Things to Shut Down Instead of the Government

Hello, fellow citizens. After 35 days and $11 billion down the drain, the U.S. government is finally back open for business. Since, like the government, I am finally back at my normal level of functionality (AKA doing the bare minimum), I’ve decided to compile a list of things that actually need to be shut down ASAP.

1. The Bitter Cold

When I decided to move to D.C., I imagined it would be like living in a temperate swamp. I’d much rather live like my childhood hero, Shrek, than get knocked over by 20 mph winds every day.

2. GUSA Campaign Szn

This is the only case in which I’d advocate for a permanent government shutdown… Thank you sooooooo much for the cookie but I don’t really believe that you’ll get rid of the mold or prevent food poisoning at Leo’s.

3. Lau PDA

Truly an assault on both education AND romance. 1) Please find somewhere more private – Lau 5 at 2 a.m. is just sad and the lighting is terrible, and 2) stop distracting people from their studies.

4. That Smell in the ICC

You thought it left over break. You thought it was just a one-time thing. 4E is sad to report that the smell has returned, and your intermediate Spanish class will never be the same.

5. The Patriots

I know nothing about football and for some reason whenever I talk about this people get extremely agitated. Don’t @ me: Some things are too good to be true.

6. The “Devil’s Advocate” in Your IR Class

It’s enough of a meme at this point that even the devil herself knows better than to use this clichéd line.

7. Valentine’s Day/Easter Ads

I’m just getting over my Elf-on-the-Shelf nightmares and now I can’t make a Wawa run without seeing “The Perfect Man” novelty chocolates and the stalest of candies, Peeps.

8. New Year’s Resolutions

It’s been a month. You can box up your Bullet Blender and cancel your 30-day gym membership trial. We’re *so* proud of you for sticking it out this long.

9. Tuition Increases

If I get one more shamelessly unapologetic email from Todd Olson…

10. Black Mold

Someone needs to inform President DeGioia that sending Facilities to paint over black mold simply does not help the situation. We’ve all read the exposés; let’s shut this down once and for all.

Who knows: maybe one day we’ll be able to keep the government open for more than three weeks at a time! Until then,

Sources: giphy.com, target.com, me.me

Awkward Zoom Conference Moments to Avoid this Winter

Happy New Year, Hoyas! Coming back to campus can be hard with a whole new season of classes, clubs and dodging rats, but sometimes the Old Gods of Georgetown feel that pain and grace us with the desperately needed ~snow day~.


That being said, all our joy can be taken away in one fell swoop with killjoy policy of “Instructional Continuity” and its chief agent: the Zoom Conference.

So, while we hope our snow days remain snow days, here are some awkward moments to avoid while using the bootleg version of Google Hangouts.

Sneezing obnoxiously

Folks, for the love of John J. DeGioia, mute your mics if you ain’t talking.

One of the most criminal occurrences while discussing the minutia of literary criticism is getting a front-row seat to an ear-piercing jet stream of mucus. While the winter season can bring us some childlike fun and top-tier snow selfies, everybody gets sick at some point.

Even so, no one wants to see how sick you are.

Eating aggressively front and center

Everyone knows that snow doesn’t just stop classes. It disrupts the whole infrastructure of the well-oiled machine that is Georgetown University. Leo’s can potentially be inaccessible (blessing in disguise??), which means scrounging for whatever leftovers or unhealthy snack foods you have stocked.

Hunger, sickness, cold and laziness all work together to make any meal you have just so gross. Don’t get caught munching on the oddly shaped apple or unnecessarily wet Epi quesadilla.

#BlockDatCam #MuteDatMic

Recording uncomfortable yelling in a public place

Why anyone would want to “Educational Facetime” their History professor in the chaotic throes of HFSC is a mystery to all of us. Overhearing “weekend plans at Vil A” while discussing the Khmer Rouge is definitely one of the most uncomfortable experiences known to man.

Find a quiet place to conduct this most awkward of educational tools and don’t submit your classmates to hearing things they could die, live and die again without ever hearing.

Unexpected roommate entrances

They say that communication is the most important part of any relationship, especially when living with someone.

So, when everyone ends up trapped in the same building for 12+ hours, it’s pretty important to communicate if you have some necessary and graded online conference you need some space for.

If not, one could, let’s say, capture their roommate yelling some obscenity from some song they’re just really into right now. OR, catching them right after they come back from a good ol’ shower.

