25 Things That Lasted Longer Than Pete and Ariana’s Relationship

Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande have broken up. I can’t say I’m surprised, but at the same time, I am. On the bright side, it beats Kim Kardashian’s 72-day marriage to Kris Humphries.

Here are 20 things that have lasted longer than Pete and Ari’s fleeting engagement:

  1. The time it takes for Royal Jacket to give me my pre-made sandwich
  2. Brett Kavanaugh’s FBI investigation
  3. My good mood after a night at Grand Central
  4. Walmart Yodeling Kid’s career
  5. “Big Bootie 14”
  6. The “I’m gonna go to Yates every Monday, Wednesday and Friday” phase after New Year’s
  7. A macro lecture with Prof. Carol Rogers
  8. That period of time when clowns killed people
  9. A late-night Snapchat from a ~lonely boy~ at 2 a.m.
  10. The moment of silence for that person who drops their food in downstairs Leo’s
  11. Any friendship made at a sweaty NSO party
  12. The lifespan of the Wisey’s rat
  13. A nap after an SAE darty
  14. iPhone X battery life
  15. Random fire alarms in Lau during finals season
  16. A leftover Epi quesadilla
  17. The time it took for Lil Wayne to drop his album
  18. A basic Instagram Boomerang in front of Healy on a sunny day
  19. The flavor of Wisey’s Oreo cookies
  20.  Any Vil A rooftop party
  21. The time it takes for the Copley elevator to go from the first floor to the second
  22. The Ice Bucket Challenge trend
  23.  Kim K’s botox
  24.  A hug with Jack the Bulldog
  25.  That time you were pre-med

Sources: giphy.com, wireimage.com

Midterm Szn: Sophomore Year Edition

It’s sophomore year, ladies and gentlemen, which means we’re all ~experienced~ and can now look down on the lowly freshmen who walk the dreaded path to Darnall Hall. But besides the slightly upgraded situation — minus all the rats that bless our apartments, dorms and townhouses (#stayclassygtown) — all of us have really grown as individuals, haven’t we? I mean, new semester, new us, right?

Lo and behold, midterm season is upon us right in the midst of rejections from clubs, jobs and whatever else we pre-professional Hoyas dream of attaining.

As sophomores, we’ve moved on from competing to get into the most exclusive clubs (not really though) and comparing midterm grades (eh, have we really?). Instead, we’ve moved onto bigger, better and brighter things: jobs and internships.

So, here it is dear Hoyas: the types of people during midterm #szn, sophomore year edition.

1. The Bragger

This person constantly notes how many classes they’re taking on top of their internship for the Department of Justice, some fancy senator or the White House.  And SOMEHOW they will find a way to sneak their GPA into the discussion.

Here’s an example: “The weather is beautiful today. Almost as beautiful as opening MyAccess and seeing that stunning 3.9 GPA.” Did I ask for your resume? No. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize me saying “excuse me” to grab a pack of gummy bears was the green light for you to tell me that, on top of your 10 classes that are all 6 credits and your ~amazing, pre-professional~ internship, you have four midterms Thursday. Seriously. I just want my gummy bears.

2. The Coffee Addict

To be honest, I’m almost positive I spent my life savings at Midnight Mug the night I was cooped up in a Lau 2 study room for nine hours. To the people on shift that night, I truly apologize. If you had to make a non-fat large chai latte, chances are, it was mine. Much love to everyone at Midnight.

That confession aside, we should come clean: All of us have been this person. I think we can all come to the general consensus that a diet solely consisting of coffee, more coffee and the occasional chocolate-covered coffee beans is most certainly not a sustainable way of living. Hoyas, if you ever get to the point where it takes you five espresso shots for your soul to even feel mildly stimulated,  please…I don’t even know. Self-care, self-love. Remember we’re trying to ~thrive~ not just survive.

3. The Zombie

I just don’t understand…like, what?? How can someone pull consecutive all-nighters and still function like a normal human being, or at least some semblance of one. Honey, seriously, I know the chairs on Lau 2 can seem really comfortable if it’s 5 a.m., but please go back to your bed and sleep there.

On the note of sleep deprivation, let’s talk about eye bags. Well, it’s a look for sure. Moral of the story: Get on that healthy #Hoya sleep schedule with an average of 4.5 hours a night.*

*Don’t come for me if that statistic is wrong pls. It’s really a guesstimate. Thx.

