time for overpriced seasonal lattes, never-ending weeks of midterms and long nights in Lau. It’s time to unpack sensible footwear, time for facilities to (finally) turn on the heat setting in the dorms and time to unpack your sweatshirts. If you have attended one or more educational institutions, been on a sports team (were you a varsity benchwarmer? JV legend? Intramural MVP?) or attended a few club meetings (for an organization with an acronym that you may or may not have understood), a fair share of gear order forms have passed through your hands as you have built your formidable sweatshirt collection. You own hoodies, quarter-zips and crew necks, in various shades of grey, gray, “sport grey,” “dark heather” and “ash,” all of which boast emblems and acronyms advertising your affiliation to something to us sleep-deprived, sweatshirt-clad college students in your midst.

Here is 4E’s analysis of a few popular types of sweatshirts seen on the Hilltop:

Sweatshirts with an acronym ending in “H.S.”
This sweatshirt may as well be emblazoned with “FRESHMAN” in glowing letters. High school paraphernalia should remain crammed in the bottom of your childhood dresser along with your participation certificates, retainer case, homecoming corsages, SAT practice tests, Common App essay and other evidence of your time spent amidst hormonal, angsty teenagers in locker-lined hallways that 4E sincerely hopes you’ve left at home.

Collegiate gear from a school that is not Georgetown
Reasons to wear gear from another school: You have a good friend, S.O., sibling or parent that goes or went to this school. Maybe this was a birthday present and you are in no position to pass up the addition to your sweatshirt collection.

Reasons not to wear: You toured, applied to and were waitlisted by Harvard, but you payed $50 for a crimson sweatshirt that serves as a nice reminder of your narrowly avoided time on the yard. Or, you applied to and got into some school, and of course bought a sweatshirt, and being the intelligent annoying person that you are, are now trying to intimidate your classmates.

#3

Georgetown Gear
Woohoo!! The most prevalent colors in your wardrobe are slowly but surely becoming blue and gray!! The small percentage of money that you didn’t spend at the bookstore on textbooks you are now spending at the bookstore on clothing items that say “Georgetown” or “Hoyas” or “1789” or “I Heart John Carroll”!! Additionally, if you’re in a club and don’t have a sweatshirt with the aforementioned club’s name on it, your membership in this club is up for debate, so yay for acronyms that start with “GU”!!

Patagonia
Alas! Who knew that staying on Lau 2 until 3am required a uniform? But, how do you signal that you are overworked, over-caffeinated and not getting enough sleep without dawning your multicolored patchwork of fleece? The unmistakable mountain silhouette logo in the corner of your pullover helpfully informs your peers that when you’re not stumbling between Lau, Leo’s and the ICC in a sleep-deprived stupor you would, of course, be found summiting a mountain, rock climbing or backpacking.

#4

Vineyard Vines
The effectiveness of combining an article of clothing frequently used as sleepwear with a basic classy brand remains yet to be determined. You are trying to appear stylish and sophisticated after spending entirely too much time in Lau and not enough under your Bed Bath and Beyond duvet, and I commend this effort.

#5

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, fairisleknit.com