Both are pretty bad. Trust us.

Having your professor call on you only to realize you joined the call and immediately turned off your camera and mic and left

No one wants to be there. Not even your professor. Literally, everyone involved would rather be doing anything else.

But desperate times call for desperate measures, and, sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do. So, don’t get caught ditching, not only by the person who controls your grades, but by all the equally tired and lazy people who are choosing to tough it out.

They will have their revenge.

Not knowing when to talk

Since the birth of modern education, classroom participation has revolved around the “raising of the hand.” But when that fundamental function is robbed from you, how are you supposed to do that thing that counts from 25 to 35 percent of your final grade???

Some have taken to awkwardly jumping in, squeaking out a weird noise, coughing, or just screaming to claim their place.

There’s no solution to this one. Sometimes, you just gotta fight for what’s yours.

Just looking real gross in your dorm

It’s been three days. You stayed up until 4 a.m. for the last four days. You begged for a snow day and got one, but the universe spat on this blessing and gave you a 9 a.m. Zoom Conference for Intensive Spanish.

Not only do you look like Todd Olson after a noise complaint from the Georgetown neighborhood, but you’ve also lost all ability to speak your already rudimentary Spanish, much less the English you though you knew.

You literally haven’t showered in days and your last meal was a milkshake from Epi five hours ago when you went to bed.

Take care of yourselves.

Oof…

The semester has only just started, and it looks like this winter’s gonna be a long one.

So, while you should try your best to avoid these terribly awkward moments, you should do better and just take care of yourself.

In the end, we’re all just trying to make it to Georgetown Day.

Things We’re Leaving in 2018

This past year was rough, but that doesn’t necessarily mean 2019 will also be terrible. To help make the future a little bit brighter, here’s a list of things we’re leaving in 2018.

  1. Changing Your Name on Facebook to Something Other Than Your Actual Name

Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Bezos, and the guy who hacked the 2016 election already have access to every phrase you’ve ever googled, every text you’ve ever sent and every meme you’ve ever even thought about sharing. Changing your last name to your middle name on Facebook so that potential employers won’t see pictures of you holding a beer is not going to work.

2. Telling People “You Look Tired Today”

Thanks, but that’s actually just my face! In this, the Year of Our Lord 2019, there’s really no need to voice your thoughts on this to anyone!

3. Tweeting

Just because the “president” is doing it doesn’t mean you should too. Twitter is never going to give you that sense of validation you crave. It’s just giving you a migraine and probably carpal tunnel. Also, follow @thehoya.

4. Playing “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten

Sometimes it starts playing while I’m browsing the aisles in CVS and I involuntarily flash back to the 2016 election cycle and I become very upset. Please do not play this song in any context at any time in 2019 or beyond. Looking at you @EveryPotential2020Candidate

5.  Drinking La Croix

It is so gross. Please stop offering it to me at parties. I don’t want it and I never will. In 2019, we’re sticking with nature’s zero-calorie alternative: Diet Coke.

6. Acting Like Timothée Chalamet Is the Sexiest Man Alive

Yes, he is cute and a good actor but, come on, what are we doing here? In 2019, please redirect all your energy towards John Krasinski, Michael B. Jordan and/or Jeff Goldblum.

7.  Being Apathetic

Vote. Seriously. We’re not doing this whole thing again. Also, attend Georgetown basketball games. These are equally important priorities. 

8. Juuling

It’s gotten way too popular at least half of you need to stop if the FDA is going to put the good flavors back in stores. 

9. Posting Unflattering Pictures of Your Friends on Instagram Because You Look Good

There is a special place in hell for people who do this. I don’t want to see any more of it in 2019. Crop it, put a heavy Lo-Fi filter on it, or don’t post it at all.

10. Drinking Iced Coffee

Please don’t let this follow us into the 2020s. I’m shivering just thinking about it.

Sources: giphy.com

New Year’s Resolutions You Already Broke

happy new year smiling GIF

Happy New Year, Hoyas! It’s been officially 2019 for almost a month now, which means that you’ve either kept all your New Year’s resolutions so far (woohoo), or (like the rest of us) given up on them so long ago that you forgot they even existed.

With the end of January fast approaching, 4E invites you to take some time to reflect and mourn your most well-intentioned New Year’s resolutions so you can peacefully move ahead with your lazy, debauchery-filled Hoya lifestyle.

fail neil patrick harris GIF by bubly

1. Eating healthy

Salad. Kale. Vegetables. Fruit. Low-carb frozen dinners. Zero-calorie drinks only, and definitely no more Oreo cookies.

