Bill Clinton: A True Hoya

As you may have heard, Georgetown’s very own prodigal son is returning home to the Hilltop this week. And as cynical as we usually are here at 4E, this is actually a pretty cool thing. After all, since the events of the past year have forced us to acknowledge that Eric Trump, Steve Bannon, and Paul Manafort are technically alumni, we need to celebrate the Hoyas who didn’t collude with Russia have made a positive impact in the world now more than ever.

But as you prepare to camp outside Gaston to hear his speech, many of you who were born in the late-90s may be asking yourselves, “Who is Bill Clinton?” We know from eavesdropping on Blue and Gray tours that he certainly attended Georgetown, but is he really a Hoya? If he were a student today, would he regularly attend Jersey Night? Would he mourn the loss of Quick Pita? Would he post in the meme group? And more importantly, would his memes be dank?  To try to answer some of these pressing questions, we here at 4E briefly skimmed carefully read and took diligent notes on Bill Clinton’s autobiography, My Life, and came to the following conclusion:

Bill Clinton is a true Hoya.

Take a look at our reasoning below:

1. He Loves Wisey’s

The Quote: “At Wisemiller’s Deli, just across Thirty-sixth Street from the Walsh building where I had most of my classes, I got coffee and two donuts for twenty cents every morning

Our Analysis: Like all good Hoyas, Bill Clinton both loves Wisey’s and eats there way too much. He definitely would have voted for the Hot Chick/Chicken Madness ticket back in the infamous GUSA election of 2016, and is surely a strong supporter of our unofficial school mascot, The Wisey’s Rat™. So the next time you feel guilty about eating Wisey’s cookies for breakfast as you walk in 15 minutes late to your class on the fourth floor of Walsh because the elevator was taking forever, just remember that you will probably grow up to be the President of the United States.

When you call your order in and the wait is only 10 minutes

2. He Never Leaves Campus

The Quote:In my first two years, I rarely ventured beyond the confines of the University and its immediate surroundings”

Our Analysis: For a true Hoya, Burleith is as exotic as it gets. Yes, just like a vast majority of Hoyas, Bill Clinton fell victim to the Georgetown Bubble. And yes, we know D.C. is a world-class city full of renowned food, art, and culture, but the whole Metro system is confusing and not a lot of places take GoCard. True Hoyas stick to complaining about the lack of options at Leo’s and only venture beyond M street once a semester for Instagram-related purposes. Also “immediate surroundings” is definitely code for Chi Di. We’ll see you there on Thursday, Bill. Hopefully you have a good ID though, they’ve been pretty tough this year.

When someone suggests you should “explore D.C. more”

3. He Embraces Our “Sleep When You’re Dead” Culture

The Quote: “My most memorable class sophomore year was Professor Walter Giles’s U.S. Constitution and Government… By the time I got to his class I had embraced my lifelong affinity for sleep deprivation and had developed the sometimes embarrassing habit of falling asleep for five or ten minutes of class”

Our Analysis: Same, Bill Clinton. Same. Does it even qualify as a Georgetown class if more than half its students are awake at any given time? Whether it’s in a lecture hall, on Healy Lawn, or in the middle of a professor’s office hours (it happened once), falling asleep at inappropriate times is what we Hoyas do best. Honestly, Bill Clinton, props for doing this well in an era before you could try to stay awake by scrolling through memes on Facebook while the professor thinks you’re taking notes. Side note to any of my professors who accidentally clicked on this article: I love your class! Keep up the good work!

When the professor makes eye contact during the lecture and you have to act like you’re deep in thought over whatever they just said

4. He Has a Capitol Hill Internship

The Quote: On interning for Arkansas Senator William Fulbright, “It was easy to fit the job into my daily schedule, partly because in junior year only five courses were required instead of six, partly because some classes started as early as 7 a.m.”

Our Analysis: If you hadn’t already guessed, Bill Clinton was in the SFS. This quote confirms it. I can practically hear this quote telling me he’s a STIA major and that he has to go study for MAP. Even today, when Bill Clinton meets new people, I guarantee you that he finds some way to mention the SFS. This guy is a Hoya.

When it’s been five minutes and no one has asked about your foreign service background yet

5. He Loves The Tombs

The Quote:My favorite haunts in Georgetown were the Tombs, a beer hall in a cellar beneath the 1789 restaurant, where most of the students went for beer and burgers

Our Analysis: Bill Clinton’s Tombs Night was definitely lit. But not too lit, like where you had to call GERMS and the whole night was ruined. It was just the right level of lit, like where everybody danced to “In Da Club” by 50 Cent when the clock hit midnight, and then Bill Clinton got a great Instagram pic of his forehead being stamped by the Tombs bouncer. Every Hoya since John Carrol has made some of their greatest memories at the Tombs. Need we say more?

Actual photo of Bill Clinton getting his forehead stamped on his Tombs Night. On an unrelated note, yes, I am available for freelance photoshop jobs. Serious inquiries only.

So there you have it: Bill Clinton is a Georgetown Hoya. Our diligent research has definitively proved it. We hope you all have fun accidentally falling asleep learning a lot at his speech on Monday- and huge props to the team over at #GUPolitics for making this happen! No disrespect to the time you got Martin O’Malley to play his guitar in McShain Lounge, but this is definitely much cooler than that.

Sources: My Life by Bill Clinton, Tombs.com, Facebook.com, giphy.com, Georgetowndc.com, georgetown.edu

A Georgetown Day to Remember (Or Not)

Georgetown Day Planning

Here at 4E, we try not to exaggerate things too much. So don’t take it lightly when we say that in two days, you will experience the greatest day of the year. In other words, it’s Georgetown Day, and the end of the semester will be appropriately celebrated.

