25 Reasons Epi is the New Tombs this Summer

Epi Is New Tombs this summer

A momentous and unruly Georgetown tradition has been forever changed. Well, for the summer, at least. The Tombs has officially closed for renovations and with it many a 21st birthdays, forehead stamps, and traditions suspended until further notice. For many Hoyas, alum, and locals alike, this is an utter tragedy. The night so many have looked forward to, counted down, and dreamed about has been flipped on its head. Left in despair, many of those may be wondering what ever will they do?!

 

EPI!!!!

Here are your 25 reasons Epi is the new Tombs this summer:

1. Quesadillas. ‘Nuf said. 

2. Doctors. They have a tendency to be young, attractive, and scattered around Epi given its close proximity to their place of employment at the hospital.

3. $3.25 pizza. Mhmmm. 

4. The lighting. It’s a bit bright in the main area, but the dark bar provides a nice fun contrast. 

5. The dance floor. What, you didn’t know they had one? Turns out the opening between the two rooms is a great place to break it down. 

6. The diversity. Undergrads, grad students, drunk freshman, hospital staff, and Georgetown staff: it’s really just a great array of community. 

7. The playlist. Epi has jamz! 

 

8. The Darnall geotag. That is all. 

9. The hospital. You should never drink past your limit, but on your 21st, there is an even greater tendency for a person to seek medical attention. For this reason, there’s nothing better than a bar that shares a parking lot with a hospital!

10. Burleith. Two words: close proximity. 

11. Epi mems. You’re sure to have a ton. Why not add to the archival of weird Epi happenings thus far?

12. Drunk underclassman. They’re great to watch, truly. 

13. Free water. >>>>>.

 

14. Exclusive bar. Feel special in your own 21+ room while your underage friends stay close by.

15. Tombs is closed. NEXT! 

16. Epi has milkshakes.

17. And condiments. A vast and endless selection of condiments. 

18. Those round tables. Nothing says party like a circular table where you can sit and view all of your friends, and the other room only has rectangular tables. 

19. Underage friends. No longer must they mourn your departure at the door, but they can be at hand to help you walk and take part in your debauchery (well, from afar). 

20. Sushi bar. 

21. Henle. Proximity, proximity, proximity. 

22. Epi aesthetic. It’s just one of a kind. 

23. People watching. More of the above. 

24. You can customize your grilled cheese sandwich.

25. Epi rocks. Let’s be honest: It’s up there with The Tombs. Well, at least in the opinion of an underage person who has never been.

Alas, there’s just one small catch….

 

Epi closes at 10:30 during the summer. Didn’t we almost have it all?

Gifs: giphy.com, http://www.thehoya.com

Hidden Treasures of Epi

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It’s the place where all nights end. It’s the place where multiple people puke bond in the bathroom on a weekly basis. It’s the place where you know you can always count on for a good break from Leo’s. If you haven’t caught on by now, this wonderful place is Epi.

Epi is the land of the famed quesadilla. While the classic chicken quesadilla is the go-to item for many customers, there are other options as well. If you long for something more, don’t be afraid to request extra guac or extra bacon (yes, this is possible). Many overlook the grilled cheese and the 1984, which are both viable options in one’s long-awaited visit to the safe haven of Georgetown students. HOWEVER, there are even more options than what you see on the menu. You may think you know Epi better than anyone, but 4E is about to prove you wrong. For the first time ever, Epi has released their secret menu!

Naturally, Epi decided to give 4E the first access to the hidden treasure of Georgetown’s #famous food venue. So, here’s a few of the newest additions to the range of options that face you as you stumble into Epi:

