4E’s Thanksgiving Countdown

It doesn’t seem valid to get excited year after year about a holiday that in truth commemorates our subjugation of native peoples and destructive colonial ways, but let me tell you: I am excited for Thanksgiving break.

You may ask me, “What could be so exciting about five days in central New Jersey?” Well, first of all, New Jersey is the most underrated state. Second of all, a brief reprieve from midterms is exactly what I need to restore my sanity.

Please join me on a ~journey~ to cozy, fall-time feels. Whether you’re travelling home for Thanksgiving or not, these activities should allow you to start healing that part of your soul that a semester-long midterm season has sucked out of you.

First, play this song for maximum reading experience.

Day 1: Nov. 5

Divine your Thanksgiving horoscope. What’s in the stars for you this year? If you’re going home, will you finally hook up with your high school crush? Will you get taken to the hospital with an irreversible food coma? Only one way to find out…

Day 2: Nov. 6

Go vote. If you haven’t voted yet, please motivate yourself with the thought of Great-Grandma Pat’s wrath when you tell her you abused the right she fought so hard for back when they only showered like once a week or whatever. This way, when your family members start arguing at the dinner table, you’ll be able to validate the opinions you’ve honed in all of those SFS classes by proving that you’re an active participant in our democracy.

Day 3: Nov. 7

Plan out your plate. Everyone knows that going into the holiday meal without an attack plan is a fool’s errand. Use the below image to prevent future discomfort and maximize future deliciousness.

Image result for thanksgiving plate outline

Day 4: Nov. 8

Get the 411 on those crazy relatives you’re afraid to see. Call your mom. You should probably do this anyway, but for your own safety, ask her to give you an update about Aunt Linda’s “situation” so you’re not blindsided on the big day.

Day 5: Nov. 9

Start filling up your shopping carts. Two weeks before Black Friday, go against your better judgment and let those natural consumer instincts run wild. I’ve never actually shopped on Black Friday before, but I like to imagine that filling up online shopping carts is just as good.

Day 6: Nov. 10

Check out those fall colors. Get out of your musty apartment for once and take a walk somewhere in the city — it’s actually very beautiful here and we tend to take that for granted too often.

Day 7: Nov. 11

It’s cuffing season. Have you found your big/little spoon yet? It’s getting pretty chilly outside; you should probably get on that.

Day 8: Nov. 12

Convince your dad that a turducken is a bad idea. Tell him the hard truth: 55 is too old to spice things up, especially with the multi-meat equivalent of the Human Centipede. Like him, sometimes oldies are goodies — no more of this millennial nonsense.

Day 9: Nov. 13

Start packing. I’m serious. If you do it this far in advance, you’ll avoid that last-minute packing nightmare in which you somehow only bring home booty shorts, a turtleneck and over-the-knee boots.

Day 10: Nov. 14

Do something ~cute~ with your friends. Make a pie. Drink some chai. Discuss the best moisturizing strategies for preventing dry winter skin (non-spon but pls check out this account @dewydudes). Put aside homework for a sec and appreciate the value of good, wholesome fun.

Day 11: Nov. 15

Come up with a fake major to get your grandparents off your back. They don’t understand that you’re not wasting their money; you’re just finding yourself. So, pose as a Future Government Official/Investment Person to get out of hot water with the old folks.

Day 12: Nov. 16

Learn how to play football (?). I’m very thankful that my family does not maintain this tradition, but if yours does, it’s probably time to tighten up that spiral. Who knows, maybe you’ll get concussed and won’t have to take any more exams!

Bradley Cooper in “A Star is Born,” 2018 (colorized).

Day 13: Nov. 17

Thank your roommate(s). Whether you’re best friends or mere living partners, be grateful to this person for putting up with you. This way, your inability to wash dishes and sexiling habits won’t weigh heavy on your conscience over the break.

Day 14: Nov. 18

Friendsgiving! Get together with all of your friends for one last hurrah before going your separate ways. A group dinner feat. Leo’s turkey and mashed potatoes never looked so cute.