I’m just going to say, though, that sometimes, salad just does not cut it. I need chicken nuggets in my life. I need mac n’ cheese. If kale tasted like Rice Krispie treats, we wouldn’t have an issue. But kale tastes like dirt (don’t deny it). And sometimes I just need waffle fries and a strawberry milkshake to keep me going. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way it is. I don’t make the rules.

stressed dear white people GIF

2. Actually doing your homework assignments on time

the flash homework GIF by The Paley Center for Media

Endless reading assignments. Endless cycle of essays and tests. You swore this year you were going to stay on schedule. Maybe even get ahead! But hey, your professor did say he was easy about granting extensions. I mean, he’s basically asking you to turn in your paper a week later than it was due. It’s fine. You can do it tomorrow. Watching The Bachelor is way more important anyway.

procrastinate the amanda show GIF by NickSplat

3. Going to Yates

You told yourself you were going to get up early every single morning and go to Yates. Told yourself you’d run three miles, do some squats, some sit-ups and even some push-ups if you’re feeling ambitious. Then, eat a healthy oatmeal and mango smoothie breakfast, shower and be ready for the day all before your 8 a.m. class. Maybe it’s finally time to recognize the importance of exercise this year. And by that spring break trip to Punta Cana, maybe you’ll finally have that beach bod you’ve always dreamed of.

exercise thank you next GIF by Ariana Grande

But then again, exercise is totally overrated. Waking up before 8 a.m. and walking all the way to Yates even once is a pretty impressive accomplishment. Plus, if you stay in bed, you can dream about pancakes and bacon and french toast. You can start working out next year.

gym fail GIF by Robert E Blackmon

4. Dressing nicely for class

Nothing says “Merry Christmas” like a totally amped-up wardrobe. New sweaters, new shoes, etc. Fashion is your game this year. This semester, you’re going to look put-together and stunning every day. It’ll be impossible for your super hot TA not to notice you this semester.

fashion hair flip GIF

But … sweatpants are really comfortable. And so warm. Plus, you can sleep in them and not even have to change for class the next day. Pretty hard to pass up.

amy poehler deal with it GIF

5. Getting more involved

Join more clubs! Get more involved! Try new things! Make more friends! Some resolutions are worth keeping. (At least until rejection szn!)

Your New Year’s resolutions may not have lasted too long, but just remember, Hoyas, it’s never too late to try new things, pick up good habits, or achieve your goals. Stay positive and make 2019 your best year yet!

The Egg That Beat Kylie: What Your Egg Opinions Say About You

With over 46 million likes, an HD photograph of a whole egg has ousted Queen Kylie Jenner from her title of having the most-liked Instagram post.

While this is a glorious moment that should be celebrated (because who doesn’t love eggs?), I nonetheless believe that this source of protein is getting a little too cocky. Who on earth thought it was a good idea to create egg merchandise?

Nonetheless, we at 4E must pay a tribute to this godly account by devoting this article to the egg in all its glorious forms. Keep reading to see what your egg preference says about you. @world_record_egg, this one’s for you.

Scrambled:

Running to your 300-person Macro lecture, you can probably be spotted from afar, wearing flip flops in the middle of January and annoying everyone with your absurdly tangled earbuds. You may be seen Naruto-running across Copley Lawn, somehow trying to get from Reiss to Car Barn within ten minutes, and you’re probably that person who impulsively made four out of five of their classes all in one day. Good luck :/

Poached

Because this egg is tough to cook, you’re probably high maintenance. You probably analyze your Tinder options for 5 minutes each (must fulfill height, face, personality and muscle requirements), unlike your friends who recklessly swipe right on any and every one. In other words, you’re dating Mac McClung or no one. When you’re still on the waitlist, you probably will be surprised that, no, the professor “will not make an exception for you” and you “simply must let MyAccess do the work.”

Fried

Just like the “perfect” runny yolk, you need a happy medium in order to be likeable. In other words, you are that person who is completely different when sober vs. when drunk. During the school week, you are probably an academic weapon, managing your time perfectly and acing your classes with ease. But 4 Red Bull vodkas in, you’re on the floor, puking, cursing, yelling at GERMS, crying, screaming and sleeping.

