10 Things Hoyas Should Be Thankful For

HAPPY HOLIDAYS, HOYAS!

Can you believe it? Midterms are (finally) over and Christmas is literally WEEKS away!

Before I get too far ahead and offend all those people who “love” Thanksgiving, let’s jump right into what this article is actually about. Today, I’ve decided to give you the 10 things you should be most thankful for as a Hoya — and yes, I know it can be pretty difficult to figure it out sometimes. Here they are:

  1. That one time a semester when you think a rat is about to jump out of the bush and it turns out to be a bunny                                                        
  2. All your tuition money is being spent on a “green space” that will not be finished until after we all graduate.
  3. The elevator in Regents that is ALWAYS there for those of us who have given up on taking the stairs up to Leavey
  4. When the workers at Einstein’s learn your name — it’s a great feeling, speaking from personal experience here.       
  5. Pasta week at Launch — it’s 100 percent the best week, don’t try to deny it.      
  6. When Jack’s Crew lets you get less than 3 feet away from Jack to take a picture
  7. The Georgetown meme page
  8. The smell on the second floor of the ICC is almost completely gone.
  9. Well, you go to Georgetown. I know this is kind of soft, but it’s true.
  10. MAC MCCLUNG…have you seen him dunk??

Animated GIF

Have a happy Thanksgiving, Hoyas. See you soon!

Gif/photo sources: giphy.com, countryliving.com

Frequently Asked Questions: Thanksgiving Edition

Hoyas, Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, apple pie: A literal cornucopia of sweet and savory delights awaits you at your family dining table.

(Unless you’re staying here, in which case, Happy Friendsgiving!)

In spite of that thicc feast being prepared at home, one thing poses a threat to the sanctity of Thanksgiving: your family.

Yes, those people whom you may love the most, who have the ability to ruin your short holiday with the annual awkward interrogations about your life away from home.

And so, 4E has prepared this guide to help you navigate those cringeworthy FAQs around the dinner table.

What do you think of Donald Trump?

Oh, damn. Uncle Bob starting off strong.

Politics is bound to come up during the fall feast, and depending on your views, this question could be a real curveball.

No fear, though, because our professionally designed answer is to laugh awkwardly while walking away and saying, “Man, I don’t know.” Make sure to trail off on “know” to feign some “youthful ignorance” to avoid confrontation. Move quickly before your family starts debating immigration over the mashed potatoes.

Do you still go to church?

This one’s for all my people raised with organized religion (looking at you, Catholics) and is the logically awkward follow-up to a political question.

As your aunt plays with her golden cross necklace, you may feel anxiety in answering her inquiry, because, honestly, you don’t. For all those Christian expats out there, you couldn’t even recite the “Our Father” anymore if she asked. TBH, you always just kinda mumbled through that part.

So, to avoid that disappointing revelation to her, just lie and say “yes“.

And, like before, walk promptly away.

What’s your major?  What are your plans after college?

If these two come in sequence, you better be ready, because this one’s the mother of all one-two punches.

We’re actually going to start with the second question, because it’s the easier of the two. Let’s be honest; there are only two acceptable answers: doctor or lawyer. So, no matter what your major is, if you want to avoid a long line of questioning that ultimately leaves you pissed at your stupid cousin you only ever see once a year, just say doctor or lawyer.

By that logic, admit your major honestly and depending on whether it’s a humanity or a science, choose doctor or lawyer accordingly.

And if you do actually want to be a doctor or lawyer, lucky you.

Do you have a [girlfriend/boyfriend/partner]?

Nope. That’s always the answer, because whenever someone asks, you don’t.

Can you help with the dishes?

Alas, the classic parental guilt trap.

Either your father knows you can’t refuse to do a simple favor, or he’s giving too much credit to your turkey-stuffed corpse.

The dilemma lies in that you could never say no and break his heart, but you sure as hell don’t want to say yes.

Therefore, proceed with the most elementary of “avoiding awkward interactions” maneuvers: Walk away like you didn’t hear anything.

