Get out your champagne flutes and call your limo driver!
It’s red carpet season, and the greatest awards show of all is TONIGHT: The Oscars.
Even if you’re having trouble locating your Cartier earrings and haute couture ballgown, don’t stress. Get yourself to a TV, pop that bubbly, and get ready to judge the rich and famous as if you didn’t wear sweats to class on a daily basis.
If you are over the age of 21 and read Daily Mail updates as soon as you get up in the morning, this drinking game is for you. If you’re not into showbiz, this will help you become an interesting/worthwhile person to hang out with.
Without further ado…
Take a shot every time:
There’s an awkward break in the program because they couldn’t get it together and find an inoffensive host. Why’d you have to go and be homophobic like that, Kevin??
Someone’s heartfelt acceptance speech is played off.
There’s a Trump joke but it really just isn’t even funny anymore. :/
Rami Malek has a wide-eyed look on his face that makes you want to cuddle him and ask, “Baby are you okay???”
Take 2 shots every time:
You see a celeb with a whole new face. Renée Zellweger — is that a mask, sweetie?
Someone does the “Wakanda Forever” salute.
A winner doesn’t show up to grab their statue because they’re just TOO GOOD. My money’s on Kendrick — the man has a Pulitzer and simply does not need a little golden naked man on his shelf.
Your fave gets absolutely ROBBED. Glenn Close is cute and all, but if Gaga doesn’t get that gold, I’m gonna take to the streets. Sorry, not sorry.
Finish your drink when:
Lady Gaga repeats her now-iconic line: “There can be 100 people in a room, and 99 don’t believe in you, but just ONE…”
You spot a Hoya! #Hoyas4BCoop #ButtChug4BCoop #WhoSaidThat
You make it through the entire show!! You are a star and you deserve your own award!!
Stay fabulous, my friends. Perhaps we, too, can be as hot and cool as Bradley Cooper someday.
I don’t know about you guys, but this whole “school” thing is already getting me down.
If you’re feeling the burnout like me, count yourself lucky — we have something to look forward to!
Anyone who’s spent the last few weeks getting a little too familiar with Lau’s “basement prison” interior design aesthetic, I’m with you. School sucks.
But you know what doesn’t suck? NOT spending time in Lau. Preferably, at the “football game” known as Homecoming.
“HoCo,” as they call it at schools with football stadiums rather than bleachers, is like Christmas — it only comes once a year. So, if you find yourself being a little too ~heavy-handed~ on Saturday, don’t fear. We’ve got you.
*Plz* keep reading for a list of 4E’s top recommendations for what to do once you inevitably crash on Homecoming.
NOTE: These guidelines are ONLY for the 21+ Hoyas out there! Make good choices, kids!
When hunger strikes after a long day of partying, the consequences can be disastrous. Smart Hoyas know that in order to avoid situations like these, one must come prepared. Please whip out your phones and input the following information into your speed dial:
Domino’s: (202) 342-0100
Mai Thai: (202) 337-2424
Wingo’s (RIP, but they still deliver from their new location): (202) 338-2478
Fire up your UberEats. Make a trip to Safeway and stock up on snacks. By all means, do whatever you need to do to keep your friends from being torn apart by their conflicting, relentless cravings.
Pro Tip: A stroll to Chick-fil-a never (really) hurt nobody.
Film & Television
Homecoming is about indulgence. You could even call it Treat-Yo-Self Day. So, if you and your friends choose to settle down in front of a laptop screen after a long day of debauchery wholesome fun, try treating yourself to:
Nothing gets me in my feels like a good old HP marathon. Throw on your jammies, sip some butterbeer (hot cocoa works too) and prepare to be transported back to a magical land of childhood innocence that is far, far away from the ~activities~ you were engaging in just hours beforehand.
If all else fails, there are only two things you can do:
Hit the books.
I wish I had recommendations for you, but I can’t remember the last time I read a non-YA book that I actually liked. Don’t underestimate the fun that can be had reading a book out loud to your friends, preferably upside-down/backwards while under the influence of really great writing.
Just lie down.
Floors are your friends. Show them some love this Saturday, whether you’re truly tired or want to protest against your friends for entering yet another sweaty Henle. This is the simplest, most cost-effective recommendation we at 4E could think of — 11/10 would recommend.
