Ah, the Internet: a land of humorous Facebook statuses, accurate and informative Wikipedia pages, extremely unnecessary but somehow still significant Buzzfeed posts and perhaps the most convenient outlet for any busy college student to shop these days.
Well, Hoyas, today is your lucky day, because after scouring what feels like every product available on Amazon.com, I will now present you with a comprehensive list of products every Georgetown student needs to survive on this campus.
1. The “Help I’m Lost in the ICC AGAIN” Compass: We’ve all been there. You’re leaving class, following a group of students who seem like they know how to get out of this maze when, all of a sudden, you lose them and you’re alone, scared, cold and hungry. The hunger can be blamed on the fact that it’s 12:15 p.m. and the Leo’s rush is calling your name, but the other feelings simply can’t be shaken. With this compass, not only can you be a trailblazer among the pack, but you won’t ever find yourself in that one staircase that leads to nowhere again.
2. The “No More Forks? No Problem!” Utensil Set: If there is one Leo’s challenge that every Hoya will encounter at some point in the next four years, it’s the lack of silverware. Now, it’s not like they’re low on one specific utensil. You need a spoon? Here, have a million knives and forks instead. The next time you stand up and you need a fork? No can do, but here, build a castle out of these 600 spoons from the soup line. With this pocket utensil set, you’ll never experience this utensil-less agony again, and you’ll be able to enjoy Leo’s for the delicious gourmet food it serves … or something like that.
3. The “Welcome The Hill(mountain)top!” Climbing Shoes: This one is self explanatory. I’m fairly certain that if you piled all of the staircases we walk up on this campus, we could reach the moon. Twice. And don’t even get me started about that New South Mountain. This product is really for your own safety. Don’t climb unprepared.
4. The “LOOK OUT! A FRISBEE!” Protection Bubble: Healy Lawn, where you can study and relax while praying you don’t get hit by a frisbee. Don’t get me wrong: I love frisbee, and I’ll be out throwing any time I get the chance. However, for those of you who don’t enjoy the sport quite as much, I’m including this for your protection. Yes, the picture of those children bouncing off each other does seem like fun, and yes, that is why I was initially drawn to the product. But if you’re someone who wants to just lie down, roll around and relax on the lawn on a nice day, this bubble is just what you’re looking for.
5. The two-part Lau All-Nighter Survival Pack: This pairing will ensure that, no matter how long you’ll be sitting in that cubicle on Lau 4, you’ll be ready for it. Fill that coffee cup (bring-your-own-cup discount, am I right?) and get to work. When you need a break, no worries: that desktop pillow has you covered. Don’t be the last to invest in these items; I hear they’ll be all the rage come finals season.
So there you have it, folks: the five items I believe are most necessary in every Hoya’s life. Now get shopping… These are all selling like hot cakes!