  1. The Exorcist– What better name for a sandwich than the very movie that made Georgetown even more famous than it was before? The name was obviously in the cards in constructing the secret menu. Think the Hot Chick is an unhealthy sandwich? Brace yourself for this one. The Exorcist might be considered a misnomer because instead of returning a soul to its owner, it may actually kill a person upon consumption. On 3 pieces of thick, perfectly-toasted sourdough bread, you’ll find multiple chicken fingers, crispy bacon, melted cheddar cheese, and a bit of honey mustard. Is this disgusting or delicious? We’ll let you decide.
  2. The Fourth Edition– Arguably, the Fourth Edition might be the best part of the menu purely due to its name. The quesadilla may be the go-to menu item for late night Epi customers, but the Fourth Edition takes it to the next level. It’s a quesadilla (you get to pick chicken, steak, or veggies), but you also get FREE extra guac and FREE BACON inside the quesadilla. This item is a deal breaker.
  3. The Dirty D– It’s only fitting that Epi has a menu item named after the building that is located directly above it. Served on a long subroll, you’ll find a delightfully-greasy combination of sausage, peppers, and onions. Epi recommends adding ketchup to complete the taste. You don’t necessarily have to be drunk to fully appreciate the glory of this sandwich.
  4. The B-Frat– Get ready to get ~sloppy~. To those of you from New Jersey, you may know this side order by the name “disco fries,” except with an excellent twist. If you feel like eating disgusting excellent food, this one gives you small portion. Disco fries are traditionally cheese fries with gravy added on top. However, the B-Frat also adds chili…so if you feel like you want to vomit after eating these, don’t be a little b**** you probably should take it slower next time, since there’s a lot of heavy stuff on this item.
  5. DeGioia’s Special– You walk by his office all the time, but sometimes never see him there. Do you ever wonder if our beloved President John DeGioia goes out of his office during the day? The word is that he disguises himself and goes to Epi in the middle of the day in order to get his favorite treat: ice cream. Have you ever ordered ice cream from Epi? You probably should. This final hidden treasure takes the cake. In a large bowl (who knew Epi had these?) lined with peanut butter, you’ll get four scoops of vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup, whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles (they’re not called “jimmies”). AND the plus is that it’s cheaper since it is usually only available to DeGioia.

The release of Epi’s secret menu stands as a beacon of hope for those students who are devastated by the tragic loss of Brown House to the Office of the Provost. Even though you now might be going to Epi a lot earlier during your nights out, you at least have a bit more options than you usual!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, http://bit.ly/26bbQJP

101 Thankful Things

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Gratitude is always important, but we recently celebrated an entire day dedicated to it. And there are lots of things to love: turkeys, colorful leaves, family…the usual.

We at 4E have compiled a list of 101 things that Georgetown students are and should always be grateful for:

  1. That one time my professor tore into that know-it-all when she said wrong things
  2. Professors who ignore the instructional continuity policy
  3. Roommates who don’t suck
  4. The Instagram “gufreshmendoingthings”
  5. Inattentive student guards
  6. Free food
  7. Free t-shirts
  8. Student discounts
  9. Getting a table in lau
  10. Leaving lau
  11. Not having to go to lau
  12. Club Lau
  13. The really nice security guard in lau who doesn’t judge me for always leaving lau really late
  14. Netflix
  15. Netflix and chill
  16. What happens after Netflix and chill
  17. Being featured in Georgetown’s Instagram
  18. The girl who lends me a chair from her table so that I can put my feet up
  19. Dogs
  20. Let me say that again: dogs
  21. T Sweets
  22. Christmas lights
  23. The “share location indefinitely” feature on the iPhone
  24. Brown house
  25. Slutty brownies
  26. Friends who distract you via text message while you’re in a boring class
  27. Georgetown basketball
  28. Professors who are chill
  29. Professors who care
  30. Free Chipotle
  31. When the guy at Chipotle doesn’t remind me that the guacamole costs extra
  32. Guacamole
  33. Beyonce
  34. Friends who make you food
  35. Friends who actually return the stuff they “borrow”
  36. When the pasta line at Leo’s isn’t eight miles long
  37. The “doge” meme
  38. First dates
  39. Second dates
  40. What even is a third date?
  41. Brunch
  42. Drunk brunch
  43. Not throwing up at drunk brunch
  44. The friend that patted my back after throwing up at drunk brunch
  45. Tequila
  46. The Harbin security guard that let me back in without a GoCard when I left the building in my pajamas to pick up the Mai Thai I had ordered for the fourth time that week
  47. Happy hour(s)
  48. Nutella
  49. When the Metro is on time
  50. When the GUTS bus is on time #rare
  51. Finding your wallet and purse safe and your phone fully charged despite not knowing how you got home
  52. Losing your phone and having someone you don’t know find it in their freezer
  53. Awkward times in class when you are placed in a group project with a Tinder match
  54. Cancelled classes
  55. Todd Olson
  56. Jack DeGioia
  57. When the other person cancels plans first so you don’t have to
  58. Sweetgreen
  59. The bread at Sweetgreen
  60. Parks and Recreation
  61. Donald Trump’s hairspray
  62. When the professor forgets to pass around the attendance sheet the day you skip
  63. Heely’s
  64. Hoverboards
  65. Friends with free MSB printing
  66. Kylie Jenner’s Snapchat stories
  67. When your Safeway order shows up on time
  68. When they don’t include rotten avocados in your Safeway order
  69. The one crazy dude who carries on class discussions in Problem of God
  70. Georgetown sunsets
  71. When randos let you pet their dogs
  72. 2000’s era Cartoon Network/Disney/Teen Nick channels
  73. 4E (duh)
  74. Ducking autocorrect
  75. Double stuffed Oreos
  76. When your favorite elliptical/treadmill/bike at Yates is free
  77. The fact that in New York they actually put cream cheese on your bagel
  78. The Lau geo-tag
  79. People who studied abroad but don’t start every sentence with, “When I was studying abroad…”
  80. When you see a former hookup but you look super hot
  81. Chick Fil A not having E. coli
  82. The smoothies at Leo’s brunch
  83. Yahoo answers
  84. When somehow ace a pop quiz without doing the reading
  85. The kid who dropped a dish in Leo’s last week and it shattered
  86. DFMOs
  87. Group texts
  88. When you put your music on shuffle and all of the songs you like come on
  89. Professors who don’t give a sit-down final
  90. When the Corp’s coffee isn’t burned
  91. The new athletic facility that we all get to use #loljk
  92. The cops who didn’t arrest me when I threw my fake ID at them
  93. Social justice Facebook posters
  94. When random organizations give out free food and you pretend to be interested just for the candy
  95. Rumchata
  96. #Jesuits
  97. Intramural battle ship
  98. Epi’s lax refill policy
  99. Epi’s quesadillas
  100. Drunk Epi
  101. Epi

And just for fun, here are the few things we are not thankful for:

  1. Epi buffet prices
  2. Group texts
  3. Georgetown basketball
  4. Kylie Jenner’s ability to inspire an entire generation
  5. The cops who arrested my friend for using his fake at Towne
  6. The guy tapping his foot really loudly in the cubicle next to me in Lau
  7. The new GUTS routes
  8. The thin Oreos

Happy Thanksgiving, Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs: reelseo.com

Excuses to Procrastinate Preregistration

Do you want to start worrying about what classes you’re taking next semester when you haven’t even finished midterms? Do you want to take five classes but only get into two of the five? Do you want to have 1738105 tabs open on your computer at once as you navigate MyAccess, Rate My Professors, and more?

Welcome to preregistration, Hoyas, because why register when you can PRE-register!

Here are the best excuses to procrastinate this daunting process, which tests even those who are well versed in the course catalogue and professor ratings:

“Still waiting on that Epi quesadilla I ordered at 1:30am”: How am I supposed to fill out my preregistration on an empty stomach? If you’re looking to diversify your purchases a little bit, click here.

“Trying to figure out the right way to go up the steps in front of Henle”: If you’ve ever tried to walk up these steps without looking awkward, you have failed. These steps force you to calculate your every move, something that takes up your precious preregistration time.

You probably look like this...
You probably look like this…

“Recovering from Georgetown Day”: Still missing: GoCard, room keys, dignity. If you didn’t lose something, did you really do Georgetown Day right?

“Waiting on my laundry to dry”: NEVER use dryer A4, you will have do a minimum of three cycles to dry your clothes. Honestly, you’d be better off wringing out your clothes by hand.

“I’m busy searching through my friends’ Facebook wall posts from 2009”: There is something so tempting about bringing up dirt from the middle school era. We were all different people then: people we don’t want to admit ever existed. It takes a long time to delete our own embarrassing posts, another reason to delay your preregistration.

“I never reset my MyAccess password so I can’t login anymore”: Passwords on passwords on passwords. There is no way to do anything if you can’t login, and for some reason, we have to change our passwords quite frequently.