And, finally…

When’s the next time we’ll see you?

You’re at the train station, bus stop, airport or whatever means of transportation is taking you back to Georgetown. You’ve had your fill of food and family. You’re ready to go back and be thrown straight into finals prep.

You’re satisfied and holding it together.

Then, your mother throws this one last rock at you.

You smile and reassure her that Christmas is right around the corner, but despite all the ~uncomfiness~ that sometimes comes with seeing your family, you both want it to be sooner.

So, this is the only question we don’t have an answer for, and all we can do is wish you luck in keeping back tears while you start to miss your mom and her cooking.

Let the feast begin!

Go, Hoyas, run! RUN! Go home (if you can) and celebrate Holy Turkey Day! Papers and midterms and projects and WORK have consumed your life for the past two months.

We’ve all earned an extended break.

So, enjoy some real food with the realest people, whether it be your friends or your family.

And, most of all, get some sleep, because we’re all about to lose plenty of it as soon as we come back! :)

4E’s Thanksgiving Countdown

It doesn’t seem valid to get excited year after year about a holiday that in truth commemorates our subjugation of native peoples and destructive colonial ways, but let me tell you: I am excited for Thanksgiving break.

You may ask me, “What could be so exciting about five days in central New Jersey?” Well, first of all, New Jersey is the most underrated state. Second of all, a brief reprieve from midterms is exactly what I need to restore my sanity.

Please join me on a ~journey~ to cozy, fall-time feels. Whether you’re travelling home for Thanksgiving or not, these activities should allow you to start healing that part of your soul that a semester-long midterm season has sucked out of you.

First, play this song for maximum reading experience.

Day 1: Nov. 5

Divine your Thanksgiving horoscope. What’s in the stars for you this year? If you’re going home, will you finally hook up with your high school crush? Will you get taken to the hospital with an irreversible food coma? Only one way to find out…

Day 2: Nov. 6

Go vote. If you haven’t voted yet, please motivate yourself with the thought of Great-Grandma Pat’s wrath when you tell her you abused the right she fought so hard for back when they only showered like once a week or whatever. This way, when your family members start arguing at the dinner table, you’ll be able to validate the opinions you’ve honed in all of those SFS classes by proving that you’re an active participant in our democracy.

Day 3: Nov. 7

Plan out your plate. Everyone knows that going into the holiday meal without an attack plan is a fool’s errand. Use the below image to prevent future discomfort and maximize future deliciousness.

Image result for thanksgiving plate outline

Day 4: Nov. 8

Get the 411 on those crazy relatives you’re afraid to see. Call your mom. You should probably do this anyway, but for your own safety, ask her to give you an update about Aunt Linda’s “situation” so you’re not blindsided on the big day.

Day 5: Nov. 9

Start filling up your shopping carts. Two weeks before Black Friday, go against your better judgment and let those natural consumer instincts run wild. I’ve never actually shopped on Black Friday before, but I like to imagine that filling up online shopping carts is just as good.

Day 6: Nov. 10

Check out those fall colors. Get out of your musty apartment for once and take a walk somewhere in the city — it’s actually very beautiful here and we tend to take that for granted too often.

Day 7: Nov. 11

It’s cuffing season. Have you found your big/little spoon yet? It’s getting pretty chilly outside; you should probably get on that.

Day 8: Nov. 12

Convince your dad that a turducken is a bad idea. Tell him the hard truth: 55 is too old to spice things up, especially with the multi-meat equivalent of the Human Centipede. Like him, sometimes oldies are goodies — no more of this millennial nonsense.

Day 9: Nov. 13

Start packing. I’m serious. If you do it this far in advance, you’ll avoid that last-minute packing nightmare in which you somehow only bring home booty shorts, a turtleneck and over-the-knee boots.

