It’s about that time again….FOOODD!!!!
…and, you know, spending time with family and giving thanks, I guess. With all the anticipation that comes with Thanksgiving dinner, you may forget the other things you have to deal with on this holiday. Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. Here’s a list of pro-tips that’ll help you through this Thanksgiving.
1. Simultaneously make yourself two plates of food so your lazy future self doesn’t have to get up for seconds.
2. Continually whisper shady things about the desserts so that no one feels compelled to eat them except you. Let your family members know that “these desserts look super expired” or “I licked the entire pumpkin pie before this”.
3. Wear sweatpants, festive pajamas, or a loose-fitting outfit to dinner. Comfy-casual is essential…something that says, “I’m dressing formally to respect my family, but I also want to be comfortable when I gain 10 pounds”.
4. To avoid college questions from extended family members, simply stare at them as if you heard nothing. If they persist, promptly crawl under the table and assume the fetal position. It’ll throw them off for sure!
5. Bring a flask and make a Thanksgiving drinking game for you and your favorite sibling. Not only will it make the food better, but you can drown out the humdrum details of your little cousin’s 4th grade classes, too!
6. Dress your dog up like a turkey so you can laugh and distract yourself when that crazy extended family member starts one of their offensive rants again.
7. If you feel threatened by the appetites of others, steal a large piece of turkey and keep it in your pocket for later.
8. If a family member asks you your position on politics, fear not. Just divert their attention by hurling the bowl of mashed potatoes at the wall and reporting that you had seen a spider.
9. Finally, when asked to help cook the meal, gracefully explain that you have broken both your hands and are physically unable to contribute. Take your lie to the max by wrapping your hands in gauze and telling everyone you “wrote too many essays at school” and that your professors have “physically and mentally exhausted you”. Works every time!
Happy Turkey Day Hoyas!
Images: www.giphy.com, www.salon.com