Day 15: Nov. 19

Watch the twurkey dance. This is a good distraction that will get you hype for the holiday.

Day 16: Nov. 20

What? Sorry. I’m already gone. If possible, remove yourself mentally and/or physically from the Georgetown environment. This could be done in the form of a really long nap, ripping up a blue book — you name it.

Hoya Saxa! I’m grateful for you <3

Sources: festival-collection.com, giphy.com, youtube.com, people.com

A Very GUSA Midterm

Fellow Hoyas, this Sunday, Sept. 30, is the fall semester’s GUSA senate election. Flyers plaster the walls, ads spam Facebook feeds and candidates attempt to jump you while looking for votes.

While this time could be met with apathy or even disdain, it remains an  important part of school life. Representation matters! 

Hoya staffers are not permitted to advocate for specific candidates, but it is paramount for the press to report on politics — school or otherwise.

So, without promoting any political position, here are some people you should think about while voting this Sunday.

Abraham Lincoln

This man is an obvious first mention. During the United States’ greatest trial, President Abraham “Lumbermill” Lincoln sought to bring the country together. Balancing his values and his pragmatism, he ultimately rekindled national unity. Known for his supreme storytelling and humility, Lincoln could relate to every man.

Honest Abe is the real deal.

Abigail Adams

It would be a disservice to the second first lady to refer to her simply as “the wife of President John Adams.” Abigail “Equality Now” Adams has much more weight than just being some white guy’s spouse. Adams was, in many respects, incredibly ahead of her time — vocalizing her abhorrence of slavery and demanding that if “all men are created equal,” they should be equally treated as such.

Abigail Adams is nobody’s fool.

Benito Mussolini

Very sharp turn with this one, and not really a problem in student government elections. Still, solid advice: Don’t vote for a fascist, racist maniac like this one.

Writer’s note: This image does not, in fact, show Benito Mussolini, but rather Dwight Schrute’s famous speech from Season 2, Episode 17 of “The Office.”

Conan O’Brien

Anything I write will include Conan O’Brien. A ~Harvard graduate~, Conan displays his wit and intelligence not only through his live comedy but also through his clever and often absurdist writing. Both eloquent and goofy, Conan seldom aggrandizes himself, choosing self-deprecation instead of the typical teasing.

Sit down, be Conan.

Todd Olson, Ph.D.

The beloved vice president for student affairs is the paragon of leadership. Though he spends his life telling us to stop waking up the neighbors, the man really just wants the best for his Hoya-kiddos. Vote for that person who’s just giving their earnest.

It’s time…

With these examples of character in mind, it’s your turn to do some research. As much as it probably pains you, go to all those Facebook pages explaining the GUSA candidates’ platforms. Find someone you trust and respect, whose ideas resonate with what you believe needs to be done. And, absolutely, compare them with historical icons.

But if you end up skipping these elections, please don’t sit out come Nov. 6, the real midterms that have palpable effects on how this country functions. By that time, apathy and cynicism simply aren’t options.

Happy voting!

 

Sources: giphy.com

Welcome Back!

The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.

In other words, the start of a new school year is here.

View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.

We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.

1.  Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.

You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.

2. Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.

“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.

3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.

Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.

4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.

Walking out of Lau at 2 am like…

5. LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.

 

Honorary AEPi member

6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.

What is tax fraud anyway, though?

7. Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.

Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.

8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…

You can always drink away the embarrassment.

Best of luck everyone! Hoya Saxa.

 

Sources: giphy.com, theanthemdc.com,

2017 GUSA Election Logo Rankings

Many different student groups on campus take it upon themselves to give each of the GUSA Executive Campaigns a grade leading up to Election Day. While The Hoya strives to remain impartial in its coverage, that hasn’t stopped us at 4E from ranking the campaign logos. If it isn’t aesthetically appealing, why bother in the first place?

1. Kamar Mack (COL ’19) and Jessica Andino (COL ’18)

 

It’s light, I’ll give ya that. Lots of bright blue and white here, without any real contrast. Font is fun. Not quite Comic Sans fun, but friendly. I’m guessing that drawing in the middle is supposed to be Healy Hall, though I’ve never seen it look quite so phallic. 

