March Sadness: Georgetown Edition

As the real March Madness came to an end, we here at 4E decided to give some ~content~ to all of Hoya Nation who had to sit through another NCAA Tournament without a team to root for.

We all have places on campus where we like to be sad. Whether it’s public, private, has beautiful views, reinforces the stresses of everyday life, allows you to forget about your issues or just involves you staring at your pillow, we all can root for our spots in the first annual March Sadness Bracket Challenge: the end-of-season tournament to determine where exactly is the best place to be sad on campus.

Some Notes

Dahlgren Chapel – Dahlgren is a heavy hitter in terms of sadness. I talked to some of my friends about this one, and they singled out something called “Catholic Guilt.” Since I’m Jewish, I don’t really know what that is. However, I would be super sad if I had to tell someone all of my sins every week because there must be SO many. I am, as they say, a sinner. I don’t exactly know what’s considered a sin, but I feel like I commit at least seven of them every time I watch an episode of “Storage Wars: Texas.”

My Bed – My bed is a great place to think about all the times that my friends have abandoned me (looking at you, Mark) and my family has shown little regard for my feelings. It’s great because if you squeeze the pillow really tight, you actually can’t hear any of the sounds of the cruel outside world.

Back of ICC 214 – The back-left desk of ICC 214 is a great place to be sad. This one is especially true when you get back your chem midterm and it’s not what you expected, even though you studied really hard and answered all the questions coherently but your TA really screwed you and must hate you because of that one time she said liked your sweater and you didn’t understand what she was saying at first so you just kept walking. Maybe this is more of a me problem.

Gaston Hall – Gaston has great acoustics for not only a cappella concerts and Rangila, but also for crying. If you really want to hear yourself cry (that is, bellow all of the half notes and pitch changes of your sobbing), there’s no place like Gaston to sit and bawl.

Yates Steps – Sometimes I like to pretend I’m going to Yates and start to walk up the steps, then I realize the steepness makes those steps really hard to ascend. Naturally, I just turn around most of the time. But that makes me extra sad because not only am I skipping Yates because I’m lazy, but I’m also physically incapable of exerting the necessary amount of energy that will allow me to even start working out. In the end I just cry, which one could argue is a form of exercise for your eyelids.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, capitolhillhotel-dc.com

Best Places to Be Dumped on Campus

As cuffing season comes to an end, so will the PDA in freshman common rooms. While many were blessed to already find their soulmates in a sweaty Henle, SOME of us have already accepted our permanent statuses as third wheels (I’m not salty, it’s whatever).

Nonetheless, if you’re thinking of ending it with your significant other, consider these trendy spots on the Hilltop.

1. Lau 1: This is the quiet zone, which means no sounds. No one can hear you cry, and you can save yourself the embarrassment.

2. Leo’s on Chicken Tender Thursday: This is your last chance to be featured on @couplesatleos.

3. Yates at 12:01 AM: Word on the street is that the lights spontaneously shut off promptly at 12:01 AM—whether you like it or not. Now, no one can see you weep or mourn over your short-lived relationship.

4. Epi: I’m sure you’ll make friends with the other heartbroken Hoyas who are drunkenly eating away their feelings with a warm chicken quesadilla.

5. Walsh elevator: At least you’ll be in the cramped comfort of 18 people who chose to wait 12 minutes for an elevator instead of taking the stairs to the 3rd floor.

6. GERMS Truck: Treat your alcohol poisoning AND your heartbreak for the price of one expensive and overrated hospital fee.

But fret not—70% of Hoyas marry Hoyas, right? Its always okay to be a #SingleLady.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, stuartschool.org

What’s A Boya?

All Hoya ladies know that, like rats and out-of-order bathroom stalls, f–kboys abound on the Hilltop.

See Snakes of Georgetown to learn about GU’s most prevalent demographic.

The mixture of confidence, political-mindedness and neurosis within Georgetown men is a veritable Molotov cocktail of personality traits, which can be triggered to explode by both academic debate and debauched social gatherings.

Before you accuse me of misandry, a disclaimer: #NotAllMen.

Especially not Armie Hammer and his spectacular dance moves.

Some guys at Georgetown are absolute diamonds — ladies, if you find them, hold on tight. However, some Hoya boys (henceforth known as “Boyas”) are still in a little more of a “coal” phase.

