March Madness Advice

It’s official: March Madness is upon us. I’m told by some alumni that there was once a time when the Georgetown basketball team was part of this tournament, but much like the stories of the days when students allegedly “went to games” and “could name a player on the team,” I’m pretty sure this is just a rumor. Regardless, we here at 4E (AKA the ~real~ sports section of The Hoya) have come up with some helpful advice for building that perfect bracket.

When you see that Syracuse somehow made it in

Consider Picking Schools That Have Jack-Like Mascots

The real tragedy of us missing the tournament is that the world will be deprived of seeing our beloved Jack the Bulldog ride his skateboard or drive his car around the court. But luckily, March Madness will still have some canine representation. Here are some possible picks you should consider based on their potential for adorableness:

Gonzaga Bulldogs:

Their “dog” is named Spike. It’s just a guy in a suit. No actual dog. Disappointing. 2/10.

Butler Bulldogs:

Their dog is named Blue. He’s no Jack, but at least he’s an actual dog. Overall, pretty cute. Nice smile. Would definitely pet. 7/10.

UMBC (University of Maryland, Baltimore County) Retrievers:

The dog is named “True Grit”. Creative choice. Unclear if the mascot is “officially” just a guy in a suit, but according to Google Images, they seem to frequently have a plethora of live retrievers present at many events. I endorse this. Reminds me of Air Bud. 9/10.

      

 

Stay Away From the Big East

As many of you may know, many of the other teams in the Big East were very mean to the Hoyas this season. They often (very rudely) chose to score a lot of points and also frequently prevented us from scoring some points of our own. Very inconsiderate! Karma will not be kind to them in the tournament — stay away!

When someone says Villanova is going to win it all this year

Also, Providence has this horrifying mascot. We can’t pick them knowing this thing will be there.

It’s gonna be a no for me, dawg

Remember Your Jesuit Values

The Arizona State Sun Devils? The Duke Blue Devils? Not today, Satan! These squads are clearly trying to tempt you into straying from your Jesuit values. March Madness is no time for such sinful endeavors, my fellow men and women for others. We suggest you play it safe and stick with the Penn Quakers — based on what little information I remember from my sixth-grade social studies class  my extensive research, Quakers and Jesuits are essentially the same thing.

Also, remember that Penn once kindly took Ivanka off our hands, further proving their charitable nature (#NotMyFirstDaughter #WhyIsGeorgetownAssociatedWithSoManyTrumpChildren #TiffanyActuallySeemsOkThough). With all this in mind, Penn is pretty much a surefire pick for the Final Four.

When God sees you filling out your bracket

Don’t Pick Michigan State.

This one may seem both arbitrary and contrary to popular opinion, but remember this: current star player and probable future lottery pick Jaren Jackson Jr. chose Michigan State over Georgetown. Yes, way back in 2016, the highly touted recruit included Georgetown among his final five school choices and then somehow didn’t pick us. Wyd Jaren?? Didn’t the tour guides tell you about new Leo’s? Were you not impressed by Lau? Did the rats scare you off??

Whatever the reason, to quote the internship rejection emails I keep getting, we’ve unfortunately “decided to go in a different direction” on this one and cannot recommend that our readers pick Michigan State. And if you’re reading this, Jaren Jackson Jr., please consider forgoing your lucrative NBA career in favor of transferring to the Hilltop next year. Patrick Ewing is really cool and some students will probably show up at a home game at some point. Also, we have a Chick-Fil-A now!

Bet you thought all my advice was going to be based solely on mascots, didn’t you? #insightful

And finally….

Do Not Pick Syracuse

Enough said.

We hope you have fun this month, and remember: next year will be better! We look forward to seeing you all at the Arena Formerly Known as the Verizon Center for the one game you’ll attend before leaving early to go to Rocket Bar.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, pinterest.com, golfdigest.com, kentuckysportsradio.com

50 Things Better Than SaxaNet

Despite being 3 months into a school year that has graced us with new Leo’s and a NUG, we still have no new SaxaNet. Maybe this is a cry for help or just an attempt to make sure that we live in a constant state of stress, but one thing is for sure: 4E is here to remind you of all of the things better than our current SaxaNet!

