Horrors from the Intern Desk

internship horror stories

As August approaches, 4E reached out to some interning Hoyas to see how everyone’s summer has been going. What we found terrified us. Turns out that the internships that we slaved all year round to earn came with a few… quirks.
Jack Miller

Read all about our favorite intern horror stories below!

Note: Stories have been edited for grammar only. Anonymity has been granted to all contributors in the effort to preserve hard-earned reputations and dignity upon their return to the Hilltop in the fall. 

  1. Just like in the middle school cafeteria, your seating choice may make or break you.
    “The guy who sits at the desk behind me clips his nails once a week. I have to put headphones in to drown out the noise.”
  2. Hard Truth of Growing Up: Sometimes, mom won’t be right.
    “On my first day at my internship, my mom convinced me to not bring lunch because ‘Everyone will go out together!’ So I didn’t. I ended up sitting in a secluded room separate from the group of 25 interns. I decided to be brave and strolled right in there. Being my friendly self, I asked if anyone wanted to grab lunch. There was no response – not even a ‘Maybe tomorrow.’ Felt like a f****** moron.”
  3. The fashion world was, in fact, accurately depicted in “The Devil Wears Prada.”
    “My email is “intern1″ because in fashion, you don’t get a name.”
  4. When you’re an intern, you are everyone’s last priority.
    “One day, both of my bosses didn’t show up until 3 p.m. because they went to a meeting. This would have been fine, except that they didn’t tell me. I did nothing for six hours.”
  5. Intensive labor is NOT out of the question.
    “One of my jobs is to ensure that there is a pitcher of lemon water on my boss’ desk every morning. I cut and peel the lemons myself. He only accepts fresh squeezed.”
  6. You better ~lose yourself~
    “Someone in my office who I don’t know just calls me “Intern”. When I finally met him, I accidentally said “Hi, I’m Intern” instead of my name.”
  7. Not everyone is, ahem, politically correct. 
    “I [a strong independent woman] got a “You can’t be in finance! You must be on the marketing team!” last week. I can’t decide if that’s a compliment, sexual harassment or gender discrimination.”
  8. And finally, no one is safe from the refrigerator rascals of the world. 
    “Someone ate my lunch last week. I was very sad.”
    We all know what happened next…

We hope the rest of you have much better internship stories to tell this fall!

Gifs/Images: giphy.com, Death Cab for Cutie, http://bit.ly/29DldO5

Let’s Get Physical: 4E’s Fitness Tips

feel the burnAfter a month of rain, clouds and general finals’ season gloominess, May has finally come to an end. I don’t know about you, but the last two weeks of school seemed particularly brutal this year. One anonymous junior reported that she “ordered a Buffalo Chicken Sandwich from The Tombs three days in a row to Lau,” while another anonymous source revealed to The Fourth Edition that she “stressed baked two trays of gluten-free brownies and finished both [herself] while stuck in the confines of her Village B apartment”.

But you know what? It happens. People stress eat. Life goes on.

Sadly, it’s now June. Weekend getaways and afternoons spent soaking up the sun after a long day in your cubicle are quickly approaching. But unlike those brownies, those pesky finals-season pounds won’t just disappear. Luckily, The Fourth Edition has some tips for you to gear up for a summer of sunshine and layer-shedding celebrations.

  1. Get out there. 
    As the the man formerly known as Louis Stevens once said…

    Yeah, that’s right. You with the Cheetos dust on the keyboard. I’m talking to you.

    The only way to begin making changes in your life is to, well, get started. Hop off the couch and take a walk outside. Just do something!

