Hillary is Coming to the Hilltop

If you’re anything like us here at 4E, you probably freaked out pretty hard when you found out Hillary was coming to campus. I mean, after all, What Dreams Are Made Of” is a modern classic.

But after watching “The Lizzie McGuire Movie” for the umpteenth time in order to prepare ourselves for what we thought would be the first stop in the 2017 Hillary Duff Comeback Tour, we noticed something a little odd about our email invitations to the event in Gaston Hall on Friday.

The invitation didn’t say Hillary Duff, it said Hillary Rodham ClintonThis couldn’t be.

Last we’d heard, the former Secretary of State and pantsuit-aficionado was lost deep in the woods of Chappaqua, New York with her dogs. We wanted to do something about it, but sending a search team to look for America’s most accomplished grandma isn’t a part of The Hoya‘s budget.

At first, we didn’t know what to think. After months of #FakeNews, we didn’t know if we could even trust our own eyes. But there it was right in front of us.

The Hon. Hillary Rodham Clinton is coming to the Hilltop!

Since the announcement, questions have arisen.

  1. Do we get in line at 3 AM or 4 AM?
  2. Should we wear that old campaign T-shirt we haven’t been able to look at since November 8th without vigorously crying?
  3. Will she mention Trump?
    (Editor’s note: In a perfect world, he would show up at the speech too and they’d have a wizard’s duel à la McGonagall and Snape in “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” over the presidency but hey, we get that that might be asking for a little too much. In fairness though, Healy Hall has always reminded us of Hogwarts.)

Whatever Hillz says, we’re sure it’ll be memorable. Almost as memorable as that time she won the popular vote by a few million votes and somehow still didn’t become president! Hahaha you’re so funny @ElectoralCollege! We’ll never get over that one! #TBT

Oh and Bill, if you see this, feel free to come too. We promise to get you lots of balloons.

Sources: giphy.com, tumblr.com, buzzfeed.com

Off-Campus Study Spotlight

off campus

While we do attend a particularly beautiful university that bears an eerie, yet exciting resemblance to Harry Potter’s magical wonderland of a school, life on the Hilltop can become overwhelming scarily fast. Trust me, freshmen, during midterms and finals, Lau will transform into a demonic chamber comparable to prison or the psychotic-ridden desert in The Hills Have Eyes and you will want to flee for your life.

Luckily for you, I have a solution to said madness: various nearby oases where you can escape the clutter of homework and people to complete your studies efficiently. While I hate to give away my secret spots, I have faith that my advice will help you all find relaxing places to get those A’s you’re paying $50,000+ a year for. The added benefit of this is that completing your work efficiently will mean freeing up weekend time for shenanigans.

1. Malmaison (3401 K St, NW) You’ll feel like you’ve entered a trendy hipster café in the lower east side of Manhattan where James Franco may be lurking in the corner drinking straight black coffee. My time here is usually divided between eating their particularly herby and fresh tomato and mozzarella panini and watching the strange array of fitness freaks and artsy designers that are denizens to this teashop.

2. Marvelous Market (3217 P St, NW) I’m shocked more people haven’t discovered this place. They have the best sandwiches I’ve ever had in my entire life, there’s an ice cream store next door, and they’ve got a little seating area that really typifies an ideal study environment.

3. Library of Congress (101 Independence Ave, SE) Yes, this one’s for the more avid nerds of Georgetown, but I can promise you firsthand that you will get so much more work done in an hour than you ever thought possible. You’ll find yourself feeling rather smart, efficient and official.

4. Starbucks (3050 K St, NW) This Starbucks – located right next to the Potomac and what in winter is an ice skating rink – is the perfect place to do work. Enjoy a chai, walk by the water, and feel completely secluded from the chaos that can sometimes suffuse our wonderful school.

So relax, Hoyas. Check out some of my favorite study spots and feel free to share yours in the comments below!

Photo: Shannon Walsh/The Hoya