I’m sure like all ardent Oscar fans, you’ve see all of the movies nominated for Best Picture. Okay maybe half of them. A few? Two? All right, you saw one with your family over winter break because they made you and that’s it. It’s okay, here at 4E we understand your busy schedule. Even though you haven’t watched all the movies, you still want to know who’s going to win right? So here is a brief pro/con list of all the movies’ chances of winning written by yet another uniformed Oscar watcher.
Is that the one with all of Amy Adams’ cleavage? Yes, yes it is.
Pros: America is a pretty cool country; hustling takes a lot of effort, Amy Adams looks good in low-cut dresses and don’t they go into the Hunger Games arena for awhile? No? Oh well, at least Katniss is in it.
Cons: Bradley Cooper has weirdly curly hair in this film and doesn’t even take his shirt off! Pass.
The Wolf of Wall Street
The one with Leo, aka Jack Dawson, aka perfection.
Pros: Leonardo DiCaprio, Leonardo DiCaprio’s smile, Leo’s hair, Leo’s voice, his eyes … Hang on, is anyone else in this movie?
Cons: Oh right, Matthew McConaughey is in this movie, but only for like 2 minutes, and that’s the best part!
Hope you like the sound of Sandra Bullock breathing.
Pros: Space is cool, you don’t weigh anything in space, you can do endless somersaults in space, and let’s not forget George Clooney is in space with you.
Cons: Space is a lot of dark emptiness, and it’s actually really terrifying if you think about it for too long.
Hang on a second, does he fall in love with a computer? What?
Pros: Siri is pretty sexy. Technology is good and who doesn’t like girls? It is called Her after all.
Cons: I’m still confused; are you sure he loves this computer? Really? Well it is the voice of Scarlett Johansson, but still.
Home, home on the range … Where the deer and the antelope play …
Pros: Nebraska is a solid state, lots of wide-open spaces and all that. Plus the movie is about the lottery, right?
Cons: Who are we kidding? There is nothing to do in Nebraska.
Tom Hanks in the middle of the ocean. … Is this the Castaway sequel?!
Pros: It’s a true story, and there are bound to be some serious sea life sightings.
Cons: It’s a true story, and there is a 50 percent chance it’s a horror film.
Pros: They are all British! And you know the British are good at portraying heartwarming stories.
Cons: Is Philomena someone’s name? I hope there’s filo dough.
Dallas Buyers Club
Matthew McConaughey is actually in this one!
Pros: Cowboys are sexy. Jennifer Garner is sexy.
Cons: They gave poor Matthew a mustache… Sigh.
12 Years a Slave
There are a lot of true stories this year!
Pros: Lupita Nyong’o. This is another profoundly heartwarming tale, and they sneak Brad Pitt in there! Also Lupita Nyong’o.
Cons: It’s set in the Antebellum South, so everyone’s clothes are funny, and there are lots of tall hats. (Whether this is a pro or con is debatable).
That’s basically all you need to know about this year’s nominees. So get ready for the Oscars this weekend, and may the best movie win!