Thank you for sticking with me through this list of highly curated content. Have fun and be safe! ☺︎ hOyA sAxA ☺︎
The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.
In other words, the start of a new school year is here.
We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.
1. Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.
2.Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.
3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.
4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.
5.LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.
6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.
7.Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.
8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…
College is a time of great uncertainty. Everyday, we ask ourselves: “What will I do with my life?” “Who will I be when I grow up?” “Why did I decide to major in English?”
We know these questions might seem scary, but 4E is here to help you procrastinate writing that essay for another five minutes discover who you really are. Take this quiz, and finally find an answer to the timeless question:
Yes, it’s sadly still midterm season, which means that you’re probably reading this article on Lau 2 while simultaneously crafting a last-minute email to your professor begging for an extension. But now it’s time for you to take a break from the stress and completely ignore all your responsibilities, because #HoyaHomecoming is officially upon us. In honor of the one day a year we can kind of act like a state school, we here at 4E have complied a helpful guide to make sure that your Homecoming experience is a success.
Remember: It’s a Marathon, Not a Sprint
Look, we’ve all been there: You and 20 of your closest friends are crammed into a 12×15 foot dorm room. You’re looking ~fresh~ in your very original, one-of-a-kind, totally unique Georgetown basketball jersey. Your signature song (“Hips Don’t Lie” by Shakira) is playing, and that cutie from your Econ class is definitely taking notice of your impressive dabbing ability. Needless to say, the pregame is ~lit~. And at some point, this level of “litness” will likely inspire you to “go all out” for #HoyaHomecoming and do one of the following: A) Take way too many shots of Fireball B) Take way too many shots of Lime Burnett’s or C) Chug an entire can of Four Loko.
As you consider your options, 4E is here to give you some friendly advice: DON’T DO IT. Under the florescent lights of that sweaty dorm room, we know it may seem like a good idea, but trust us, in a few hours, you will come to the painful realization that it was not. The key to a successful Homecoming is to pace yourself. Unlike a normal night out, you will be expected both to stay awake for more than four hours and to functionally interact with actual adults in a non-Piano-Bar-setting. Neither of those things will be possible if you achieve maximum “litness” at 9 a.m. And as you make your decisions about how much to drink throughout the rest of the day, just remember that while Homecoming may be temporary, Snapchat screenshots are forever.
Love Thy Neighbor.
If you remember anything from last year’s homecoming, you’ll remember that our neighbors literally hate us. And noise. And alcohol. And anything even remotely resembling fun. So despite the fact that they knew ~Georgetown~ University was located here when they made the decision to move to ~Georgetown~, they will not hesitate to call the feds S.N.A.P.S on us if they catch the slightest whiff of Burnett’s or hear even the faintest hint of “Mr. Brightside” coming from a townhouse. Unfortunately for many of our readers out there, what this means is that most of your upperclassman friends will probably not be cool with you and every other member of Darnall 5 crashing their party.
But don’t worry! Getting rejected from and/or getting kicked out of at least one party is basically a #HoyaHomecoming rite of passage. And there are still plenty of other fun ways for you to spend your day! You can wander aimlessly around the neighborhood and engage in some classic Georgetown traditions, such as sprinting away from GUPD cars, getting yelled at by old people who may or may not be John Kerry, and searching for half-empty cans of Natty that have been discarded on the street.
Back on campus, you can easily sneak into pay for a ticket to the tailgate on Regents lawn- here you can do some cool stuff like get a sunburn and make awkward small talk with alumni while you wait in the food line for 20 minutes. And of course, if all else fails, we’ll always have the Vil A rooftop. Nothing says #HoyaHomecoming quite like gazing out at that beautiful Arlington skyline as you watch your classmates come dangerously close to falling over the railing.
Water. Food. Rest. Repeat.
Remember what I said earlier about pacing yourself? I can already tell that you didn’t listen to me. Now you’re exhausted, your phone is dead, and you’re sitting on the floor of a New South bathroom, wondering where it all went wrong. You’ve managed to lose both your dignity and your GoCard- and it’s still only noon. Bet you don’t feel so “lit” anymore, huh? But don’t despair – 4E is here to save you! First, you need to walk/crawl to the nearest vending machine/sink/Dahlgren Fountain, and HYDRATE. You are in desperate need of H2O. Drink up.