  2. Make a plan
    Set that alarm for 5:45 and make it to spin class. If you’re still in DC, head to the monuments for a sunrise you will Instagram on the spot won’t soon forget. Consider emerging from the great depths of the Metro and walking an extra block, or two, or six. Just make a plan and stick to it.
  3. Find a buddy
    Do you have a friend who #FoundHerSoul at SoulCycle? What about a gentle acquaintance who you heard refers to himself as the “Crossfit King”? Latch onto that guy or gal! Many fad fitness classes offer discounted rates for first-timers, and sometimes, seeing how in shape others are is just the motivation you need to better yourself.
    And if there are simply no golden retrievers in your circle of friends, grab your fellow roly-poly pug out of bed and start YouTubing at-home exercise routines. I’ve heard The Pussycat Dolls Workout works wonders…
  4. Don’t overdo it
    As a gentle warning from us at 4E, we’d like to remind you that you are by no means in the same shape you were in during, let’s say, high school. Your legs will not forgive you if you subject them to a five-mile run on your first day hitting the pavement.

    Sorry, only Ali can take this title. May he rest in peace!

    Relax! Ease yourself back into a routine. The only thing rushing you is the waning summer sun. And if all else fails…

  5. Improvise Be that guy at the office with the yoga ball-desk chair. Go ahead. Own it. You’re on your way to becoming a better “you”.

Gifs: giphy.com

Motivation Monday: Live from the Walsh Bathroom

walsh bathroom

Spring is in the air in the District. Are the clouds of flower petals on Healy Lawn or the cloudless blue skies distracting you from your last few weeks of studies? Is the stress of hearing your friends talk about their summer plans getting you down? Don’t worry! Your fellow Hoyas have your back. Here are some motivating tips from real-life (presumably) Georgetown students, left in a place where few would think to look: the Walsh bathrooms.

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First, some words of wisdom for the Class of 2019 and the freshman inside us all.

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Next up, a little optimism to get the party going.

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We all need self-love at this time of the year. Who makes your day special?IMG_9098But hey, don’t get cocky now. The school year isn’t over yet, and humility is a Hoya’s best habit.

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Let that spirit inside you soar, girl. Uncage your inner sensitivity. Spring is the time of hope!

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While we’re at it, check out this fly poetry. See, inspiration comes in places you’d never expect!

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And nope, you’ve lost me. Seems like this belongs on a more dignified place than above a toilet paper dispenser, no?

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Oh, Jane Hoya, the ever witty joker she is. I laugh at your chutzpah.

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And finally, when all else fails, we’re all in this together. Someone out there is having a day far worse than yours. Remember your Convocation oath to remain a man or woman for others, and give that stranger a friendly smile or a wave as they stroll across the lawn. For all you know, they wrote the passage below.

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We apologize for the expletives!

Photos: Alessandra Puccio; Gifs: giphy.com

Word Wednesday: Zombieing

walking-dead-zombie

Lemme guess. You woke up last Friday, armed with a Saxby’s iced coffee and ready to take on a heavy-lifting day of people watching on Healy Lawn. Your phone died late last night, so you haven’t had a chance to check your notifications yet. You’re scrolling through when you notice that Jacob*, your one-time high school sweetheart has liked an Instagram post of yours. But wait, you haven’t posted since last week. Hold the phone, this picture is from 42 weeks ago! Feeling shocked, alarmed, and a little smug? Well, congratulations! You’ve been zombied.

Zombieing [zom-BEE-ing] (verb):  (1) the horrifying act of double-tapping someone’s Instagram post, favoriting a Tweet, or liking a Facebook photo from more than 4 weeks back who you have not spoken to in, like, forever.

‘Yikes’ is right.

The verb derives from the root “zombie” (noun): a human who has risen from the dead. If you partake in zombieing, you have metaphorically “risen from the dead” as you have not made real human contact with your victim in an extended period of time. Zombieing is often accompanied by embarrassment upon revealing your late-night social-media stalking habits of:

1.  A previous significant other (and no, it didn’t “end well.)

2. That girl from high school who just rushed Kappa Zeta WTF-ever and is SO excited to meet her Biggie!

3. The hot best friend of the cousin of your longtime BFF who has never heard of you.
4. The #PuppiesOfInstagram account of the promoter you met at Cities last weekend.
5. Your Econ TA celebrating his 2 year anniversary with his girlfriend.
Listen, we’ve all been there. Just keep those fingers to yourself, you know?