Wait a second. I’ve seen this logo before.

“Nice try,” the green mermaid squealed.

The slogan? “A Fresh GUSA?” Does that make you this year’s token “outsider” candidacy? Every year, candidates promote themselves as “the outsider ticket,” one that will breathe new life into our archaic student government. I could care less if you’re “fresh.” I want you to get the job done. I’m over it.

Grade: B

S(n)ide comment: “Just change it up a little bit before you hand it in so the teacher doesn’t notice. OK.”

2. Garet Williams (COL ’18) and Habon Ali (SFS ’18)

See, that’s a clever Healy! Using the clock on the tower as an “O”? Genius! I like the incorporation of yellow, as it pops against the grey background. It’s eye-catching.

Font could not be more boring. What’s with all the edges? I want round, inviting, smooth curves! Also, there is a lot of empty gray space up at the top. Don’t tell me you ran out of ideas before the campaign even began. That’s no way to win!

Grade: B+

S(n)ide comment: Way to play into the air of self-importance we Hoyas carry around. Why, yes, it is time for me. 

3. John Matthews (COL ’18) and Nick Matz (COL ’18)

I see a crown. A crown. A crown atop a smug little “King G.” Well, that certainly won’t do. Boys, this is a democratic election! Don’t be crass!

Hold on. Now I’m reading in your platform that you two are the “GUSA outsider” ticket. I thought that was Kamar & Jessica? Ah, I see you’ve endorsed one another. Planning to divide the conquered land after the win, I presume? Sounds awfully oligarchic to me…

The gray stone is boring. And white font only? Honestly?

You could have at least had the font for the “Ms” and the “G” match the rest of the poster. It looks incongruent. Those are clearly not the same. And what, did you just Google “stone wall” the night before the tickets were due? I’m annoyed.

Grade: C-

S(n)ide comment: Hate is a strong word, but I really, really, really don’t like this.

4. Jenny Franke (COL ’18) and Jack McGuire (COL ’18)

The “Y” in “Jenny” leaves the picture. Mediocre crop job, at best. Also, why is “Jenny” so much bigger than “Jack”? The spacing between the letters is all skewed, and the “n” in “Never” should not be capitalized. Why not just go CAPS lock and save yourself some humiliation?

I like the blue and gray motif, though pairing the slogan with a portrait of what I presume to be Jack the Bulldog is confusing. Is Jack saying “Now or never?” Or is “now” the time for Jack and “never again”?

This looks like a coloring book page someone gave up on.

Grade: C

S(n)ide comment: I’ve seen better editing on my Insta feed. 

Images: www.kamarandjessica.com, www.garetandhabon.comwww.matthewsmatz.comwww.facebook.com/Jenny-Jack-for-GUSA-Now-or-Never-373676339680457, starbucks.com

GUSA Presidential Debate Drinking Game: 2017 Edition

It’s that time of year again. No, not the time to start getting ready for darties, freaking out about that perfect outfit for spring break or stressing out about midterms. It’s something even more important than that!

It’s the 2017 GUSA election!

Even though it seems like every year the election sneaks up on us, it’s important that we are aware of each campaign’s platform. So in true 4E fashion, we have prepared the perfect drinking game for tonight’s presidential debate.

The presidential debate begins tonight, February 20th, at 7:30 p.m. in the HFSC. Let’s learn more about our candidates and have a libation in our hand at the same time (for 21+ students only). Stay classy and drink responsibly.

Take a small swig…every time a candidate or a question uses the following word(s):

  • Advocate
  • 2018 Campus Plan
  • Issues
  • Diversify
  • Unique perspective
  • Increasing engagement with administrators
  • Barriers
  • Platform
  • Involvement
  • Awareness
  • Grassroots
  • Corp coffee

Take a big swig…

Chug the rest of your drink and go cuddle with Jack the Bulldog…

  • If a heckler begins a “Fire JT III” chant.

