Basic Wine Knowledge for the Basic Bitch

2013-06-07-SpikedSummerWine-586x322Before I start, I want to make one thing very clear. I am not a wine expert, I am a wine enthusiast. So if you’re looking for legitimate information or “facts” about wine, you should probably go elsewhere. But, if you just want to know some basic ins and outs of God’s greatest, grape-ilicous gift to humanity, read on.

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  1. Color: Wine comes in three colors: white, red and rose (aka pink). What color wine you like to drink says a lot about you, so select carefully.

White wine is what most moms drink. You know when your mom says she’s going to “book club.” Well, the name of that “book” is chardonnay. But, as always, mother knows best. White wine is the classic and classy choice for a fun night hanging with your girls (and my personal go to).

Red wine is bad ass. The perfect drink for any moody, sassy betch (shout out to Alicia Florick, Olivia Pope and most other TV goddesses). If you are going through heavy stuff, like a break up, or you finally realized your hair will never be as perfect as Kate Middleton’s, it’s time to break out the red.

Rose is the girliest choice when it comes to wine. Hello, it’s pink. I don’t like to judge, but unless you’ve been invited to some sort of classy garden party (which you haven’t because you’re a college kid), you probably don’t need rose in your life.

  1. Storage: White goes in the fridge. Red goes in the cabinet. I thought this was common knowledge, until in my recent travels I discovered a bottle of Merlot in a refrigerator – it was disturbing.

  1. Glass: If you are somewhere important, like a fancy shmancy networking happy hour, know that you are supposed to hold white wine by the stem and red wine by the bowl. Otherwise, you do you.

With these basic guidelines, you are ready to go fearlessly into the world of wine. Remember, the glass is always half full as long as there’s wine in it.

Photos/Gifs: mtvnimages.com, imgur.com, tumblr.com

Manly Mondays: Bros Being Basic on Instagram

manlymondays

One of the tenants of “basicness” is (apparently) an affinity for stereotypical posts on Instagram of things like Starbucks lattes, nature shots and Healy Hall.

For those of you who don’t know, Instagram is a platform that allows, and sometimes encourages, even the most manly bros to sway towards “being basic.”

The quest for likes on a post brings out throwbacks, pet pictures, sunsets and Christmas cards. While I will admit to being guilty to posting (almost) all of the above, someone has decided to compile the most basic bros on Instagram, and I haven’t quite made the cut. I present to you: Bros Being Basic.

This account is made up of fan-submitted pictures, and the bros out there have not disappointed.  Here are some of 4E’s favorite submissions from the broiest bros of the web.

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While most bros will take a solid Christmas card picture with their “boys”, these guys pulled off one of my favorites.

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One of the original submissions to the account, I guess everyone is thankful for Ryan Gosling, even if they won’t admit it publicly.

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Just a couple bros out bro-skating on their bro date. Nothing wrong with that.

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The classic “we are all dressed up nicely, so let’s take a picture of us jumping in the air.” Doesn’t get more “basic” than that. Except…

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Cheesy/heartwarming caption? Check. Matching outfits? Check. Unbelievable sunset and scenery? Check and check.  Could this be the most “basic” photo any bro has ever posted? Possibly. However, they just set the bar incredibly high for what constitutes a good ‘Gram.

Think you and your bros have what it takes to be featured with other Bros Being Basic? Submit a picture to [email protected], and maybe you’ll be featured in a Manly Monday someday.

Photos: Bros Being Basic, Instagram 

Winter Basicness Is Upon Us

#basic

The cold front is moving in. Geese are migrating to the south, bears are hibernating for the winter and pumpkin-flavored alcohol is no longer seasonally appropriate. Starbucks has busted out its red holiday cups and #basic girls everywhere are forced to substitute their favorite signature fall beverage, the PSL, with the Eggnog or Gingerbread Latte.

Much like squirrels collecting and storing nuts to last them the winter, we too must adapt our behavior according to the change in temperature. As much as it breaks every #basic girl’s heart to know there will soon no longer be any leaves left to Instagram, do not fear: there is always snow. And if you don’t #insta Healy covered in white this Christmas season, did winter even happen? (Answer: It didn’t.)