Omelette

Eh, you’re a little bland, but we all need some normalcy in our lives. People applaud you for buying your textbooks way in advance and knowing your major the first week of your freshman year. You play it safe by eating the ready-to-go grilled cheeses at bottom Leo’s (shoutout to Sazón for giving me food poisoning this week), and you probably attend those Donuts With Deans events every Thursday.

Hard-Boiled

You’re a tough one: probably that big athlete with the navy blue D1 winter coat that I am afraid of at Leo’s. And if you’re not an athlete, you’re probably that stubborn freshman who cannot believe he got a B+ on that first philosophy paper that totally deserved an A! While you think people probably think you’re ~cool~, whether you’re benching at Yates or playing Devil’s advocate in the SFS, the reality is: not that many people like you.

We at 4E love our eggs and congratulate this viral egg along with its 46.5 million supporters.

What to Expect During Semi Formal Szn

In between the time of the turkey and the weeks of Michael Bublé and Mariah Carey Christmas carols, Georgetown celebrates another special season: Semi Formal Szn. Around this time, the Facebook notifications roll in, the online shopping begins, and the number of people getting hospitalized skyrockets.

With these many options of which formal to crash, our wallets are begging us to be selective. So, I’ll make it easy for you and summarize what to expect at each event:

Any Frat/Sorority

If you’ve never been to any of the Greek life semi formals, just pull up any video on Barstool’s Instagram page and you’ll get the picture. Girls will be taking photos everywhere, begging their dates to “take one with flash, one without and one with portrait mode.” The guys, of course, will be screaming jibberish at each other, lightly punching each other until it eventually turns into a spectacle of a public fistfight. Nonetheless, a good time!

GUES

Mini hot dogs and Red Bulls are not a great combination for the stomach. If you really pay attention, you can hear the attendees, 99 percent of whom are not even in GUES, complaining about the lack of food and eventually taking the late night trek to Epi (the pesto grilled cheese is underrated, by the way, so be sure to try that). Each semester, at least one person has needed to be ~escorted~ into an Uber back to campus, and you can bet that this year will be no different.

The Hoya

This will probably be the most sophisticated-trashy formal you’ll ever attend. Hoya members will gladly debate politics, compare their high school subject test scores and argue about which section of The Hoya is ‘better’ (s/o to “tHe BlOg DoEsN’t EvEn CoUnT!”). Basically, it’s the typical GPB basement party, but much classier (and less crowded)!

Couples at Leo’s

I still don’t know who runs the Couples at Leo’s Instagram account, but if you’re reading this, I love you (and thank you for following @picsofjennaeating #shamelessselfpromo). No one at this formal will bring (or have) a significant other, but that won’t stop them from ~classily~ sharing a beverage together at Hawthorne. The lucky stars who have been featured on @CouplesAtLeos will receive their deserved clout and moments of fame, as overexcited freshmen will scream, “You’re the one who played footsies!” or “Aren’t you the one who ate alone?”

The Corp

I don’t know why on earth people would pay $100 for a formal, but they better be willing to get their money’s worth out of a night at the Andrew M. Mellon Auditorium. Freshman girls will finally be able to rewear their prom dresses, only to realize how uncomfortable they truly were. It might be tough to convince your non-Corp friends as to why they should pay $100 for a ticket to one formal when they could just go to the three formals listed above for the same price, but you can at least send your family some wholesome and classy photos before you spend most of the night waiting in line for the fancy bathroom.

Formal szn can be overwhelming, but you should at least try to go to one for the experience. And if you go to all of them…how do you have the money, energy and liver for that?

Have fun, Hoyas.

 

Gif/Photo Sources: giphy.com, flashbak.com

Frequently Asked Questions: Thanksgiving Edition

Hoyas, Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, apple pie: A literal cornucopia of sweet and savory delights awaits you at your family dining table.

(Unless you’re staying here, in which case, Happy Friendsgiving!)

In spite of that thicc feast being prepared at home, one thing poses a threat to the sanctity of Thanksgiving: your family.

Yes, those people whom you may love the most, who have the ability to ruin your short holiday with the annual awkward interrogations about your life away from home.

And so, 4E has prepared this guide to help you navigate those cringeworthy FAQs around the dinner table.

What do you think of Donald Trump?

Oh, damn. Uncle Bob starting off strong.

Politics is bound to come up during the fall feast, and depending on your views, this question could be a real curveball.