Day 10: Nov. 14

Do something ~cute~ with your friends. Make a pie. Drink some chai. Discuss the best moisturizing strategies for preventing dry winter skin (non-spon but pls check out this account @dewydudes). Put aside homework for a sec and appreciate the value of good, wholesome fun.

Day 11: Nov. 15

Come up with a fake major to get your grandparents off your back. They don’t understand that you’re not wasting their money; you’re just finding yourself. So, pose as a Future Government Official/Investment Person to get out of hot water with the old folks.

Day 12: Nov. 16

Learn how to play football (?). I’m very thankful that my family does not maintain this tradition, but if yours does, it’s probably time to tighten up that spiral. Who knows, maybe you’ll get concussed and won’t have to take any more exams!

Bradley Cooper in “A Star is Born,” 2018 (colorized).

Day 13: Nov. 17

Thank your roommate(s). Whether you’re best friends or mere living partners, be grateful to this person for putting up with you. This way, your inability to wash dishes and sexiling habits won’t weigh heavy on your conscience over the break.

Day 14: Nov. 18

Friendsgiving! Get together with all of your friends for one last hurrah before going your separate ways. A group dinner feat. Leo’s turkey and mashed potatoes never looked so cute.

Day 15: Nov. 19

Watch the twurkey dance. This is a good distraction that will get you hype for the holiday.

Day 16: Nov. 20

What? Sorry. I’m already gone. If possible, remove yourself mentally and/or physically from the Georgetown environment. This could be done in the form of a really long nap, ripping up a blue book — you name it.

Hoya Saxa! I’m grateful for you <3

Sources: festival-collection.com, giphy.com, youtube.com, people.com

Six Types of Relatives You’ll Meet at Thanksgiving: Hoya Edition

As the holiday season draws near, Hoyas are gladly anticipating a break from their usual Leo’s meals—but at what cost? Here’s 4E’s rundown of the six types of relatives that we all just ~can’t wait~ to reunite with over this Thanksgiving dinner…

1. The Interrogative Relationship Guru

“Do you have a boyfriend? That’s too bad! What about the cute boy in your Instagram post?”

First of all, Grandma, he’s gay. Undeterred, she offers up her very best date ideas from “back in the day” as you stifle your laughter at the thought of any MSBro at a drive-in theater. You wonder if the sort of “fine young men” she continually references even exist on the Hilltop.

2. The Millennial Wannabe

Lucky for you, this aunt’s midlife crisis seems to have perfectly aligned with your annual encounter. Having seen your Snapchat story from last Friday, she proposes a “girls’ night out” at Chi Di next weekend. You promptly delete your social media and apply to study abroad.

3. The Deadbeat

Maybe your college life isn’t as wholesome as your grandparents may think, but unlike this cousin, at least you’ll definitely most likely end up with a diploma. You decide that introducing him to your SFS friends might set his life back on track but quickly think better of it. Having him around will make you feel better about yourself when next semester’s club rejection season rolls around.

4. The Diehard Trump Supporter

Tattooed with the U.S. flag and shamelessly sporting a MAGA hat, this uncle finds a way to blame everything on the immigrants—even this year’s burnt turkey. You politely bear the brunt of his incessant rant until he spots the GU College Dems and H*yas For Choice stickers on your laptop, after which he avoids all interaction with you for the rest of the night. Success.

5. The Shy Guy

Exchanging forced pleasantries with this relative is even more uncomfortable than leading a tour group on Georgetown Day. As awkward as the conversation is, though, it’s just like the ICC: you can’t find a way out.

6. The Annual Alcoholic

This relative looks as tipsy as the Wisey’s rat before the turkey’s even carved. She must have mistaken Thanksgiving dinner for a late-night Epi gathering, but at least by tomorrow she’ll forget the night ever happened, and you can equally pretend that it never did.