Next, you need to eat something that will help counteract the consequences of that last Natty you ~regrettably~ decided to shotgun. If you can’t talk your way back into the tailgate to acquire some free pizza, we recommend you stick with what you know and head on over to Wisey’s. After all, the best Chicken Madnesses are the ones you don’t remember eating.
Finally, your phone isn’t the only thing that needs to recharge. Whether it’s in your own bed or in the middle of Healy Lawn, you need to take a power nap. Find a spot, tell a friend to wake you up in an hour and pass out. Don’t worry, the Vil A rooftop isn’t going anywhere. There will be plenty more opportunities to embarrass yourself when you wake up.
As a distinguished member of the class of ‘85 drunkenly yelled at me during Homecoming last year once told me, college is the best four years of your life. I know this may not seem true as you stress-cry while writing a paper on Lau 2 at 4 a.m., but Homecoming gives you the perfect opportunity to rediscover why you first fell in love with Georgetown all those year(s) ago. So don’t be afraid to belt out the (probably wrong) lyrics to the fight song when someone inevitably starts up a bad acapella rendition in the middle of a party. Don’t be afraid to make valuable future business connections new friends as you wait in line for food at the tailgate. Don’t be afraid to break your wrist from falling off of the John Carrol statue while trying to take that perfect #HoyaHomecoming Instagram.
Because we here at 4E want to let you in on a secret: our sources can confirm that the real world is a scary place. Apparently, once you turn 23, it is suddenly no longer acceptable to sleep until 2 p.m. every day, or eat chicken fingers for every meal, or religiously attend an event called “Jersey Night” every Wednesday. And so, my fellow students, be sure to enjoy every moment of your time here on the Hilltop. And to all the alumni out there reading this guide with a mix of shock, nostalgia, and anticipation, we leave you with the immortal words of Saint John Thompson Jr: “If I can’t go to Heaven, take me back to Georgetown.”
See you soon, and Hoya Saxa.
P.S: Please actually make good choices! And remember that GERMS can always be reached at 202-687-4357.
Take a break from rationing your remaining flex dollars and crying at the thought of having to eat at New Leo’s, because Parents Weekend (a.k.a. Beg Your Parents to Buy You Food Weekend) is upon us. And while it’s certainly nice to see the ‘rents (s/o my fellow #millennials), there are always some moms and dads you should be on the lookout for. To help you out, we’ve complied a list of the five parents you will meet during Parents Weekend:
1. The “Alumnus”
This parent answers the hypothetical question, “What if Jersey Night was somehow a dad?” Get ready for a weekend full of some definitely-not-exaggerated stories about those “wild nights at The Tombs” and how he/she totally used to “party with Patrick Ewing” “back in the day”. The “Alumnus” can usually be found reminiscing about how “the drinking age used to be 18” or how “the basketball team used to be good,” while staring wistfully at Healy and telling you about the time his/her roommate fell out of a New South window. Should you have to interact with one of these parents over the course of your weekend, our best advice is to continually reassure the “Alumnus” that you too love the movie St. Elmo’s Fire, while casually hinting how “cool” it would be if someone could buy you a case of Natty.
2. The “Empty-Nester”
This parent is still having a hard time accepting that the baby of the family is off at college. The Empty-Nester will spend the weekend doing the child’s laundry and thanklessly trying to replicate a home-cooked meal in the middle of a VCW common room. If your parent is the “Empty-Nester”, be sure to blatantly lie reassure them that you are making good choices, exercising regularly, and studying diligently every night before going to sleep promptly at 10 p.m. If you come into contact with someone else’s “Empty-Nester” mom or dad, be sure to nod sympathetically and mention how your own parents have simply replaced you with a dog.
3. The “Well, MY Son/Daughter Doesn’t Drink”
This parent is hopelessly out of touch with reality. When meeting other parents, this mom or dad will immediately assert a (false) superiority by saying some variation of “Well, my [insert child’s name] isn’t much of a partier” or “Well, my [insert child’s name here] is too busy studying to really go out much”. Nine times out of ten, this parent’s beloved child is the same child you once found passed out next to an empty can of Four Loko in a bathroom on a Tuesday night. If you meet one of these parents, resist the urge to show off all those incriminating Snapchats you’ve screenshotted, and simply go along with the naïve charade. Someday, likely in the form of a hospital bill after [insert child’s name here] is GERMSed from falling down the Vil A rooftop steps, the truth behind all those alleged “nights in Lau” will come out. But Parents Weekend is not that day.