Well, there you have it. Happy midterm #szn, Hoyas. If your intense course load and grueling internships don’t break you, lack of sleep will! Such exciting prospects. We at 4E sincerely wish you the best of luck.

Sources: giphy.com, tumblr.com

Places to Eat at 2 AM Now That Wingo’s Is Gone

My time at Georgetown has not been without its fair share of tragedy.

Hillary lost the election. Quick Pita closed. Chi Di (allegedly) shut down. Leo’s has (somehow) remained open. My GoCard picture turned out terribly. Hot Chick/Chicken Madness lost the other election. JT3 was allowed to coach a Division I basketball team. I once accidently made eye contact with a professor on a weekend. And Jack the Bulldog has straight up ignored me every single time I’ve asked to take a picture with him. To say the least, it’s been a rough three years on the Hilltop.

But none of these calamities could have prepared me for the news that broke on June 26th, 2018. As I’m sure you know by now, our beloved Wingo’s has burned down, and its soon-to-open new location is much further away. My first inclination was to write a eulogy that encapsulated what this little restaurant meant to a certain young Hoya who possessed a special love of both chicken wings and the ability to eat chicken wings at 2:00 a.m.; however, I had to abandon that plan when my tears started making it too difficult to see the laptop screen.

But because I am a professional journalist, I will work through the profound pain of this loss in order to write the type of hard-hitting article I know our readers have come to depend on from 4E. So, without further ado, here is a definitive guide of Places to Eat at 2:00 A.M. Now That Wingos is Gone.

Epi  

(Open 24/7)

If you love the feeling of hating yourself in the morning, Epi is the place for you. Their famous quesadilla is a classic choice, and the fries and onion rings are solid options as well, but I am also a big fan of “accidentally” stealing somebody else’s order and just eating whatever it is they decided to get.

Hoya Snaxa

(Technically only open until 1:00 am but whatever you get the point)

If you don’t die from walking downhill to get there, Snaxa is a pretty solid late night choice. Nothing says “Thank God my parents don’t know what their tuition money is really going towards” quite like using your GoCard to buy Cool Ranch Doritos and Cucumber Juul Pods in the early hours of the morning.

Mono Diner

(Open 24/7)

Do you remember that time freshman year when you DFMO’d at a Henle party and then the next week you started feeling gross and tired all the time and then you started panicking because you couldn’t get an appointment at student health for over a month? Have you ever wanted to relive that exact experience but while eating food at 2:00 am? Well look no further than Mono Diner. Located across from the CVS on Wisconsin, Georgetown’s newest 24-hour diner looks pretty good from the outside, but I just do not understand the name choice. Eat with caution.

Muncheez

(Open until 4:30 am)

Muncheez is a conundrum. Much like GUSA or attending a Georgetown basketball game, it has the potential to be great, but always ends up being disappointing in reality. It’s fine. Not good. Not awful. Just fine.

Quick Pita

(Closed forever)

Domino’s 

(Open until 3:00 a.m.)

Delicious (of course), but now that Chi Di is gone, you’ll probably never have a reason to walk on Prospect Street at 2:00 a.m. ever again. Delivery is fine I guess, but it doesn’t run as late and cheesy bread is really meant to be eaten at those blue plastic tables in the store. Why does The Neighborhood of Georgetown find a way to ruin everything we love?

&pizza

(Open until 4:00 a.m.)

Do you like spending more money for pizza that is less delicious and less filling than Dominos? Take the stroll down to Wisconsin Avenue for an overpriced rectangular pie at &pizza.

Bulldog Tavern

(Open until 2:00 a.m.)

Do you like waiting an hour and a half for cold mozzarella sticks? Then Bulldog Tavern is the place for you!

Wisey’s

(Sadly only open until 11:30 p.m.)

It is absolutely baffling to me that Wisey’s closes at 11:30. p.m. It has a prime location near campus and its sandwiches are tailor-made for those whose standards have been lowered after consuming a few adult beverages. If anybody reading this has enough influence to change Wisey’s (’s ?) hours (@JOHNDEGIOIA, @BILLCLINTON, @THEWISEYSRAT) please contact 4E ASAP. I really need for this change to happen in time for my senior year.