Donald Trump attempting to dig up an alibi, 2017 (colorized).

Love them or hate them — and usually it’s a confusing mixture of both —  Boyas are a group to watch.

Since 2018 is sure to be another year of, like, realizing stuff, please consult this guide to educate yourself on how to spot a Boya, both at a distance and up close.

Side note: Welcome to the world, Stormi!

Without further ado:

1. When he uses the Jesuit values to justify late-night booty calls.

2. If his room has a distinctly “fiscally conservative, socially liberal” aesthetic.

Romney 2012 poster, Vineyard Vines blanket and GUASFCU mug = red flags.

3. When he asks you for your NetID.

Okay, maybe you’re doing a group project together, but ladies, we all know what this guy wants. Sliding into your Gmail is the ~ultimate~ Boya move.

4. If every time you text him “what’s up?” he replies, “at Yates 💪🚨💯.”

Boyas be #gettin #those #gains.

5. If he wears his Patagucci like it’s a uniform.

6. When Chad is the name and ghosting is the game.

 ✌ out.

7. If his party attitude can best be described as “hit it and quit it.”

In conclusion: don’t play yourself.

Patrick Ewing knows what’s up.

Best of luck, ladies! Stay vigilant.

Sources: giphy.com, popkey.com, free-stock-illustration.com

The Best Things About Flu Season

Although midterms are starting to pick up steam, it seems like “Flu Szn” is at its peak since almost everyone you know is suffering from a terrible strain. The flu is awful, but looking past those sleepless nights where you lay in bed, shivering and coughing your lungs out,…

…having the flu is not so bad. In fact, here are the best things about getting the flu.

Missing Class

It’s every kid’s dream to skip school, and now your dream has come true. You don’t have to listen to annoying professors promote their own book that they made you buy for class. Finally, for one day, you don’t have to go to your Econ lecture and sit there confused, wondering what one could possibly do with an English major.

TV

Having the flu means bed rest, and bed rest means binge-watching every TV show possible. Who knew it only takes 2 days, 14 hours and 24 minutes to watch all of Game of Thrones?

Weight Loss

Want to lose weight? Don’t want to embarrass yourself at Yates? Well no need to fear, the newest diet trend of 2018 is here! With one dose of the influenza virus, you can get rid of the “freshman 15” in only three days!

Bonus: Downstairs Leo’s will taste as good as…upstairs Leo’s when you finally start eating again!

Sobriety

The flu will make you experience your first weekend in college completely sober! What a strange feeling it is to not shove disgustingly flavored Burnett’s down your throat as you walk through a sweaty, fire-hazardous Henle while trying to breathe through all that mango-scented Juul smoke that may (or may not, who knows) give you cancer.

Despite all these benefits, the flu still sucks, and you can’t wait to start partying “studying” again with your friends. Just make sure to wash your hands and don’t share drinks!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, youvisit.com

7 Memes That Describe Yates

It’s that time of year again. Midterms are hitting hard, and one of the few ways Hoyas can compensate for late nights and hair-pulling study sessions is food. Greasy, delicious food. But after exams end and Late-Night Dominos Regret (LNDR™) kicks in, where does one turn?

For most NARPs, Yates Field House is the place where dignity and self-respect body insecurities go to die. For better or worse, here are some memes that describe the distinct pleasure known as working out at Yates:

1. Why? (WHY?!)

If you’ve felt an obligation to visit Georgetown’s finest plebeian fitness center (see #6), good for you. You are a health-conscious and tuition-paying (i.e. breathing) member of the Georgetown community! Whereas at most institutions of higher education students get to choose whether to belong to a gym, we Hoyas have that decision made for us by good old ~cura personalis~.(Side Note: Does this mean that if I gain the Freshman Fifteen I can get my money back?)

2.  Getting There

As if we didn’t have enough sets of stairs to deal with (see: Leavey, WGR, Lau, etc.), the stairs on the way to our gym are basically a 90-degree angle. If you make it over these steps, congratulations! The battle is already won. Be sure to let us know what it’s like on the other side.

Pro Tip: A really great way to get your workout in is by forgetting all of your things (water bottle, keys, headphones, etc.) in your dorm and running up the Yates steps every time before turning around and going back for more.

