He’s Just Not That Into You: Hoya Edition

Banner - HeartbreakSix short years ago, a less-than-mediocre romantic comedy appeared on the big screen and broke our hearts. Ken Kwapis’ “He’s Just Not That Into You” revealed a sad truth to a slew of  hopeless romantics. That special someone isn’t shy; he’s just not that into you. To help you avoid heartbreak this Valentines Day, 4E is pointing out the five tell-tale signs that your fellow Hoya is just not that into you:

  1. He’s more concerned with getting his Vineyard Vines shirt in the picture than your face.

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2. He tells you he’s spending his Saturday night in Lau.

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3. He tells you the rooftop of Village A is only you two’s “special spot.”

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4. He only buys you Natural Light, since you’re not worth the $9.99 Burnett’s splurge.

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5. He values his position in The Corp more than your feelings.

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If any or all of these apply to you, there’s still time. Get out there and find a boo who appreciates you.

Photos/Gifs: photobucket.com, imgfave.com, tumbnation.com, wattpad.com, weheartit.com, ilongevitiy.com

Happy Guyentine’s Day (Starring Ron Swanson)

Banner - GuyentinesPretty much everyone’s heard of Galentine’s Day. It’s when women get together on or before Valentine’s Day to talk, eat and celebrate some of the most important relationships in their lives: friendships.

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But nobody talks much about single men spending V-Day together ~until now~! Guyentine’s Day, celebrated on February 14, is devoted to exactly that; so if you’re a single guy and this is how you’re feeling about Valentine’s Day,

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Here are the best ways to have a rockin’ Guyentine’s Day without relinquishing any of your masculinity!

  1. Food. Forgo the romantic restaurant and grab some grub with your closest guy friends.  Beef jerky is a must.
  1. Fishing. Because what’s better than meeting your match? Eating your catch! This is a great escape from the routines of your daily life, and Guyentine’s Day is the perfect time to treat yourself to some new gear and try out ice fishing. Hunting is an acceptable alternative.

  1. Fighting. A friendly brawl is a great way to bond with bros. In a bar, in a ring, in a crowded sports stadium: any public setting will do!

  1. Friendship. When it comes down to it, Guyentine’s Day, Galentine’s Day and Valentine’s Day are all about one thing: being with the people you care about. So, regardless of what you end up doing to celebrate Guyentine’s Day, be sure to make some time for your closest guy friends and let them know you love ’em.

I hope that your February 14th will feel a little less like this:

angry parks and recreation balloon upset ron swansonand a little more like this:

dancing drunk ron swansonHappy Guyentine’s Day, everybody!!

Photos: Gifs: giphy.com, pinterest.com, hellogiggles.com, washingtonpost.com, bestwallpaperhd.com

Valentine’s Day Gifts for Your Ex

Love On The Hilltop

Banner - Dating SitesAs Valentine’s Day is approaching, every Georgetown student without a significant other is focusing more on their academic and professional lives and less on their love lives. Hoyas seem to think that, by this time in the school year, if you haven’t connected with your crush, then you never will.

Also Saturday night, Sunday night, Monday night… You get it.

We at 4E know that that is absolutely wrong! Especially as this ~Day of Love~ is approaching, no Hoya should ever be alone.

Get some inspiration from the websites below to connect with Hoyas just like you so you can rest easy knowing who you’ve found bae just in time for the most love-filled holiday of the year:

1. Jesuit Flames: This Valentine’s season, the Passion isn’t just for Christ. Before you set fire to the world, set fire to your love life and connect with another Jesuit-value-embodier today!

2. Ex-Pat Passions: You left your home country for a reason! Drop those Internation-NOs and find your Ameri-CAN today.

3. Vegan Bar Baes: Tired of Hoyas who only want Vegan banana bread, and not you? Look no further! Discover love without the mess of animal products!vegan4. Lau 5 Lovers: Are you finding trouble meeting Hoyas because you’re too committed to your studies? Never again wonder if YOU could be that guy or girl getting it on in the stacks. Find your study soulmate today!

