Friday Fixat10ns: Christmas Rap Essentials

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Merry merry finals everyone! We hope you’re all feeling jolly as ever. I know I am. This year I’m grateful to be sitting on cozy Lau 4 instead of dealing with drunk Santas on the LIRR.

Here at 4E we know that many of you are getting through the finals slog by hitting up your trusty Christmas playlist. We have a new one to help you spice things up: The Essential Christmas Rap Playlist. Enjoy and have a very Ludachristmas.

1. Ludachristmas Ludacris

We’ve never been happier to hear Luda’s jolly laugh. He just wants to spread a little cheer with his Christmas tree decked with toilet paper and some Jolly Ranchers and candy canes.

2. Sleigh Ride TLC

They don’t want scrubs for Christmas, so Prancer better not be hanging out of the passenger side of Santa’s ride trying to holler at them. T-Boz wants headphone sets and a fly dress for Christmas. And they all want love and joy and happiness and lots of good cheer.

3. Christmas in Harlem  Kanye West ft. Featuring Cam’ron, Jim Jones, Vado, Cyhi Da Prynce, Pusha-T, Musiq Soulchild, Teyana Taylor and Big Sean

This may be the greatest Christmas song I’ve ever heard. Would you expect anything less from a self-proclaimed God?

4. Jingle Bells  Trey Songz ft. Flo Rida

This music video is so wholesome, it makes us uncomfortable. Where is the Trey Songz we know and love? What is the point of the scarf? Trey Songz asked Santa for jewels this year and Flo Rida asked for this song to end.

5. Christmas in Hollis Run DMC

Run wants an ill reindeer for Christmas. He also wants a million dollars to buy a boat and a matching car but he doesn’t want it bad enough to steal a million dollars from Santa’s wallet.

6. Deck Da Club  Ying Yang Twins

The Ying Yang Twins want the club to be decked in boughs of money this Christmas. I will be in search of the Ying Yang Twins this holiday season. I would like a bough of money.

7. A Christmas F*cking Miracle Run The Jewels

This song is not as fun as you would expect. In fact it’s not fun at all. We don’t really know why we included it, but it has Christmas in the title and the music video is great. El-P wants to learn to look both ways both ways before he crosses the street for Christmas.

8. A Jehovah’s Christmas  Troy and Abed

Your favorite characters from Community devise a plan to allow a Jehovah’s Witness, Troy, to celebrate Christmas and participate in the Glee’s Club’s Christmas pageant. Troy wants to finally earn Kendrick Lamar’s respect this year (don’t we all?).

Photo: http://rmwmusic.com/blog/hey-remember-run-dmcs-christmas-in-hollis/, ://www.stereogum.com/602371/kanye-west-christmas-in-harlem-feat-cyhi-da-prynce-teyana-taylor/mp3s/

Winter Basicness Is Upon Us

#basic

The cold front is moving in. Geese are migrating to the south, bears are hibernating for the winter and pumpkin-flavored alcohol is no longer seasonally appropriate. Starbucks has busted out its red holiday cups and #basic girls everywhere are forced to substitute their favorite signature fall beverage, the PSL, with the Eggnog or Gingerbread Latte.

Much like squirrels collecting and storing nuts to last them the winter, we too must adapt our behavior according to the change in temperature. As much as it breaks every #basic girl’s heart to know there will soon no longer be any leaves left to Instagram, do not fear: there is always snow. And if you don’t #insta Healy covered in white this Christmas season, did winter even happen? (Answer: It didn’t.)

To help 4E’s #basic readers out with the seasonal transition, let’s discuss the critical differences between Fall Basic and Winter Basic. Failure to adjust your behavior and attire accordingly will result in “Seasonally Inappropriate Basicness”, for which you should be shunned.

Diet

It’s winter, ladies. Georgetown Cupcake’s pumpkin cheesecake cupcake is off the menu. It’s time for you, too, to remove pumpkin, real or artificial, from your life altogether. Stop holding on. No more pumpkin Burnett’s. No more PSLs. No more pumpkin loaves or pumpkin candles or pumpkin pie or pumpkin soap. Why do you need to smell like pumpkin? Move on from the pumpkin. Achieving Winter Basicness necessitates incorporating the following flavors and dishes into your diet in excess: cinnamon, nutmeg, gingerbread, honey-baked ham, eggnog, figgy pudding and chestnuts roasting on an open fire.

Attire

Any #basic girl knows that a new season brings new obsessions. Because we can no longer freak out over crunching leaves in our leather riding boots, we must instead slush through the snow in our Bean boots and compete over to what degree we literally can’t even wait for Christmas. Whoever “can’t even” the most, wins. Wool circle scarves must replace light, patterned fall scarves and one’s Patagonia fleeces must be brought out in full force.

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Interests

A key tenet of Winter Basicness is talking about the holidays always. That means commenting on how cute every set of lights is on every house that you pass. That means taking #basic group photos with your girlfriends in front of the lights that spell “Hoyas” outside the front gates and captioning the Instagram “20 more days! #ChristmasCountdown” or “All I Want for Christmas is You #lovemygirls.” Winter Basicness means alternating between watching “Elf”, “The Polar Express” and “Love Actually” and playing Michael Bublé and/or Mariah Carey while wearing your #UglyChristmasSweater.

It’s time to let go of the fall. We at 4E wish you the best in your seasonal transition to Winter Basicness. And don’t worry, you will be able to return for your Fall #basic activities next year.

Photos: http://happygirlsaretheprettiest.me/category/lol/; http://hd4desktop.com/89168-autumn-leaves-falling-on-girl/; http://www.patheos.com/blogs/wordynerdy/2013/02/how-ll-bean-boots-mirror-my-marriage/; http://www.patagonia.com/us/home