4. The “Is This Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend??”
This parent will spend the entire weekend launching a full-scale, Spanish-Inquisition-style investigation into his or her child’s dating life. This will include asking every carbon-based lifeform that comes within ten feet of New South, “So…you and [insert child’s name] are…friends?” If this is your parent, expect a weekend of having your room discreetly searched for evidence, and continually being asked “whom are you texting?” and “is there anything you want to tell me?” as you walk around campus. If you find yourself in a situation where this is one of your friend’s parents, we suggest you remove yourself from this situation as quickly as possible, unless you want to become the next contestant on a never-ending Jeopardy episode where every category is just “Are You Dating My Son???”
5. The “Trump Supporter”
This one goes out to you, Hoyas from Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania. So step away from the “H*yas for Choice” table and rip that “Feel the Bern” sticker off your laptop, because all your friends are about to find out that your parent(s) are wholly responsible for the horrible and embarrassing end of American Democracy as we know it voted for Donald J. Trump. If you want to keep some semblance of familial cordiality and make it through the weekend on speaking terms, follow some of these helpful tips and tricks:
DO NOT mention what happened when Jeff Sessions spoke at the Law School a few weeks ago.
DO NOT mention that Hillary spoke in Gaston last year.
DO NOT mention anything about her famous Hoya Husband either.
DO mention that Steve Bannon and Paul Manafort are alumni? (#notmyhoyas).
So there you have it: The five parents you will meet on parents weekend. From all of us here at 4E: be safe, have fun, and enjoy putting off that midterm paper in favor of getting brunch with the #rents.
If you’re anything like us here at 4E, you probably freaked out pretty hard when you found out Hillary was coming to campus. I mean, after all, “What Dreams Are Made Of” is a modern classic.
But after watching “The Lizzie McGuire Movie” for the umpteenth time in order to prepare ourselves for what we thought would be the first stop in the 2017 Hillary Duff Comeback Tour, we noticed something a little odd about our email invitations to the event in Gaston Hall on Friday.
The invitation didn’t say Hillary Duff, it said HillaryRodham Clinton. This couldn’t be.
Last we’d heard, the former Secretary of State and pantsuit-aficionado was lost deep in the woods of Chappaqua, New York with her dogs. We wanted to do something about it, but sending a search team to look for America’s most accomplished grandma isn’t a part of The Hoya‘s budget.
At first, we didn’t know what to think. After months of #FakeNews, we didn’t know if we could even trust our own eyes. But there it was right in front of us.
The Hon. Hillary Rodham Clinton is coming to the Hilltop!
Since the announcement, questions have arisen.
Do we get in line at 3 AM or 4 AM?
Should we wear that old campaign T-shirt we haven’t been able to look at since November 8th without vigorously crying?
Will she mention Trump?
(Editor’s note: In a perfect world, he would show up at the speech too and they’d have a wizard’s duel à la McGonagall and Snape in “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” over the presidency but hey, we get that that might be asking for a little too much. In fairness though, Healy Hall has always reminded us of Hogwarts.)
Whatever Hillz says, we’re sure it’ll be memorable. Almost as memorable as that time she won the popular vote by a few million votes and somehow still didn’t become president! Hahaha you’re so funny @ElectoralCollege! We’ll never get over that one! #TBT
Oh and Bill, if you see this, feel free to come too. We promise to get you lots of balloons.
The OWN IT Summit will be on March 18th with main stage speakers in Gaston Hall, breakout sessions around campus and a marketplace in HSFC. Do you find yourself asking what exactly is OWN IT? Well, here is its mission statement:
“Preparing the next generation of female leaders: OWN IT is bridging the gap between female leaders of the 21st century and the millennials who admire them, by shaking up the women’s leadership arena and producing accessible events for college-aged women.”
That’s got me ~feelin myself~.
Last year two-time Olympic gold medalist Abby Wambach helped ~kick off~ the Summit. She sat down for an interview with CBS anchor Norah O’Donnell and received the OWN IT award.
A few of her fellow speakers from OWN IT 2016 will be in attendance this year, including Amani Al-Khatatbeh, founder & Editor-in-Chief of Muslim Girl,
and Sarah McBride, National Press Secretary of the Human Rights Campaign.