So there you have it. A few late-night options to fuel your late-night shenanigans.

This Article is in Loving Memory of Wingo’s (2002-2018). Gone too soon. RIP to the GOAT.

Sources: giphy.com, youtube.com, pinterest.com, wingos.com

March Sadness: Georgetown Edition

As the real March Madness came to an end, we here at 4E decided to give some ~content~ to all of Hoya Nation who had to sit through another NCAA Tournament without a team to root for.

We all have places on campus where we like to be sad. Whether it’s public, private, has beautiful views, reinforces the stresses of everyday life, allows you to forget about your issues or just involves you staring at your pillow, we all can root for our spots in the first annual March Sadness Bracket Challenge: the end-of-season tournament to determine where exactly is the best place to be sad on campus.

Some Notes

Dahlgren Chapel – Dahlgren is a heavy hitter in terms of sadness. I talked to some of my friends about this one, and they singled out something called “Catholic Guilt.” Since I’m Jewish, I don’t really know what that is. However, I would be super sad if I had to tell someone all of my sins every week because there must be SO many. I am, as they say, a sinner. I don’t exactly know what’s considered a sin, but I feel like I commit at least seven of them every time I watch an episode of “Storage Wars: Texas.”

My Bed – My bed is a great place to think about all the times that my friends have abandoned me (looking at you, Mark) and my family has shown little regard for my feelings. It’s great because if you squeeze the pillow really tight, you actually can’t hear any of the sounds of the cruel outside world.

Back of ICC 214 – The back-left desk of ICC 214 is a great place to be sad. This one is especially true when you get back your chem midterm and it’s not what you expected, even though you studied really hard and answered all the questions coherently but your TA really screwed you and must hate you because of that one time she said liked your sweater and you didn’t understand what she was saying at first so you just kept walking. Maybe this is more of a me problem.

Gaston Hall – Gaston has great acoustics for not only a cappella concerts and Rangila, but also for crying. If you really want to hear yourself cry (that is, bellow all of the half notes and pitch changes of your sobbing), there’s no place like Gaston to sit and bawl.

Yates Steps – Sometimes I like to pretend I’m going to Yates and start to walk up the steps, then I realize the steepness makes those steps really hard to ascend. Naturally, I just turn around most of the time. But that makes me extra sad because not only am I skipping Yates because I’m lazy, but I’m also physically incapable of exerting the necessary amount of energy that will allow me to even start working out. In the end I just cry, which one could argue is a form of exercise for your eyelids.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, capitolhillhotel-dc.com

99 Problems and Graduation is 1

Graduation

With a week to go before graduation, here is a list of the 99 things my friends and I will miss the most about Georgetown. Naturally, we will miss many more things, but we’ll keep it short for the sake of the title’s reference. Get ready for the tears, they are a coming…

1. Every single view
2. Leo’s
3. Snow Days
4. M Street and Wisconsin
5. Mai Thai, Paolo’s and El Centro Happy Hours


6. 99 Days
7. The Tombs on Saturday nights
8. First Bake at Farmers Fishers Bakers
9. Dixie’s
10. Corp Locations
11. Saxby’s
12. ICC
13. Georgetown clubs
14. Healy
15. The speakers


16. Baked and Wired vs. Georgetown Cupcakes
17. Mai Thai delivery
18. Wisey’s cookies
19. Wisey’s egg sandwiches
20. Wisey’s regular sandwiches
21. Jon Quigley
22. Basketball Games
23. Booey’s
24. Living close to the Waterfront
25. Good Stuff
26. Free MSBagels
27. Cherry Blossoms
28. Verizon Center
29. Drunch
30. Tombs Ale
31. Flex Dollars
32. T Sweets
33. Brown House
34. Thinking Smirnoff is “nice”

35. DFMOs
36. Jack the Bulldog
37. Todd Olson and his scooter
38. The Farmer’s Market
39. Parties with The Chimes

40. Playing cornhole on the front lawn
41. Our freshman floors (@Darnall 5)
42. Hoya Blue
43. Tombs’ Trivia (especially the music round)
44. Senior Night (and $3 vodka drinks)
45. GUGS Burgers
46. Rooftop Parties
47. Looking at Healy and feeling so goddamn lucky