We at 4E bestow our deepest sympathy and respect upon any Hoya that successful endures a conversation with three or more of these ~special~ relatives. On a serious note, we hope you all enjoy your well-deserved break from school and express thanks for all the family members who’ve supported you from afar (even those who fall under one of these categories)!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com

4E’s Recommendations for Awkward Holiday Questions

holiday dinnersHi honey! How’s school going? Do you have a major yet? What are you planning on doing with the rest of your life? What about this summer? Tell me a lot of very personal things about your personal life! Shall we discuss our conflicting political opinions in an emotionally-charged conversation while the turkey, ham or whatever else you have for holiday feasts cooks?

You love your fam and you love the holidays, but sometimes catching up with outspoken and unabashed Great-Aunt Martha leads to questions and conversations that you could do without. More importantly, time spent answering uncomfortable questions is time not spent eating the cornbread that your uncle only makes once a year.204

Here are some tips from 4E about how to respond to the familial assault of well-intentioned questions:

Dab

This is a good way to respond to just about any situation, but is particularly useful here. Many of your relatives may not understand (or fully appreciate) your artistic rendering of the iconic dance move. While they are momentarily overcome by confusion, you take the opportunity to hide under the dining room table. Foolproof.

Stop, drop and roll

There are so many hot takes coming your way that you are metaphorically on fire. Following the standard fire department-sanctioned procedure seems only appropriate and also allows you to inconspicuously escape the situation.

Take a big ‘ole bite of pumpkin pie

202

And then another. Don’t stop eating pumpkin pie. Ever. The perk of this option is that we know you would be doing this anyway, so now you’re just multi-tasking. Can you say time-management skills?

Turn to Kermit the Frog

Quickly review the Kermit the Frog memes you have saved on your camera roll to try and remember what your subconscious might advise you to do in situations such as this one.

Happy Holidays, Hoyas!! 4E is grateful for you wonderful people (and your blog views). Eat a lot of food, enjoy your family and remember to leave your textbooks at home! We’ll see you in Lau when you get back for another lovely semester.

Gifs: giphy.com

4E’s Guide To Black Friday Shopping

Banner - Black FridayThe holiday season is right around the corner. Soon you’ll be sprawled about on a couch, wondering how it is humanly possible to still be alive after eating that much food. Soon after, you’ll be hit with a harsh dose of reality: you still haven’t bought any gifts for your friends and family. While this can be stressful, Black Friday, your last opportunity to get the best deals, can be even more stressful. 4E can make Black Friday the best Friday of the year with just several simple steps:

  1. Sleep late. If you’re going to be running around all day, you’re going to need a lot of energy. Eating so much yesterday probably took a lot out of you, so you’ll need some extra Z’s to feel refreshed.
  2. Wear a ski mask. You definitely don’t want to run into any of your high school ~friends~ when back in the home town. A nice ski mask will prevent awkward encounters and also keep you warm (darker colors = more sunlight absorbed)!
  3. Lie on the ground in front of Wal-Mart. In order to get the most incredible deals, like a refurbished low-grade tv that hopefully works for FREE, you’ll need to stake out your territory. Sprawling out across the ground is the best way to fend people off.
  4. Drive aggressively in the parking lot. There’s no hope in ever being able to find a parking spot if you’re not really willing to go for it at any cost. Reckless driving gets you a ticket, aggressive driving doesn’t.
  5. Don’t ask for help. You really can’t trust anyone. Everyone else vying for those clothes doesn’t care about you: not the store employees, not your friends, not even your family. Go it alone and don’t tell anyone your plans if you know what’s good for you.

    Trust NOBODY when it looks like this!

In the end, there’s always Cyber Monday. Happy shopping!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, telegraph.co.uk

Thanksgiving FAQs

thanksgiving faqsIf you’re anything like us, you’re probably #hyped to be heading home for Thanksgiving. This is the perfect time to sleep in, eat some home-cooked meals and try not to think about how you’ll be back to eating Pringles out of the vending machine on Lau 2 at 3 AM in a few weeks.