To help 4E’s #basic readers out with the seasonal transition, let’s discuss the critical differences between Fall Basic and Winter Basic. Failure to adjust your behavior and attire accordingly will result in “Seasonally Inappropriate Basicness”, for which you should be shunned.

Diet

It’s winter, ladies. Georgetown Cupcake’s pumpkin cheesecake cupcake is off the menu. It’s time for you, too, to remove pumpkin, real or artificial, from your life altogether. Stop holding on. No more pumpkin Burnett’s. No more PSLs. No more pumpkin loaves or pumpkin candles or pumpkin pie or pumpkin soap. Why do you need to smell like pumpkin? Move on from the pumpkin. Achieving Winter Basicness necessitates incorporating the following flavors and dishes into your diet in excess: cinnamon, nutmeg, gingerbread, honey-baked ham, eggnog, figgy pudding and chestnuts roasting on an open fire.

Attire

Any #basic girl knows that a new season brings new obsessions. Because we can no longer freak out over crunching leaves in our leather riding boots, we must instead slush through the snow in our Bean boots and compete over to what degree we literally can’t even wait for Christmas. Whoever “can’t even” the most, wins. Wool circle scarves must replace light, patterned fall scarves and one’s Patagonia fleeces must be brought out in full force.

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Interests

A key tenet of Winter Basicness is talking about the holidays always. That means commenting on how cute every set of lights is on every house that you pass. That means taking #basic group photos with your girlfriends in front of the lights that spell “Hoyas” outside the front gates and captioning the Instagram “20 more days! #ChristmasCountdown” or “All I Want for Christmas is You #lovemygirls.” Winter Basicness means alternating between watching “Elf”, “The Polar Express” and “Love Actually” and playing Michael Bublé and/or Mariah Carey while wearing your #UglyChristmasSweater.

It’s time to let go of the fall. We at 4E wish you the best in your seasonal transition to Winter Basicness. And don’t worry, you will be able to return for your Fall #basic activities next year.

Photos: http://happygirlsaretheprettiest.me/category/lol/; http://hd4desktop.com/89168-autumn-leaves-falling-on-girl/; http://www.patheos.com/blogs/wordynerdy/2013/02/how-ll-bean-boots-mirror-my-marriage/; http://www.patagonia.com/us/home

Party Themes 2.0

Party Themes 2.0

Whiteout. Anything But Clothes. Toga. Flannels and handles. In a report released this afternoon by the Frat Boy Association of America (FBAA), these time-honored, critically acclaimed college party themes have all earned the widely sought-after “ratchet” status.

These findings reveal a lack of innovation across the board. Although these classics never fail to deliver their fair share of jungle juice, Natty, crop tops and shame, we at 4E believe it’s time to make some cutting-edge contributions to today’s antiquated party theme options.

Your Favorite Handle

A good party theme is all about the double entendre/puns. Sport @yourfavoritetwitteraccount on your T-shirt or dress up like your favorite flavor of Burnett’s. Recommendations include @LILBTHEBASEDGOD and @amandabynes. If you go the vodka route, get creative with your flavor choice. Tropical punch, perhaps. Just not maple syrup because we told you that’s disgusting.

I Woke Up Like This

Channel your inner Sasha Fierce or wear slippers and a nightgown. This theme presents a juxtaposition between divas and bedheads that will keep the party interesting. There is also the opportunity to put the absolute maximum or the bare minimum effort into the costume depending on whether you choose to be Bey or a lazy pajama-clad college student for the night. Earn extra points by merging the two and somehow finding a way to pull off being Beyoncé in a onesie.

Basic and Basic

Although the term “basic” has started to grind my gears, it has party theme potential. Either incorporate some chemistry knowledge into your outfit via a cute and flirty pH scale drawing on your tank top or opt for yoga pants and Uggs (with the fur rolled down) while toting around a Starbucks holiday cup.