No fear, though, because our professionally designed answer is to laugh awkwardly while walking away and saying, “Man, I don’t know.” Make sure to trail off on “know” to feign some “youthful ignorance” to avoid confrontation. Move quickly before your family starts debating immigration over the mashed potatoes.

Do you still go to church?

This one’s for all my people raised with organized religion (looking at you, Catholics) and is the logically awkward follow-up to a political question.

As your aunt plays with her golden cross necklace, you may feel anxiety in answering her inquiry, because, honestly, you don’t. For all those Christian expats out there, you couldn’t even recite the “Our Father” anymore if she asked. TBH, you always just kinda mumbled through that part.

So, to avoid that disappointing revelation to her, just lie and say “yes“.

And, like before, walk promptly away.

What’s your major?  What are your plans after college?

If these two come in sequence, you better be ready, because this one’s the mother of all one-two punches.

We’re actually going to start with the second question, because it’s the easier of the two. Let’s be honest; there are only two acceptable answers: doctor or lawyer. So, no matter what your major is, if you want to avoid a long line of questioning that ultimately leaves you pissed at your stupid cousin you only ever see once a year, just say doctor or lawyer.

By that logic, admit your major honestly and depending on whether it’s a humanity or a science, choose doctor or lawyer accordingly.

And if you do actually want to be a doctor or lawyer, lucky you.

Do you have a [girlfriend/boyfriend/partner]?

Nope. That’s always the answer, because whenever someone asks, you don’t.

Can you help with the dishes?

Alas, the classic parental guilt trap.

Either your father knows you can’t refuse to do a simple favor, or he’s giving too much credit to your turkey-stuffed corpse.

The dilemma lies in that you could never say no and break his heart, but you sure as hell don’t want to say yes.

Therefore, proceed with the most elementary of “avoiding awkward interactions” maneuvers: Walk away like you didn’t hear anything.

And, finally…

When’s the next time we’ll see you?

You’re at the train station, bus stop, airport or whatever means of transportation is taking you back to Georgetown. You’ve had your fill of food and family. You’re ready to go back and be thrown straight into finals prep.

You’re satisfied and holding it together.

Then, your mother throws this one last rock at you.

You smile and reassure her that Christmas is right around the corner, but despite all the ~uncomfiness~ that sometimes comes with seeing your family, you both want it to be sooner.

So, this is the only question we don’t have an answer for, and all we can do is wish you luck in keeping back tears while you start to miss your mom and her cooking.

Let the feast begin!

Go, Hoyas, run! RUN! Go home (if you can) and celebrate Holy Turkey Day! Papers and midterms and projects and WORK have consumed your life for the past two months.

We’ve all earned an extended break.

So, enjoy some real food with the realest people, whether it be your friends or your family.

And, most of all, get some sleep, because we’re all about to lose plenty of it as soon as we come back! :)

Midterm Szn: Sophomore Year Edition

It’s sophomore year, ladies and gentlemen, which means we’re all ~experienced~ and can now look down on the lowly freshmen who walk the dreaded path to Darnall Hall. But besides the slightly upgraded situation — minus all the rats that bless our apartments, dorms and townhouses (#stayclassygtown) — all of us have really grown as individuals, haven’t we? I mean, new semester, new us, right?

Lo and behold, midterm season is upon us right in the midst of rejections from clubs, jobs and whatever else we pre-professional Hoyas dream of attaining.

As sophomores, we’ve moved on from competing to get into the most exclusive clubs (not really though) and comparing midterm grades (eh, have we really?). Instead, we’ve moved onto bigger, better and brighter things: jobs and internships.

So, here it is dear Hoyas: the types of people during midterm #szn, sophomore year edition.

1. The Bragger

This person constantly notes how many classes they’re taking on top of their internship for the Department of Justice, some fancy senator or the White House.  And SOMEHOW they will find a way to sneak their GPA into the discussion.

Here’s an example: “The weather is beautiful today. Almost as beautiful as opening MyAccess and seeing that stunning 3.9 GPA.” Did I ask for your resume? No. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize me saying “excuse me” to grab a pack of gummy bears was the green light for you to tell me that, on top of your 10 classes that are all 6 credits and your ~amazing, pre-professional~ internship, you have four midterms Thursday. Seriously. I just want my gummy bears.

2. The Coffee Addict

To be honest, I’m almost positive I spent my life savings at Midnight Mug the night I was cooped up in a Lau 2 study room for nine hours. To the people on shift that night, I truly apologize. If you had to make a non-fat large chai latte, chances are, it was mine. Much love to everyone at Midnight.