Who says Lau isn't romantic?
Who says Lau isn’t romantic?

5. Burnett’s Meets Epicurean: Don’t have time in your day for a Coffee Meets Bagel date?Meet your crush when it’s most convenient: when you’re looking for some love, but mostly just looking for drunk eats. Never go home alone (or hungry) again!

6. Yates n’ Dates: Need a real cardiovascular workout? Try this site, which pairs you with the people you’ve spent the most time staring at through the mirrors around Yates!

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Disclaimer: You may match with yourself if you’re one of those people…

Good luck finding ~your~ loved one!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, goplengo.xyz

A Guide to Crushing Valentine’s Day

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It seems as though 4E is starting to get somewhat of a reputation as being a highly regarded dating guru. After addressing the issue of what a DFMO entails, emails began pouring in from lovestruck Hoyas across campus begging for some words of wisdom.

We recently received an email from yet another freshman in need of some help with his dating debacle. With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, we decided to lend him a helping hand and offer him a logical solution to his problem.

Hey 4E,

I saw your article a few weeks ago where you gave some pretty great dating advice, so I figured I’d give it a shot and ask for your opinion. There’s a girl who lives on my floor in New South, I’ll call her Sarah, and she’s pretty chill. She was in my ethics discussion last semester, but I was way too nervous to talk to her. Instead I just pretended to ignore her anytime she said hi to me in passing because I definitely didn’t want her to think I was too into her. I mean it’s all in the subtlety, right?

Anyway, I decided over winter break that I needed to make my move with Sarah this semester. The other day I ran into her in the hall on my way to the showers. Even though I was wearing a towel and carrying a shower caddy, I knew this was my time to shine. As I passed her I just blurted out “Hey Sarah, we should do something Saturday night.” She seemed kind of surprised, but it was casual because she agreed to hangout.  

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m really psyched Sarah wants to hangout this Saturday, but apparently that’s also Valentine’s Day. I’m not really into celebrating that holiday and I definitely have no clue what she’s expecting. My question for you, 4E, is how can I crush the Valentine’s Day game and really impress Sarah?

— Helpless in New South

Dear Helpless in New South,

Let me preface my advice with a question: what’s one thing all freshmen have in common? An eternal love for meal plans, of course! That’s why you should definitely make the most of yours by planning a special Valentine’s Day date at O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront. I mean nothing says romance quite like the sound of a dinging bell while someone screams “COME GET YOUR OMELETTE”, right? Right. Plus Sarah will be completely impressed with your ingenuity and regard for creative date ideas.

Now I know what you’re probably thinking, what could possibly be so great about Leo’s on Valentine’s Day? Well, a lot. Especially if you’re willing to put in the extra effort to make it a truly memorable dining experience. Just follow these simple guidelines and you’re sure to have the best Valentine’s Day ever!

When you get to Leo’s you may be tempted to offer to swipe Sarah in. DON’T DO IT. Seriously, it’s a huge trap. Today’s dating conventions are all about empowering everyone because #YesAllWomen (and more importantly, #YesAllMealPlans…gotta use those swipes somehow). After you swipe yourself in just start walking into Leo’s, she’ll get the idea and really appreciate how much you value her independence.

Next, find an extremely large table upstairs and commandeer it for your date. Pull a  tablecloth and some candles out of your backpack to help create some ambiance. Trust me, it’ll be totally effective. Insist that you each sit on opposite ends of the massive table and speak loudly the entire time to ensure that she can hear you. If she questions this seating arrangement, let her know it’s because it makes it easier to stare into her eyes.