Election day is February 23rd! Vote on and Hoya Saxa!

Images: giphy.com

2 Chicks, 1 Georgetown: An Interview with the Sandwiches Behind It All

12654225_1397592526934586_2076489336744658532_nWith the GUSA elections heating up, both on and off the griddle, two sandwiches seem to have taken the campus by storm as they continue to rally a surprising amount of support amongst students.  Considered the Holy Grail by all who have had the pleasure of gracing Wisemiller’s fine establishment, it’s clear that this fan favorite ticket has the potential to spice things up this election season.  As many students are left salivating at the thought of two sandwiches overseeing student affairs, they are also left wondering just how the sandwich plans to change campus life for the better.  Fortunately, the sandwiches behind the campaign agreed to grant 4E an ~exclusive~ interview for an inside look at their vision for a tastier Georgetown.

School administrators’ reactions every time they realize they can’t eat the student body president at GUSA meetings

Why did you choose to put Hot Chick up for President and Chicken Madness for VP this year?
As we have previously stated, it’s 2016. It’s about time the Chick came first. With all due respect to Madness’s reliability as a sandwich, we believe Hot Chick, with her bold paprika-based flavor, is more than capable of leading GUSA.

Does Hot Chick’s hotness impact her ability to govern at all?
Absolutely not, in fact her zest and full-bodied flavor are assets that we intend to leverage to bring flavor back to the Hilltop. Her attractiveness does not and should not have any impact on her ability to govern. She’s an accomplished, flavorful and beloved sandwich. That is what matters in this race. Not her looks (which are to die for).

On a similar note: why does Hot Chick have to be “hot?” Can’t we just call her “beautiful” to fight sexism on campus?
Chicks are hot in all sorts of ways. Hot Chick owns her hotness and recognizes that. Our vision for Georgetown is one where everyone can embrace and own their hotness.

How can you expect to be taken seriously when you’re constantly flip flopping on the grill?
We’re not flip-flopping per se, we’re just getting used to the heat the top job brings. Let’s just say, we’re used to getting grilled. And on that note, our only hope is that the GUSA election committee doesn’t discriminate against well-seasoned chicken when they want to deny us entry into the debate. We do, after all, have more people attending our election-event than another well-known ticket.

Can you talk a bit about the general lack of diversity on your ticket as you’re both pieces of white meat?
If I could make an observation, our ticket contains (in no particular order) poultry meat, onions, bacon, peppers, tomatoes, peppercorn dressing, bread and numerous other ingredients. Far from just being “white meat.” And, as we are all well aware, the color of one’s meat does not determine one’s ability to lead.

If your goal is to make Georgetown more inclusive, how will you accommodate the vegetarians?
We totally embrace the idea that you can make any number of substitutions to your order. Anything on our menu is up for changes — tell us exactly how you want it, and we will deliver (and by deliver, we mean pick up for carry out).

We noticed that The Georgetown Academy recently endorsed your campaign on their blog, how do you feel about this?
While we do go by the adage, “all press is good press”, we want to emphasize that our platform is built on one of inclusion and diversity. No one at this school should feel discriminated against or harassed because they chose not to get onions on their sandwich, or wanted a gluten-free option. Those are not the ideals that this school was founded upon. Although we appreciate their support, our vision for Georgetown is very much different from the one that they espouse.

Finally, for our readers who want to support your ticket, will you be accepting Flex dollars as campaign contributions?
We pride ourselves on being the only campaign that is self-funded. However for every $7.95 that you donate we will be giving out free sandwiches of your choice as a token of our gratitude for your support.

Feel like you’ve been swayed by the chicks’ deliciousness?  Don’t forget to vote in the GUSA election next Thursday!

Photo/Gif: facebook.com, giphy.com

2016 Presidential Candidates as Told by 90s Songs

Banner - Presidents

As the 2016 Presidential race heats up, there is a lot of information to digest. The candidates’ platforms (or lack thereof) are constantly mutating and they are saying crazier things every day. If you’ve missed out on some of the news about the candidates, here is what you missed, as told through the greatest music hits of the greatest music decade: the 90s.

