Stolen Clock Hands: The Suspects

clock tower

For the first time since 2012, the Healy clock hands were stolen two nights ago. While they have since been replaced, who is responsible for the daring theft? Here are 4E’s top five suspects for who committed this most egregious (read: hilarious) crime.

Joe Biden

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Motive: Sign them and say that whoever stole them sent them to him. This would instantly increase his own status as a campus celebrity.
How: The VP attended mass at Dahlgren Chapel on Monday, likely as an opportunity to scout out the front of Healy. Using mass to hide your debauchery, Mr. Vice President?

The manager at Leo’s

Motive: Revenge on the students who steal all of his/her forks (and knives/spoons/dishes/cups).
How: While everyone was all the way across campus using meal swipes at Hoya Court, the manager snuck out of the now-abandoned Leo’s and took the hands. 4E fears that our precious clock hands will be melted into raw metal to replace all the stolen cutlery.

A freshman with a huge crush

Motive: Girl asked, “Can I have the time?”
How: I’m not really sure about this one. Some freshmen still don’t know what Healy is, so it’s impressive that he even knew there was a clock, let alone that its hands were significant.

The GU Rock Climbing Team

dsc_0344Motive: Tired of hearing, “Wait, we have a rock climbing team?”
How: They climb rocks for sport. Scaling the face of Healy? Child’s play.

That a-hole who always steals my spot in Lau

Motive: Because he’s a jerk, that’s why. You know the one.
How: I have no clue, since he has been in my spot in Lau every time I’ve checked.

Whoever the perpetrator is, it was pretty rad of them to steal the clock hands and offer us a little reprieve from the burden of finals season. 4E only hopes they send the hands to someone cool.

Photos: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nbihK0FLU08/T59DdKW-P5I/AAAAAAAAATc/GqpjGki53mc/s1600/clock+tower.jpg; http://boston.barstoolsports.com/; gubulldogblog.wordpress.com

Hump Day Chomp: Study Space Edition

humpdaychomp

If you’ve already started studying for finals, you know that nothing fights the study blues quite like a good snack. Here are a few off-campus locations that combine delicious food with a convenient and comfortable study space.

1. Open City

Located on the grounds of the National Cathedral, this is the sister café of popular study spot Tryst. It opened today (12/10) and offers cool tables and breakfast food, sandwiches and salads. They also have WiFi, which is such an added bonus.

2. Panera

Just a GUTS bus ride away, Panera Bread in Dupont has an entire downstairs level with booths, tables and a ton of outlets for all your charging needs. They are currently running a promotion offering any baked good for $0.99 (these usually are $2+) with the purchase of an entree and drink. 4E recommends the chicken and avocado Cobb salad or any type of soup in a bread bowl (duh). They also have an extensive breakfast menu served until 10:30 a.m.

3. Farmers Fishers Bakers

Facing the scenic Potomac waterfront and well known for a really cool (expensive) weekend brunch, Farmers Fishers Bakers also offers a really cheap weekday breakfast menu. You can order and hang out with free WiFi from 7:30 to 10:00 am. Also, the cinnamon buns are to die for.

These places will help you gently break the bubble during finals week as you discover new food and maybe a new favorite study space. Be brave and venture off campus — it’s a great way to avoid the kids you don’t like at school and quickly experience some of the D.C. culture.

Midnight Breakfast Is Here

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Tonight is the annual midnight breakfast at the fabulous O’Donovan’s on the waterfront (aka Leo’s). Students from all over campus will gather to enjoy the coolest meal of the day.

The midnight breakfast starts at 10 pm and is open to all students who show a GoCard. That means that a meal plan is not required. Warning: this event gets crazy crowded, so make sure to think through your plan of action.

Some cool things about the midnight breakfast:

  • The event is in the upstairs of Leo’s. The whole level will be decked out in all sorts of Christmas cheer. You can expect wreaths, maybe some tinsel and definitely some Christmas carols.
  • They use disposable dishes and cutlery. No searching for clean bowls!
  • The food is really good. I don’t know how or why, but something about eating breakfast food at 10 p.m. makes everything better. The pancakes are fluffier, the bacon is crispier – the food just tastes better.
  • There will probably be French Toast sticks. A delicacy of years past, French Toast sticks have only been present at breakfast a pitiful 3 times this semester. If Leo’s has any left (which they probably do, since they never serve them), you can expect platters and platters of this fine food. (Note: 4E is not promising French Toast sticks, just predicting. And hoping.)
  • The food is served by Georgetown professors. There are two long tables manned by a few of our favorite professors dishing out the breakfast entrees. This is the perfect time to ask questions about your exams and papers (jk, don’t be that guy) or questions about your professors’ personal lives.
  • Dessert. Leo’s always does dessert pretty well, but the snacks at midnight breakfast are on a totally different level. There is also a lot of fresh fruit.