48. Varsity athletes
49. Cosi Bread
50. Free food in general
51. Chicken Finger Thursday
52. Emails from JQP and all of our other favorite admins
53. Georgetown Day
54. The Stall Seat Journal
55. Horrible late night food options
56. Epi quesadillas
57. Regents’ elevators
58. The amazing professors (s/o STIA and Latin American departments)
59. 25 cent large iced waters at the Corp
60. The being stressed is cool
61. Exploring DC, even if it’s for only an hour
62. Free museums

63. The Metro (lol jk never)
64. Tombs coffee cake during weekend brunch
65. Half Priced Wingos
66. Los Cuates (always and forever)
67. Leo’s Brunch
68. Lau 1

 69. Lau 2

 70. Lau 3

 71. Lau 4

72. Lau 5 (JK no one goes to Lau 5)
73. Living on million dollar real estate when your income is 1/1000000th of that
74. Pretending you are a wealthy individual living in Georgetown
75. The Prospect Crawl

76. Sneaking things in and out of Leo’s
77. Foxfields
78. Sweetgreen’s proximity
79. Living near famous people
80. Events in Gaston
81. Mass with Biden
82. The Jesuits
83. Toga parties
84. Tombs nights
85. Running through Dahlgren fountain

86. Skipping class just because (oops)
87. Georgetown Snapchat story
88. All the Georgetown geofilters
89. Hearing about students’ internships on the hill
90. Club Lau
91. Spending insane amounts of time in Lau and getting nothing done
92. Woodbridge
93. Watching tours go by and being insanely jealous
94. Friday afternoons during the spring

95. Being surrounded by so many inspiring people
96. Making connections with people who change your life
97. Running into everyone you know at Midnight, NO MATTER WHAT
98. Feeling accomplished after finishing an impossible class
99. And, of course, we are going to miss everyone.

Hey Georgetown, don’t make us leave!

Photos/Gifs: teen.com; flickr.com; giphy.com; ncronline.com; webchutney.pk; bunow.com; imgur.com; blogofthecourtierdotcom.files.wordpress.com; literallydarling.com; gurl.com; omegafi.com

Lau Really is a Club!

spicy

D.C. has a ton of clubs: Cities, Eden or whatever the newest rage is… you get the point. Clubs and bars are fun to go to, but nothing can take the place of Georgetown’s very own Lauinger Library, the ultimate club.

Confused? Lau is basically the party of the year and by being a Georgetown student you are automatically invited!

Here are six ways a night at Lau is exactly like a night at the club:

1. Boys there ignore me.

tumblr_lj9mwaZhKN1qghpako1_500

2. It’s hard to tolerate without copious amounts of alcohol.

3. The area next to the (coffee) bar is always the most crowded.

But I just wanted a caramel soy latte!
But I just want a chai tea latte!

4. The bathroom never has soap or paper towels after the weekend.

5. You usually stay well past 2am.

Circa 4am
Circa 4am

6. It’s full of underage college students.

Next time you are feeling bored and restless, save yourself a few bucks, put on your cutest yoga pants and hoodie and head across campus to Lauinger.

Photos/Gifs: tumblr.com; imgur.com; http://thetally.efinancialnews.com/; blog.goodosphere.com/

A Eulogy For Our Fallen Comrade, Qdoba

EulogyEarlier today, The Hoya reported that the Qdoba on M Street and 33rd Street NW has closed permanently. 4E has put together these words in its memory:

We have gathered here today to mourn the loss of one of Hoyas’ favorite Tuesday (formerly Monday) night restaurants. Qdoba was the place to be every Tuesday night for cheap, not-quite-Chipotle-quality Mexican food. But alas, it couldn’t survive by selling mass amounts of burritos to us for $4 once a day every week, and so it has left us.

We would not be where we are today without Qdoba and its long-term commitment to provide Hoyas with cheap food. And for that, we thank you. We will continue to celebrate your life on M Street. For your death is not really an end, but a beginning – specifically, the beginning of Chipotle’s burrito monopoly. In your wake, we are only left with Chipotle to satisfy our hunger. Eating there and only there will be an adjustment that we will have to make. In the end though, we will persevere, and we will do it with the grace and dignity that you always had until your untimely passing.

Farewell, Qdoba. Gone, but not forgotten.

Photo: dcoutlook.com, klipd.com