Gifs: giphy.com, http://sequart.org/magazine/

ABC’s of the Hilltop

Banner - DictionaryWelcome current and future Hoyas alike! As you may know or will soon find out, here at Georgetown, we speak in code. Conversations are permeated by acronyms, phrases, and nicknames known only to Georgetown students, and are expected to be understood by all Hoyas on campus. All in all, it can be a bit overwhelming to try to keep up with at first. Lucky for you, 4E is here with the first edition of the Georgetown Dictionary to help you navigate these tricky waters, be it on your GAAP weekend, during New Student Orientation, or late in your junior year, too embarrassed to ask where Maguire Hall is.

Let’s go.

The Schools

1. “MSB“- The McDonough School of Business. “MSB” also is colloquially used as a location. You don’t go to the  Rafik Hariri Building, where the “McDonough School of Business holds classes; you go to the “MSB.” You can see how this gets confusing.

2. “SFS“- The Edmund A. Walsh School of Foreign Service. Sadly, the school=building logic of the MSB does not follow in the SFS, as the Walsh Building located outside the front gates on 36th Street is not called the “SFS.” The SFS is the school Bill Clinton was in when he studied here.

And those SFSers will never let you forget that!

3. “NHS“- School of Nursing & Health Studies. Repeat after me: not every student in the NHS is a nurse. Non-nursing majors in the NHS are adamant about this. Keep it in mind!

4. “The College“- This is Georgetown College, the largest of the four schools for Georgetown undergrad. Unlike the other three schools, it is not known by its acronym “GC.” Don’t make this mistake. I tell you from experience.

Places to Know

  1. Yates“- Yates Field House, aka, the gym on campus. It has a smell of stale sweat and chlorine. You’ll love it! In fact, the administration knows you’ll love it so much that they’ll include your gym membership to Yates in your tuition! Yahoo!

    2. “Lau“- Lauinger Library. It’s the giant grey slab of cement on the south side of campus. You may have first heard of Lau during NSO where they’ll promote “Club Lau” as one of the nighttime activities. Without giving anything away, I’ll tell you that you may meet your best friend at Club Lau (I did) and/or you may not ever be able to look at the third floor quiet room the same way ever again (or maybe that’s just me).

    3. “Wisey’s“- Some hotshot with an older brother who graduated from Georgetown 10 years ago will try to impress you this GAAP weekend by saying he’s “skipping the catered lunch in Gaston and heading to Wisey’s for a Hot Chick.”
    Let’s clear this up. “Wisey’s” is Wisemiller’s Grocery & Deli, found on 36th Street across from the Walsh building. This is not to be confused with the other “Wisey’s” (a sister take-out location) on Wisconsin Ave., which is known as “Healthy Wisey’s.” Wisey’s is home to a smorgasbord of great sandwiches, but is best know for two game-winners: the Hot Chick and the Chicken Madness. These sandwiches are so well-known at Georgetown that they had their own ballot on this year’s GUSA election. I wish I were joking.

    4. “Tombs“- Has a Georgetown student’s experience even begun without a meal at The Tombs? I don’t think so. The Tombs is a Hilltop classic, an dimly lit American style restaurant you will frequent as a freshman for Saturday lunch, as a sophomore for birthday dinners, as a junior for a hungover Sunday brunch, and as a senior for Trivia Night and 99 Days of Tombs.