Now, I’m sure that plenty of our readers — whether they’re wide-eyed freshmen contemplating the shenanigans to come, or seniors ready to make their last Georgetown Day their best — have some plans for their day, or are at least trying to make a schedule for this day of debauchery. That’s why we’ve developed a planner for all of your Georgetown Day needs. Have fun comparing your answers here to your actual Friday — we guarantee that there will be some differences!

You wake up at [8:30 a.m. for that pesky French oral exam / 7 a.m. because you’re reaaaaaady to paaaaaarty]. But before you can head out the door for the perfect Georgetown Day, you need to put on your [hilarious bro tank, brah! / classy springtime sundress / whatever, because you’re going to spill something on it later anyway]. With your sartorial needs taken care of, you head outside to begin your day.

Your first goal is food, because what’s a day of drinking without some good eats? So you stop at Leo’s, where you grab: [A healthy b-fast because a Hoya’s got to start the day right before the magic happens! / All the tater tots available because they’re tater tots and do you even need a reason?! / Just some OJ … that you’re going to subtly add to this water bottle…]

Then it’s time to head off [for classy mimosas, you wouldn’t miss it for the world! / back to the dorm to pregame with friends / to class – you’re not spending your last Friday in shambles / wherever life, liberty and the pursuit of Burnett’s takes you].

As the day goes on, you eventually find yourself out on Healy Lawn. While there, you [go try some of the fun activities with your friends / buy a week’s worth of hot dogs and eat them all / pass out]. After some debate, your friends decide to [head to Leo’s! And Epi! And that vending machine over there! / carry you off the lawn, because it’s naptime].  

Evening rolls around. You’re feeling [however you normally feel on a Friday evening / tired, but it’s nothing a liter of Powerade won’t fix / ALIVE! HOYA SAXA]. Just because the sun’s going down doesn’t mean Georgetown Day is over! Here’s to a Georgetown Day for the ages… If you can remember it.

Photo: wikipedia.org

The Top 12 Things We Love About Jack

As the saying goes, “all good things must come to an end.” This week, we’ve said goodbye to our friends (read: mortal enemies) at Syracuse, the old 4E layout, and the box-eating days of our beloved mascot, Jack the Bulldog. Since Jack is retiring, we wanted to look back and admire some of his greatest moments. Here are The Top 12 Things We Love About Jack:

12. He loves to sit out and do his reading on Healy Lawn, just like us.

jackbooks

11. He always practices good hygeine.

jack-the-bulldog1

10. He proves that horizontal stripes can be flattering.

bulldog_jack

9. He’s the perfect role model for JJ.

D32_5536_cropped

8. He promotes a healthy and active lifestyle (especially for Father Steck)!

120827_MoveIn-Jack-JJ

7. Despite his wise face, he was a puppy once!

jack_016

6. He always makes time to hang out with his friends.

E0C32BFAE59EDAE968DA6FEEC33AE_h316_w628_m5_cflDnmdaQ

5. He even loves hanging out with himself (in a totally non-egocentric way).

picnic_4_web

4. He loves reading AND cura personalis!

JacktheBulldogP_13. He’s already fulfilled the GU tradition of swimming in Dahlgren Fountain.

jack_dahlgrenfountain

2. He once made this face. But most importantly…Screen-shot-2010-01-05-at-3.29.22-PM1. We could always count on him to eat that box.jack2

We love you Jack! Happy retirement!

Photos: Georgetown University, Vox Populi, MSN

A Georgetown By Any Other Name

We all know the names SoHo and TriBeCa, with their signature New Yorker “we’re-too-busy-to-say-the-whole-name-of-the-neighborhood-so-we-abbreviate-it-in-a-super-hip-way” thing. Well, according to DCist, our own District of Columbia is falling into the same trap. The area formerly known as “Mount Vernon Square” has now been dubbed SoNYA (South of New York Avenue). Only time will tell if this name will actually stick, but in the mean time, shall we take a moment to re-evaluate  the names of a few well-known campus locations? Yes. We shall.

BroHo Oh, the infamous Brown House. I now dub thee “BroHo” for a variety of reasons. Firstly, I’d imagine that the term “Brown House” is used most frequently in Saturday-night texting (See example here). This new abbreviation saves you the pain of those 5 extra letters AND a space. Thats like a whole .3 seconds of your time. You’re welcome. Secondly, well…I mean…it’s “BroHo”. It’s just fitting for the demographic that frequents Brown House…hah.

BeBR (pronounced “Bieber”) Meaning “Between Business and Regents”, meaning ‘between the business school and Regents Hall’, meaning the stairs leading up to the Leavey Center. To use it in a sentence, “I really want to go to UG for an Eleanor Rigby, meet me at BeBR?” or “I hate BeBR, his songs are annoying”. Oh wait…no, that’s the other thing, but you get the idea.

SoReS The area formerly known as “Healy Lawn”? We now refer to it as “South of Red Square”. Does it sound a little disgusting? Yes. But then again, so is Healy Lawn when they put all that gross stuff on the grass and fence it off. To use it in a sentence “Yeah, SoReS smells really bad today.” It’s applicable in all of the ways.

So, what do you think of all this abbreviation nation? What’s next? Shortening “LXR”? We’ll see, but for now, I’ll be on SoReS enjoying this nice weather.

 Photo: Georgetown University