That confession aside, we should come clean: All of us have been this person. I think we can all come to the general consensus that a diet solely consisting of coffee, more coffee and the occasional chocolate-covered coffee beans is most certainly not a sustainable way of living. Hoyas, if you ever get to the point where it takes you five espresso shots for your soul to even feel mildly stimulated,  please…I don’t even know. Self-care, self-love. Remember we’re trying to ~thrive~ not just survive.

3. The Zombie

I just don’t understand…like, what?? How can someone pull consecutive all-nighters and still function like a normal human being, or at least some semblance of one. Honey, seriously, I know the chairs on Lau 2 can seem really comfortable if it’s 5 a.m., but please go back to your bed and sleep there.

On the note of sleep deprivation, let’s talk about eye bags. Well, it’s a look for sure. Moral of the story: Get on that healthy #Hoya sleep schedule with an average of 4.5 hours a night.*

*Don’t come for me if that statistic is wrong pls. It’s really a guesstimate. Thx.

Well, there you have it. Happy midterm #szn, Hoyas. If your intense course load and grueling internships don’t break you, lack of sleep will! Such exciting prospects. We at 4E sincerely wish you the best of luck.

Sources: giphy.com, tumblr.com

What Your Georgetown Study Spot Says About You

Less than a month into the school year and it’s already ~midterm szn~. As Hoyas are still recovering from the aftermath of homecoming and the unfortunate loss of Wingo’s (I still don’t want to talk about it), we are nonetheless forced to transition from our summertime laziness into the academic school year.

Whether you study diligently on Lau 2 or walk into the classroom not knowing you even had an exam, here are what your Hilltop study spots say about you:

MSB

MSBro by day and white button-down/Gucci Belt enthusiast by night, you dive into the textbooks in order to someday become a big-balling investment banker. You’re probably that person who not only brings an abundance of pens to class, but also refuses to lend any of them them to anyone. On a Saturday night, we can find you generously hosting a pre-game but also anxiously telling your friends to “SHUT UP AND HIDE  EVERYTHING” at the sound of a suspiciously loud knock on your door. Although you epitomize the “my daddy is richer than yours” complex, we still appreciate your ability to work hard and play hard– especially when you’re flaunting your clout goggles in the basement of a sweaty GPB party.

Lau

Whether you’re working on Lau 2 or Lau 5, we all know you only dragged yourself here because you have to pull an all-nighter. Odds are you ‘prefer’ to buy Burnetts simply because it’s the cheapest option. You are also probably that perpetually sick person who coughs every ten seconds during a 200-person lecture in the ICC (it’s okay though, we understand that setting up an appointment at the health center is literally impossible, so you’re excused). The lock screen on your iPhone is most likely still a screenshot of your schedule, and you are ~wild~ enough to address your professors by their first names in emails. Despite all this, we at 4E applaud anyone who chooses to spend time in the ugliest building on campus.

Bioethics Library

If you’re a girl, you probably paid for Premium Vsco X, and if you’re a guy, you probably pay for meals at Epi instead of using your meal swipes at Leo’s or Royal Jacket. Your motto is “fiscally conservative and socially liberal”, and there’s no way you’re not showing up to every SAE darty without knowing a single person there. Yates? Never heard of her– your boujee ass goes to Soul Cycle. You constantly talk about how much you love DC, yet you take a plane to NYC every weekend.

Front Lawn 

You truly believe that you are the Georgetown Poster Child, signing up for every club at CAB Fair and insta-storying in front of the John Carroll Statue. If you ran for GUSA, your campaign most definitely promised to “lower tuition” and “add Chick-Fil-A to the meal plan”. If Jack the Bulldog is walking around , you’re bound to stop whatever you’re doing to document it on an ~unnecessarily~ long Snapchat story. You probably got GERMSd at Club Lau (RIP) and speak Intermediate II Spanish while lit at sweaty Henles.

Your Room

In just ten hours of studying, you can accomplish an astounding twenty minutes of work! Of all the personalities we have covered, you are by far the laziest, as shown by the fact that you refuse to leave your humble abode. You would rather wait ten minutes for the Walsh elevator to go from floor 1 to 3, and your primary roommate tension stems from your refusal to abandon your comfortable bed when it’s time to get sexiled. If it rains (s/o every day for the past two weeks), you will hold yourself hostage in your own room, even if that means resorting to calling Wisey’s for delivery. Chances are you’re getting absolutely no work done and are either playing video games, watching cooking videos on Youtube, or napping.

