Cries for Help: Carvings in Lau Cubicles

As a nearly 230-year-old institution, Georgetown is host to secrets that current students can hardly fathom.

Hopefully no basilisks tho 🐍 #snakesofgeorgetown

Some of these secrets date back to the school’s founding. Messages etched by early students into the stone walls of Healy, White-Gravenor and Dahlgren — “Thou art fairer than a principled Jesuit,” “Thy perfume sweetens the scent of the stankiest Leo’s dish return,” etc. — have faded over time.

Actual footage of the Healy clock ringing every 15 minutes.

However, contemporary graffiti is alive and well in some of the newer and more utilized buildings on campus. Most anonymous messages, in fact, are located in none other than Lauinger Library, a hotspot of ~brutal~ nervous breakdowns on campus.

Lauinger? I barely know her.

Please join me as I reveal the most honest and repulsive thoughts of Georgetown students: those scrawled on the inside of Lau cubicles and Walsh restrooms in desperate acts of self-expression.

Me as I plumb Lau’s dusty depths. Also, if you don’t know what movie this gif is from, I can’t be friends with you.

Georgetown Confessions

It’s amazing that the president found time to helicopter over to Georgetown and vandalize our library! Spelling errors aside, this is 100% a rule to live by. #FightAgainstTheCapitalistCorp

This was found covering approximately 4 feet of vertical space on the lower level of Lau. I mean … say it loud, say it proud??? 😳🤷🏻‍♀️

Breaking down gender barriers one act of vandalism at a time.

You’ve got to admit, coming out and claiming the Walsh fourth floor women’s bathroom as one of your favorite spots on campus is a bold move. Kudos to this brave soul.

Slackademia

This one is honestly too relevant right now. I love how this ~poet~ backed up some linguistics major’s revelation with a quintessentially Georgetown story of academic humiliation.

4E was tipped off that this one was drawn by a struggling freshman who started their “Problem of God” paper the night before it was due and realized that they were supposed to “conduct a survey.” Yikes.

Quarter-Life Crises

If Lana Del Rey went to Georgetown, these would be the lyrics to her No. 1 song. FYI, if unlike this songwriter, the middle stall in the Walsh third floor bathroom isn’t really your vibe, check out these other spots on campus where you can bawl your eyes out.

This picture illustrates what happens when SFSers get too into their Neo-Sovietism class and then realize that they have to make themselves marketable to consulting firms for summer internships.

Classic Georgetown Elitism

Okay, Brock, that’s only because your dad donated a swimming pool there! Get off your high horse, please.

I mean… George Washington probably would have been a Hoya. #justsayin

Hoyas Reveal Their Ugly Side

This statement is unacceptable. Georgetown students are practically defined by their constant belittlement of campus dining and love for mainstream hip-hop. Do better, Hoyas.

Now that you’ve seen some of the innermost thoughts of Georgetown students, I encourage you to look around the next time you’re struggling to write a paper in Lau at 2 a.m. You may find inspiring messages, crude drawings or desperate cries for help.

Either way, the notes left behind by past Hoyas are an important part of Georgetown’s history that current students can and should bond over.

Did you know that Ben Gates holds a degree in American history from Georgetown? #NotableAlum

Best of luck with finals, everyone! Keep scribblin’ away.

Note: I’d like to apologize to all of the people I weirded out while sneaking around Lau and Walsh taking pictures.

Sources: Giphy, Facebook (Georgetown Memes for Non-Conforming Jesuit Teens)

5 Reasons Georgetown Students are Ron Swanson

youareronswansonHere at Georgetown, we get to experience the surrounding neighborhood as well as the city of Washington, D.C. But do you ever feel like life here is too fast-paced? Do you ever feel like you could take a few days to treat yourself, eat a waffle and hang out with your local government officials? Maybe you should pop by a little town called Pawnee, Indiana, the setting to NBC’s Parks and Recreation.

Wrapping up its sixth season, Parks and Rec has said goodbye to two of its main characters, Chris Traeger and Ann Perkins. But never fear! Besides perky Leslie Knope and a bunch of other amazing characters, we still have the glory that is Ron Swanson. Played by Nick Offerman (more like Nick Awesome-man), Ron has more in common with the average Georgetown student than you’d think. Here’s why:

1. He knows how to prioritize.

Georgetown students are notorious for balancing their many activities. Whether you’re planning on spending the night going to a club meeting, exercising at Yates or maybe even (gasp!) doing homework, you’ve got a full plate, but you’ll always find some way to get it done. Ron Swanson feels the same way. He’s got his own pyramid of greatness!

2. He has goals to work toward. 

We here at Georgetown are pretty ambitious. Whether you’re hoping to be the next President, the next Bill Gates or the BP champion of your floor, you have goals and dreams. Ron Swanson does too. Whether he’s passionately pursuing woodworking or bacon-eating, he strives to be the very best.

3. He is great at “fake-working.”

This is the phenomenon where you look like you’re working really hard but in fact you’re surfing 4E or Facebook. As an employee of the government who hates the government, this basically summarizes Ron’s life. For Georgetown examples of fake-working, sneak up behind 99% of students on Lau 2 on any given night.

4. Yeah, he’s a little bit jaded.

At this point in the year, it’s safe to say that most students have comfortably settled into their Georgetown lives. Gone are the days of not being sure which Corp drink to order (any of these will do), gone is that tiny sense of shame when you sit down in Lau on a weekend night (midterm season: never forget), gone are the days of getting lost in the MSB (actually, this still happens). Ron has been jaded since birth and he doesn’t care who knows it.

5. He may be serious sometimes, but he knows how to party. 

Do I even have to explain?

Photos: cooltightsweet.com, imgur.com; Gifs: cloudfront.net, buzzfeed.com