Middle School Dance and Cargo Pants

This theme aims to take you back to your school gym in the seventh grade. Party attire can include a combination of any of the following elements: Apple Bottom jeans, denim mini skirt, pink Converse, a choker and/or a Juicy Couture track jacket. For the boys, cargo pants with so many pockets that you could simultaneously store all of your Yu-Gi-Oh cards within them. (Also acceptable: those sweatpants with fifteen zippers that allowed one to change from pants to capris to shorts to boxer-length shorts in a few easy unzips). If you’re not chasing your drinks with Sunny D and following those body shots with a sip of Capri Sun, you’re doing it wrong.

And that’s all for now. Use these last days before Thanksgiving to give these themes a try or hold out until your last free weekend before finals. Because you can only dress in ABC so many times before you start to realize it’s cold out.

Photo: noisey.com

Einstein’s Is Going Off the Deep End

Einstein's Problems

As a New Yorker, I personally have always maintained a love-hate relationship with Einstein Brothers’ Bagels. I came to Georgetown full of contempt for the institution and the subpar baked goods it stands for, but gradually carb cravings and meal swipe desperation wore me down – the “Darn Good” bagels found a place in my (guilty) heart. Though it goes against my better judgment, you will find me sitting in the Car Barn location from time to time every single day.

Unfortunately, there has been a recent change in operations that has left even the most devoted Brother Lovers unsatisfied. Einstein’s Bagels is going off the deep end. Maybe you can relate.

McKayla-Maroney-Not-Impressed-Face-Receiving-MedalGrievance #1: No More Iced Coffee (#whitegirlproblems)

The Einstein’s in Car Barn used to offer premade vanilla hazelnut iced coffee, and it was one of the best things that ever happened to me at this school. This year they stopped making it, and it was one of the worst. Newsflash, Einstein’s: pouring boiling hot coffee directly onto ice in a small plastic cup is NOT THE SAME THING.

Grievance #2: Cream Cheese Rationing

One of Einstein’s most redeeming qualities was the fact that they were heavy-handed with their spreads. Their so-called “thin-tastic” (read: pitiful) bagels are a lot more satisfying when they have the double-whipped cream cheese oozing out of the sides.

giphyApparently, now Einstein’s is on some sort of minimalist regimen, and they are instructing their employees to scrape off all the shmear when they serve you your bagel. If I were trying to diet, I’d order some oatmeal – okay?

Grievance #3: New Meal Swipe Policy

If it wasn’t bad enough that we are exchanging a $15 meal swipe for a $1 bagel and a $3 coffee (and maybe a free apple, if it’s a good day), we are now being told exactly when and where we can throw away spend our money. Georgetown’s new restrictive meal swipe policy means that you have to wait, like, 20 minutes before you can use a second or third swipe for your water and your fruit cup. I do have places to go, you know.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-30082-1374242530-31Grievance #4: Weird Seasonal Cream Cheese Flavors

Returning to the complex issue of cream cheese, I have to ask: Einstein’s, what are you trying to prove with all these weird seasonal shmear flavors? That you’re gourmet? No one actually wants pumpkin cream cheese on her bagel (#basic, much?).

One time, I accidentally got pumpkin cream cheese at the Regents Einstein’s because I thought it was peanut butter. It was awful.

Grievance #5: Limited Real Estate

The lack of real estate in the Car Barn Einstein’s is nothing new, but as long as we’re complaining, I might as well cover all of my bases. There is nothing more unpleasant than the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that comes when some rando stranger (or that annoying girl from your freshman seminar) interrupts your deep scholarly thoughts and asks if they can share your table. Can you not see that I only have three square feet for my computer, textbook, notes and assortment of highlighters?     hyperorlando.com

Although I do love Einstein’s – and I will continue to go there frequently as I hate Leo’s and am stuck on a 10 meals per week plan – it has been seriously disappointing this semester. I sincerely hope, for all our sakes, that it soon returns to its old standards. Or at least just brings back the iced coffee.