1 . GuestNet.

2. Wisey’s Rat. A cultural icon.

3. NUG (New Uncommon Grounds).

4. Being swerved by Patrick Ewing for a selfie.

5. A closed Quick Pita #neverforget #foreverinourhearts.

6. Sleeping on the ground, waiting for a speaker while it rains (HRC event last year I’m looking at you).

7. The VW Bus in Leo’s.

8. JT3.

9. Just getting up to the Vill A rooftops as the parties are being shut down.

10. Meek Mill getting arrested before Hoya Madness.

11. The President DeGioia Fathead on Vil A.

12. The lines at Whisk at 9 am.

13. Chik-Fil-A closing at 7 pm on a weeknight.

14. Class in St. Mary’s and then in Walsh 15 minutes later.

15. Drinking with your parents.

16. The 2008 Leo’s norovirus outbreak.

17. Walking up the Regents stairs.

18. Rain during the Farmer’s Market.

19. Rats scurrying across your path on the way to Lau 2.

20. The lack of soy milk AND a working blender at Midnight MUG.

21. The football team’s losing season (1-7).

22. Our rivalry with the Georgetown neighborhood.

23. Maintenance request response rates.

24. The lack of a Metro stop in Georgetown.

25. Walking up the Exorcist Steps.

26. LXR.

27. The one hour three hour wait for Cosí last year (#gonebutneverforgotten).

28. The Walsh elevator.

29. The emergence of Darnall as a #lit dorm.

30. Being rejected from Blue and Gray AND The Corp AND GUASFCU (Thanks Georgetown meme page for showing accurate feels!).

31. Going to Wisey’s at 11:15 pm and finding it closed.

32. The line on Tapingo for Bulldog at 8:01pm (#55thinlinereactsonly).

33. Meeting yet ANOTHER member of the #DirtyJerz during NSO.

34. The Lau fire alarm going off in the middle of midterms season.

35. Sweetgreen’s move to Wisconsin.

36. FINALLY seeing Jack on campus, but he’s not up for photos.

37. Using the last of your flex dollars.

38. Being such a Lau regular that the security guard recognizes doesn’t ask for your GoCard.

39. Starbucks not accepting your free drinks.

40. Paying for Chick-Fil-A.

41. Lau as an entity.

42. The prices at the bookstore.

43. Hilltoss’ new menu.

44. Only getting free samples of apples and peaches from the Farmer’s Market because you spent all of your money.

45. Taking your midterm and realizing that ~studying memes~ on Lau 4 last night did not help.

46. Getting to Farmers Fishers Bakers at 10:35am (just missing First Bake) and having no breakfast.

47. Eating at downstairs Leo’s.

48. Getting to class after your professor has started speaking.

49. Getting rejected from Piano in addition to getting your fake taken.

50. Reading this article using GuestNet.

As much as we complain about it, we can appreciate like understand Saxanet and its dysfunction. Hopefully by next finals season we’ll have a better version to hate!

Photos/GIFS: giphy.com, facebook.com, pinterest.com

7 Memes That Describe Yates

It’s that time of year again. Midterms are hitting hard, and one of the few ways Hoyas can compensate for late nights and hair-pulling study sessions is food. Greasy, delicious food. But after exams end and Late-Night Dominos Regret (LNDR™) kicks in, where does one turn?

For most NARPs, Yates Field House is the place where dignity and self-respect body insecurities go to die. For better or worse, here are some memes that describe the distinct pleasure known as working out at Yates:

1. Why? (WHY?!)

If you’ve felt an obligation to visit Georgetown’s finest plebeian fitness center (see #6), good for you. You are a health-conscious and tuition-paying (i.e. breathing) member of the Georgetown community! Whereas at most institutions of higher education students get to choose whether to belong to a gym, we Hoyas have that decision made for us by good old ~cura personalis~.(Side Note: Does this mean that if I gain the Freshman Fifteen I can get my money back?)