Why should you go to Midnight Breakfast?

One word: Finals.

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We all need a break, and food is a great way to help the struggle. As the age-old adage says, “There is no problem that a little bacon can’t solve.”

Midnight and breakfast are two of my favorite things, and Leo’s addresses both with class and finesse. Come out tonight and enjoy delicious food and friends before the start of finals!

Photos/Gifs: https://31.media.tumblr.com/d79f2e4294fc7a9fc778ce9052614c68/tumblr_inline_n4vg1ovKD71ry9hph.gif; http://www.hercampus.com/school/duke/midnight-breakfast

The Colbert Report Is Coming to GW

Colbert at GW

Stephen Colbert will be interviewing President Barack Obama at George Washington University on Monday, Dec. 8 as part of a special episode of one of 4E’s favorite shows, the late-night satirical television show “The Colbert Report”.

The episode is titled “Stephen Colbert Presents: Mr. Colbert Goes to Washington D.C. Ya Later, Legislator: Partisan is Such Sweet Sorrow: A Colbert Victory Lap, ‘014.” So basically, what you would expect it to be titled.

Some lucky GW kids got free tickets through a lottery this week. Although most Georgetown students don’t have tickets to the event, we can still speculate about what the interview will entail.

Colbert will probably grill Obama about recent decisions made by the government (or lack thereof). Some classic themes that the plebeians will recognize are the mid-term elections and possibly the Ebola epidemic.

He might make some comment about Obama’s quick aging over the last few years, and he might inquire about the Obama family’s holiday plans: Will they be jetting off to Hawaii to soak up the warm weather? Heading abroad for some international sightseeing? Staying in Washington to revel in the friendly and un-jaded atmosphere?

Colbert seems excited to visit the capital of the nation he loves to hate: “Washington has been the Report’s second home, and I will be returning on Monday to show it the same affection the British did in 1812.”

He is looking forward to seeing the monuments, better known as “that big toothpick,” “mega-Lincoln,” and “the pool with that handsome man staring out at it.”

Tune in Monday night to see this particularly star-studded special of The Colbert Report. It’s sure to be a thriller! Just try to forget that they picked GW over Georgetown.

Photo: mashable.com

HFSC Study Break

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Looking for a cool way to spend the last Saturday night before finals?

Georgetown Program Board (GPB) is hosting a Carnival Arcade Study Break with Coca-Cola In the Healey Family Student Center from 9 p.m. to 1a.m. tonight.

Very importantly, there will be free food from Bulldog Tavern – sliders, fries, nachos and wings galore!

How can you resist?

There will also be arcade games like pool, skeeball and foosball available for all study breakers to play. This will be the perfect way to satisfy that vague desire to go to Chuck E. Cheese!

For all you crafty Hoyas out there, there will be opportunities to make your own Christmas ornaments, like the lovely one below:

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In keeping with the overall theme, there will be carnival games like ring toss and balloon darts, as well as airbrush tattoos. Because no carnival is complete without some temporary tattoos, am I right?

You can also make your own gingerbread houses and help decorate the HFSC’s Christmas tree for a nice dose of holiday spirit.

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The event will also feature a “Coca-Cola AHH Lounge” that gives students the chance to enjoy their ice-cold Cokes and talk about “what AHH means to them” via social media. They can do this while chilling in hammocks, which doesn’t quite seem to be in keeping with the holiday theme, but let’s go with it! There will be a ton of music, Coke samples and giveaways.

Come to The Deep South/HFSC/Student Center/Heal and check out all of these cool things from GPB! And don’t forget to RSVP to the Facebook event.

Photos : phillymag.com, Instagram, wikipedia.org, georgetownvoice.com

Survive the Wrath of SuxaNet

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The Internet has really, really, really sucked lately. Really really sucked. Get the picture?