Gifs: Gifrific.com, tumblr.com, giphy.com, buzzfeed.com, gurl.com, hyperorlando.com; Photo: nutritionix.com

InstagraMondays: Halloweekend

insta-mondays

Halloweekend is over. Four costume changes and 50 Facebook albums of a clique of blondes in Risky Business attire later, college students’ most anticipated holiday season has come to a close. With Halloween falling on a Friday this year, there was no excuse not to go big for both the pre- and post-Oct. 31 festivities. If you’re like me and were dangerously close to resorting to the brutally basic cat and/or devil ensemble, you’re relieved to be over the hurdle of stress shopping at American Apparel and Buffalo Exchange, strict dieting to accommodate spandex bodysuits, wearing a scant amount of clothing, trying to incorporate a coat into the outfit that necessitates said “scant” amount of clothing and seeing boys in too-short shorts.

Much like the anticlimactic morning after Christmas Day, the Monday after Halloweekend calls for some deep reflection. The same way we pack up the ornaments and say goodbye to the 25 Days of Christmas specials on ABC Family, so too must we put away our neon jumpsuits, body paint and tank tops that walk the fine line between a “cropped tank” and a bra. And much like waking up on Jan. 1 after a long New Year’s Eve night, we must take the time to contemplate our resolutions for the next holiday season.

Next Halloweekend, can you assure yourself with the same conviction that you can pull off that Miley Cyrus getup complete with leotard, teddy bear and foam finger? Should you? Should you try to be more politically correct with your costume choice next year (this one’s for you, promiscuous Barack Obama on the dance floor)? Or for the men in tights and the Cady Heron-esque Playboy bunnies, perhaps opt for more overall coverage?

To honor the memories of this wild Halloweekend, here are a few favorite Instas of your very own 4E bloggers.

D.J. Angelini shines as a cat lady. If it wasn’t for @ltonnessen615’s clarifying caption I would have had to call my grandma to make sure she wasn’t raging on the Hilltop this Halloweekend.

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Cristina Serra shows Texas how 4E does Halloween. Isn’t John Mayer from there? No? Okay well her body is still a wonderland.

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Sara Carioscia shows that Halloweekend has the unique ability to bring all walks of life together. Mormons and ninja turtles, for example.

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And now for some non-blogging fellow Hoyas this Halloweekend.

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s” at Cuates is a very Hoya Halloween. Props to @sarahjdevs for the clever geotag (even though the Mexican blanket is a dead giveaway).

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Here is @mollyrose5494 and @annetayl0r with a cute Mary Poppins tribute.

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In this insta, @maireadryan3 & Co. kill the Charlie’s Angels trio. Location: Mission XXX.

IMG_7244And there you have it. Until next Halloweekend, Hoyas. May your post-Halloween stupor be filled with thoughts of how to better keep down that Pumpkin Burnett’s and maintain your dignity next October.

Photos: Instagram

A Hoya’s Guide to Last-Minute Costumes

 

Last Minute Costumes

The greatest day of the year is almost upon us! That’s right Hoyas — in just a few short hours campus will be overrun with ghouls, goblins and other more creative costumes. If you’re planning on taking part in the #debauchery (and who wouldn’t be?) then a great costume is more necessary than a double shot of espresso during finals.

However, given the hectic past few weeks of midterms, parents‘ weekend and Homecoming, many of you may find yourselves in a costume-less predicament. If your lack of a costume is starting to worry you, and you’re actually considering not partaking in all the festive fun, then have no fear! 4E is here with a guide for some last-minute costumes that are somewhat creative and fairly easy to put together.

A Charlie Brown Halloween: If you’ve never seen this classic then you’re definitely missing out! Nothing screams Halloween quite like a ghost costume made out of a sheet with a bunch of holes. You might even receive some rocks when you go trick-or-treating on Embassy Row. For this look, all you need is a white sheet and a Sharpie or black construction paper to make it look like it’s covered in holes. Bonus points if you walk around with a rock all night saying “I got a rock” to anyone you see.