Ask her what she wants to eat and tell her you’ll go get it for her. This will make her think you’re considerate. Completely ignore whatever request she makes and concoct the most disgusting mix of foods you can find. This will make her think you’re spontaneous. Continue to creepily stare at her as you eat as quickly as possible, and when you’re finished get up and leave. You’ll establish a sense of mystery which Sarah will definitely find intriguing, it’ll leave her wanting more. You’ll inevitably leave Leo’s thinking your date went so well that love must be in the air (fair warning: it’s actually Leo’s lingering scent).

Love 4Ever,

4E

Disclaimer: This article also does not express the views of any freshmen. The advice is still valid though.

Photos/Gifs: imgur.com; http://the-toast.net/

Hump Day Chomp: Pho DC

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If you’re one of the lucky few that are planning a Valentine’s Day Date, look no further than Pho DC in Chinatown.

We stumbled upon this Vietnamese gem last weekend while looking for Rita’s Italian Ice (which, by the way, is CLOSED for the winter – what the what?!?).

After having our ice dreams dashed, we walked up the block looking for something to eat/somewhere to cry when my date stopped short and asked if I had ever had Pho – which is pronounced “f-uh,” not “faux.”

I hadn’t, so we climbed the four steps up to the well-lit and sophisticated restaurant and the rest is history.

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I ordered Spicy Satay Pho Tai, which is basically a lot of broth mixed with chili paste, thinly sliced beef, cooked onions and thin rice noodles. You get to use chopsticks to scoop the noodles and stuff into this awesome mini-ladle. It was tough, but it got easier as the night progressed. My date had Spicy Pho Shrimp, which actually had a good amount of shrimp. The only annoying thing was that the tails had not yet been removed. Both dishes came with little bowls of basil, bean sprouts and lime that could be added to the soup.

The real winners were the sauces: one spicy orange sauce that tasted like sriracha on steroids, and one sweet brown sauce that was like a thicker, sweeter soy sauce. These were magical when added (in small dollops) to the spoonfuls of noodles.

We also tried Vietnamese Coffee, which is really rich coffee that has condensed milk at the bottom. You can stir the milk until the coffee reaches its optimum level of sweetness and pour it over ice if you wish (we wished, and it was delicious).

This place had it all – great music, wonderful food, fun atmosphere. It was also really easy to get to – just a couple of blocks from the Gallery Place/Chinatown metro stop. Pho DC is pho-sho one of the best places you can have Valentine’s Day dinner (or anti-Valentine’s day dinner) this weekend!

Photo: http://www.phodc.com/index.php

Manly Monday: The Valentine’s Day Bro-Date

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Valentine’s Day is just around the corner (Saturday!), so naturally the talk of the town (and Yik Yak) is all about big plans on the 14th.

While couples are all excited to go out on fancy dates, possibly the more vocal crowd are those people without dates. For those bros and manly men out there without a special someone to take out on the town, here are some suggestions for a great bro date on Saturday.

Disney on Ice: Worlds of Fantasy Tour. I was going to suggest a sporting event at the Verizon Center, but apparently this is the one weekend this winter that The Phonebooth won’t play host to the Wizards, Capitals, Hoyas or WWE SmackDown. Go figure. Disney on Ice would still be a lot of fun though.

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NBA All-Star Saturday Night. There might not be any games in town, but Saturday is an exciting night for televised sports. The NBA is holding their All-Star Saturday Night, and it always provides some thrills. Grab your buddies, pick up some wings and kick back watching the best players in the world shoot, dribble and dunk.

Hit the Movies. AMC Loews, down on the Waterfront, has some great movies showing. Nothing wrong with bonding with your bros over a nice Hollywood blockbuster. Plus, you should be able to get great seats in any screening you want, because everyone else will be seeing Fifty Shades of Grey.

Shoot Some Hoops. Yates will probably be pretty empty because everyone else will be on dates, so you and your buddies can have the court to yourself. Play some pick-up, H-O-R-S-E, knockout – you just have to be done by 10:00 pm.

Play Water-Pong. It’s like shooting hoops, but with cups and ping-pong balls. You could even set up a tournament.