2.  Getting There

As if we didn’t have enough sets of stairs to deal with (see: Leavey, WGR, Lau, etc.), the stairs on the way to our gym are basically a 90-degree angle. If you make it over these steps, congratulations! The battle is already won. Be sure to let us know what it’s like on the other side.

Pro Tip: A really great way to get your workout in is by forgetting all of your things (water bottle, keys, headphones, etc.) in your dorm and running up the Yates steps every time before turning around and going back for more.

3. The Debauchery Dilemma

We at 4E are familiar with debauchery. As world-class bloggers, an “excessive indulgence in sensual pleasures” is essential to our craft. Like many Hoyas, we struggle with that classic Saturday or Sunday morning (or whenever #youdoyou) question: to work out, or not to work out?

4. Motivation

Sometimes you just have to take the E for effort. Unlike everything else in our lives, we Hoyas are not bound by any standards when it comes to physical fitness (unless, of course, you are a ~varsity~ athlete). Thus, “workouts” at Yates are often consolidated with procrastination/free time, and end up looking a little something like this:

5. The Best People You Will Ever Meet

We Hoyas are a talented bunch. Many of us demonstrated both academic and athletic excellence in high school, and probably wrote a generic, yet moving story for our application about overcoming a sports injury that somehow earned us admission to a top college. Well, friends, high school is over!

Your athletic trophies are getting dusty, and it’s time to face the music: You are just like everyone elseFeel free to continue wearing your old lax jersey while getting #swole with your boys, but just know that we actually don’t care.

6. Georgetown Doesn’t Favor Athl–

When stepping onto campus this fall, many of you probably wondered, “What is that beautiful castle new building on the other side of Southwest Quad?” Now, there have been rumors that it’s a ~Georgetown-Athletics-Only~ gym, but according to inside sources, here’s the actual story – the John R. Thompson Jr. Intercollegiate Athletic Center is actually a warehouse-sized laboratory where coaches raise athletes from birth to win NCAA championships. For protocol on how to greet these wondrous students should they ever grace Yates with their presence, see here.

7. #hoyaspartysmart

Hoyas like to keep fit. When special events roll around, we don’t just drop our self-care responsibilities and let ourselves go. Come Homecoming and Georgetown Day, you can find us (in the immortal words of Fergie) “up in the gym, working on [our] fitness.”

Girl, you tasty. But maybe bring some water with you too, just in case.

Just remember: Hate On Yates Always! Go Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs/Content: giphy.com, dictionary.com, facebook.com (georgetown memes for non-conforming jesuit teens)

Other Things at Georgetown That Should Be Fired

We were beginning to think change was impossible. That was, of course, until it happened yesterday. Coach John Thompson III was not able to answer the question “Who Do You Know Here?” and was denied entrance at the door to another season at the helm of Georgetown basketball.

While the announcement was certainly shocking, if completely justified, it was more than just someone getting fired. This means that change is possible at Georgetown. Let’s ride the wave and get rid of the people at Georgetown responsible for other grave injustices:

  1. FIRE the person in charge of sending GUPD updates. What ever happened to the emails about drunk people waking up in the wrong bed and punching someone? Then there was the time when someone was kidnapped and we didn’t even hear about it. Change is needed.

    Pictured: current reputation of GUPD
  2. FIRE SNAPS. Do you have nothing better to do on a Friday night than break up a party that probably wasn’t good in the first place? Our tuition dollars are literally being spent to reduce the party scene.
  3. FIRE the architect of Lau. This is probably somewhat irrelevant, but just as a preventative measure, his or her professional license should be confiscated. Our skyline would have been so perfect if it weren’t for a building that is as soul-sucking as it looks.

    NO!
  4. FIRE the people who don’t pick up their omelets. All we can ask for at a Leo’s dining ~experience~ is to be lucky enough not to see a mouse and a timely produced omelet. Nobody likes long lines. Help make this a reality.
  5. FIRE the founder of Instructional Continuity. Who in John Carroll’s name ever signed off that this was a good idea? I dare the administration to put out a survey about students’ and teachers’ satisfaction around this perversion of the education system.
  6. FIRE professors that don’t round grades up. It’s not even about common courtesies; it’s about properly representing numbers. One rounds 8.6 to 9.0 so why isn’t an 86 an A-?
  7. FIRE Saxanet. If I lose my progress while working on something one mor..

