Welcome Back!

The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.

In other words, the start of a new school year is here.

View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.

We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.

1.  Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.

You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.

2. Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.

“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.

3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.

Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.

4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.

Walking out of Lau at 2 am like…

5. LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.

 

Honorary AEPi member

6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.

What is tax fraud anyway, though?

7. Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.

Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.

8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…

You can always drink away the embarrassment.

Best of luck everyone! Hoya Saxa.

 

Sources: giphy.com, theanthemdc.com,

4E’s Spring 2018 Blog Babies

Just as Kylie Jenner kept baby Stormi a secret until she was born and ready to be famous, we here at 4E are proud to announce that, earlier this month, we welcomed six new bloggers into our family. Be on the lookout for some stellar content from them in the future!

Top 3 Signs That You’re Officially A Broke College Student

1. Your card gets declined on a pack of gum at Vittles. I’ve had to pay in dimes and nickels before.

2. You can’t donate that extra $1 at CVS checkout. It’s hard to donate to the poor when you ARE the poor.

3. Signing up to be a student guard. $12.50 for sitting at a desk seems like the ultimate solution for broke students.

Top 5 Social W’s at Georgetown

1. A university-recognized frat party

2. A Henle that is below 97 degrees

3. A Vil B where no one gets kicked out

Top 5 Awkward Interactions I’ve Had This School Year

1. I’m in an interview in front of three intimidating upperclassmen. I wrote in my application that my dream job would be a stand-up comedian, so they ask me to tell a joke. I’m nervous, and so I say the first thing that comes into my mind: a Jewish joke. The problem — I didn’t tell them that I’m Jewish. They laugh awkwardly at this joke. Unsurprisingly, I was rejected.

2. I get into the New South elevator and see a kid from my Spanish class. We have never talked before today. The elevator is crowded, and  we end up standing right next to each other, shoulder to shoulder. We say “hey,” and then it’s just silent. The elevator is going up so slowly,  and it becomes so silent and awkward that I start to laugh uncontrollably.

3. *Waiter gives me my food*

Waiter: “Enjoy!”

Me: “You too!”

Top 3 Disney Channel Original Movies since 2000

1. Cheetah Girls

2.  High School Musical

3. Jump In! 

Top 3 Georgetown Rats

1. The Wisey’s Rat: The OG. The rat who started it all. To quote an old adage, “You see a rat, I see a man working hard to support his family.” Long live.

2. The Leo’s rat: It’s truly disturbing that a rat lived amongst my 5Spice sesame chicken and Sazon guacamole. Still, the temptation is understandable. I really can’t blame this one on the rat so much as on whatever evil force made Leo’s.

3. The rat I accidentally kicked on Healy Lawn: I’d feel bad for kicking you so hard, but scurrying over my foot was never going to be the best first impression. I watched in horror as you soared through the air from the sheer force of my kick, unaware that although you were my first Georgetown rat, you wouldn’t be my last.

Top 3 Tried and True Ways to Procrastinate

1. BuzzFeed comes to mind for most people when they hear the word procrastination. It truly has something for everyone.

2. The Facebook Deep Dive is a personal favorite of mine: Just start scrolling through your Facebook timeline and see where it takes you. Maybe you start with a few cooking videos and after forty minutes find yourself casually stalking the profile of a girl you went to middle school with — obviously not in a creepy way, just to see how she’s doing.

3. Of course, you can’t go wrong with a classic form of procrastination: the nap. It solves everything. Paper due in a few hours? Nap. Feel generally stressed? Nap. Avoiding any and all responsibilities? Nap.

Photos/Gifs: facebook.com, blog.thehoya.com

Rude Awakenings: Post-Break Pros and Cons

Welcome back to campus! Now that we’re in the semester after a restful break and unrestful syllabus week, here are the pros and cons of really being back.

PRO: Leo’s tastes better than you remembered.

CON: LINES and RATS.