Spring Cleaning. If you and all your roommates are staying in, just get a nice cleaning session in. That way, you will be prepared for the nights you do have a date.

Start a Band. You never know where this one could lead. Don’t know how to play any instruments? Now is your time to learn! Some of the world’s greatest bands started in garages – why not a Village A?

Watch I Love You, Man The ultimate bromance film, nothing says “guy time” quite like “I Love You, Man”. If you haven’t seen it, you should check it out. If you have, I’d recommend watching it again. Plus, it may inspire you to follow up on our band suggestion.

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Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

This post was co-written by fellow manly-man Drew Applebaum.  

 Photos/Gifs: Giphy.com; Tumblr.com

Red Velvet Oreos: Now in Stores!

REDVELVET

It is here, it is finally happening! Brace Yourself!! Red Velvet Oreos are Coming!!!!

Nabisco heard our pleas and combined our favorite cookie with our favorite flavor. The wait is finally over and red velvet Oreos are now available for a limited time (since Feb. 2).

For those of you alone on Valentine’s Day, Nabisco has thoughtfully just supplied you with a date that will never fail to disappoint you. No longer will you have to dread the unavoidable V-day. You can now look forward to your day spent in bed with a box of these heavenly cookies right by your side! Plus, this comforting companion only costs $4.49! Just think about how much you are saving compared to those with significant others.

Red Velvet Oreo Cookie Review - Oreo Oration
Red Velvet Oreo Cookie Review – Oreo Oration

The cream cheese filling, stuffed between two crisp red velvet cookies, makes for a delectable treat for any time of day. Dip it in the milk of your choice and you are good to go! If you want to really enjoy your Oreo experience this Valentine’s Day, I wholeheartedly recommend watching “How to eat Oreos!?!?!?!” to enhance your Oreo-eating techniques.

And as if this red-velvet Oreo news wasn’t enough, word on the street is that Nabisco has another cookie coming down the pipeline: S’MORES OREOS. While Nabisco has yet to confirm this rumor, an image of S’mores Oreo packaging is currently circulating Twitter. The Impulsive Buy claims that they should be available in either April or May.

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it!

But, until then, cancel all those imaginary plans for the 14th because your date has finally arrived at a store near you.

Photos/Gifs: nbcnews.com; quickmeme.com; youtube.com; meme.am

So… How Was Your Valentine’s Day?

Shh!It is over. The love is gone. Instagrams about how perfect your relationship is are now unacceptable. And it is certainly time to put those pickup lines away and try something else.

1.148Since it is Feb. 15, people have bombarded me with questions about my Valentine’s Day. People must think I have an interesting life or something … which is clearly stretching the truth.

Are you also sick of being asked how your day was? Here at 4E, we understand that. So here are a few ways to spice up your answers. Because nothing is worse than continually saying the same thing.

“So, how was your Valentine’s Day?”

Make up a crazy tale that will make people instantly jealous. The more craziness, the better. I went to a party downtown and fell madly in love with a European prince. We danced all night and now I’m pulling a Princess Diaries and I am a princess. BOOM. 

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Food is always better. Make up a story that involves some amazing dinner. The more you describe the food, the more jealous people will be. And you better spend at least 25 minutes talking about your penne. The pasta was so amazing, I felt like I was in Italy. The smell intoxicated me and the cheese melted like an ice cream cone in July. 

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Put a ring on it. Totally pretend that you got engaged. Who will know? He liked it and then he put a ring on it. 

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Ignore the question. If you make it seem like a secret, people will instantly think the best. Oh sorry I can’t tell you, it is a secret. But if only you knew…

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Forever alone? More like party of one. You can always make it seem better, no matter what the circumstances are.

So go, my friends, and lie about your exploits. Oh, and the truth about my night? Ha, well you kinda had to be there…

Photo: yogatraveltree.com GIFS: tumblr.com