“It’s happy hour somewhere”: Don’t pregame preregistration. This is more of an excuse to drink do something more than an excuse not to do preregistration, but whose counting?

happy hour

May you not get any of your first choices (because that lessens the chances I get mine)!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, hilariousgifs.com

Power Ranking of Drunk Epi Food

tumblr_static_junk_food_wallpaper_by_yume_fran-d31yapsWe’ve all been there: a pregame, two frat parties and a post game later, the drunkenness is high but the nausea is even higher. We at 4E have compiled a list of foods that have saved our lives at Epi on multiple occasions.

1. Quesadillas – Obviously a classic.

2. Onion Rings – Great for when you’re on a budget.

3. John Thompson – With corned beef, coleslaw and Russian dressing, this sandwich sops up alcohol like a shamwow.

4. Cool Ranch Doritos – Apparently they sell them there… who knew?!

5. Burger a la Georgetown – Order it with double veggie and feta cheese if you’re a guilty eater.
6. Smoking hot brisket – Did that smoking hot girl at the party ignore you? This sandwich definitely won’t do the same.

Sometimes, you do not have the mental capacity to pick a specific/complicated food (probably from all that studying). As one Epi-goer explained, “In real life, drunk me kind of just picks randomly off the menu.”

Here are the best of the random choices:

1. BBQ chicken pizza – You probably should get a whole pizza and maybe bring a friend along.

2. BLT – $3.25 and it’s greater than great.

3. BLT with avocado – Including tax it’s only $5.17. What a deal.

4. Other people’s fries – The move, always. Free food is always better than food you pay for.

While you should have so much fun at all the parties and stuff, try to keep yourself together enough to try these favorites from Epi.

*Remember that it’s good to eat and drink while drinking to avoid the dreaded ~hangover~
**Also remember the legal drinking age in the U.S. is 18 21

Photos/Gifs: huffingtonpost.com, gifmania.com, hellogiggles.com, tumblr.com

The 5 Things You’ll Experience When You Join 4E

apply

Attention: Funny and cool writers of Georgetown

4E wants you to join the inner circle write for us. Our application can be found here and it’s due September 15. So you should probably get on that if you want your life to be infinitely better.

If my natural wit and cunningness isn’t enough to make you apply, maybe my explanation of what you’ll experience as part of 4E will.

If you join 4E…

1.You will be forced to sing CoCo by O.T. Genasis around 5 million times. Because baking soda. (Note: We have no baking soda.)

2.You will become one of the loudest people in Hoya Court, because that is where we hold our meetings and because we are a loud group of people and tend to rub off on each other.

3.You will become a keeper of some of the most entertaining rumors on the Hilltop. The 4E staff knows all. We knew about Epi before it became a thing. #insiders

giphy4.You will become proficient in gifs. And list making. And writing about Lau. All important skills that may get you a job in the future. (Disclamer: 4E cannot ensure employment.)

5.You will meet and hopefully become friends with some of the funniest and kindest people on the Hilltop. 4E sticks together, who wouldn’t want to be part of that?

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Think you can deal with that? Send in that application. Guac might be involved.

Photos/Gifs: gifsgallery.com; giphy.com

Georgetown Tinder Profiles

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So if you’ve been on Facebook recently, I’m sure you’ve seen the news about the most-swiped Tinder campuses. According to Tinder’s statistics, Georgetown men ranked No. 1 in most swiped-right schools. Sadly for us Georgetown girls, we didn’t even make the top 50 campus of most right-swiped females.

So what’s all the fuss about?

Perhaps swipers are just attracted to profiles like these very real ones below:

“Jake”: one mile away

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Likes: The Wall Street Journal, Vineyard Vines, Goldman Sachs, St. Barth’s, GQ Magazine, SAE

About: “I’ve got a memory foam mattress if you’re tryin’ to chill”

Or this one?

“Stefan”: one mile away

unnamed-1

Likes: Compass Coffee, The Corp, Vital Vittles, Urban Outfitters, Strand Books

About: “Q: Why are men like coffee? A: The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night!”

Yet when all your friends have paired off after a night of debauchery and you’re the last one left at Epi, when you pull out your Tinder this is what you see.

