New Coffee Shops Come To DC

Banner - Coffee Shops4E has you covered with all you need to know about the two new West Coast coffeehouses coming to DC: Philz and Peet’s. Pick your next study spot wisely:

  1. Wait Time

Peet’s: ten seconds for a normal coffee, two minutes for a fancy drink.

Philz: So very, very long.

   2.  Quality of Coffee

Peet’s: Better than Starbucks

Philz: Much better than Starbucks

*note: Philz does not serve fancy Starbucks-style drinks

   3.  Baristas

Peet’s: Super nice, won’t judge you for your drink order.

Philz: Better than you and want you to know it.

   4.  Price of a Small Coffee

Peet’s: $1.95

Philz: $3.00

   5.  Ambience

Peet’s: Cozy and warm. You may end up staying longer than you expect.

Philz: Contemporary. Think reclaimed wood tables, big windows and exposed brick walls.

In conclusion, you’ll probably just go to Saxby’s. Good luck with midterms, Hoyas, and happy caffeinating.

 

Photos/Gifs: tumblr.com, cosmouk.net, strugglesofabarista.wordpress.com, photoaxe.com

 

 

 

Which Georgetown School Are You?

og_healy_hallFeeling isolated? No one understands you? Struggling with your sense of self and purpose? Not the smartest kid anymore? Don’t worry, this has nothing to do with your overinflated sense of self being confronted with the real world for the first time. You’re just in the wrong school! Take this easy quiz to find out with 110% accuracy which school you should transfer into, thereby fixing all your problems.

[playbuzz-game game=”https://www.playbuzz.com/thefourthedition10/which-georgetown-school-do-you-actually-belong-in”]

Photos: georgetown.edu

The Top 10 Halloween Movies You’ve Probably Never Heard Of

Halloween-Scary-Wallpaper-2014Well, Halloweekend is quickly approaching, a time when you will reach both preak blood sugar and, most likely, blood alcohol content.

We all want a Halloweekend side bae, but finding that special person is difficult. Yes, there will be plenty of skeletons and witches, but you will most likely be unimpressed by their non-Georgetown themed costumes. We all know that a good side bae is one with a creative costume, like a sexy cat.

377f0f73d42bad5d0b7a3a94c5324851

While you could tell her how much her whiskers accentuate her cheekbones for hours, she will, hopefully, not be impressed and you will need to come up with your next move.

Well friends, the 4E is here for you. As everyone knows, asking someone to Netflix and Chill is the most sure-fire way to gain their favor. In the spirit of the holiday, we offer you a list of movie suggestions that are sure to both make you seem highly cultured, and make your beloved cling to you in fright.

The Top 10 Halloween Movies You’ve Probably Never Heard Of:

Ranked in order of increasing spookiness

1. Clue: This 1985 cult classic, based on the eponymous board game, is funny, campy and has enough double entendres to get your Netflix and Chill session started off right.

Clue-gif-clue-the-movie-21765985-500-281

Spooky Rating: 1 Pumpkin- Not at all spooky, despite the multiple murders.

Apple's Jack-O-Lantern

2. Rubber: A telekinetic tire rolls around killing people. Stylish and weirdly unsettling, this one will make you give that spare tire a second glance.

rubber-kill-rabit-cult-movies-download

Spooky Rating: 1 Pumpkin and 1 Ghost – In the words of the IMBD parents guide for this movie, “lots of humans and animals get blown the f*ck up.”

Apple's Jack-O-LanternApple's Ghost

3. A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night: An Iranian Vampire Western. If that alone won’t get you enough hipster movie cred, it’s also in black and white with subtitles. It’s a romance too, so you know, that helps.

tumblr_nffd4jwomC1rkem6ho10_500

Spooky Rating: 3 Pumpkins – Black and white is spooky. So are vampires.

Apple's Jack-O-LanternApple's Jack-O-LanternApple's Jack-O-Lantern

4. It Follows: Imagine hooking up with someone, only to find out that you’re now being followed by a murderous spirit. And now imagine that the only way to get rid of this spirit is to pass it on to someone else. Scary, am I right?

giphy

Spooky Rating: 2 Ghosts – There are some jump scares, and a spooky old woman.

Apple's GhostApple's Ghost

5. Let the Right One In: Another vampire romance, this time with kids. Bonus points if you watch the original Swedish version.

giphy-1

Spooky Rating: 2 Ghosts and 1 Skull – Lots of gore. Lots of blood.

Apple's GhostApple's GhostApple's Skull

6. Teeth: This girl has teeth in, um, the worst place possible. Gives a whole new meaning to the word “maneater.”

giphy-2

Spooky Rating: 1 Screaming face and 1 Ghost – Not super scary, but as I’m sure you can imagine, there’s some injury to body parts that might make half of the population uncomfortable.

