Cries for Help: Carvings in Lau Cubicles

As a nearly 230-year-old institution, Georgetown is host to secrets that current students can hardly fathom.

Hopefully no basilisks tho 🐍 #snakesofgeorgetown

Some of these secrets date back to the school’s founding. Messages etched by early students into the stone walls of Healy, White-Gravenor and Dahlgren — “Thou art fairer than a principled Jesuit,” “Thy perfume sweetens the scent of the stankiest Leo’s dish return,” etc. — have faded over time.

Actual footage of the Healy clock ringing every 15 minutes.

However, contemporary graffiti is alive and well in some of the newer and more utilized buildings on campus. Most anonymous messages, in fact, are located in none other than Lauinger Library, a hotspot of ~brutal~ nervous breakdowns on campus.

Lauinger? I barely know her.

Please join me as I reveal the most honest and repulsive thoughts of Georgetown students: those scrawled on the inside of Lau cubicles and Walsh restrooms in desperate acts of self-expression.

Me as I plumb Lau’s dusty depths. Also, if you don’t know what movie this gif is from, I can’t be friends with you.

Georgetown Confessions

It’s amazing that the president found time to helicopter over to Georgetown and vandalize our library! Spelling errors aside, this is 100% a rule to live by. #FightAgainstTheCapitalistCorp

This was found covering approximately 4 feet of vertical space on the lower level of Lau. I mean … say it loud, say it proud??? 😳🤷🏻‍♀️

Breaking down gender barriers one act of vandalism at a time.

You’ve got to admit, coming out and claiming the Walsh fourth floor women’s bathroom as one of your favorite spots on campus is a bold move. Kudos to this brave soul.

Slackademia

This one is honestly too relevant right now. I love how this ~poet~ backed up some linguistics major’s revelation with a quintessentially Georgetown story of academic humiliation.

4E was tipped off that this one was drawn by a struggling freshman who started their “Problem of God” paper the night before it was due and realized that they were supposed to “conduct a survey.” Yikes.

Quarter-Life Crises

If Lana Del Rey went to Georgetown, these would be the lyrics to her No. 1 song. FYI, if unlike this songwriter, the middle stall in the Walsh third floor bathroom isn’t really your vibe, check out these other spots on campus where you can bawl your eyes out.

This picture illustrates what happens when SFSers get too into their Neo-Sovietism class and then realize that they have to make themselves marketable to consulting firms for summer internships.

Classic Georgetown Elitism

Okay, Brock, that’s only because your dad donated a swimming pool there! Get off your high horse, please.

I mean… George Washington probably would have been a Hoya. #justsayin

Hoyas Reveal Their Ugly Side

This statement is unacceptable. Georgetown students are practically defined by their constant belittlement of campus dining and love for mainstream hip-hop. Do better, Hoyas.

Now that you’ve seen some of the innermost thoughts of Georgetown students, I encourage you to look around the next time you’re struggling to write a paper in Lau at 2 a.m. You may find inspiring messages, crude drawings or desperate cries for help.

Either way, the notes left behind by past Hoyas are an important part of Georgetown’s history that current students can and should bond over.

Did you know that Ben Gates holds a degree in American history from Georgetown? #NotableAlum

Best of luck with finals, everyone! Keep scribblin’ away.

Note: I’d like to apologize to all of the people I weirded out while sneaking around Lau and Walsh taking pictures.

Sources: Giphy, Facebook (Georgetown Memes for Non-Conforming Jesuit Teens)

Real or Fake: Stall Seat Journal

Banner - SSJThis article isn’t about which GU bathrooms are the best (Regents) and which are the worst (Reiss), but about the treasures you find inside them: the Stall Seat Journal. Not to be confused with the Wall Street Journal, which is often also read in the bathroom, the Stall Seat Journal (SSJ) is filled with nuggets of knowledge and common sense for Georgetown students.

Freaked out about the flu and need some tips? Desperate to hear some #hoyarealtalk? Hiding from you ex in Lau 3 and need something to read while locking yourself up in the bathroom stall? SSJ has got you covered.

An avid SSJ fan, this reporter went undercover to investigate the old Stall Seat Journal archives, which are located behind the new edition of the SSJ because nobody actually throws them out.

Test your knowledge of advice given by the Stall Seat Journal with this quiz. One of the answers is a real piece of advice given from the Stall Seat Journal, the rest are made up by your friendly neighborhood SWUG who has not left her house for 29 hours.

 

[playbuzz-game game=”https://www.playbuzz.com/thefourthedition10/real-or-fake-stall-seat-journal-edition”]

Photo: malvernetheater.org

The Girls’ Room Guide

the perfect pottyNow that I’ve spent about a semester and a half here I think it’s time that I provide you with a comprehensive list and appraisal of arguably the most necessary resources on campus: the bathrooms.

I’m going to stick to public bathrooms because you won’t let me inspect your private bathroom (still not entirely sure why, though) and because I think a review of Georgetown public bathrooms will be of greatest service to my fellow Hoyas. Which potty will receive my coveted 4E Best Bathroom Award? Read on to find out.

Note: I can’t speak for men’s bathrooms. Sorry.

Which building will receive the Bestest Bathroom Award?
Which building will receive the 4E Best Bathroom Award?

Lau

Lau’s bathrooms provide a lovely sanctuary to quietly cry about your imploding schedule and upcoming midterms. However, if you glance at the back of the stall door, you’ll notice an upsetting edition of the Stall Seat Journal. (The current paper is all about the calories that we drink and it may make you sad.) Still, I appreciate mystery Stall Seat journalists’ attempts to inform the Georgetown population about the dangers of Adderall and liquid caloric intake, so thank you. Overall, Lau library bathrooms are in decent shape: They’re not that pretty to look at but they are smart and we can all relate to intelligence while studying at Lau.