Sayings & Phrases

  1. “NARP”- Non-Athletic Regular Person. Were you on a varsity sport high school? Are you a marathoner? Or are you one of those people who have you never swung a bat, ran a lap, or kicked a soccer ball? Congratulations! You are all the same. If you are not a Varsity athlete at Georgetown, you are a NARP. Case closed.
  2. an athlete“- An athlete is anyone who is employed by a student of Georgetown University and is additionally a member of a Varsity sports team. If you are “an athlete,” you have special privileges on campus, like getting away with wearing a full sweatsuit to class, and showing off the exclusive Blue & Gray Nike sneakers around campus.
  3. Hoya Saxa“- This is the official cheer of Georgetown University. It literally translates to “What Rocks” from its Latin roots. Show off this fun fact at your next party with this banner joke:
    “Hey friend, do you know what “Hoya Saxa” translates to?”
    “No, you dork, what?”
    “Exactly!”
    Also, it’s always “Hoya Saxa!” and never, ever, EVER “What Rocks!” Don’t do the translation. Just don’t.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, nowikinow.com

Hilltop Hacks: Productive Procrastination

Banner - Productive ProcrastinationHappy midterm season, Hoyas! While it may be crunch-time in the classroom, you can only run on a double-shot of espresso from Midnight for so long; you should treat yourself! What I’m talking about here is productive procrastination: distractions you can feel good about. The key to productive procrastination is overdoing it and doing it well. 4E is here to show you how.

  1. Did someone accidentally jump into your Village B wall the other night and leave a gaping hole? Well, what better time than now to fix it? File that maintenance request, and while you’re at it, why not explore the other failings of your crumbling apartment? Does the right faucet in the bathroom leak? Is the outlet closest to the couch failing to charge your laptop? And what about that mysterious stain on your couch cushion left over from last year’s occupants? File them all away into the interweb for maintenance to deal with while you’re gone.
  2. Cleanse your Facebook friends. Let’s face it, you probably don’t need to be friends with the old middle school meathead or that chick from the DC Summer Conference you attended during your sophomore year summer. Here’s a tip from a serial friend-remover: Check out your Facebook birthday list. If it’s their special day and you don’t feel inclined to send them good wishes, delete ’em. But don’t stop at just this month’s birthdays; purge through April’s and May’s while you’re at it. You don’t need all that newsfeed clutter anyway.
  3. Cook e v e r y t h i n g in your refrigerator. By Friday, you’ll be packing your bags to head to little old Oyster Bay Barbados and you do not want that Trader Joe’s Alaskan Salmon getting too, uh, ripe. Save yourself the stank and prune through all of your perishables. Otherwise, you’ll be coming back to a kitchen that will make you go…
  4. Speaking of Spring Break, what better way to use your wandering brain waves than trolling around Trip Advisor for “25 Best Things to Do in Cancun” ? There’s nothing worse than arriving at your gorgeous Best Western Motel all-expense paid trip and having no idea what to do next. Is there a local zoo with a rare snake exhibit? What about a modern art showcase on the intricacies of recyclable beauty? Oh, wait, is that a Groupon for bottomless mojitos and tortilla chips after 10 AM at the Crazy Frog?

    And if you don’t know, now you know.
  5. And finally, as I’m sure you haven’t called your mom except in a stressed-out, crying fit all week, give her a ring. If anything, calling now will lessen how angry she’ll feel about the inevitable “I need $100 in my bank account mom, please. This is the last time, I promise” text you send her next week. But while you’re at it, call Grandma, Aunt Sue, your long-distance ex-but-not-really-ex-girlfriend; why not? On second thought, maybe it’s best to just text dad and ask to Facetime with the dog. You do have tests to study for, after all!

Photos/Gifs: appliedvisionworks.com, giphy.com

Overheard at Leo’s Night on The Hilltop

Banner - Leo 1789In case you live under a rock (or maybe just gave up Snapchat for a short while), tonight, Leonardo DiCaprio dined at famed Georgetown “You-Will-Only-Go-Here-With-Your-Parents” eatery, 1789. Naturally, a crowd of one hundred hopeful Hoyas scrambled from their indented Lau chairs (thanks, midterms) to catch a glimpse of the Oscar winning nominated actor with just a bit of chocolate tart crumb on his cheek.