Apple's Face Screaming in FearApple's Ghost

*Trigger Warning: This movie includes scenes of sexual assault*

7. Rosemary’s Baby: Roman Polanski’s 1968 horror classic makes me scared to ever buy an apartment. Plus: Young Mia Farrow. Minus: The actual devil. Bonus points if you call this one overrated, and can name at least one other Polanski movie you “think is better.”

giphy-3

Spooky Rating: 2 Skulls – Incredibly unsettling without relying on jump scares or special effects.

Apple's SkullApple's Skull

8. Titicut Follies: A 1967 documentary that unflinchingly shows the conditions inside a Massachusetts hospital for the criminally insane. Hint: they’re not great. Fun Fact: It has a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Word of warning though, don’t share this fact unless you actually know what that means.

tumblr_nhd3hgNztP1u2roero3_500-1

Spooky Rating: 4 Skulls – It’s scary because it’s real.

Apple's SkullApple's SkullApple's SkullApple's Skull

9. The Babadook: You remember those books you would have your parents read to you over and over again when you were a kid? Imagine one of those tries to kill you.

tumblr_nk8ccdFPJx1rp0vkjo1_500

Spooky Rating: 5 Skulls – Guaranteed to make your intended cling to you in fear. May also give you a permanent fear of books and children, which is slightly less desirable.

Apple's SkullApple's SkullApple's SkullApple's SkullApple's Skull

10. Antichrist: Full disclosure: I watched this movie in the middle of the day on my laptop and, for 70% of it, I had my hands over my eyes. Which is a shame because, as much as it will f*ck you up, this film is absolutely gorgeous. The realistic scenes of graphic genital mutilation can be a bit of a mood killer, so I wouldn’t recommend this movie for a first date.

antichrist_xlg

Spooky Rating: 2 Screaming Faces, 1 Devil, 4 Ghosts, and 3 Skulls – We had to make a new rating category for this movie because it is the absolute definition of 2spooky.

Apple's Face Screaming in FearApple's Face Screaming in FearApple's Japanese OgreApple's GhostApple's GhostApple's GhostApple's GhostApple's SkullApple's SkullApple's Skull

From all of us at the 4E, have fun, be careful and please don’t die this Halloweekend. Or do. It’s up to you.

Photos/Gifs: blogspot.com, tumblr.com, giphy.com, impawards.com, designbolt.com

5 Types of People Running for GUSA Senate

young-politician

It’s October, and you know what that means. It’s that time of year when the real issues begin to be discussed, when world-class leaders petition for our support. Campaign season is upon us, and the New South/VCW District is feeling the heat. 4E has exhaustively analyzed the various campaigns, and has broken down the candidate’s qualifications and positions on the issues in order to help you make your decision today.

  1. The Future President

obama

Platform: This person doesn’t care about Georgetown, the issues or you. This is merely another stepping stone in their path to the Oval Office that began in 5th grade. If elected, their first act of business will be to organize a committee to discuss how best to make “Freshman Dorm Representative” sound good on a resume.

Last seen: In a suit, giving weirdly firm handshakes to other freshmen.

Supporters: 

  • Their parents
  • Future Secretaries of State
  • Members of the 2024-2028 cabinet

Detractors: 

  • Future Vice Presidents
  • Anyone within 15 years of their age
  • Their parents, when they don’t win
  1. The One who Actually Cares

white anglo saxon

Platform: Social justice, all bathrooms become gender-neutral.

Last seen: Painstakingly drawing out handmade signs when everyone else just prints them out.

Strengths: 

  • Ability to appear in any room whenever the word “privilege” is used
  • Being raised in an upper-middle class white family
  • Multiple ethnic friends

Weaknesses: 

  • Hasn’t actually taken an African-American studies class
  1. The Cool Dude

zefron neighbours

Platform: Booze. Lots of it

Strengths:

  • Charisma
  • Actually very strong. Rumored to bench anywhere between 330 and 550 depending on how much you say you can bench
  • Good Jawline
  • Excellent Hair
  • Still has suit from that basketball dinner

Weaknesses: 

  • Refers to New South as “Zoo South”
  • Campaign posters are just dick drawings which, while funny, wont get him the same kind of broad support he enjoys on NS2 where, according to our sources, he’s “a legend”

Last seen:

  • Coming out of that girl you like’s room at 2 a.m.

Supporters:

  • Basically everyone, because who doesn’t like school-sponsored keggers.