Photos/Gifs: tumblr.com, giphy.com, memecrunch.com, Rachel Skaar/The Hoya

So You Need A Column Topic? 2.0

columnist fb cover

With applications for The Hoya’s fall 2016 columnists just released, 4E is here to help you get a little inspiration by giving you some examples of excellent column topics from the past.

First, here are some tips from last semester’s guide!

  • Write about a topic you’re familiar with. The best columns are those that focus on something about which the writer has genuine curiosity. Just look at Hoya Historian!
  • Make sure your topic is broad enough to span the entire semester, but not so broad that it can become scattered.
  • Be CREATIVE! There are some columns that cover topics such as identity or politics that are always good subjects to write about, but sometimes the great column ideas develop from seemingly simple ideas, like this one in the Guide about sandwiches. Try to think of a unique idea or have a different take on a topic we’ve already published.
  • If you have an idea you’re passionate about, run with it and see where it goes. The sky’s the limit!

The Guide

The Guide, which publishes once weekly, is looking for columnists to write every issue or every other issue. The wide scope of the Guide, which focuses on art, culture, lifestyle and entertainment, allows for a lot of creative freedom when coming up with column ideas. Just look at the variety among these sample columns about Kanye West, a columnist’s summer job and dating in college.

“What Yeezy Taught Me About Failure” – Daniel Smith

“The Woes of Summer Serving” – Nicole Jarvis

“Opting into the Dating Game” – The Cereal Dater

Opinion

An integral part of every issue, our opinion pages feature columns of an argument-based nature. Past themes have included identity, advice from seniors, neuroscience, foreign policy in the Middle East and politics. There is a multitude of ways through which the column can analyze an issue, including from a social, political, historical, statistical, educational or cultural point of view. Here are a few successful columns from last semester.

“It’s Good To Be Busy” – Rahul Desai

“The Buzz About ‘Lemonade’ “ – Femi Sobowale

“The Convoluted Kurdish Question” – Matthew Gregory

Sports

Sports columnists have the opportunity to delve into deeper analyses of team strategy, unpack the rivalries and controversies within the worlds of both professional and collegiate athletics, make predictions on future trades and match ups and comment on the relationship between sports and popular culture. Check out these excellent examples.

“Contracts Create Disputes” – Michael Ippolito

“Saunders Impacts Players” – Paolo Santamaria

“Sports Figures Overrepresented On Campuses” – Jimmy McLaughlin

We hope these examples help! The Hoya is always looking for innovative and talented writers like you, so please apply here by 11:59 p.m., August 27th!

Images: giphy.com

Apply To Be A Columnist For The Hoya: Summer 2016

Apps Summer Columnist

Feeling a little bored already now that you have been away from the Hilltop for only two weeks? Do you miss all things Georgetown? Need something to fill up that old resume? Luckily, 4E has the solution for you! The Hoya will be taking applications for summer columnists and we want YOU to help us out! Why wouldn’t you want to take this opportunity to join such a prestigious publication?

We’re really classy.

The best part is that there are so many different sections to share your story on The Hoya. You can write for the the Opinion section, the Sports section, or the Guide, our arts and lifestyle section! Need some examples to get you feeling inspired? Luckily, 4E has those for you too!

We’re also just really excited.

The Guide: 

“There’s More Than the Glass Ceiling” By Kim Bussing

“Indoctrinated in Individualism” By Katherine Cienkus

Opinion: 

“Jinwoo: Party of Four” By Jinwoo Chong

Sports: 

“Red Sox-Yankees Rivalry Has Faded From the Spotlight” By Carolyn Maguire

“Pedro Martinez Was One of the Greatest Ever” By Jake Foote

Feeling motivated? Inspired? We thought so.  Please apply to be a summer columnist now for The Hoya and share your story. Articles will run from June through August.

