Get Pumped for Protest: Yoga Style

yoga protestToday, June 3, yoga masters and gym rats from all over D.C. are gathering to protest what is now being called the “yoga tax.” According to Washington City Paper, the D.C. Council is close to passing a bill that will add a 5.75% sales tax to tanning salons, gyms, barber shops, car washes,  and other services like yoga studios. Basically the city will start taxing the things that make us so gosh darn attractive.

At noon today, yogis plan to create a human wall and do burps together in protest, surrounding the Wilson Building in downtown D.C. (The building houses the offices of the D.C. mayor and councilmembers.) Imagine this, times many angry demonstrators.

If you are planning on joining in on this protest, 4E is here to help. On the morning of any act of civil disobedience you need to get PUMPED! MLK said that once. Now the perfect way to get just as sassy and jacked up as you’ll need to be is to do some yoga. We’ve complied the best yoga positions to really get you charged for a day of burpees and exercising your god-given rights.

1. Mountain Pose Stand in place. Yeah! Stick it to the man!

2. Downward Dog This is the namesake of every Georgetown girl’s favorite yoga studio. Do it for your house! Don’t let them mess with your people!

3. Tree Pose Put your right foot on the inside of your left leg thigh. Then switch. You are now one with nature and about to kick some bureaucratic butt.

4. Take a Deeeep Breathe That was a breathe of JUSTICE!

5. Corpse Pose Lay down, on your back. Maybe grab a pillow. Play a little “Rockabye baby.” Get your binkie. And take a cat nap. ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE?!?

Now that you’re the most pumped up you’ve ever been in your life, turn on “Here Comes the Boom” by Nelly, slap the top of your door on the way out and run to Capitol Hill screaming “U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!”

Disclaimer: I may have undercut the complexity of these poses. A lot.

Leave a Reply