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Here’s what your fellow Hoyas were saying at the scene.

“This is worse than waiting for my SAT scores.”

“I bet he’s eating with Bradley Cooper and DeGioia.”

“It’s midterm week. Leo, this is inconsiderate.”

“1789 isn’t even that great… like not even top five meals of my life.”

“Do you think GUPD will be called for back up?”

*Clarification: By 8:59 PM, in a turn of events no one saw coming, GUPD was, in fact, called for back up.

“Someone’s totally getting fired for this.”

“If it’s between a hoe and me seeing Leo, hoe is getting stomped.”

And when it was all over and 1789 security asked the onlookers to leave, this final plea was uttered:

“Swear to me, swear on Martin Scorcese, SWEAR ON ~TITANIC~ THAT HE’S GONE.”

There are some things that you just don’t want to believe.

The sad truth was, Leo had exited through a side door, and had been spotted by just a few saavy students. 4E is here to bring you the exclusive pics below:

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Be back soon, Leo! And best of luck at the Oscars!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, Facebook/Chris Kelly & Parker Little, popsugar-assets.com

Can You Feel the Love Tonight: Valentine’s Day Playlist

Friday Fixat10ns

Whether you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day,

Gal-entine’s Day,

Pal-entine’s Day,

or Al-entine’s Day,

This might just be me.

4E’s got the playlist for you! Check out our favorite songs to make you swoon during this weekend of love.

  1. “I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me)” – Whitney Houston. Are you fun, flirty, and fantastic? Good! Own it! Thirty years ago, Whitney released the perfect song to get a night on the town going. You are twenty-something and ~carefree~. Relish in it. Why not, right?
  2. “Crazy in Love”- Beyoncé. Cupid’s arrow makes us all a little nutty. Channel all that craze into a dance-a-palooza to start the night. Guys and gals alike can shake it out this Yoncé classic, right Bruno?
  3. “We Found Love” – Rihanna feat. Calvin Harris. No one knows more about finding love in a hopeless place than college students. Is that guy on the wok line giving you the “come hither” eyes? Did that girl at the bar casually drop her a napkin with her phone number on it in your lap? Is your Sunday night Lau 2 study sesh turning into a night of footsie under the table? Congratulations! This is millennial flirting! It sucks! Keep the faith.
  4. “Hate That I Love You” – Rihanna feat. Ne-Yo. This may be the ode to the cutie two rows up in your International Relations lecture, or the nagging tune in the back of your head while ordering your third Hot Chick of the weekend. That’s ok. Just go with it. Love hurts. Take one more bite. You won’t regret it.
  5. “All Too Well” – Taylor Swift. This relatively unknown T Swift anthem is just what you need if you’re going through a break up. Straddled perfectly between “You Belong With Me” and “We Are Never Getting Back Together,” “All Too Well” will have you reaching into the depths of your pint of Chunky Monkey for one last, tear-soaked scoop. We have all been there. Taylor Swift has been there. Everything is gonna be ok.
  6. “Burn” – Usher. Love sometimes means letting go. If you need to light a cinnamon candle, make a cup of cocoa, and just curl up with season 4 of “Friends” a good book this weekend, heck, go for it. Relieve yourself of all the stresses the past week has burdened you with. Let them burn.
  7. “Can’t Hurry Love” – Phil Collins. On the flip side, if love isn’t coming your way, don’t fret. Just stop your crying, it’ll be alright (I’m a big Phil Collins fan). Love is going to find you, so get out there. If that’s not your speed, keep that watery smile on your face and pop in Tarzan for a real cry. Love is love, man.
  8. “Beautiful Soul” – Jesse McCartney. You’re a dirty liar if you pretend you don’t know every word to this 2004 jam. Warning: Side effects include an overwhelming urge to text your middle school flame. Resist this urge at all costs. 
    *4E is not responsible for your love-stricken, McCartney-induced mistakes.
  9. “You Make My Dreams Come True” – Hall & Oates. New love is the most wonderful kind. If you find such love this weekend, have yourself a Joseph Gordon-Levitt of a day. You too can run into a marching band on your early morning walk-of-shame! Nothing is impossible on Presidents Day Weekend Valentine’s Day!
  10. “In My Life” – The Beatles. At the end of the day, if you have your friends, your family, and all the memories in between, what else do you really need? Finish out your weekend with this classic and give a call to someone who loves you unconditionally. This includes Facetiming with Mom in order to talk to your dog. We all do it. Love you, Ma!