Now back to 2017. Before reading any further, I highly suggest you click this link and play “The Future is Female” by Madame Gandhi. Madame Gandhi will be performing at the summit this year. On top of that, she, herself, is a Hoya.
She graduated in 2011 after majoring in Math. Before she launched her solo career, she was a drummer for MIA (brb transferring schools to become a math major).
So, if that hasn’t gotten you excited to #OWNIT, we at 4E are here to update you on some of the speakers, vendors and other happenings at the Summit this year.
Madame Gandhi will not be the sole Hoya to speak at OWN IT. She will be joined by one of the founders of Misfit Juicery, Anne Yang, who graduated just last year. Misfit Juicery uses fruit that was deemed unsuitable to sell due to its appearance to make juice (pro tip: don’t judge a fruit by its cover).
Anastasia Somozoa is another Hoya returning to the Hilltop for the Summit. You might recognize her as one of the speakers at the 2016 Democratic National Convention. She is also an international disability rights activist.
These Hoyas will be joined by the following leading ladies:
Symone Sanders, a CNN Political Correspondent and Former Press Secretary for the Bernie Sanders campaign.
Tina Tchen, former Chief of Staff to Michelle Obama.
Congresswoman Stephanie Murray, a Democrat from Florida who has earned the Secretary of Defense Medal for Exceptional Civilian Service.
These are just a few of the accomplished and game-changing women that will be speaking at OWN IT. If you’d like to see the other speakers, check out the Facebook page.
Not only do they get to listen to women leaders speak on Gaston, but attendees partake in two breakout sessions, smaller, topic-focused panels where they have the chance to interact with speakers and become their best friend.
The Summit will also have a marketplace with over twenty vendors including Sweetgreen, POLITICO and Maracas Ice Pops. Sweetgreen is a sponsor of the event and will be providing lunch for the day. POLITICO will conduct video interviews with attendees for their upcoming website and will present print issues and provide promotional items. Three student groups will also be a part of the marketplace: Bossier, McDonough Women, and Bassigue. Bossier is creating a magazine issue specifically for the Summit which they will feature at the marketplace. McDonough Women will provide promotional items and Bassigue will present their merchandise.
If that doesn’t seem like enough, attendees get swag bags, which last year included an OWN IT pen and definitely helped me #own my finals.
So get ready to #OWNIT! And if you were unable to acquire a ticket, but still want to watch the day unfold, follow the Summit online through #ownit2017.
Recently, it was revealed that Quick Pita will be closing at the end of 2016 (on December 31, to be precise). You can imagine the effect this news has had on me, a connoisseur of late-night food. When I heard the news, I had a meltdown comparable to that of a catastrophic nuclear accident.Many of my fellow Quick Pita regulars reacted similarly as I gently broke the news to them. In fact, some of them threatened to transfer. Hogan Lizza (COL ’19), a devout Quick Pita enthusiast, commented, “Georgetown without Quick Pita is like the Cincinnati Zoo without Harambe.” I couldn’t have phrased it better myself. Quick Pita has been around for decades, and life will just not be the same without it.The increase in rent has left Quick Pita with no other choice but to move out. I, for one, plan on venturing there every weekend until they close. I also felt Quick Pita could not go without a proper sendoff. With a nod to Edgar Allan Poe, here is 4E’s tale of the Quick Pita we know and love:
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I wandered, drunk and weary,
Thinking about my ~classy~ night out on the dance floor,
As I ambled, nearly stopping, I heard a great number of people talking,
Talking of Middle Eastern food, of a place where I had never been before.
“Just a small eatery,” I thought, “hopefully cheaper than Epi because I’m poor.”
Only this, and nothing more.
I looked up this “Quick Pita” and set off for my potential hangover cure.
I hurried down Potomac Street, both hungry and eager to explore,
Eager to learn more about this eatery of Georgetown folklore.
Once I arrived, I took in the striped awning and the hole-in-the-wall that would help me score,
Help me score my freshman 15, something to soon happen, of that I was sure.
Quick Pita, I soon realized, would make me fat, forever more.
Deep into the VCE darkness returning, I ate my chicken fingers and cheesy fries, still learning,
Learning about this wonderful taste, about to tell my friends they had to come with me.
But they didn’t listen, they said Darnall was too far from this place.
But I knew they’d come with me at some point, on my life I swore.
Eventually they ventured to Quick Pita, and their lives were changed when they walked through the double-doors.