P.S. 4E suggests you get to it as soon as possible! Apps are due by May 27th at midnight.

So You Need A Column Topic?

Are you not quite sure what you want to write your column about yet? Well, you’re in luck! Here are some great column topics to draw inspiration from! (Spring 2016 columnist applications for The Hoya are now available here, and due by 11:59 p.m. on Jan. 12.)

Some General Tips:

  • Write about a topic you’re familiar with. The best columns are those that focus on something about which the writer has genuine curiosity. Just look at Hoya Historian!
  • Make sure your topic is broad enough to span the entire semester, but not so broad that it can become scattered.
  • Be CREATIVE! There are some columns that cover topics such as identity or politics that are always good subjects to write about, but sometimes the great column ideas develop from seemingly simplistic ideas, like this one in the Guide about sandwiches. Try to think of a unique idea or have a different take on a topic we’ve already published.
  • If you have an idea you’re passionate about, run with it and see where it goes. The sky’s the limit!

For Opinion:

Past themes include identity, advice from seniors, history, medicine and technology, comedy and politics. Other column ideas for this semester could include the upcoming presidential election or looking at President Obama’s last year in office. There are also a ton of ways to analyze topics; the column could review issues from a social, political, historical, statistical, educational or cultural point of view.

For Sports:

Past themes include fantasy football, professional soccer, D.C. area professional sports and men’s college basketball. Sports columnists have the opportunity to delve into deeper analyses of team strategy, unpack the rivalries and controversies within the worlds of both professional and collegiate athletics, make predictions on future trades and match ups and comment on the relationship between sports and popular/social culture.

For Guide:

Past themes include music, art, love and dating, studying abroad and the intersection of food and politics. The wide scope of the Guide, which focuses on lifestyle, art, entertainment, music and food, allows for a lot of creative freedom when coming up with column ideas. Other column ideas that will be considered include a creative writing column that features a continuous short story or other creative writing forms. With the online platform, columns that feature weekly music, photography or multimedia will be considered as well.

*Columns in the Guide should aim to tell stories over philosophizing about or analyzing a topic. Stories can be personal, cultural or historical.

For Business and Tech:

Past themes include global economic issues and statistics. Future theme ideas could focus on new technologies, advertising and marketing, developing countries or financial markets. Columns should not focus solely on MSB-related news.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, imgur.com, gifrific.com  

Breaking News: Hoya Court Happy Hour Today!

georgetown-in-photos-november-2013-02

Wondering what you’re going to do today between 2 p.m. and 5 p.m.? Really craving Elevation Burger, but you are all about the deals? Well, great news is in store!

HAPPY HOUR IN HOYA COURT IS HAPPENING TODAY FROM 2 p.m. — 5 p.m.!

giphy

What is Happy Hour, you ask?

Today, in Hoya Court, Georgetown Dining will be clearing out some tables in turn for corn hole, awesome deals at Elevation Burger, Subway and Salad Creations and, rumor has it, some human bowling!

Stop by to get your cheap eats:

  • $4 Cheeseburgers
  • $1 Fries
  • $2 Milkshakes
  • $5 Foot-longs
  • $7 salads
  • $6 wraps

See you there!

Photos/gifs: Giphy.com; tumblr.com; alumni.georgetown.edu

The Many Faces of 2 Chainz

FevaTV-2Chainz

If you haven’t heard yet, 2 Chainz will be this year’s musical guest for Midnight Madness. And, for those of you who don’t know what Midnight Madness is, get yourselves together. Sports. Basketball. Hoya Saxa.

Anyway, yes, 2 Chainz is coming and we are so excited about it. To get you caught up on all happenings and information, 4E is bringing you the many faces of 2 Chainz:

This is 2 Chainz:

2chainz4_h_GIFSoup.com_

He is a pretty awesome guy. His real name is Tauheed Epps. But, he likes to go by 2 Chainz.
giphy-1

Also, he likes to rap, a lot.

2-chainz-peace-sign

He recently welcomed his third child, Halo.

chainz

And a new album, last Jan. (T.R.U. Jack City).