3. The Debauchery Dilemma

We at 4E are familiar with debauchery. As world-class bloggers, an “excessive indulgence in sensual pleasures” is essential to our craft. Like many Hoyas, we struggle with that classic Saturday or Sunday morning (or whenever #youdoyou) question: to work out, or not to work out?

4. Motivation

Sometimes you just have to take the E for effort. Unlike everything else in our lives, we Hoyas are not bound by any standards when it comes to physical fitness (unless, of course, you are a ~varsity~ athlete). Thus, “workouts” at Yates are often consolidated with procrastination/free time, and end up looking a little something like this:

5. The Best People You Will Ever Meet

We Hoyas are a talented bunch. Many of us demonstrated both academic and athletic excellence in high school, and probably wrote a generic, yet moving story for our application about overcoming a sports injury that somehow earned us admission to a top college. Well, friends, high school is over!

Your athletic trophies are getting dusty, and it’s time to face the music: You are just like everyone elseFeel free to continue wearing your old lax jersey while getting #swole with your boys, but just know that we actually don’t care.

6. Georgetown Doesn’t Favor Athl–

When stepping onto campus this fall, many of you probably wondered, “What is that beautiful castle new building on the other side of Southwest Quad?” Now, there have been rumors that it’s a ~Georgetown-Athletics-Only~ gym, but according to inside sources, here’s the actual story – the John R. Thompson Jr. Intercollegiate Athletic Center is actually a warehouse-sized laboratory where coaches raise athletes from birth to win NCAA championships. For protocol on how to greet these wondrous students should they ever grace Yates with their presence, see here.

7. #hoyaspartysmart

Hoyas like to keep fit. When special events roll around, we don’t just drop our self-care responsibilities and let ourselves go. Come Homecoming and Georgetown Day, you can find us (in the immortal words of Fergie) “up in the gym, working on [our] fitness.”

Girl, you tasty. But maybe bring some water with you too, just in case.

Just remember: Hate On Yates Always! Go Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs/Content: giphy.com, dictionary.com, facebook.com (georgetown memes for non-conforming jesuit teens)

The New Year’s Resolutions You Won’t Keep

It is that time of the year again. A time of new beginnings, new memories, new laughs, and, most importantly, new resolutions. With each new year comes a new set of promises we Hoyas make to ourselves to make this coming year even better than the last. The thing is, however, we know we probably will not keep them. Here are some New Year’s resolutions you probably made to yourself that you know won’t make it to 2018.

I am going to eat healthy and go to Yates every day.

You get home for Christmas break and weigh yourself for the first time since August. You subsequently endure the 5 Stages of Grief. You promise yourself to live a ~healthy lifestyle~ in the spring semester. Three weeks into January you find yourself sitting in front of a plate of chicken fingers on a Thursday with no recollection of the last time you made it to the gym but also with no ragrets.

“Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind.”

I will not drink Natty Lite or Burnett’s. 

After spending some time at home and drinking some classy wine and craft beer with your family (if you are 21 of course) you decide you are just too good for Natty and Burnett’s. I mean, what are you, a peasant? But, when you return to the Hilltop and take a look at the balance in your bank account you remember that you are indeed a peasant and quickly return to everyone’s drink of choice–whatever is cheapest.

I will do the readings for all my classes.

You coasted through the fall semester without doing the majority of the readings for the majority of your classes convinced you were gonna ace the class only to find a not so pleasant surprise on your final grade report. You think, “I probably should have done all those readings,” and you promise yourself this semester will be different. That is until you have to read 300 pages for tomorrow and its 11 pm all you have accomplished is taking one buzzed quick to find out what character from The Office you are based on your zodiac sign.

I am going to spend less money. 

Last semester you spent a little more than you should have, but this semester that is going to change. Who needs to eat out when you have Leo’s? Who needs to Uber when you can walk? Who needs Corona when you can have Natty? Oh wait…you do.

In all honesty, 4E wishes you all the best with your New Year’s resolutions. Lord knows we all need it.

Photos/gifs: giphy.com

Thoughts You Have at Yates

Banner - Yates ThoughtsThe gym is where champions are made. So while I spend half my day stuffing my face and an eighth burning a few calories at Yates, I have learned a couple of things. Shall we begin? Here are thoughts we all have at Yates:

  1. The walk from the stairs down to our machine/gym spot is probably the most intimidating part of the whole experience…or the best depending on the kind of person you are. If you’re a person who appreciates strutting what you got, then honestly, good for you. But if you’re not, then you probably have your heart rate up quicker than you would in the middle of an actual workout.