Gifs: giphy.com

Super Bowl Commercials: The Great, The Eh, And The What?

Super Bowl ReviewAfter last year’s morbid sentimental advertisements (remember Nationwide and the dead little boy?), most football fans were hoping for a light-hearted Super Bowl Sunday. Luckily, this year, advertisers chose not to go in such a dark direction, and instead used humor during TV’s biggest night of the year.

Some commercials were flawless.

dancing beyonce halftime show super bowl 2016Well, almost.

Others were less than thrilling.

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Oh yea, Eli, I’m sure that’s not gonna cause any tension in the fam. Nope. Not a bit.

Are you ready?

yes okay cam newton nodding you got it

Let’s go.

The Great

  1. T-Mobile “Drop the Balls”

    “Uh uh, Verizon got it wrong. Yes, not me!” Way to poke fun at how blunderful you are at your job, Steve Harvey. I chuckled; I chuckled quite a bit.
  2. Honda “A New Truck to Love”

    In a year in which we’ve already lost too many rock n’ roll greats, hearing a group of herded sheep sing “Somebody to Love” warmed my heart. The employment of the ‘Toy Story Effect’ (what are ______ doing when we’re not watching) was especially effective, even if the talking dog was overkill at the end.
  3. Avocados from Mexico “#AvosInSpace”

    The best commercials, in my opinion, make you think while you’re laughing. Showcasing jorts, a Cube of Rubik, and the emoji alphabet, #AvosInSpace really got me thinking about how insane it is that we communicate so much via snarky smiley faces. It’s silly, but actually a bit impressive. Cue the “oohs” and “ahhs” from our alien future.
  4. Heinz “Weiner Stampede”

    Heinz had me from the first weenie dog running. The floppy ears. The baby ketchup packet. Harry Nillson crooning in the background. Can you just imagine how much fun this commercial was to shoot?

The Eh

  1. Doritos “Doritos Dogs”

    I consistently have high hopes for Doritos Super Bowl Commercials. The murderous dog who bribed his owner with a bag of Doritos in 2012 killed me. This commercial had all the right ingredients (cute dogs, relatable grocery store environment, bemused cashier) but was just not executed correctly.
  2. Toyota Prius “The Longest Chase”

    I don’t take pride in knocking a Prius down. However, this commercial was just far too long. I got up, refilled my plate with buffalo chicken dip, sat back down, and it was still going. Too much Prius, not enough Marky Mark.
  3. Mountain Dew Kickstart “Puppymonkeybaby”

    Was this not the creepiest critter you’ve ever seen? Nothing about this ad made me want to drink that Mountain Dew. And the three men gyrating their hips at the end? What?

The Questionable

  1. NFL “Super Bowl Babies”

    At first watch, this commercial was hilarious. On second thought, it’s a bunch of eight year olds singing about how their parents did it after a football game. That’s a little much for me.
  2. Xifaxin “IBSD”

    The anthropomorphized intestine running happily around the stadium weirded me out. He was almost kinda cute, but I just don’t want to think of my intestines that way, amiright?
  3. Doritos “Ultrasound”

    The disheveled, dirty soon-to-be-father was a far cry from the polished pops of last year’s Super Bowl, but a considerably funnier dad as well. But where the Doritos “Dogs” commercial didn’t go far enough, I think this one pushed the envelope just a little bit too far. That poor mother.