How to Become a GAAP Weekend Celeb

Dear4E_GAAP

It looks like word of 4E’s wealth of knowledge has spread to the class of 2019. This week we received an email from a senior in high school looking for some advice as he hopes to make the Hilltop his home next year. Seeing as how we’ve all been through this exciting chapter of our lives, we decided to lend this future Hoya a helping hand as he navigates the trials and tribulations of GAAP weekend…

Hey 4E,

I’m currently a senior in high school and was just accepted into Georgetown. Like 90% of other Hoyas I’m from the Dirty Jerz, so it’s safe to say that I think I’ll fit in pretty easily. I also play varsity lacrosse for my high school so I definitely have somewhat of a reputation throughout New Jersey and various parts of the east coast as a total bro. I’m planning on majoring in finance so that I can finally graduate from being a generic high school bro to full on MSBro. Basically, I’m psyched to leave high school behind and move onto the big leagues in college. 

Anyway, my mom is making me go to this GAAP weekend for admitted students in a few weeks and I’m in need of some advice. Everyone knows that Gtown students definitely work hard but for sure play harder. I really want to make a lasting impression during my GAAP weekend so people will still be talking about me when school starts in the fall. How can I make sure that I get an invite to a dope party, and what can I do to crush my GAAP weekend?

— Prescott Sterling III, Beer Pong Extraordinaire 

Dear Prescott Sterling III,

As you’ve probably guessed, GAAP weekend is a pretty big deal. How you act and present yourself throughout its entirety definitely has the potential to dictate how you’ll be spending the greatest four years of your life on the Hilltop. With that being said, securing an invite to a siiiick party and consequentially making a lasting impression is really dependent on several basic criteria.

First off, how you dress will really set the pace for your weekend. Everyone knows that all Georgetown students have incredibly preppy wardrobes, so holding back on your favorite pairs of pastel Vineyard Vines shorts and American flag Chubbies won’t be necessary. Just remember you want to look somewhat put together but still give off the vibe that you’re there for a good time. For real fashion inspiration just take some cues from your dad’s current wardrobe.

The next crucial part of your GAAP weekend that you’ll want to ace is your on campus tour. This will likely be your first opportunity to impress an actual student, so it goes without saying that messing it up will result in you tarnishing your reputation for the next four years. A lot of future Hoyas go into the tours thinking, “Wow, I can’t wait to ask questions about all the neat study spots on campus!” Clearly they’re not doing it right. You want to make an impression on your tour guide, so what better way to do so than by asking some hard-hitting questions? Make sure to ask your tour guide about things like the easiest route to Brown House and the chill to pull ratio of the various frats on campus. Showing your tour guide how cool you are will likely lead to an exclusive party invite, which leads to our next criteria.

After acing your tour and scoring a party invite you’ll be faced with the ultimate challenge: your first college party. Initially you’ll want to blend in with all of the Georgetown students. In order to do so mention relevant things like how bummed you are that Chief Ike’s Mambo Room just closed. The upperclassmen will totally be impressed with how much you already know about D.C. nightlife so you’ll likely earn their respect quickly. Next, after you establish yourself as a real Georgetown bro, you’ll want to up the ante by separating yourself from the run of the mill college students. This step requires some planning as you’ll need to remember to bring your own ping pong balls in order for it to work. Every time you pass a group playing beer pong obnoxiously scream “CELEB SHOT” before using your own pong ball to make a sweet shot. If anyone challenges your actions just flip the table, it’s a total power move.

All in all, if you follow these guidelines you’ll be guaranteed to have the greatest GAAP weekend of your life. You’ll likely create a reputation for yourself before you even arrive on campus in the fall. Legen-wait for it-dary.

Much Respect,

4E

Photos/Gifs: gifilike.com, imgur.com, http://honors.utah.edu/

The 5 Parents You Meet on Guided Tours

Guided ToursGuided tours are often the first experience that a prospective student has with any given college, but it’s often not just students who are present. These tours are an important experience for parents as well. It is a virtual guarantee that you will run into at least one of the following kinds of parents on any college tour:

1. The Alumnus

Attending Georgetown can often become a family tradition, so you are bound to run into alumni of various attitudes. Maybe they will want to reminisce about the “good ol’ days” that the tour guide has obviously not experienced, or maybe they are out to prove that they know more about their alma mater than their guide does. Regardless of their motives, don’t be surprised when you hear all about a die-hard Hoya’s Tombs Night while you are really trying to learn about Lau.

2. The “Social” Parent

Arguably, this parent could be considered polite or friendly, but they can be annoying nonetheless. This is the parent who attempts to make friends with all of the other parents on the tour, and attempts to make their child friends with everyone, too. If you come across one of these parents, you might just see a future classmate’s baby picture.

3. The Party Parent

This parent, whether they are a “helicopter parent” or a former frat star, will ask incessant questions specifically about the social life on campus. The tour guide will be obviously uncomfortable and unable to answer most of these questions, but that won’t stop the Party Parent from asking, “So what do Hoyas really do on the weekend?” with a not-so-subtle wink.reginas-mom-meme-generator-i-m-not-like-a-regular-mom-i-m-a-cool-mom-bb7047

4. The Parent With All the Questions

In the same vein as the Party Parent, the Questioner will bombard the tour guide with a never-ending interrogation. The questions will be about everything, ranging from the dining hall to CHARMS to class sizes to your favorite movie watched during the first three weeks of the second semester of your junior year. If you really want to learn about a school, having this kind of parent on your tour might actually be helpful. Or painful.

5. The Photographer

In the age of the smartphone, taking pictures on the go is easier than ever before. This makes college tours seemingly perfect for photo-ops. However, this parent goes a little too far, trying to get a picture of everything, often falling behind. Pictures can be great, but you don’t want to end up watching a tour through your iPhone camera. One thing’s for certain, though: This parent will definitely get the quintessential Healy shot from Lau steps. #InstagraMondays, anyone?

Maybe your parent falls into one of these categories, or maybe you’ve just witnessed these kinds of parents in action. Either way, it wouldn’t be a college tour without the lovely adults tagging along.

Photo: youngmegan.wordpress.com, salon.com