Wherever you decide to study, we at 4E are impressed that you’re at least attempting to be an ~academic weapon~. Your parents are proud. Happy studying to all the Hoyas, and good luck on your midterms!

 

Sources: giphy.com, hercampus.com

 

Mr. Georgetown 2018 Preview

Homecoming weekend means one thing: Mr. Georgetown is back! You probably weren’t fast enough to score tickets to the ~hottest~ event of the year, but luckily you can still learn a little bit more about the best that Georgetown has to offer. We sat down with the contestants to give you an exclusive sneak peak of Mr. Georgetown 2018.


Ryan Yoch- Mr. Hoya Blue

Hometown: Twin Cities, Minn.

School: College

Major: Government, Minor: Arabic and Business Administration

What do you love the most about Hoya Blue?

The moment when you lose yourself in a sporting event, where everything else in the entire world ceases to exist and all you can watch is that shot, that play, and all you want is for it to go in — it’s the greatest feeling in the world. You get addicted to it.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

I’ve got to rep Hoya Blue: Allen Iverson.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My deep, gravelly Hoya Blue voice that I bring out for sporting events. (Editor’s Note: Ryan demonstrated this voice for me and it was pretty impressive).

Jorge DeNeve- Mr. The Voice

Hometown: Los Angeles, Calif.

School: College

Major: Math and Economics

What do love the most about The Voice?

If you’re really passionate about writing and if you enjoy it, those are the people that are going to stick around. As we continue to bring in more people who are like-minded in terms of their enthusiasm, people really put their heart and soul into the organization. I really enjoy the dedication and camaraderie we all have.

What is your favorite spot on campus?

Shaw Field. I’ve covered women’s soccer for two years and I have a spot in the middle of the bleachers, fourth row, right behind the coach. Watching them make their run to the Final Four in 2016 and in the Big East Tournament last year was a lot of fun. I’ll always associate that spot with good memories.

What is your most beautiful feature?

I play soccer. My right foot.

JD Donohue- Mr. Superfood

Hometown: Spring Lake, N.J.

School: MSB

Major: OPIM, Minor: Government

What do you love the most about Superfood?

It’s an outlet for creativity. Especially when you’re 21 and the world is starting to get serious, you can go joke around and sing for a few hours a week. And the people. When I went abroad, the people I missed the most were all in Superfood.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

For famous alum, Bradley Cooper. But I also want to shout out to my friend Christy, who is coming to Mr. Georgetown. We met in Superfood when I was a freshman and she was a senior and we were immediate soul friends.

What is your favorite spot on campus?

The HFSC (Editor’s Note: JD thinks saying “Heal Fam Stu Cen” is “cumbersome”).

William Morris- Mr. NSO

Hometown: Dallas, Texas

School: College

Major: American Studies and Government, Minor: Theology

What do you love the most about NSO?

I love how we have the opportunity to welcome students and their families to Georgetown. We have the chance to be their first impression of their time on the Hilltop and we can help set them up for success.

What is your favorite spot on campus?

The deck on the seventh floor of Arrupe. Incredible view of campus and D.C.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My dazzling smile.

Jose Villalobos Gonzalez- Mr. Ritmo y Sabor

Hometown: Mexico City, Mexico

School: SFS

Major: STIA,  with a concentration in international development

What do you love the most about Ritmo y Sabor?

It feels like a little bit of home. Being in a foreign country where the culture is so different from Latin America, it’s really nice having a place where you can joke around about familiar things and share a little bit of your culture. Whenever we perform, we try to impress the sense that it’s more than just a flashy dance and is actually a part of a larger culture.

What is your favorite meme in the meme page?

The one about how you describe working at the RHO on your resume.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My eyebrows.

Micheal Whittington- Mr. GU Women of Color

Hometown: Trenton, N.J.

School: College

Major: Biochemistry, Minor: Japanese

What do you love the most about GU Women of Color?

For me, it’s the executive board. A lot of them are my close friends and they are all so intelligent, so articulate and so go-and-get-after-it. It’s really awe-inspiring to watch.

What is your favorite meme on the meme page?

I don’t have a singular favorite, but anything involving John Degioia’s face.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My smile.

Michael Chanen- Mr. GERMS

Hometown: Seattle, Wash.