2chainz
Is this a Georgetown reference? A clue?

He’s loved by some great celebrities.

200_s

His attitude is off the chartz.

2-chainz-o

So come tonight to see 2 Chainz, and stay for the Georgetown University Step Team and GU Jawani, a dunk contest, scrimmage and cheerleading routines.

Photos/Gifs: mtvhive.com; giphy.com; amazonaws.com; bossip.files.wordpress.com; http://static.djbooth.net/; http://stream1.gifsoup.com/; http://oogeewoogee.com/

So, You Want to Netflix & Chill?

hfliljdkzvxldfyupzwnWith a new crop of students roaming the Hilltop comes a new set of questions to be answered. At 4E, we’ve already received numerous emails asking questions like:

“How can I avoid the freshman 15?” It’s unavoidable.

and

“How do I do laundry?” Honestly who knows, just call your mom.

However, seeing as how the answers to such problems could easily be looked up on Google, we haven’t felt compelled to grace these young Hoyas with our words of wisdom. That is, until we received the following email:

Hey 4E,

I’m really in need of your help. I saw some of your posts a while back where you gave pretty solid advice, and I’m so desperate I thought I’d give this a shot. I’m emailing you now because I’m having some major guy problems. I mean, I haven’t had this much drama since since my prom date Jason saw me DFMO with Kyle on the dance floor to “Love Story”. But, like, can I live?

So, about two weeks ago I met this really cute upperclassman guy at a totally exclusive party. He’s an athlete, and I think he plays football or like some sport where you throw things. Anyway, we ended up hanging out all night and I got to tell him all about my hopes and dreams for college. It was just sooo refreshing to talk to such mature guy about mature things, totally not like conversations with my high school boyfriend. Then, before I went back to New South, he said “Emma, can I get your number?” And I was like “sure,” even though my name’s actually Becca. But like, they both end in “A” so he probably just misheard me, right?

Now this guy has been texting nonstop for the past two weeks. He’ll usually text me some time between 2 a.m. and 3 a.m., which is kind of late but it’s nice to know that he’s thinking of me! Most of the time he’ll just text me things like “yo” or “sup,” but that’s enough for me to know that he’s totally into me. Sometimes I respond with really long texts about my day or what I ate at Leo’s, but he usually doesn’t respond to those. I figure he’s probably fallen asleep because he has practice early in the morning.

Anyway, last night he changed things up with his texts and at 2:32 a.m. texted me “Netflix and chill?” I was so confused at first, like what does his text mean? Why does he want to watch a movie so late?? Is this a date??? 4E, please help me! I just really need to know what his text means.

Becca in New South

Dear Becca,

We’re glad you decided to reach out to us at 4E, because we’ve definitely got a lot of advising to do for your situation.

First off, we definitely agree that this super cute upperclassman guy must be into you. As for the instance of him calling you Emma rather than Becca, he definitely didn’t mishear you. While some people call their significant others “babe” or “bae,” he opted to think outside of the box by calling you Emma. Think of it as a compliment, you only spent a few hours telling him your hopes and dreams before you scored that pet name! If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.

As for his late night texts, don’t worry about how late he’s sending them. Guys in college spend a lot of time doing homework, and are known to pull all-nighters when their professors assign a lot of optional reading for class. If anything, you should be flattered by the fact that you’re the first thing he thinks about when he’s done with all of his assignments! The fact that he’s also able to formulate such coherent thoughts as “yo” or “sup” after a full night of hitting the books is also commendable.

Now, in regards to his most recent text, you should know that this is in fact his way of not only asking you on a date but also asking you to be his girlfriend. You don’t want to Netflix and chill with just anyone, it’s just way too personal! I mean think about it, would you really be comfortable with anyone apart from your significant other seeing all those Disney movies and weird documentaries in your “recently watched” section? Yeah, we didn’t think so. Our best advice is to text him back ASAP, set up a convenient time to Netflix and chill and find the longest movie possible. (Note: We recommend anything by Nicholas Sparks.)

Much Love,

4E

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, gizmodo.com