Koala and Tree: Looking for the perfect couple costume for you and your significant other? Or do you just have a really tall roommate and only couple costumes work with your height difference (the struggle is real)?  If you answered yes to either of these questions, then this is the costume for you! For the koala look, rock your best groutfit, throw on some animal ears and paint your nose a la the classic animal-for-Halloween look. For the tree, wear green on top and brown on bottom, and feel free to get creative with your use of leaves and branches to authenticate the look. Such accessories can be found all over Healy Lawn because it’s fall.

Shackers/Walk of Shamers/Stride of Priders: This costume is super easy because you actually put effort into looking as disheveled as possible. No need to flawlessly reapply makeup and style hair to achieve this look! I recommend getting ready and then taking a nap before you join in on the fun so you look as disorderly as possible. Before heading out, just throw an oversized shirt on over an undersized dress and feel free to accessorize as you see fit! Grab some sunglasses and heels to carry around. Dudes can do this too: Pour various colored drinks on your wrinkled and torn button up, throw on some sunglasses and one shoe.

“God’s Gift to Men/Women”: So you think you’re pretty great, huh? Yeah, well why not dress yourself as a present with a bow and attach a gift tag that says “To: Men/Women. From: God”.  Basically you can use this holiday as an excuse to show off just how awesome you think you are really are.

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#Basic: Need some inspiration for this look? Look no further than Red Square between class times. You’re sure to see some fellow Hoyas rocking the flannel-infinity scarf/vest/riding boots combination! Replicate their outfits, find a Starbucks cup and write PSL (Pumpkin Spice Latte for you non #Basics) on it and go around saying things like “Which Instagram filter do you think I should use?”

The 99 percent versus The 1 percent:  This costume can be perfectly executed with just two people and minimal effort. Find yourself a friend in the MSB or someone with some spiffy business professional attire to be the 1 percent and dress up like the 99 percent by dressing as casually as possibly (yes, groutfits are acceptable). Make signs saying “I’m the __ percent” like in the picture below and you’ll absolutely kill it!

“When Life Gives You Lemons”: Step one: obtain a white shirt. Step two: write “LIFE” on your white shirt. Step three: carry around a bowl of lemons. BAM! A Halloween costume that required so little effort it’s ridiculous.

Royal Babies: Draw your inspiration from the greats and have a very royal Halloween. Grab two other friends and dress as Blue Ivy, North West and Prince George. You can go for the actual looks of these famous toddlers or go for a looser interpretation. Costumes could include an all blue outfit with fake ivy or leaves as accessories, a compass made out of cardboard pointing northwest or a British flag and a crown.

“One Night Stand”: This one really isn’t easy to make and definitely requires more effort than the rest, but it’s can be pretty hilarious. Use cardboard or some other sturdy material to put together a nightstand which you can wear around yourself.  Put a lampshade on your head and glue down some other bedside accessories like an alarm clock or picture frame.  Finally, enjoy the plentiful compliments your sure to receive on your creativity.

So there you have it, procrastinating Hoyas: A few costume suggestions to ensure that you have a very happy Halloween! Remember to take part in lots of #debauchery on this great holiday and stay safe.

Photos: pinimeg.com, on sugar.com, jp9.com, cloudfront.net, playborhood.com

The 10 #Basic Commandments of Fall

Basic Fall

Fall is undoubtedly the greatest season of all: The leaves start to change colors, Starbucks releases its seasonal drinks and, of course, Halloween and Thanksgiving are just around the corner. Naturally, the beautiful autumn backdrop and seasonal traditions lend themselves to the perfect Instagram (with the right filter), which is sure to rack up the likes. So really, it comes to no one’s surprise that fall is a  #basicgirl’s favorite season.

As you have most likely noticed, the #basic movement has definitely taken over the Hilltop as the aroma of artificially scented pumpkin everything fills the air and infinity scarves are in abundance. After noticing the trend, you may find yourself asking, “WOW! What can I to do to become more #basic?” If this applies to you, then we here at 4E have some answers, as we’ve compiled the 10 Commandments of Being #Basicinthefall.