Their hearts were changed–forevermore.
Quick Pita became my solace, a refuge for me, whether or not I was sober.
The chicken fingers, the cheesy fries, the gyro kept me coming back for more.
I got on the scale after finals last year, and yelped in horror.
My parents asked me why I gained so much weight, how I didn’t notice my expanding core,
I told them how I frequently followed the Quick Pita spoor,
The spoor that would haunt my dreams-forevermore.
It was an ordinary night in September this year when I found out what would happen,
What would happen to Quick Pita, my dear Quick Pita, my savior.
Someone’s Snapstory said that Quick Pita was closing and raised a fury among students.
This was just something that I could not ignore.
I marched down to Potomac Street in the middle of a downpour.
I had to confirm that Quick Pita would be open (I couldn’t take not knowing anymore).
I strolled in and walked up to Sammy, the cashier who any Quick Pita regular knows.
I said to him, “Is it true you’re closing? If you say yes, I may start sobbing on the floor.”
He looked at me and said in a sad voice:
“Our landlord raised rent by forty percent, we can pay it no more.”
I replied, “Is there any way at all you can stay open? This is a place I really adore.”
Quoth Sammy, ever so honest, “Nevermore.”I walked home, depressed and defeated.
I told my friends and all acquaintances of the tragedy, the end of the food we all go for.
We all protested, and we in 4E ranted when we heard the news.
The neighborhood took away Rhino, now this? It’s like we’re at war.
But for now, all we can do is sit here and deplore.
For come 2017, Quick Pita’s doors shall be open – nevermore.
And Sammy, never moving, still is sitting, still is sitting,
Sitting at the counter, aimlessly staring at the eccentric, yet lovable, decor.
And his eyes have all the seeming of a good man that is dreaming,
And the fluorescent light over him casts his shadow on the tiled floor;
And the amazing food that we eat after leaving the Brown House dance floor
A momentous and unruly Georgetown tradition has been forever changed. Well, for the summer, at least. The Tombs has officially closed for renovations and with it many a 21st birthdays, forehead stamps, and traditions suspended until further notice. For many Hoyas, alum, and locals alike, this is an utter tragedy. The night so many have looked forward to, counted down, and dreamed about has been flipped on its head. Left in despair, many of those may be wondering what ever will they do?!
Here are your 25 reasons Epi is the new Tombs this summer:
1. Quesadillas. ‘Nuf said.
2. Doctors. They have a tendency to be young, attractive, and scattered around Epi given its close proximity to their place of employment at the hospital.
3. $3.25 pizza. Mhmmm.
4. The lighting. It’s a bit bright in the main area, but the dark bar provides a nice fun contrast.
5. The dance floor. What, you didn’t know they had one? Turns out the opening between the two rooms is a great place to break it down.
6. The diversity. Undergrads, grad students, drunk freshman, hospital staff, and Georgetown staff: it’s really just a great array of community.
7. The playlist. Epi has jamz!
8. The Darnall geotag. That is all.
9. The hospital. You should never drink past your limit, but on your 21st, there is an even greater tendency for a person to seek medical attention. For this reason, there’s nothing better than a bar that shares a parking lot with a hospital!
10. Burleith. Two words: close proximity.
11. Epi mems. You’re sure to have a ton. Why not add to the archival of weird Epi happenings thus far?
12. Drunk underclassman. They’re great to watch, truly.
13. Free water. >>>>>.
14. Exclusive bar. Feel special in your own 21+ room while your underage friends stay close by.
15. Tombs is closed. NEXT!
16. Epi has milkshakes.
17. And condiments. A vast and endless selection of condiments.
18. Those round tables. Nothing says party like a circular table where you can sit and view all of your friends, and the other room only has rectangular tables.
19. Underage friends. No longer must they mourn your departure at the door, but they can be at hand to help you walk and take part in your debauchery (well, from afar).
20. Sushi bar.
21. Henle. Proximity, proximity, proximity.
22. Epi aesthetic. It’s just one of a kind.
23. People watching. More of the above.
24. You can customize your grilled cheese sandwich.
25. Epi rocks. Let’s be honest: It’s up there with The Tombs. Well, at least in the opinion of an underage person who has never been.
Alas, there’s just one small catch….
Epi closes at 10:30 during the summer. Didn’t we almost have it all?