 

Ben Carson

Dr. Carson may have had a hot temper as a young child but one day he got The Sign (Ace of Base) from God and, ever since, has mellowed out. Syrian refugees, which he likened to rabid dogs, have him asking: “Who Let the Dogs Out (Baja Boys)“.

carson nod

Hillary Clinton

When Hillary asks herself “What a Girl Wants (Christina Aguilera),” her only answer is “…Baby One More Time (Britney Spears)” in the White House.

hillary music

Jeb Bush

As the son and brother of former Presidents, he has lived a Semi-Charmed Life (Third Eye Blind). But don’t let this “semi-charmed” life fool you: he also speaks enough Spanish to do the Macarena (Los Del Rio).

jeb nod

Donald Trump

He wants to build a Wonderwall (Oasis). He also wants to say Bye Bye Bye (*NSYNC) to anyone who doesn’t fit in his image of a “Great Again” America.

trump nod

Chris Christie

The only place to Drive (Incubus) in Christie’s home state was Under the Bridge (Red Hot Chili Peppers) because the traffic on the bridge was almost as gridlocked as Congress. He was cleared of the charges of closing the bridge but only after he said “It Wasn’t Me (Shaggy)”.

christie dance

Marco Rubio

This Florida senator, the son of Cuban immigrants, was born in the city of Miami (Will Smith). Ever since, he’s been Livin’ La Vida Loca (Ricky Martin) and wants to do that in the White House.

rubio drinking

Bernie Sanders

This senator from Vermont wants the top 1% of the income bracket to Give it Away (Red Hot Chili Peppers). He may or may not have threatened to Eat the Rich (Aerosmith).

sanders laughing

Now that you’re more informed, you can get out and vote!

 

Photos/Gifs: usatoday.com, giphy.com

The D.C. Election Voting Guide

Tomorrow is the big day: Election Day. We’ve already discussed how important tomorrow’s D.C. Mayoral primary is for Hoyas, and we can’t stress enough how important it is for District residents to get out and cast their vote. About 99.9% of eligible Georgetown students are located in Precinct 6 and can only vote at The Duke Ellington School of the Arts (see below). Polling stations will be open from 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. today.

The Duke Ellington School of the Arts3500 R Street NW – Precinct 6 – Head out the Reservoir Road entrance and turn right. When you see the giant green chair on the left hand side, you’ve made it. Time to cast that ballot!

star

Note: For voters living east of Wisconsin Ave. in East Georgetown, the closest polling place is Christ Episcopal Church of Georgetown–Church Hall–3150 O Street NW
Leave through the Front Gates and follow O Street until you hit Wisconsin Ave. Make a slight left and then make your first right. Follow O Street for almost 1 more block until you reach a red church on the right.

Photos: NBC Washington, Google Maps

Keeping History Alive: Partners in Preservation

partners-in-preservation copy

The time has come to cast your vote and let history continue to flourish in the Washington, D.C. Metro Area. Voting has just opened for Partners in Preservation, an American Express and National Trust Historic Preservation initiative that will award $1 million in grants to locations in the D.C. area. And Partners in Preservation is asking for your help to award the first $100,000.

The preservation effort is inviting the public to visit their website and cast their vote to choose 1 of 24 exciting, local historical locations to receive up to $100,000 in grant funding (the rest of the grants will go to the remaining 23 historical locations in various amounts, based on the recommendations of an advisory board of D.C. community leaders). The public voting will be based on a points system, and points are received through votes online and promotions through Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and foursquare.

The Preservation efforts might even land in our own backyard. Currently, Georgetown University’s Heyden Observatory sits at #3 on the voting list. If the Observatory would win, restoration funds would be put towards restoring the building’s exterior. Other top contenders include the Washington National Cathedral, the Sixth and I Historic Synagogue and Mount Vernon.

To learn more about Partners in Preservation and how to cast your vote, check out the video below:

Only you can decide the winner, Hoyas, and only 16 days remain to cast your decision! Vote away and keep history alive!