1. Thou shall visit a pumpkin patch for the sake of a new profile picture (which thou shall delete if it does not get enough likes).

2. Thou shall go “apple picking” at least once and Instagram the entire excursion because thou shall always #doitfortheinsta.

3. Thou shall not pick more than three apples when “apple picking”, because excessive apple picking detracts from picture taking time.

4. Thou shall instill creativity in your Halloween costumes.

5. Thou shall honor the sacred combination of riding boots, vests and flannels and this shall be worn at least three times a week.

6. Thou shall purchase an abundance of fall scented Yankee Candles, for which your roommate will surely thank you.  Permitted scents include: Apple Pumpkin, Season’s Blessings, Cozy Sweater, November Rain and Autumn Wreath (and yes, these scents actually do exist).

7. Thou shall partake in an extravagant Friendsgiving feast … in your dorm.

8. Thou shall channel your inner Martha Stewart and try every fall related recipe on Pinterest for your aforementioned feast.

9. Thou shall go out of your way to crunch every dead leaf you encounter on your walks to and from class, which is sure to be a nuisance to all other passersby’s.

10. Thou shall spend at least half of your flex dollars at the Leavey Starbucks this season exclusively on Pumpkin Spiced Lattes and Salted Caramel Mochas.

So there you have it 4E readers, a whole set of #basicguidelines. Hopefully, it will help you embark on your #basicjourney to become a #basicHoya. Good luck!

Gifs: survivingcollege.com, tumblr.com, blogspot.com, twentyishdot.com; Photo: mackinawcity.com

 

How to Kill the Halloween Group Costume

Group Costumes

Halloween is nearly upon us! Maybe you want to shine with an individual costume, but we hope you’re looking to get together a killer group costume. You might not have creativity or individuality, but somehow you’ve tricked some people into being your friends. So let’s try a group costume. 4E has some time-tested and approved ideas that can take your Halloween to the next level.

Crayola crayons

The free spirits out there can take this to the next level: Go completely naked. Paint your entire body a single color. Use black paint to spell out Crayola. Extra points if you make a construction cone or an ice cream cone into a pointy colored hat.

For a conservative twist: Cut out the letters in “Crayola” and strategically place them to protect your “dignity.”

An assortment of beer brands
Use the box of a depleted six- or 30-pack to make all of your clothing and accessories. This includes tube top, shorts, top hats, chain necklaces and mustaches.

The many sides of Taylor Swift

For ladies: Each of you dresses as the Taylor who’s most like you from your favorite song’s music video. Not saying T-Swizzle is moody, but you’re guaranteed to all look completely different.

For men: If you have a large enough friend group, you can dress up as the men Taylor Swift has dumped and call yourselves “the lucky many.”

A hoard of basic betches
You could wear the uniform of the basics (leggings, Victoria’s Secret hoodie, Uggs) or you could get creative and dress up as the actual basic objects: an Ugg boot, a frappachino with skim milk, etc. For inspiration, look at any girl’s Instagram account.

The Seven Deadly Sins
For these it might be easier to just wear a sign with your sin written on it and then adopt a few behavior rules.

Lust: The typical conduct of males at house parties will suffice.

Gluttony: Over-indulge yourself at a party by over-consuming all the beverages and snacks (bring your own snacks) in sight.

Greed: Take things from people/places throughout the night. Never return them.

Sloth: You could dress up like an actual sloth (maybe use a snuggie or a fuzzy blanket?) or dress like a slob and be really lazy all night.

Wrath: Get so drunk that you yell at random people for no reason.

Envy: Wear all green. Drink only green things. You are green with envy.

Pride: Talk about being a Hoya (or a Corpie!) constantly.

There you have it, five of the best group Halloween costumes for 2014. And if you don’t have enough friends to properly execute a group costume, we suggest looking on Tinder, Grindr or Cuddlr. Make sure to include in your bio that you’re a “lone trick-or-treater looking for a costume buddy” and you’ll for sure get a ton of responses.

Photos: joke.co.uk, r29static.com, amazonaws.com