PRO: You’re fully-rested, having had 12 hours of sleep per day, binge-watched 12 shows, eaten solid meals and  spent not too much money.

CON: That’s all gone after the first “Jersey Night” of syllabus week.

CON: The entire LXR bathroom mirror is torn off the wall.

PRO: The Instagram account @georgetownhotmess is back and better than ever.

PRO: You have another opportunity to get more involved in the Georgetown community.

CON: You then get rejected from every club.

PRO: You THEN have more free time for you (2018 is the year of self-care)!

CON: Your first time back in Lau gives you finals PTSD.

PRO: Lau 2 is quiet and there’s plenty of seating.

PRO: You got closure with a high school flame and you’re ready to move on to better things in 2018.

CON: You’ve already deleted and reinstalled Tinder five times, kissed every ex, ghosted someone twice and reverted back to your freshman year self.

CON: You miss your family’s home cooked meals.

PRO: Booey’s pitchers, Wisey’s cookies, and Falafel Inc. don’t make you use table manners.

CON:  The Corp’s coffee tastes nasty and makes your head spin.

PRO: Now you have flex dollars to spend it on!

PRO: You don’t have to worry about driving home after a late night out.

CON: RIP your Uber rating.

CON: You miss vacation, when you could travel to a new place and discover new cultures.

PRO: An Uber to Adams Morgan is a cultural excursion.

PRO: It’s great to be back in Washington, D.C. and you can’t wait to explore the city and museums!

CON: Second week back and the government shuts down. SMH.

 

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, georgetown.edu

50 Things Better Than SaxaNet

Despite being 3 months into a school year that has graced us with new Leo’s and a NUG, we still have no new SaxaNet. Maybe this is a cry for help or just an attempt to make sure that we live in a constant state of stress, but one thing is for sure: 4E is here to remind you of all of the things better than our current SaxaNet!

1 . GuestNet.

2. Wisey’s Rat. A cultural icon.

3. NUG (New Uncommon Grounds).

4. Being swerved by Patrick Ewing for a selfie.

5. A closed Quick Pita #neverforget #foreverinourhearts.

6. Sleeping on the ground, waiting for a speaker while it rains (HRC event last year I’m looking at you).

7. The VW Bus in Leo’s.

8. JT3.

9. Just getting up to the Vill A rooftops as the parties are being shut down.

10. Meek Mill getting arrested before Hoya Madness.

11. The President DeGioia Fathead on Vil A.

12. The lines at Whisk at 9 am.

13. Chik-Fil-A closing at 7 pm on a weeknight.

14. Class in St. Mary’s and then in Walsh 15 minutes later.

15. Drinking with your parents.

16. The 2008 Leo’s norovirus outbreak.

17. Walking up the Regents stairs.

18. Rain during the Farmer’s Market.

19. Rats scurrying across your path on the way to Lau 2.

20. The lack of soy milk AND a working blender at Midnight MUG.

21. The football team’s losing season (1-7).

22. Our rivalry with the Georgetown neighborhood.

23. Maintenance request response rates.

24. The lack of a Metro stop in Georgetown.

25. Walking up the Exorcist Steps.

26. LXR.

27. The one hour three hour wait for Cosí last year (#gonebutneverforgotten).

28. The Walsh elevator.

29. The emergence of Darnall as a #lit dorm.

30. Being rejected from Blue and Gray AND The Corp AND GUASFCU (Thanks Georgetown meme page for showing accurate feels!).