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C’est la vie.

Subway Caters?!

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Apparently they do now!

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Subway can make and deliver either a 3 or 6-foot long sub for whatever the occasion. They’ll also make sandwich platters that have a bunch of different kinds of sandwiches too. It’s too bad this wasn’t available before the Super Bowl last weekend; it surely would have gotten more attention than Leo’s weird meal-swipe-for-pizza deal.

According to their flyer, you can contact them about this deal by emailing [email protected] or by calling 202-687-1806.

We all know that the best way to end a night is by going to Epi to gorge on pizza or sandwiches. But what’s better than not having to leave the party because there’s 3 feet of sandwich in a refrigerator? 4E knows all too well that there is not.

Photo: Emily Min/The Hoya; giphy.com

It’s Restaurant Week in D.C.

DC Restaurant Week

Feeling unsatisfied with Leo’s? Think Epi’s too far a trek for dinner? Not feeling up for one more Chicken Madness? While that last one is impossible, all foodies of Georgetown can rejoice, because this week, Jan. 19 to Jan. 25, is Restaurant Week in D.C.!

If you go to a participating restaurant, you can enjoy a prix-fixe meal – $20.15 for lunch and $35.15 for dinner. That’s three courses at some of D.C.’s best restaurants for a fixed, discounted price.

242 restaurants are participating in Restaurant Week. It should be noted that not all of them are doing both the prix-fixe lunch and dinner, so make sure ahead of time that they do. A brief selection of Georgetown-located participating establishments include: 1789, Bandolero, Bistrot Lepic & Wine Bar, Boveda, Café Milano, the Caucus Room Brasserie, Chef Geoff’s, Degrees, El Centro, Farmers Fishers Bakers, Filomena, Fiola Mare, the Grill Room, La Chaumiere, Mama Rouge, Morton’s, Sea Catch, Tony & Joe’s and Unum. And there are so many more in the surrounding area! Don’t miss out!

Info: http://www.opentable.com/promo.aspx?pid=68&m=9 (This includes the full restaurant list)

Photo: ramw.org

Lesser-Known Georgetown Traditions

Lesser Known Traditions

Kicking off Homecoming weekend this Friday is Traditions Day 2014, taking place on Copley Lawn. From noon to 3 p.m., you’ll be able to enjoy free GUGS burgers, a cappella performances from several groups and (obviously) free T-shirts. More information can be found on the Facebook event, but it’s sure to be an awesome afternoon.

While the day is meant to celebrate some of Georgetown’s famous traditions, 4E is here to add some newer, lesser-known traditions that you might not have heard of yet.

The counter at Epi 

Everyone know about the tradition of sitting on John Carroll’s lap that every freshman partakes in because that’s been the tradition for years now. With Epi open 24/7 you can partake in the tradition of sitting on Epi’s counter at 2 a.m. until a cashier inevitably asks you to to get off. Plus, the counter has the added benefit of being a little easier to get onto than John Carroll.

The line at Eat & Joy 

Most recent grads and current juniors and seniors remember the glory of Tuscany, which was put out of business unceremoniously over the summer of 2013. Eat & Joy has stepped up to the plate to fill the void left by Tuscany, and (assuming they don’t also mysteriously go out of business one day soon) they have become the newest Georgetown tradition.

The Healy tunnels

Disclaimer: 4E does not condone trespassing. With construction all over campus (I think I’ve reached my limit for complaining about this), there’s no way to access the Reiss rooftop anymore; the Healy tunnels are just waiting at the heart of campus to be discovered!

The Hot Chick

During practically every tour of Georgetown’s campus and neighborhood, prospective freshmen hear about the Chicken Madness at Wisey’s and how it’s a must-have. In my two years here, though, I have come to largely prefer the Hot Chick for its simplicity and originality. If you haven’t had it yet, you need to get one (or three, and eat them all in one sitting).

While you might not have heard of some of these traditions until now, we can guarantee you’ll soon be making them a part of your usual Georgetown tradition routine. So, on Friday for Traditions Day and throughout Homecoming Weekend, inaugurate these newfound traditions as an integral part of your Hilltop experience.

Gifs: imgur.com; Photo: georgetown.edu