What’s A Boya?

All Hoya ladies know that, like rats and out-of-order bathroom stalls, f–kboys abound on the Hilltop.

See Snakes of Georgetown to learn about GU’s most prevalent demographic.

The mixture of confidence, political-mindedness and neurosis within Georgetown men is a veritable Molotov cocktail of personality traits, which can be triggered to explode by both academic debate and debauched social gatherings.

Before you accuse me of misandry, a disclaimer: #NotAllMen.

Especially not Armie Hammer and his spectacular dance moves.

Some guys at Georgetown are absolute diamonds — ladies, if you find them, hold on tight. However, some Hoya boys (henceforth known as “Boyas”) are still in a little more of a “coal” phase.

Donald Trump attempting to dig up an alibi, 2017 (colorized).

Love them or hate them — and usually it’s a confusing mixture of both —  Boyas are a group to watch.

Since 2018 is sure to be another year of, like, realizing stuff, please consult this guide to educate yourself on how to spot a Boya, both at a distance and up close.

Side note: Welcome to the world, Stormi!

Without further ado:

1. When he uses the Jesuit values to justify late-night booty calls.

2. If his room has a distinctly “fiscally conservative, socially liberal” aesthetic.

Romney 2012 poster, Vineyard Vines blanket and GUASFCU mug = red flags.

3. When he asks you for your NetID.

Okay, maybe you’re doing a group project together, but ladies, we all know what this guy wants. Sliding into your Gmail is the ~ultimate~ Boya move.

4. If every time you text him “what’s up?” he replies, “at Yates 💪🚨💯.”

Boyas be #gettin #those #gains.

5. If he wears his Patagucci like it’s a uniform.

6. When Chad is the name and ghosting is the game.

 ✌ out.

7. If his party attitude can best be described as “hit it and quit it.”

In conclusion: don’t play yourself.

Patrick Ewing knows what’s up.

Best of luck, ladies! Stay vigilant.

Sources: giphy.com, popkey.com, free-stock-illustration.com

Survive the Wrath of SuxaNet

saxanet

The Internet has really, really, really sucked lately. Really really sucked. Get the picture?

Here at 4E we know the importance of good, strong WiFi so…

Here are some tips to help you survive:

Handwrite letters and coerce freshmen or frat pledges into delivering them by promising lifelong friendship.

Train a carrier pigeon. Step-by-step instructions can be found here. 

Actually use books for your research instead of online sources. We have a library, despite how soul-crushing it is.

Make decisions without first consulting a Buzzfeed quiz. Even though that is theoretically impossible.

Construct an elaborate zip-line system connecting your windows to your friends’ (Village C to McCarthy or Harbin, Copley to Village B, Darnall to Henle, Kennedy to Reynolds) so you can pop in and share news and cool things without using Facebook messenger.

Stop Facebook stalking your exes and crushes… this is probably a good habit to get into anyway.

Disclaimer: I realize the irony of publishing an article online with tips of how to survive the plague of the slow Internet. It is my sincere hope that SaxaNet (aka SuxaNet) shows mercy on 4E and allows you to load this page (and the pigeon instructions) before it goes under completely.

Godspeed my friends and let the WiFi always be with you.

Photo: http://technology.msb.edu/helptopics/macosx/