But most of all, Thanksgiving is the perfect time to catch up with your family. To make sure your dinner table conversations with your relatives go as smoothly as possible, we’ve prepared some helpful Do’s and Don’ts for answering those fun Thanksgiving FAQs:

1. “So, do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”

Do: Laugh casually and say something along the lines of “I’m too focused on my schoolwork to have time for a girlfriend” as you try not to think about the fact that you’re supposed to submit an essay you haven’t started yet by midnight.

Don’t: Mention the guy you met on the Vil A rooftop on Halloween. Don’t mention the guy from that Henle party the weekend before either.

2. “How about that election?”

Do: Change the topic as quickly as humanly possible. “Grandma, have you seen these hilarious Joe Biden memes?”

Don’t: Ask your relatives who they voted for. There’s a good chance that those of you in Wisconsin, Michigan, and/or Pennsylvania won’t like their answer.

Don’t: Think about the next four years. Your crippling anxiety is sure to put a damper on dinner.

3. “Are you eating/sleeping well?”

Don’t: Mention that you ran out of Flex Dollars two weeks into the semester and have resorted to signing up for clubs that you have no interest in for the sole purpose of getting free pizza at their meetings.

Don’t: Draw attention to the fact that you’ve gained the Freshman 15 despite the fact that you’re a junior.

Do: Say “O’Donovan’s at the Waterfront is an enjoyable and delicious dining experience. I frequently eat things other than chicken fingers there.” and “The fourth floor of New South is a quiet and relaxing place to sleep. Our RA does a great job of enforcing the noise rules.”

4. “How are classes?”

Do: Throw around some complicated-sounding buzzwords you’ve picked up from your IR class. “Hegemonic stability theory” and “Neoliberalist perspective” are two of my personal favorites. This is a great way to reassure your parents that you’re actually learning things and your tuition is money well spent.

Don’t: Mention that you haven’t actually gone to IR lecture in weeks and you’re less than 60% sure of what your TA’s name is.

5. “What’s a Hoya?”

Don’t: Worry about the fact that it’s been three years and you still don’t have a good answer.

Do: Just say any random sentence that combines the words “Stonewall” “Latin” “Greek” “a long time ago” and “Jack the Bulldog”.

So there you have it: some simple Do’s and Don’ts to make sure your Thanksgiving is a great one. From all of us here at 4E, safe travels and Happy Thanksgiving!

Gifs: giphy.com

Thanksgiving Pro-Tips

thanksgiving pro tips

It’s about that time again….FOOODD!!!!

…and, you know, spending time with family and giving thanks, I guess. With all the anticipation that comes with Thanksgiving dinner, you may forget the other things you have to deal with on this holiday. Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. Here’s a list of pro-tips that’ll help you through this Thanksgiving.

1. Simultaneously make yourself two plates of food so your lazy future self doesn’t have to get up for seconds.

2. Continually whisper shady things about the desserts so that no one feels compelled to eat them except you. Let your family members know that “these desserts look super expired” or “I licked the entire pumpkin pie before this”.

3. Wear sweatpants, festive pajamas, or a loose-fitting outfit to dinner. Comfy-casual is essential…something that says, “I’m dressing formally to respect my family, but I also want to be comfortable when I gain 10 pounds”.

4. To avoid college questions from extended family members, simply stare at them as if you heard nothing. If they persist, promptly crawl under the table and assume the fetal position. It’ll throw them off for sure!

5. Bring a flask and make a Thanksgiving drinking game for you and your favorite sibling. Not only will it make the food better, but you can drown out the humdrum details of your little cousin’s 4th grade classes, too!

6. Dress your dog up like a turkey so you can laugh and distract yourself when that crazy extended family member starts one of their offensive rants again.

7. If you feel threatened by the appetites of others, steal a large piece of turkey and keep it in your pocket for later.

8. If a family member asks you your position on politics, fear not. Just divert their attention by hurling the bowl of mashed potatoes at the wall and reporting that you had seen a spider.