Leo’s

The bathrooms in Leo’s are generally super clean because nobody uses them. They’re the perfect refuge to duck into while avoiding that person you always see in Leo’s who says he knows you but you don’t seem to recall. Just don’t sit in there and eat your lunch. If none of your friends are free to eat, go sit by yourself: It’ll build your character. Or you could sit with me! I’m such a good friend and I’ll tell you about bathrooms and other interesting places on campus. If you do decide to sit by yourself, please don’t take a big table. Then I just might have to send you back to your toilet seat. Which, as I mentioned earlier, is super clean.

Regents

Regents is lovely and so are its bathrooms. One time while washing my hands in the notoriously chic Regents sinks, I happened upon a discovery. I noticed a rapid influx of mothers and their high school daughters. As a former prospective student I know that some campus tours end just outside of Regents. Some might say tours end here for the view. I say tours end here for the bathrooms.

Epicurean

Epicurean’s bathrooms are swanky. Real swanky. Top notch toilets and a buffet to boot. Bonus points: They’re available almost 24/7.

ICC

There’s a weird gaping hole in the wall of one of the bathrooms in the ICC, but there’s fun writing on the stall doors! In other words, I have a lot of mixed feelings about this one. These lavatories can also get insanely crowded between classes and they’re very small, so avoid walking in them with a large backpack.

Hariri

Stunning. Five Stars. I expect nothing less from the business school. However, I would like to mention that the paper towel dispenser gives a sizably longer ration than any other building on campus and that’s so not green, MSB.

The 4E Best Bathroom Award goes to…

Mine. Oops, sorry. I live in VCE so I happen to have my own personal loo. It’s super convenient and there are even rubber duckies. In terms of public bathrooms on campus, though, basically stick to the newer buildings to find nicer bathrooms. It makes sense. So don’t be stupid.

Photos: heavy.com, justbathroomsigns.com

Stalling in the Stall

There are many mediums of expression: writing, singing, dancing, blogging, painting, the list goes on and on. But we at 4E would like to expose the world to the most cutting edge and hip new medium for getting ones thoughts or comedic impulses out there. Say hello to the bathroom wall. For the past month or so, I’ve had the entire Hoya staff on lookout for the best bathroom stall scribbles they could find. Here are some of the best!

Thankfully, there are people who use bathroom stall to share some advice:

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Or use it to correct other’s advice:

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CONFIDENTIAL GU PREGNANCY SERVICES: THIS IS A MEN’S STALL
YOU ARE NOT ALONE: Except in here, you're alone in here.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE: Except in here, you’re alone in here.

While others use the bathroom wall to express serious environmental concerns as seen below in this beautiful drawing. (Question…why is the tree wearing a shirt?)

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Or maybe they use existing graffiti to make IR puns to display their intellectuality as well as their creativity:

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Speaking of puns, take a look at these awesome grout jokes. Famous literature and America’s favorite past time meet the classiness of the grout above the White Gravenor urinals.

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But while the people above use the stall for humor, the people below use it for their pensive and poetic thoughts. I would imagine that the desired effect would be to make the reader feel introspective, but all it makes me think about is how long the person must have spent writing this…don’t you have other things to do?

[dmalbum path=”/wp-content/uploads/dm-albums/stall poem/”/]

And then there are those who combine comedy with poetry:

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A haiku: Oh Lau, I loathe now pooping in Lau it smells oh so gross

America’s Next Top… Potty?

On Monday, I came across a massive piece of news regarding the upcoming election. No, not the upcoming November presidential election, something far more important. I learned that in the monumental election of America’s Best Bathroom, Georgetown’s very own Mie N Yu is a contender for the top spot.

This is serious, people. And as a professional, groundbreaking journalist, I did what any professional, groundbreaking journalist would do when he heard about this scoop: I experienced the Mie N Yu bathrooms for myself.

And let me say this: the Mie N Yu bathrooms are the greatest gift to planet Earth since Oprah.

Mie N Yu, as a restaurant, is a delightfully tacky and modern, Silk Road-inspired Asian hot mess. Lining the walls are flowing linens, Buddhas, and trendy seashell paper lanterns. Mahjong tiles cover the bar, and in the background, one can hear the cool sounds of Oriental lounge music (think Club Lau meets Panda Express).

The food isn’t bad either – if you’re looking for a good deal on M Street, try Mie N Yu’s $5 Happy Hour Bar Menu, served Monday-Friday from 5-7 (the Angry Spice Truffle Fries are delicious).

But the gems of Mie N Yu — the reasons why I will return — are their glorious bathrooms. From the moment I walked downstairs and stepped into the lavatories, I realized I was no longer in a strange, Epcot-meets-Asia restaurant. I was in a soothing Asian cove — No, I was in heaven.

The bathrooms are unisex and communal with intricately woven in patterns on the walls and dark, aged wood surrounding the doors. Green tiles border the toilets. Large metal trunks sit on the floor, adjacent to wooden water barrels and rusted copper sinks filled with massive, black pebbles. The atmosphere is breathtaking! I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of calm, followed by an intense urge to take a mirror shot. This was one place I’d never want to forget.

Voting for America’s Best Restroom continues here until October 26. I highly encourage everyone to vote for Mie N Yu, especially since it faces some stiff competition from some big names, including New York’s Da Marino and Arizona’s Liberty Market. Only time will tell to see if Mie N Yu’s loo will earn the prestigious title of America’s Best Bathroom, but in the meantime, take a pit stop on M Street and enjoy these bathrooms for yourselves.

In my opinion, Mie N Yu takes the cake for America’s Best Bathroom. Or the fortune cookie. Either one.

Photo credit: Lindsay Horikoshi