Here at 4E we know the importance of good, strong WiFi so…

Here are some tips to help you survive:

Handwrite letters and coerce freshmen or frat pledges into delivering them by promising lifelong friendship.

Train a carrier pigeon. Step-by-step instructions can be found here. 

Actually use books for your research instead of online sources. We have a library, despite how soul-crushing it is.

Make decisions without first consulting a Buzzfeed quiz. Even though that is theoretically impossible.

Construct an elaborate zip-line system connecting your windows to your friends’ (Village C to McCarthy or Harbin, Copley to Village B, Darnall to Henle, Kennedy to Reynolds) so you can pop in and share news and cool things without using Facebook messenger.

Stop Facebook stalking your exes and crushes… this is probably a good habit to get into anyway.

Disclaimer: I realize the irony of publishing an article online with tips of how to survive the plague of the slow Internet. It is my sincere hope that SaxaNet (aka SuxaNet) shows mercy on 4E and allows you to load this page (and the pigeon instructions) before it goes under completely.

Godspeed my friends and let the WiFi always be with you.

Photo: http://technology.msb.edu/helptopics/macosx/

30 Things You’ll Never Hear a Georgetown Student Say

OverHeard

Inspired by recent use of the hashtag #OverheardAtGeorgetown and this article, we at 4E decided to compile a list of things you’ll never hear a Georgetown student say under any circumstances:

1. Dinner at Leo’s was delicious tonight
2. I can’t wait to take Intro to Philosophy
3. The core curriculum allows me so much freedom in my choice of courses
4. The GUTS buses are so reliable
6. The seating in the new student center is so practical
7. Salad Creations is way better than Sweetgreen
8. Burnett’s tastes so good
9. Pre-registration is so simple
10. I love not having a metro stop on campus
11. The weekend hours of Leavey Starbucks and Cosi are ideal
12. I don’t want to talk about how cool my internship is
13. Of course I did the reading for this class
14. I’m not busy today
15. The elevators in Darnall/Copley/Lau are so fast
16. No it’s fine, I didn’t want to live off campus anyway
17. The construction maze is not annoying
18. I love the rats in my Henle – they’re my friends
19. I’ve never had to wait in a line here
20. I love how quiet Lau 2 is
21. I really enjoy spending my time in a cube on Lau 5, especially now that there is no bathroom or water fountain
22. The hand dryers in the freshmen dorms really dry my hands
23. I don’t make fun of weird kids who post in the GAAP groups over the summer
24. I fully support the 2010 Campus Plan
25. Pulling an all-nighter in Lau has been the highlight of my Georgetown experience so far
26. My meal plan is such a good value
27. I wish this campus had more hills
28. SaxaNet is really fast and consistent
29. Epi is so reasonably priced
30. What hookup culture?

Hoyas come from all over and it can be hard to discover our common ideas and interests. Finding things we all love to hate – meal plans, campus housing, rules in general – and complaining endlessly about them will forever be something that keeps us together.

How to Lose Your Roommate in 10 Days

Bye Roomie

Is your roommate grimy? Psychotic? Just generally weird? Sometimes there is nothing better than hearing yourself referred to as an ex by someone you never want to see again. Follow these 10 steps to make sure they’ll dump you ASAP. Warning: Make sure you’re positive that you don’t want to continue to live with this person before you attempt this 10 day extravaganza; it’ll take a lot of effort and your soon to be ex-roomie will likely never look at you again.

Day One: Buy a small pet (I recommend a ferret), put the cage on top of Roomie’s dresser, feed it his/her snacks and make a chore sheet assigning him/her every task necessary to take care of the pet except for “playtime.” Yell at your roomie regularly for failing to take care of it. Throw the wood shavings or newspapers from the bottom of the cage onto his/her bed.

Day Two: Ask him/her, “Hey, have you seen our toothbrush?”

Day Three: Put your hair all over the walls of your shower. Brush it over the sink so that it covers the drain. Pick up the hair clumps off the floor and put them on her/his pillow.

Day Four: Subscribe to listservs using your roomie’s Georgetown email with companies that email prolifically — we recommend this one — and act like it was a really nice gesture

Day Five: Comment on all of their pictures on social media with sincere compliments or questions that obviously are irrelevant. For example, “Hey, we need more toilet paper. Mind picking it up on the way home?” Also, let your roommate know the ferret got out of its cage.