School: College

Major: Physics

What do you love most about GERMS?

There are a lot of integrative aspects that are similar to the field of study that I want to pursue. Being able to interact with patients and feel like I’m providing a substantive good to my community is a really cool part of GERMS that I don’t think I would get elsewhere.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Jenny Frankie. She graduated last year. She is a really lovely and sweet individual who makes me happy whenever I talk to her.

What is your favorite spot on campus?

Lau 2. I spend so much time there — I spent more time there sophomore year studying for Organic Chemisty than I did in my own room. There are so many friends I’ve met on Lau 2 and I have a lot of sentimental memories there. It’s awful and hideous, but if I were in some other, nice library, I would spend all my time looking around and wouldn’t get my work done.

Marcos Morales- Mr. GIVES

Hometown: Santa Barbara, Calif.

School: MSB

Major: Marketing and Management

What do you love about GIVES?

The people. They’re some of the nicest and kindest people that I’ve met here at Georgetown and they make you happy to be around them

What is your favorite meme on the meme page?

The one where the honor council plagiarized the email warning us not to plagiarize. 

What is your most beautiful feature? 

My eyebrows. I’ve been told I have very thick eyebrows and I take that as a compliment.

Jeremy Canfield- Mr. Running Club

Hometown: Shrewsbury, Mass.

School: College

Major: Physics and Math

What do you love the most about the running club?

It’s open to everyone. A lot of people hear running club and their immediate thought is that they might not be fast enough, but speaking from personal experience, there really is no “level” needed to be in running club. So you get a very wide and diverse group of people. They really represent the university well and I’ve met all of my best friends through it.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

My former roommate Cameron. He graduated last year and is one of my best friends. He’s already doing great things. He’ll be going to Papua New Guinea for his job soon and I’m really proud of the work he’s doing.

What is your most beautiful feature?

I love my hair. It’s a pretty rare color and I think I’ve found a good style for it.

Jake Moran- Mr. Club Swimming

Hometown: Wayne, Pa.

School: SFS

Major: International Political Economy

What do you love the most about club swimming?

The team spirit, the camaraderie and the friends I’ve made here. I’ve found a home doing something I love and I got to resurrect my swimming career after high school.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

My mother because she inspires me.

What is your favorite meme on the meme page?

The meme about the fire alarms in the Southwest Quad and how all the fathers are going to sue.

Will Glynn- Mr. Ultimate Frisbee

Hometown: Wilton, Conn.

School: College

Major: Government and Economics

What do you love the most about ultimate frisbee?

The community. It’s where I found my place at Georgetown. Even if you’re not super athletically inclined, you can find a place. The people involved are wonderful and really enjoy welcoming newcomers.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Patrick Seaman, the former president of our club.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My personality.

Luis Montoya- Mr. College Academic Council

Hometown: Whitney, Texas

School: College

Major: Biology, Minor: Chemistry

What do you love the most about the College Academic Council?

I love that we serve as a liaison between the students and the deans. We provide a way for the student body to share their thoughts and ideas with deans. As a science major (on a campus that can seem full of government majors), it’s really important to me to have that representation and make sure that all voices are heard.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Bradley Cooper.

What is your most beautiful feature?

My teeth or my personality.

Brendan Stelmach- Mr. International Relations Club

Hometown: Chicago, Ill.

School: SFS

Major: International Politics

What do you love the most about the International Relations Club?

What I love the most is the ability to travel. Through the club I’ve gone to New York, Boston, Montreal and Panama City. I love the ability to act on the international part and gain new experiences.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Jack Ludtke. He graduated two years ago. I’m actually succeeding him as Mr. IRC. His talent was doing a PowerPoint presentation and while he didn’t win, he was probably the nicest guy I’ve met at Georgetown.

What is your favorite meme on the meme page?

I actually submitted one once. It’s the pregame in New South starter pack.

Sagar Anne- Mr. The Hoya

Hometown: Hong Kong

School: MSB

Major: Finance, Minor: Math

What do you love the most about The Hoya?

The people. We have a great culture.

Who is your favorite Georgetown alum?

Patrick Ewing.

What is your most beautiful feature?

Definitely my hair.

 

Not Pictured But Participating: Alex Coopersmith (Mr. Jewish Student Alliance), Harry Clow (Mr. GUGS) and JJ Larkins (Mr. Jawani).

 

We’ll see you all in Gaston Hall on Friday Night! May the best Hoya win!