Cries for Help: Carvings in Lau Cubicles

As a nearly 230-year-old institution, Georgetown is host to secrets that current students can hardly fathom.

Hopefully no basilisks tho 🐍 #snakesofgeorgetown

Some of these secrets date back to the school’s founding. Messages etched by early students into the stone walls of Healy, White-Gravenor and Dahlgren — “Thou art fairer than a principled Jesuit,” “Thy perfume sweetens the scent of the stankiest Leo’s dish return,” etc. — have faded over time.

Actual footage of the Healy clock ringing every 15 minutes.

However, contemporary graffiti is alive and well in some of the newer and more utilized buildings on campus. Most anonymous messages, in fact, are located in none other than Lauinger Library, a hotspot of ~brutal~ nervous breakdowns on campus.

Lauinger? I barely know her.

Please join me as I reveal the most honest and repulsive thoughts of Georgetown students: those scrawled on the inside of Lau cubicles and Walsh restrooms in desperate acts of self-expression.

Me as I plumb Lau’s dusty depths. Also, if you don’t know what movie this gif is from, I can’t be friends with you.

Georgetown Confessions

It’s amazing that the president found time to helicopter over to Georgetown and vandalize our library! Spelling errors aside, this is 100% a rule to live by. #FightAgainstTheCapitalistCorp

This was found covering approximately 4 feet of vertical space on the lower level of Lau. I mean … say it loud, say it proud??? 😳🤷🏻‍♀️

Breaking down gender barriers one act of vandalism at a time.

You’ve got to admit, coming out and claiming the Walsh fourth floor women’s bathroom as one of your favorite spots on campus is a bold move. Kudos to this brave soul.

Slackademia

This one is honestly too relevant right now. I love how this ~poet~ backed up some linguistics major’s revelation with a quintessentially Georgetown story of academic humiliation.

4E was tipped off that this one was drawn by a struggling freshman who started their “Problem of God” paper the night before it was due and realized that they were supposed to “conduct a survey.” Yikes.

Quarter-Life Crises

If Lana Del Rey went to Georgetown, these would be the lyrics to her No. 1 song. FYI, if unlike this songwriter, the middle stall in the Walsh third floor bathroom isn’t really your vibe, check out these other spots on campus where you can bawl your eyes out.

This picture illustrates what happens when SFSers get too into their Neo-Sovietism class and then realize that they have to make themselves marketable to consulting firms for summer internships.

Classic Georgetown Elitism

Okay, Brock, that’s only because your dad donated a swimming pool there! Get off your high horse, please.

I mean… George Washington probably would have been a Hoya. #justsayin

Hoyas Reveal Their Ugly Side

This statement is unacceptable. Georgetown students are practically defined by their constant belittlement of campus dining and love for mainstream hip-hop. Do better, Hoyas.

Now that you’ve seen some of the innermost thoughts of Georgetown students, I encourage you to look around the next time you’re struggling to write a paper in Lau at 2 a.m. You may find inspiring messages, crude drawings or desperate cries for help.

Either way, the notes left behind by past Hoyas are an important part of Georgetown’s history that current students can and should bond over.

Did you know that Ben Gates holds a degree in American history from Georgetown? #NotableAlum

Best of luck with finals, everyone! Keep scribblin’ away.

Note: I’d like to apologize to all of the people I weirded out while sneaking around Lau and Walsh taking pictures.

Sources: Giphy, Facebook (Georgetown Memes for Non-Conforming Jesuit Teens)

When NOT to Call GERMS

Do Not Call Germs

Georgetown Emergency Response Medical Service (GERMS) is an invaluable asset to the Georgetown community. Whether you break a leg during a club sports game or go a little crazy on a Friday night, GERMS is there to escort you to the Georgetown University Hospital free of charge. On many occasions, calling GERMS is the right move. But members of the 4E staff, through our never-ending acts of debauchery, have compiled a list of five times when you need to put that phone away and keep on trucking.

1. Do not call when you get a splinter!

Fun Fact: GERMS DOESN’T HAVE TWEEZERS! Now, you may be thinking, “How do the 4E bloggers know that?” Well, that’s beside the point. You’re going to have to trust us. When you’re walking barefoot on Georgetown Day and you get that pesky splinter, refrain from dialing GERMS. In this case, they just can’t help you.

2. Do not call to deliver your post-CFT food baby!

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We know. Chicken Finger Thursday can sometimes get the best of you. Even though you feel (and possibly look) like you’re pregnant, there’s nothing GERMS can do about it. GERMS is not equipped to deal with your food pregnancy, so resist the temptation to call them for a food baby delivery.

3. Do not call after you trip in Yates!

Yates can be intimidating. When you’re walking around, it’s easy to get distracted by the hardcore athletes sprinting on the treadmill or the girl doing yoga up against the wall. It’s common at these times to lose track of where you are and take a tumble. Although your wrist might be sore and your ankle may be twisted, please don’t call GERMS. It’s embarrassing enough that all of Yates is staring at you. Just get out as soon as possible and hobble on over to student health to repair your ankle — and hopefully your dignity as well.

4. Do not call after you spend a night in Lau!

lau

Studying can be exhausting. So can staring at the confines of a Lau cubicle for hours on end. As you stumble out onto Healy Lawn just as the sun starts to rise, refrain from calling GERMS to whisk you away. You’ll be fine. Walk on over to Wisey’s to score an early morning breakfast sandwich to get you reoriented. That should do the trick.

5. Do not call for help with your Healy Lawn sunburn!

Now that the weather finally is getting nice, more and more students flock to Healy Lawn to get their study on. With the smell of GUGS burgers in the air and the peaceful sound of Frisbees whizzing by your head, it’s very easy to doze off for an hour or two. When you wake up, don’t be surprised that you’re a bright shade of red. GERMS can’t help you at that point, but hopefully that one kid on your floor who packed for the apocalypse has enough aloe lotion to get your through the week!

This is the definitive list of when NOT to call GERMS. In all seriousness, GERMS is awesome and so important to the safety of all students on campus. Keep on keepin’ on, you GERMS students and EMTs out there. In case of actual medical emergencies, GERMS can be reached at (202) 687-4357.

Photos: mashable.com, Matt Sullivan/The Hoya, cmich.edu

Which Level of Lau is Your Study Home?

Do you dwell in the corridors of Lower Level and yearn for human interactions? Can’t concentrate on Lau 2 because of a flash mob? Everyone’s got to turn down for something. Find out if you’re studying/taking Buzzfeed quizzes on the right floor.

[playbuzz-game game=”http://www.playbuzz.com/alexiso10/which-lau-floor-are-you”]

Photo: wikipedia.org