New Year’s Resolutions You Already Broke

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Happy New Year, Hoyas! It’s been officially 2019 for almost a month now, which means that you’ve either kept all your New Year’s resolutions so far (woohoo), or (like the rest of us) given up on them so long ago that you forgot they even existed.

With the end of January fast approaching, 4E invites you to take some time to reflect and mourn your most well-intentioned New Year’s resolutions so you can peacefully move ahead with your lazy, debauchery-filled Hoya lifestyle.

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1. Eating healthy

Salad. Kale. Vegetables. Fruit. Low-carb frozen dinners. Zero-calorie drinks only, and definitely no more Oreo cookies.

I’m just going to say, though, that sometimes, salad just does not cut it. I need chicken nuggets in my life. I need mac n’ cheese. If kale tasted like Rice Krispie treats, we wouldn’t have an issue. But kale tastes like dirt (don’t deny it). And sometimes I just need waffle fries and a strawberry milkshake to keep me going. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is. I don’t make the rules.

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2. Actually doing your homework assignments on time

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Endless reading assignments. Endless cycle of essays and tests. You swore this year you were going to stay on schedule. Maybe even get ahead! But hey, your professor did say he was easy about granting extensions. I mean, he’s basically asking you to turn in your paper a week later than it was due. It’s fine. You can do it tomorrow. Watching The Bachelor is way more important anyway.

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3. Going to Yates

You told yourself you were going to get up early every single morning and go to Yates. Told yourself you’d run three miles, do some squats, some sit-ups and even some push-ups if you’re feeling ambitious. Then, eat a healthy oatmeal and mango smoothie breakfast, shower and be ready for the day all before your 8 a.m. class. Maybe it’s finally time to recognize the importance of exercise this year. And by that spring break trip to Punta Cana, maybe you’ll finally have that beach bod you’ve always dreamed of.

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But then again, exercise is totally overrated. Waking up before 8 a.m. and walking all the way to Yates even once is a pretty impressive accomplishment. Plus, if you stay in bed, you can dream about pancakes and bacon and french toast. You can start working out next year.

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4. Dressing nicely for class

Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like a totally amped-up wardrobe. New sweaters, new shoes, etc. Fashion is your game this year. This semester, you’re going to look put-together and stunning every day. It’ll be impossible for your super hot TA not to notice you this semester.

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But … sweatpants are really comfortable. And so warm. Plus, you can sleep in them and not even have to change for class the next day. Pretty hard to pass up.

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5. Getting more involved

Join more clubs! Get more involved! Try new things! Make more friends! Some resolutions are worth keeping. (At least until rejection szn!)

Your New Year’s resolutions may not have lasted too long, but just remember, Hoyas, it’s never too late to try new things, pick up good habits, or achieve your goals. Stay positive and make 2019 your best year yet!

11 New Years Resolutions We’ve Already Broken

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“New year, new me.” We’ve all heard it; hopefully none of us says it (because, lame). Some of us make New Year’s Resolutions, most of which are some variation of “get my crap together.” Here are some you’ve definitely already broken:

Watch Less Netflix
But New Girl is coming back (and it’s with Megan Fox). And there’s another season of Parks and Recreation. And there might be a new season of Arrested Development.

Get Eight Hours of Sleep Every Night
Your first Netflix binge undid this one quite quickly.

Exercise Everyday
Like, sure, but it’s 19 degrees and the gym is a seven-minute walk from my dorm.

Quit Gossiping
But your ex’s new bae is a major downgrade and your former best friend got rejected from her dream job. Grab a roommate, a bottle and some glasses and get chatting.

Drink Less Alcohol
“You don’t need alcohol to have fun.” You also don’t need running shoes to run, but it really helps.

Drink More Water
Hydration is important, but champagne is cheap, coffee is caffeinated and wine is social.

Be Less Stressed
With 5 classes, internships, job applications, social obligations, best friends, rivals, family…it’s impossible. Keep stalking your ex-boyfriend’s Facebook page and try again next year.

Stop Twerking
Lets face it: you probably broke this one moments after you toasted in the New Year.

Quit Judging People
You helped your friends break this one the second you started twerking at the New Year’s party.

Spend More Time With Family
“How are your classes?” “Are you seeing someone?” “What are you doing after graduation?” Lol, bye.

Spend Less Time Online
You’re reading this. You lose.

Resolutions don’t help, and you’re probably already great anyway. If you have any resolutions still standing, best of luck achieving them, Hoyas!

Photo: youtechassociates.com, giphy.com

14 Hoya Resolutions for 2014

14 Hoya Resolutions2014 is finally upon us, and you know what that means: time for New Year’s resolutions. However great your 2013 was, there is always room for improvement, and here are 14 goals that most Hoyas could use for the new year.

1. Go to Yates more It’s always easy to make an excuse to skip Yates, but this year we should try and limit those excuses (at least for a few weeks).

2. Go out to eat less While it’s great to get off campus and get dinner away from Leo’s, I know I definitely need to try and spend less at Wisey’s and Epi.

3. Get a 4.0 for the semester (or something close) It can’t hurt to dream, and since we are in school, an academic goal should probably make our list.

4. Watch less Netflix We all love our Netflix, but maybe this will finally be the year that we pass up on that extra episode of House of Cards to go to Yates or read for class … or just go to bed.

5. Support our fellow Hoyas Whether it is heading to Verizon Center to watch some basketball, walking to McDonough to see our other great sports’ teams or visiting the Davis Center to watch a theater performance, we should all try and support our classmates in the new year.

6. Break the bubble We Hoyas often get stuck in the “Georgetown bubble,” so in 2014 we should all try to get out and explore D.C. a little bit. I suggest H Street and Adams Morgan.

7. Meet new people You can never have too many friends, so this year, try and reach out to new people, and expand your horizons. Remember, all great relationships start with an introduction.

8. Eat fewer desserts at Leo’s It is so easy to just grab a cookie or ice cream on the way out of Leo’s. Maybe in 2014, we can switch to every other day for dessert.

9. Call home more This might not apply to everyone, but I know that I can certainly check in with my parents more often. Sometimes, texting just isn’t enough.

10. Text less Let’s make 2014 a little more about face-to-face conversations and a little less about thumb-to-screen interactions.

11. Play with Baby Jack No words needed, just mascot puppy adorableness.

12. Go to new heights Climb to a rooftop and take in the view, or possibly explore Georgetown’s infamous tunnels. (Note: 4E does not condone anything considered illegal or against the university Code of Student Conduct. But if you don’t get caught, it’s not either of those, right?)

13. Dance Whether it’s at Diplomatic Ball, Corp Gala, a club semi-formal or just your dorm room, go ahead and bust a move. We dare you.

14. Play hooky And while you’re at it, see numbers 1-13.

BONUS: Join 4E! Shameless self-promotion here, but everyone should give serious thought to applying to join 4E. It’s the best resolution of all.

Happy 2014, Hoyas! Good luck with all your resolutions!

Photo: eatrightchicago.org