31. Going to Wisey’s at 11:15 pm and finding it closed.

32. The line on Tapingo for Bulldog at 8:01pm (#55thinlinereactsonly).

33. Meeting yet ANOTHER member of the #DirtyJerz during NSO.

34. The Lau fire alarm going off in the middle of midterms season.

35. Sweetgreen’s move to Wisconsin.

36. FINALLY seeing Jack on campus, but he’s not up for photos.

37. Using the last of your flex dollars.

38. Being such a Lau regular that the security guard recognizes doesn’t ask for your GoCard.

39. Starbucks not accepting your free drinks.

40. Paying for Chick-Fil-A.

41. Lau as an entity.

42. The prices at the bookstore.

43. Hilltoss’ new menu.

44. Only getting free samples of apples and peaches from the Farmer’s Market because you spent all of your money.

45. Taking your midterm and realizing that ~studying memes~ on Lau 4 last night did not help.

46. Getting to Farmers Fishers Bakers at 10:35am (just missing First Bake) and having no breakfast.

47. Eating at downstairs Leo’s.

48. Getting to class after your professor has started speaking.

49. Getting rejected from Piano in addition to getting your fake taken.

50. Reading this article using GuestNet.

As much as we complain about it, we can appreciate like understand Saxanet and its dysfunction. Hopefully by next finals season we’ll have a better version to hate!

Photos/GIFS: giphy.com, facebook.com, pinterest.com

50 Things Better Than Georgetown’s Housing System

Banner - HousingThe spirit of Georgetown is the best of any schools’ in the country. The housing? Not so much. It’s hard to go a day without hearing someone complaining about something related to housing. Most recent, the ire of many students was directed at the housing process for next year and the fact that rising sophomores were often excluded from Phase I selection, whereas many rising juniors and even some seniors found that they wouldn’t be able to live in their most desired places.

In honor of this tragedy and many others (including, but definitely not limited to: vermin infestations, dirty carpets, sub-par plumbing, outdated fixtures/appliances), here is 4E’s list of… 50 Things Better Than Georgetown’s Housing:

  1. Instructional continuity
  2. Leo’s coffee
  3. Losing your GoCard
  4. 8am classes

    class sleeping
    @everyone
  5. Hot Chick and Chicken Madness not winning the GUSA election
  6. GUTS bus delays
  7. The laundry rooms’ notoriously useless dryers
  8. Going to Epi on a Sunday night, only to realize it’s closed
  9. SaxaNet
  10. GuestNet
  11. Getting one out of five classes during preregistration
  12. Our basketball team this yearbasetball
  13. Getting rejected from every club
  14. The bathrooms in Reiss
  15. When people are talking obnoxiously on Lau 3
  16. Rhino closing
  17. Kehoe field
  18. Constructionconstruction
  19. Running out of meal swipes
  20. Having meal swipes (and having to use them on Georgetown’s food)
  21. JT III
  22. Brown House not being a thing next year
  23. Doing a survey and not winning the promised gift card
  24. Getting hurt by the curve
  25. Missing Bill Clinton’s speech because you have class
  26. TAs
  27. Sending a well-formatted email to your professor and getting a one word reply
  28. Getting rejected from the GAAP group
  29. That one kid who incessantly posts in the GAAP group
  30. The GAAP group
  31. LL Lau
  32. Getting stuck behind a tour
  33. Roommates who snore (in which case, try this)
  34. Lecture captures
  35. GoCard swiping machines not working
  36. RATS

    rats
    Not amused, personally
  37. Having a final on the last day of finals
  38. Georgetown Cupcakes lines
  39. When the professor shows up seconds before the class would have been cancelled
  40. Getting the snow day email after you’ve already gotten out of bed
  41. Having to give directions to a lost stranger on campus
  42. DC’s humidity in the summerdamn hot
  43. Trying to get a timely appointment at the Student Health Center
  44. The fact that we don’t have a metro stop
  45. Our NCAA appearance this year (lol)
  46. Hoverboards being banned on campus
  47. Class in Walsh and St. Mary’s back-to-back
  48. Seeing 38592740372 pictures of cherry blossoms on Instagram
  49. Being haunted
  50. Nothing

In other words, the only thing worse than the housing system, is the housing system itself. Here’s to another year in Henle.