2. Five minutes into your workout. Here we go. You’re good. It’s all good. You think you’re blending in. You can totally do this once a week. Definitely.

3. Twenty minutes into your workout and you actually think you’re dying. These girls/boys aren’t looking at you because you look good. They’re worried that you might faint. Someone grab a towel because you’re sweating a fountain.

4. You see that cute girl/guy walk in–and you suddenly start rippin’ the reps.

5. And now you’re staring. Praying they don’t see you.

5. You think you should branch out this gym sesh. Try something new. Yeah! You adjust the new machine, hoping you don’t look something like this:

or this:

6. Most important to address: how you think you look

How you actually look:

7. But at the end of the day, you should be proud that you got yourself there. :’)

 

And there you have it, folks. Keep liftin’.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, recreation.georgetown.edu

A Guide to Fulfilling New Year’s Goals Quickly

Banner - New Years Guide

If you don’t make resolutions this New Years, you probably aren’t missing out. Not many people actually fulfill these often lofty or vague goals. Why? They set themselves up for failure. In order to achieve your resolutions, you ought to completely devote yourself to the cause. We at 4E have some suggestions on how to get some common resolutions accomplished, pronto:

home alone new years

  1. “Time to lose ten pounds”

How-to: chop off your non-dominant arm, get a significant haircut or stop going to Epi at 3 a.m. on the weekends!

chopped arm

  1. “I need to raise my GPA by .2”

How-to: avoid taking classes with harsh curves, stop studying on Lau 2 or transfer to a school without grade deflation!

  1. “I want to meet more people and be more social”

How-to: forgo the above goal, get to know your Uber driver (they’re all really cool) or claim ownership of a popular, non-embarassing Georgetown Confession!

  1. “I want to spend less of my money”

How-to: quit your job (you can’t spend money you don’t have), swipe into Leo’s once and stay there for multiple meals or “borrow” a parent’s credit card!

money shower
No – Don’t do this
  1. “I want to spend less time on social media”

How-to: deactivate your iPhone and go back to that flip phone that’s been under your bed for years, stop following DJ Khaled on Snapchat or unlike the Georgetown Confessions page.

Major key: delete him on snapchat
Major key: delete him on snapchat
  1. “Time to get that six-pack”

How-to: break up with Ben and/or Jerry, stop complaining about the uphill walk to Yates and start complaining about the uphill run to Yates or buy one if you’re 21+.

 

Best of luck reaching your goals in 2016!

 

Photos/Gifs: rantlifestyle.com, giphy.com

High School vs. Georgetown

69906260

Everyone knows that high school and college are pretty different. From academics to the social scene, they are essentially worlds apart. 4E brings you a few situations that demonstrate this difference perfectly.

Situation 1: Getting an A

High School: *Shoves test in binder*

Georgetown:

anigif_enhanced-9837-1398147911-2

Situation 2: The “humble brag”

High School: “You’re on chapter 7?! I haven’t even opened the book.”

1429650043044

Georgetown: “You’re on chapter 7?! You better hurry up.  I memorized all the charts and statistics.”

Situation 3: Being Healthy

High School: “I try to eat a balance of fruits, vegetables, proteins, and carbs.”

Georgetown: “I try to eat healthy. Also, I went to Yates last week.”

Cant-Stop-Wont-Stop-Eating

Situation 4: Needing to do laundry

High School: “Maahhhm!”

200_s

Georgetown: “Maybe if I spray it with perfume no one will know…”

Situation 5: Relationships

High School: “After our date he asked if we should make it Facebook official.”

Georgetown: *Swipes you in at Leo’s* “It was essentially a date.”

510fba28f9cc9bb3428425b7a6262d5d

Situation 6: Trying really hard to cook

High School: *Prepares five course meal.*

td4c2qnn0flvxqzf4z5i

Georgetown: *Fails at preparing five course meal.*

tumblr_inline_mq50nuXdSq1qz4rgp

*And then resorts to EasyMac*

giphy

Situation 7: Being a nerd

High School: “You did the reading? Classic. Such a nerd.”

