Lemme guess. You woke up last Friday, armed with a Saxby’s iced coffee and ready to take on a heavy-lifting day of people watching on Healy Lawn. Your phone died late last night, so you haven’t had a chance to check your notifications yet. You’re scrolling through when you notice that Jacob*, your one-time high school sweetheart has liked an Instagram post of yours. But wait, you haven’t posted since last week. Hold the phone, this picture is from 42 weeks ago! Feeling shocked, alarmed, and a little smug? Well, congratulations! You’ve been zombied.
Zombieing [zom-BEE-ing] (verb): (1) the horrifying act of double-tapping someone’s Instagram post, favoriting a Tweet, or liking a Facebook photo from more than 4 weeks back who you have not spoken to in, like, forever.
The verb derives from the root “zombie” (noun): a human who has risen from the dead. If you partake in zombieing, you have metaphorically “risen from the dead” as you have not made real human contact with your victim in an extended period of time. Zombieing is often accompanied by embarrassment upon revealing your late-night social-media stalking habits of:
1. A previous significant other (and no, it didn’t “end well.)
2. That girl from high school who just rushed Kappa Zeta WTF-ever and is SO excited to meet her Biggie!
3. The hot best friend of the cousin of your longtime BFF who has never heard of you.
4. The #PuppiesOfInstagram account of the promoter you met at Cities last weekend.
5. Your Econ TA celebrating his 2 year anniversary with his girlfriend.
Listen, we’ve all been there. Just keep those fingers to yourself, you know?
Gifs: giphy.com, http://sequart.org/magazine/
Disclaimer: This is NOT the "Alessandra Puccio" who wrote in the 2017 GAAP Group. That "Alessandra Puccio" does not exist.