Photos/Gifs: flickr.com, giphy.com

From the Hilltop to the French Hill

Georgetown in Israel

​After two semesters of trekking to Lau and whining about Leo’s food, summer provides a much-needed escape from the Georgetown bubble. Yet, even while exploring Jerusalem’s Hebrew University, Mount Scopus—my new campus home for the summer—I have begun to put Georgetown in perspective. Located in its nation’s capital, world-renowned and buzzing with cafés and students lounging on the lawn, Hebrew University is actually a lot more like Georgetown than I would ever have thought. Here are some surprising similarities:

1. Call Animal Control
Let’s be honest: no one came to Georgetown for the rats and squirrels. I intentionally bypass Old North to avoid mice Mecca. At Hebrew University, however, cats prove an inescapable presence. Not only do cats roam the library and the student center, but students also maintain an area on campus specifically to feed the cats. Maybe if we took some cats to Georgetown, we’d at least lose one problem.

2. Dead Man Walking
While Georgetown houses a cemetery for Jesuits between Harbin and the ICC, Hebrew U actually boasts two: the British War cemetery and the American Colony cemetery. Nothing like looking at graves for some encouragement on the way to class.

3. Satellite Struggles
If you haven’t heard of the infamous and much-bemoaned proposal to introduce a satellite Georgetown campus, then you probably were living in Hebrew University. Although Hebrew U retains six different campuses depending on subject area, Georgetown students would universally protest the Mount Scopus layout. While the dorms sit on one side of the campus, students have to walk twenty minutes to the library and the academic buildings. Forget about waking up five minutes before class.

4. Campus on a Hill
Both Georgetown and Hebrew U are situated on one of the highest points of their respective cities. What a geographic sense of superiority!

5. The Village People
Rooming in VCW and Village A, I have always lived in some sort of village. Out of all the Georgetown idiosyncrasies, I considered this the most peculiar. Instead of being super confusing to visitors and new students, can’t the university just find some rich people to buy the name and then use the money to put treadmills in some common rooms? Yet, in Hebrew University, my dorm is number 7 in the Student Village. I guess some seemingly unique eccentricities really supersede countries and customs.

Before arriving at Hebrew University, I considered my summer to be a very different, if not completely opposite, experience to my first year at Georgetown. But I guess it just goes to show that no matter where you go as a Hoya, memories of the Hilltop will always travel with you.

Jessica Tannenbaum is a rising junior at Georgetown. Thanks, Jessica!

Photo: horizon2020projects.com

You Seek, We Write: The Hilarious Search Terms That Lead to 4E

Search TermsWell, hello there 4E readers. We here at the blog would like to think that our incredibly informative and entertaining pieces fill the voids of readers desperately searching for a way to brighten their day. Believe it or not, there are many ways Fourth Edition readers come across the quirky abode that is our website. Some viewers come from The Hoya website. Others arrive through our Facebook promotions, and quite a lot arrive from search engines.

Now, you might be wondering, what do you have to type into a search engine to end up on 4E? Well, thanks to our site statistics, we’ve tracked it and figured it out. And for your reading pleasure, we’ve compiled a list of our favorite searches that landed Google users on the pages of our blog. So next time you are soul searching on the World Wide Web, try typing in one of these stellar search phrases so you can see the best of what we have to offer. (Or just bookmark our site and go there.)

Georgetown-Burnetts-1“How to drink hot cinnamon flavored vodka”

As with many things life, questions cannot be simply boiled down to the why. They must also include the how, and we at 4E are here to guide you through those difficult decisions by providing a vast array of choices and advice that will hopefully lead you to answer to that question. Our variety of articles including how-tos, different drinking games (many of which are themed) and recipes will help every Hoya spice up a social gathering.

Wait a second, did someone say spice up? That’s right, this search phrase featured none other than then the highly contested, frequently talked about, hot cinnamon flavored vodka! Never forget that Hoyas help Hoyas when venturing into new territory, so we are always here to help.