Day Six: Cry randomly whenever you are in the room together. Cut up your roommate’s T-shirts to use as handkerchiefs. When you’re done, hug your roomie and thank him or her for getting the tissues but encourage your roommate to buy the “name brand” in the future.

Day Seven: Push the two beds together and put your blanket and pillow over both of them. Sleep across the beds long ways.

Day Eight: Find out any and all of your roommate’s nonfatal allergies — these are your new favorite foods.

Day Nine: Don’t wear deodorant, get really sweaty and smelly and then stand in front of the air vent to circulate your stench around the room.

Day Ten: Send hourly texts with biblical quotes, cat facts or other niche topics that do not interest them. Also let your soon to be ex-roommate that you found the ferret but you also found another, much smaller ferret too.

10 days is all it takes! As freeing as it might feel, don’t forget to lose these awful habits as soon as you switch to living with a roommate you can actually stand.

Photo: tumblr.com

Questionable Facebook Trends

FB Trends

Despite my status as a social media aficionado, it took me until last week to notice that Facebook now offers us a list of trending topics on the homepage (in that sidebar under the birthday notifications).

This trend-list is much more informative than Twitter’s because it includes a sentence-long description of each trending topic. With trends ranging from breaking news to celebrity disputes, everything you need to know is in this little section of Facebook.

Some of these trends, however, are downright absurd. Here are our favorite and, for lack of a better word, kind of stupid trends from this week:

Lance Stephenson: Charlotte Hornets guard slaps self in face, flops to the ground to draw foul

Jabril and DSR — take notes.

Al Roker: NBC weatherman attempts to set Guinness World Record for longest continuous weather report.

“I wish the weather report was even longer,” said no one ever.

Shaun Hill: St. Louis Rams quarterback catches his own pass after ball deflects off of 2 players.

Hot potato, hot potato.

Charles Manson: Imprisoned mass murderer gets license to marry 26-year-old frequent visitor.

It seems like this mass murderer has found true love, but apparently he is still denied conjugal visits. This just raises so many questions.

Chandra Bahadur Dangi: World’s tallest man, Sultan Kosen, meets shortest man, Chandra Bahadur Dangi.

“Let’s take the tallest person and let him meet the shortest person, and we’ll take a funny picture.”

Dwayne Gratz: Police say Jacksonville Jaguars player drunkenly tried to pay grocery bill with gum.

Seriously, Dwayne?

Barry Callebaut: World’s largest confectionery producer warns of potential chocolate shortage by 2020.

The chocopocalypse.

As of July 2014, there are 1.35 billion active monthly Facebook users, so 1.35 billion people thought that these stories were the most fascinating in the past week and shared them with their friends. Congratulations, Facebook — this is a new level of dumb.

Photo: forbes.com

We Can Land on a Comet But We Can’t …

Comet Landing

As you may have heard, a few days ago the Rosetta probe successfully landed on a comet. Twitter users had a humorous response to mankind’s latest outer space feat, posting ridiculous things with the hashtag #WeCanLandOnACometButWeCant. We at 4E have compiled our own list of things we can’t do:

We can land on a comet but we can’t …

… get the USB in the port on the first try.

… find Waldo.

… stop Nicholas Cage from making movies.

… find washing machines that don’t eat our socks.

… make another Harry Potter movie.

… prevent the accidental photo like on Instagram.

… listen to Taylor Swift on Spotify.

… lick our elbows.

… dislike a post on Facebook.

… spread out our flex dollars over the semester.

… find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie pop.

… rub our tummies and pat our heads.

… decide whether Diet Coke is better or worse than regular Coke.

… pick up our omelettes when we’re supposed to.

… finish a whole stick of chapstick.

… stop missing Markel Starks.

… give our dominant hands presentable manicures.

… remember where we parked our cars.

… stop watching Snapchat stories.

… keep our headphones untangled.

… get restaurant reservations on Saturday at 8 p.m.

… finish our bottles of shampoo and conditioner at the same time.

… even

We get it, world. There is a comet out there somewhere with a probe on it. We can land on a comet. But just think of all the things we can’t do, and let’s get our priorities straight.

Photo: wikimedia.org