The 5 Stages of Spring Break as Told by Corinne

Spring break is a little less than a week away. While most of you are cramming for that last midterm and quickly giving up on that “beach bod” you were so determined to get (back in January), you are so, so ready for a weeklong vacation. Also … in conjunction with spring break, the last few episodes of this season’s dramatic Bachelor on ABC will be airing. As an avid fan of “The Bachelor” franchise,  it is only fitting that I write an article narrating your likely stages of spring break as told by my favorite Bachelor villain/babe, Corinne Olympios.

4E presents your five stages of spring break:

Stage 1: The Stage of Pure Bliss
You’ve just arrived to your destination and you are ready to throw on that new swimsuit and get a drink in your hand ASAP. You feel motivated, excited and just plain relieved to be on vacation bliss instead of Lau 5.

Stage 2: The Stage of Debauchery
It’s been a day or so and you’ve really been taking advantage of your time without responsibilities (like, really taking advantage). You’re having fun and maybe having a few too many poolside Piña Coladas, but who’s counting. You may go out one night and dance on a few tables, but hey, this is spring break! No ragrets, right?

Stage 3: The Stage of Regret
Your head is pounding and you never want to see another margarita in a plastic cup again … let alone go anywhere near that poolside bar. You’re tired, hungry and just need some TLC. This may be in the form of a spa treatment or a relaxing shopping day or even a nice long nap. All you know is that last night was fuzzy and you need to lay low for a few hours.

Stage 4: The Stage of Exhaustion
Sometimes, a “college” spring break can be absolutely exhausting. You are constantly on the go, doing lots of activities and the sun can be rather draining. You’re sharing a hotel room with five people and you can only sleep max six hours a night. It’s like you need a vacation from your vacation and you just CAN’T EVEN.

Stage 5: The Stage of Reminiscing
Your spring break is almost over, and while you’re happy to get back on a normal sleeping schedule, you truly had the best time ever. You’re basically going to talk about this trip for the next three months and post lots of “take me back” posts on Instagram (#TBT). You can’t wait to tell the rest of your squad all about your amazing vacation, even if there were a few hiccups.

4E wishes all of you a wonderful and safe spring break.

Spoiler Alert: Corinne may be off the show, but we all know that we will be seeing much more of her in the future! #TeamCorn everyone!!!

Images: giphy.com

The Best and the Worst: Bachelor 2016

Wow, here we are. After three solid losses, Bachelor Nick Viall is a ripe 36 and still ready to find love. His hobbies include being awkward, mumbling, and extending his 15 minutes of fame, which are all key qualities that will blow his bachelorettes away. After chatting with his “super-close” yet highly critical bros Sean, Chris, and Ben, who also happen to be former Bachelors, Nick kicked off the season with an interesting set of women. Some are cute and some are wild, which is why I’ve created an explanatory and categorized low-down of our remaining Bachelor women (you’re welcome).

The Stand-Outs

Danielle M. 

Danielle is an automatic front-runner. She’s gorgeous, takes care of little babies in the hospital and has a softer voice than my government professor, whom I literally cannot hear at all. Also, their first conversation was a seamless one about how they both make great French toast…I mean, you can’t beat that.

Danielle L. 

Whether it was her super low-cut dress or her sweet personality, Danielle #2 made a great first impression right out of the limo. Since then, she’s scored an exciting serenade from the Backstreet Boys and smooches from Nick, so she’s showing lots of potential for the future.

Rachel

Rachel’s an attorney from Dallas, Texas, which basically means she has her sh*t together way more than literally anyone else on this show. She’s gotten the first impression rose and a date rose, so we know that Nick is super into this one.

The Danger Zone

Corinne

We know Corinne likes cucumbers made by her nanny Raquel, but someone should actually go get her a glass of water. This girl is so thirsty it kills me. In addition to talking aggressively making out with Nick without knowing much about him, Corinne enjoys frequently interrupting the other girls and openly shedding clothes at any moment in time. Also, PSA: Raquel actually has a Go Fund Me page up now, so make sure to contribute to her future caregiving endeavors!

Straight-Up Crazies

Alexis

Alexis strutted up to the Bachelor mansion in nothing but a much-debated dolphin/shark costume. She loves-loves-loves dolphins much more than any adult woman should, and she makes it clear that her beloved sea friends are the priority (sorry Nick!).

Josephine

Josephine showed up and tried to woo Nick by forcibly insisting he eat a raw hot dog with her. It was almost as awkward as when she gave him a cringe-worthy serenade about wanting a one-on-one with him this last episode. Outlook = hazy.

The Weird Ones

Christen

Christen decided to wear a yellow dress the first night, which was her first bad move. Next she told Nick that she “watched him on TV for the past 3 years” and that she thought she was “meeting a celebrity.” I think Nick wanted to awkward-smile and cry at the same time.

Jaimi

There’s not much we know about Jaimi at this point, other than her interesting first impression where she told Nick she “has balls.” Turned out to be a nose ring, but she all had us wondering what exactly she meant by that…

Contestants That Make You Go “Eh”

Vanessa

Vanessa’s a fine contestant, minus her recent stunt of accidental puking on her first date. Though her one-on-one was pretty successful,  her generally forced humor and mom-like personality docks some points.

Taylor

Taylor comes off as sweet and knowledgeable…but is she? She seems cute, but she sometimes gives us the know-it-all vibe. Plus, this may be an unpopular opinion, but I don’t really see any real connection between her and Nick. Sorry?

 

Jasmine G.

Jasmine is interesting and spunky, but again, I see no fiery spark with the man in the house. Eh.

The Ones We’re Thankful For

Chris Harrison

I know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. Chris is not one of Nick’s many lady friends. Yet, his presence on the show is so essential. His brief announcements of when there is a final rose are critical–how else would we know there’s only one rose left? You have to admit that Chris is a long time fan favorite.

Sarah

Sarah’s cute, funny, and seems normal so far. We must be thankful for her energy and appreciate her “in” hairstyle. Also, most people probably didn’t catch this, but her first words in the house were “Oh my God, there’s food!” which makes her more relatable than most.

Raven

I have to admit, Raven has definitely grown on me since I first saw her dangerously strolling along train tracks in her bio. She seems to be adorable and genuine. Cross your fingers she’s not one who only gets far enough to get her heart broken.

…Who?

Kristina

I think I remember crying at one point in time, but I can’t be too sure.

Whitney

Whitney might have a chance with Nick if she ever…you know, talked.

Astrid

It’s possible she was in a hot tub with Nick, but that’s literally all I remember of her.

Brittany

Brittany, are you even on the show?

…I give up.

Photos: abc.com