“Surprised Patrick”

Some things are better seen than heard. Surprised Patrick’s face expresses feelings a Hoya can experience several times throughout the day. Like when there are no treadmills free at Yates, the pasta line is non-existent or the Internet is working in a dorm room.

“Calories in Thomas Sweet ice cream”

At 4E, we like ice cream, too! But to be honest, we don’t know the answer to this one and we actually don’t want to. Here’s a link to the Thomas Sweet website, though, just in case you dare to find out.

tumblr_mt60vbyJfw1s8shk6o1_400“Honey Boo Boo”

Perhaps the greatest thing about Honey Boo Boo (and clan), is that she is never too shy to say what she is really thinking and never too humble to declare her accomplishments loud and proud. Whenever you are having a bad day, turn to Honey Boo Boo and 4E and remember that if we both exist and everyone is still smiling, you can make it through, too.

“Are you supposed to say your name in a card for your Secret Santa”

With any holiday season comes gifts, often in the form of fun games involving secrecy. Hoyas have asked us for sage advice to the question, “Are you supposed to say our name in a card for Secret Santa?” Well, we have consulted significantly on this issue and ruled that secret is secret only if it is secret. Therefore, a resounding yes. But keep it a secret.

“Georgetown rat problem”

Yes, there is a bit of a rat problem here at Georgetown. We know. But really, the infestation is all just a matter of outlook. On one hand, you can think of our rats as disgusting, foul, disease-infested vermin. Or, on the other hand, you can think of them as just another friendly, diverse addition to the Hilltop community who happen to appear at night. Like armadillos. And who doesn’t love armadillos?

As you can see, those who stumble upon the Fourth Edition have quite the array of Internet searches. Some are looking for answers to practical questions. Some need a sympathetic story or a light-hearted laugh. Whatever the reason, 4E is always here for you in your time of need. Keep reading and keep asking the most of us, Hoyas!

Georgetown eCards: Sass to the Max

It’s finals season for universities all over the country, and people are looking for ways to procrastinate. The 4E staff has collaborated to offer you a very Hilltop-specific method of getting nothing done for a few minutes. Share and enjoy!

1.

1

2.

2

3.

3

4.

4

5.

5

6.

6

7.

7
8.

8

9.

9

10.

10 11.

11

12.12

13.

1314.

14

15.

15 16.

16

17.

17

18.

18 19.

19

20.

20

DC’s War on Rats

by Martin Hussey

We’re all used to the ubiquitous sightings of Chihuahua-sized rats crossing our paths late at night, but Georgetown’s continuing rat problem — a population increasing since at least 2010 — is, for the moment, being eclipsed by a growing political crisis for the District fueled by surging rat populations at the Occupy D.C. protests and by statements that Virginia Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli made to Rush Limbaugh on his conservative radio show.

Cuccinelli sparked a firestorm of conservative blog activity after he alleged on Limbaugh’s Jan. 12 radio show that the District’s 2010 Wildlife Protection Act would lead to D.C. rats being exported to Virginia. Limbaugh repeated the claim last week, prompting national scrutiny about the D.C. policy enacted to treat the pesky animals humanely. (The law, in fact, does exempt rats, meaning that pest controllers can still kill them.) In response to the claims, Maryland Del. Pat McDonough plans to introduce a law to protect Maryland from any future imports of D.C. rats into the state. However, all of the recent chatter may be for naught, as The Washington Post reports that there have been no documented cases of rat-smuggling from D.C. into either Virginia or Maryland.

While the District fights off Cuccinelli’s and Limbaugh’s false claims of rat-smuggling, the D.C. Department of Health is starting a new battle against the rats occupying Occupy D.C. downtown. Last week, Mayor Vincent Gray asked the National Park Service to remove the encampments at McPherson Square and Freedom Plaza due to exploding rat populations near the sites. Protestors’ response to the threat of eviction? Georgetown rats are bigger than Occupy rats, and there is no plan to evict Georgetown residents.