Detractors:

  • The Living Well LLC
  • Lame RA’s
  • Other NARPs
  1. The Panderer

all ur dreams

Platform: Free food all the time everywhere. Not only off-campus meal plans, out-of-state meal plans. Everything is free. Electric bill? Free. Will fix everything freshmen complain about during NSO. Like that time you ran for middle school council but got beaten by the kid who promised kool-aid water fountains.

Last seen: Staggering under the pile of 15 pizzas he promised for his campaign event

Supporters:

  • Freshmen who haven’t yet had the hope beaten out of them

Detractors:

  • Anyone with actual experience dealing with any kind of administration

Campaign Slogan: With great power comes no accountability

ann perkins shrug

  1. The Serial Advertiser

don draper wink

Platform: Who knows. All we know is that he needs to stop.

Campaign strategy: Post at least 3 times a day on the GAAP Facebook group, each time prefacing his pitch with an apologetic “I know you guys are tired of these, but . . .”

Last seen: Furiously trying to think of rhymes for his first name

Supporters:

  • His multiple Facebook friends that promise he’s “a really chill dude with lots of great ideas”

Detractors:

  • Pretty much everyone, but ends up winning from third choice votes, purely through name recognition

So, whatever your choice, remember that participating in democracy is one of the most important things we can do for our country. Now go out there and make your voice heard!

#kanye2020

Photos/Gifs: Giphy.com; tumblr.com; sheknows.com

So, Drake and Future Dropped a Mixtape

future-drake-performing-e1441985249807Haven’t listened to the new Drake mixtape yet? Don’t fret.

We’re all busy here at the Hilltop. Sometimes, too busy to keep up with all the pop culture happenings. But we all still want to seem cool in front of that hottie in our Intermediate 1 Spanish class. Freshman boys, I‘m looking at you.

4E is here for you. We’ve listened to and analyzed the new Drake and Future mixtape, so you don’t have to.

Quick Facts:

Title: What a Time to be Alive

Release date: Sept. 20

When you should say you first heard about it: Literally forever ago

Album art:

album art

Social Media connection: All of Meek Mill’s Instagram photos have been getting spammed in the comments by diamond emoji, in reference to his feud with Drake.

Screenshot 2015-09-22 15.39.16

WARNING: Don’t go too far into this if you don’t actually know about the Drake and Meek Mill feud.

How many times you should play it at your New South pregame this weekend: On a loop. There should be nothing on else on your Spotify playlist.

At some point someone might ask you, “Is this the new Drake mixtape?” Score, they took the bait! Now, when discussing the mix tape, make sure to describe it as “fire” at least six times. Anything else and they’ll know you’re faking it.

WARNING: Don’t mention the 6. We all know you don’t know what the 6 is.

Now if you want to really get into the album, but still don’t have time to listen to it, we’ve provided a track list with our insights into the meaning of the songs, to give you something to discuss.

  1. Digital Dash: This is a tricky one, but after exhaustive research, we at 4E have concluded that the title is in reference to the classic 2004 Sonic the Hedgehog video game.
  1. Big Rings: About Saturn. Trust us on this. Drake is really into astronomy.
  1. Live from the Gutter: In late 2006, Drake did a benefit concert for homelessness in Toronto, in preparation for which he spent 6 months living on the streets. This song is about that.
  1. Diamonds Dancing: About being an astronaut in space with stars. See above re: Drake and astronomy.
  1. Scholarships: Honestly, we’re kind of stumped by this one. When discussing this one, take a pause in the conversation to mention how either: a. You didn’t need a scholarship to come here, or b. How much money other schools offered you that you turned down because you couldn’t imagine going somewhere that didn’t have the ugliest library in the entire country.
  1. Plastic Bag: Remember Katy Perry’s Firework? Drake does. He feels like a plastic bag, and wants us to know it!
  1. I’m the Plug: Drake is a sensitive man, and he’s not afraid to show it. One time, Nicki mentioned that she could never find outlets in his apartment, but he couldn’t find the words to tell her that HE’S the plug, and he doesn’t feel like she’s accepting his emotional energy.
  1. Change Locations: Drake’s tour manager is very underqualified. Drake is not happy about this.
  1. Jumpman: Self-explanatory.
  1. Jersey: A tribute to Jackie Robinson, an inspiration to us all and true American hero.
  1. 30 for 30 Freestyle: There was a sale on mini hand sanitizers at the Bath and Body Works once.  Drake bought 30 of them for $30, so, as we all know, he loves a good sale.

From all of us at 4E, you’re welcome.

Now go out and pull some betches with your newfound Drake knowledge.

And when pulling those betches, don’t forget to ask yourself, “WWDD” (what would Drake do?). Respect and treasure those betches.

Photos/Gifs: www.leakedearly.co, instagram.com, tumblr.com