Georgetown: “That kid always ruins the curve. I heard he co-authored the textbook. What a nerd.”

giphy-facebook_s.jpg

Situation 8: Netflix and chilling

High School: *text at 6:30 p.m.* “Hey. I have to watch my sister tonight while my parents are gone but want to come over to watch some Netflix and chill?”

Georgetown: *text at 3:30 a.m.* “Netflix and chill;)?”

d4e

Situation 9: Waking up early

High School: “I got up at 5 a.m. for swim practice. I’m literally going to die.”

Georgetown: “I have an 8 a.m. class this semester. I’m literally going to die.”

waking-up-early-gif

Situation 10: Realistic career expectations

High School: “I’m incredibly passionate about biology, space, and astrophysics. I’m either going to be a physicist or an astronaut. I got a 5 in AP Physics so I’m probably smart enough.”

astronaut-2

Georgetown: “I mean, tax law could be interesting.”

Situation 11: Personal Space

High School:

Nsfw+time+home+alone_aa3fcf_3981083

Georgetown: “This should do for now.”

images-2

Situation 12: Approaching a crush

High school:

635536073271587860286188117_tumblr_lspvvtwvSE1qaqu1ro1_400

Georgetown: “My crush has got to be on tinder somewhere. It’s only a matter of time.”

giphy

Situation 13: Dance parties

High school: “There’s always that one couple…”

giphy-facebook_s-1.jpg

Georgetown: “There’s always that one kid..” *Brings entire freshman floor*

dance-funny-gif

College is hard. But, you’ve got to admit, most times it’s better than high school.

Photos/Gifs: trb.com; tumblr.com; giphy.com

Feel the Burn: Definitions DC Gives You Your Money’s Worth

Definitions

While we Hoyas have access to the lovely Yates and all the classes it has to offer, sometimes you just want to get off campus and work out somewhere else. But where?

Definitions Personal Trainers’ Gym, located inside 1050 Thomas Jefferson St. NW (right next to Baked and Wired, for all interested parties), is an intimate space where everyone knows your name. Many of the customers are regulars who, under the training and tutelage of the motivating staff, have come to love the early-morning workouts and personal training opportunities.

definitionsoutside
At first it was confusing to find Definitions, but we were told that it’s kept highly secure because of the many important guests visiting the building. #JustDCProblems

 

I attended the 8:30 a.m. Saturday class, Metabolic Resistance Training, with my friend Michelle (thank you Michelle for agreeing to get up early and work out with me). Now, in the past, we were not fitness slouches – we’ve both run half-marathons, for instance. But as we progressed through college, we may not have retained the same level of fitness that we had when we were regularly training. At any rate, we had no idea what we were getting into.

Luckily, the Definitions staff is extremely patient and helpful. Our class was taught by DeShay Williams, who patiently guided Michelle and me, as well as the other people in the class, through a series of workouts, from kettlebell burpees to Bosu ball planks (side note: I was unaware of all of these terms until this class, except for “planks”). Each workout was timed such that there would be 45 seconds of agonizing exercise and 15 seconds of blissful break. The repetition was grueling, but DeShay and likely any other teachers of this class were more than helpful: whether pumping up the volume on the awesome Spotify playlist (Madonna goes really well with Usher, it turns out) or fixing my posture during dumbbell snatches, she made sure everyone was getting a safe but physically taxing 50-minute workout.

The gym has a variety of equipment in a relatively smaller space – any machine you’d want is available, but you don’t feel overwhelmed when you walk in. Classes are also kept small, with a cap of 12 people.

definitionsclassroom
With rubber reinforced flooring, this room is used for group training classes.
The main room of the boutique fitness center.
The main room of the boutique fitness center.

 

The locker rooms were well-accommodated, and there was a large supply of fresh towels and cold water, which Michelle and I took advantage of liberally during our experience. (By the end of the class, I was sweating so much that I took the walk back to campus wearing shorts. This is the only acceptable reason to wear shorts in the wintertime!)

All in all, for people who want to get in shape, Definitions is certainly a great alternative to Yates. While extremely tired and sore, Michelle and I agreed that there was no way someone could regularly attend the class and not be fit. The running student discount is 25% off – the cost of one class alone is $24, or a five-class package for $110. To purchase either option, either come in person to Definitions, email classes@definitions-dc.com, or call 202-821-9874. The class schedule can be found here. And don’t forget to check out the Definitions Facebook and Twitter.

Photos: Chris Glenn, yelp.com