9. Finally, when asked to help cook the meal, gracefully explain that you have broken both your hands and are physically unable to contribute. Take your lie to the max by wrapping your hands in gauze and telling everyone you “wrote too many essays at school” and that your professors have “physically and mentally exhausted you”. Works every time!

Happy Turkey Day Hoyas!

Images: www.giphy.com, www.salon.com

Travel Hacks for Thanksgiving

travel hacks 2The time has come. We finally get to go home! But don’t get too excited just yet. Before we leave the Georgetown bubble and arrive at our cozy beds and clean/functional showers, we have to account for that trip home. Whether it’s a plane, train, bus, or car ride home, here are some hacks to make the trip a little more comfortable.

  1. Take a blanket with you. Yes. From what I’ve learned on my Amtrak rides home is that it can get pretty cold. I’m not saying pack your whole twin-sized, puffy blanket from your dorm, but a thin one to make sleeping during the trip a little easier.
  2. Pack your earphones/headphones with a fully charged phone. While you’re still on campus, connect to the wifi and download all your songs on Spotify before you go. This way, you can go on airplane mode on the trip, save your battery, and still be able to listen to everything you’ve recently saved in your library. You’re going to need it when that one baby starts crying and ruins it for everyone.
  3. Pack snacks. Go to Hoya Snaxa, Vittles, CVS, wherever. Purchase your granola bars, bananas, candy, and whatever else to keep you comfortable for a couple hours.
  4. Wear layers. If it’s too hot, you can take off your sweater with a shirt underneath. Don’t put the extra layer in your suitcase that’s overhead, but wear it or put in your backpack for easy access.
  5. Wear a baseball hat. Now this one may seem questionable at first. But do it. At one point or another on the trip, you’re going to get tired–and the lights may still be bright on your plane/train/bus. You can’t bust out a sleeping mask, so use your hat. This has saved me on my trips. Tip your hat over your face and now you can rest in peace and in the dark.
  6. If you’re not the type who can handle listening to music for a couple hours straight, download some movies on your laptop before you go.
  7. This is the crucial tip. If you want to be productive on your trip home, make sure you plan ahead. Most transportation methods don’t provide free wifi. That means download all your assignments from Blackboard and load your online articles before hand. This way, you can still work on your assignment without an internet source.
  8. Last but not least, dress comfortably. Whether that means wearing leggings or sweatpants instead of jeans, slip-ons instead of sneakers, t-shirts instead of button-ups–be sure you can endure sitting in your chosen outfit for a couple of hours. 

That’s it, folks! Happy almost Turkey Day! :)

Gifs: giphy.com

The 4E Guide To Friendsgiving

Banner - FriendsThanksgiving is coming up, which means that every foodie’s favorite holiday is almost here! In the great (slightly reworded) saying of Regina George “Thanksgiving is the one day of the year when every foodie can eat anything they want and nobody can judge them for it.” So, if Thanksgiving is the best day of the year, Friendsgiving is the pregame. We at 4E are going to tell you how to have the best one yet:

  1. Wear elastic pants.

Friendsgiving is practice for Thanksgiving. Eat as much as you want and practice not getting a food coma! Bonus points if they’re Thanksgiving themed ones!

2. Have EVERYONE bring something.

If you’ve been the dorm mom this semester (if you don’t think there’s a dorm mom it’s definitely you), you’ve probably been cooking quite frequently. Take a break and make everyone else bring the food! Even if it’s the worst food you’ve ever had, at least it’s practice for when Aunt Sally makes the worst pumpkin pie you’ve ever had!

3. Ask the tough questions.

Friendsgiving is great practice for explaining everything that you never wanted your relatives to know! Everything is fair game! Why not practice escaping with your friends?

4. Find something to be thankful for.

A heartfelt thank you that makes everyone at your table shed tears is the best kind of brownie points for mom and dad. Jack, John Carroll, that C on your IR midterm, just pick something beautiful!

Have a happy Friendsgiving and an even better Thanksgiving next week. However your Thanksgiving is, remember to make it classy!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, partycity.com