Welcome Back!

The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.

In other words, the start of a new school year is here.

View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.

We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.

1.  Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.

You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.

2. Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.

“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.

3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.

Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.

4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.

Walking out of Lau at 2 am like…

5. LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.

 

Honorary AEPi member

6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.

What is tax fraud anyway, though?

7. Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.

Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.

8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…

You can always drink away the embarrassment.

Best of luck everyone! Hoya Saxa.

 

Sources: giphy.com, theanthemdc.com,

Six Reasons to Fear Georgetown Snap Story

georgetownsnapWelcome back to campus guys! While I hope you’re all enjoying the fleeting days far away from Lauinger, I must warn you of two possible life-threatening dangers on campus.

First of all, there is a nearly imperceptible trail of ice in front of Walsh. It’s dangerous. I almost broke my legs while performing an accidental split over the ice. But, I recovered.

recovery

The second biggest danger to me and to all of you is very clearly perceivable and it has come in the form of a cute little ghost.

If you have a Snapchat, you know that Georgetown Campus Snap Story is NOT affiliated with, licensed by or sponsored by Georgetown University, but anyone on campus can view Our Campus Story and add to it, making it extremely dangerous for accidental screen-shotters.

Here are the things that terrify me about the new Georgetown Campus addition to the Snapchat app.

Sexting. I don’t want to see it, but it’s bound 2 happen. Before you “accidentally” post your anonymous genitalia to the story Saturday night, remember that youths may use this app on campus while walking to mass on Sunday morning.

Feeling FOMO. I know there will be a few Friday nights that I’ll sadly sit in Saxby’s, do minimal work on a paper and wish I was out on the town. Before I only had to fight the temptation to follow my friends’ nights on Snapchat. Now the entire Georgetown population will be working together to show me what I’m missing.

Regrets. My snap stories are often embarrassing, but on the weekend my snap stories are flat-out regrettable. I don’t need to share my regrets with the entire student body. But I might. I just might do it.

My Ethics Professor. He’s young, he has long hair and he cares about the environment. He’s probably hip enough to have a Snapchat. Unfortunately, anyone on campus can see the Georgetown snap story so my ethics professor could possibly see me or any of my classmates in a new, unflattering light.

Power in the Wrong Hands. Absolute power corrupts absolutely and I’m afraid a few of our Georgetown comrades will monopolize the Our Campus upgrade.

Finally, I was terrified of what the snap story would show us about our student body. I was concerned for a while that we would collectively come to the conclusion that we’re all basically the same, coffee-drinking, Friends-watching college kid. After seeing what seemed like three goofy, dancing, sweater-clad guys in a row on our story I decided that if we were all the same, at least we were fun. Then, as the snaps continued to pour in, I saw lab time, RHO work, common room leaks, canal hockey, pep-talk givers, seniors enjoying senior night, Joe Biden, beautiful, stylish people and one Ritz cracker enthusiast. You guys are actually really cool and now my fear is that I am not nearly cool enough to find something to share with you all.

Let the hunt begin.

Gif: gifsoup.com

Still Looking for a Summer Internship?

I know what you did last summer. You worked at the Resident Housing Offices. Even though you basically got paid to watch trashy television and catch up on Dave Eggers or  Jodi Picoult whatever the kids are reading these days , you decided that this summer you’re going to do something different. You’re going to intern.

SAD TRUTH ALERT: If you haven’t figured out what you’re doing this summer, then it’s already too late.

Okay, that’s not 100% true but you should already have the ball rolling. Some crazy summer internships have their deadlines in November and December (CRAZY, AMIRITE. I mean its all like snowflakes and pumpkin pie at that time of year, not summer job hunt time!)

There is still hope for you if you get your act together within the next two weeks. But you’ve got to be aggressive and you’ve got to be determined. Say it with me: ‘No to RHO.’

Step 1: Explore the Interwebs

A really cool thing that people have started doing to help themselves find out stuff is called  ‘Google’. There’s like math and science and magic and WHAM – jobs galore. Apparently, this ‘googling’ phenomenon can be quite helpful.

In all seriousness, the internet is the best place to locate some potential summer jobs. The sites you visit most frequently are a tipoff to where you should think about interning. Are you always just clicking through Gawker? Toss your resume to some social media or entertainment upstarts. Basically any place that has a website, has an intern program. Papers like the Washington Post  usually also have job listings online that are worth perusing.

Continue reading “Still Looking for a Summer Internship?”