Welcome Back!

The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.

In other words, the start of a new school year is here.

View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.

We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.

1.  Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.

You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.

2. Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.

“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.

3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.

Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.

4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.

Walking out of Lau at 2 am like…

5. LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.

 

Honorary AEPi member

6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.

What is tax fraud anyway, though?

7. Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.

Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.

8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…

You can always drink away the embarrassment.

Best of luck everyone! Hoya Saxa.

 

Sources: giphy.com, theanthemdc.com,

A Summer in the District

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I have only been in D.C. for the summer for less than a week. Practically no time at all. Less than a week, and I have already encountered a ton of changes in Georgetown during the semester and Georgetown during the summer months. How does one place change so drastically in so little time?!

My Observations:

1. Campus is not the center of everything. This is the first time living off-campus during my time at Georgetown, so campus has obviously played a big part in my day-to-day routine. Now I’m living on Prospect St. and I haven’t even stepped within a block radius of campus!

2. D.C. is hot as hell. Oh hawt damn, D.C. is ridiculously warm. I have heard a ton of rumors of this heat, but experiencing it is a whole other thing. I have never craved iced coffee or froyo more in my life.

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3.  Living in a townhouse is the best type of living. Okay, Georgetown’s dorms are okay, but they are nothing compared to the townhouses in the neighborhood. Sure I am paying a hella lot of money per month, but it is so worth it. I actually feel like a real person, wut?

4. People in the District are beyond fit. Or at least they are really good at pretending to be fit. Everyone walks around with a yoga mat (not judging) and the people at Washington Sports Club seem so into it. Perhaps this will inspire me? (Note: Perhaps does not promise anything.)

rebel-wilson-workout

5. I love this place even more than I thought I did. With school being non-existent I have had more time to enjoy this place we Hoyas call home. Georgetown has so much to offer and I cannot wait to explore it all. Ugh, I love this place.

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For those of you not here right now, be sure to check 4E for more Georgetown updates and summer adventures!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com; perezhilton.com; tumblr.com; huddy.com

Georgetown-Themed Rejection Lines

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‘Tis the season for love and emotions! Everyone remembers last year when 4E brought you the best pickup lines in the planet. I mean you should, 4E (cough, myself) basically became famous.

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But then… no one used the pickup lines. At least, not on me. THESE LINES ARE GOLDEN PEOPLE, COME ON.

Well anyway now we back, back again. And this time, we are better than ever. Because this time we are giving you ways to reject love. Maybe this will be more applicable to your lives.

4E PRESENTS: GEORGETOWN REJECTION LINES

You are more likely to get an appointment at the Career Center than a date with me.

The prospect of us having a relationship makes me want to run screaming down Prospect.

I feel more alone with you than I do in Lau.

Dr. Todd Olson: doesn’t exist. Your chance with me: likewise.

It’s not you, it’s your Wisey’s order.

You have a better chance of strolling down the Reiss walkway.

Of course I’ll go on a date with you! Meet you at the Georgetown Metro stop tonight at 7!

You are Los Cuates, and I am the police. Shutting. You. Down.

You may have stolen the clock hands, but you couldn’t steal my heart.

Do you know what NHS stands for? Not Happening, Sorry.

Make like JJ the Bulldog and bite me.

This conversation is a lot like the first week of school: NSOver.

Use them on a creepy classmate, use them on your friends. I really don’t care. Just as long as you don’t use them on me.

And remember, if you are #tryna, “let’s be like the cups in Leo’s and stick together” is always appropriate.

Photos/Gifs: eonline.com; tumblr.com

Introducing The Potomac Shore

With the Citizens Association of Georgetown (CAG) installing security cameras in the neighboring area we as Hoyas have to ask ourselves—what strange things will they catch on camera on the average Saturday night?

While the CAG cameras are meant to provide details in the event of a crime, we can only imagine what footage will go unwatched.

In my own party-going experience, I’ve gotten to know several types of individuals that may be seen on camera. Something I like to call The Potomac Shore…

The Situation/Ronnie/The Guy No One Really Remembers

You’re quite the rager, doing keg stands and shotgunning Natty like the professional bro (brofressional?) you are. You can barely walk in a straight line, let alone wheel yourself around on that superfluous skateboard. You’re that guy at the party which, for you, is not a bad thing to be. You can rock Nantucket Reds during the day and the lax pinnie at night, and we all know you’re going to score.

Sammie “Sweetheart”

We know, we know. You NEVER go out. You should be in Lau studying for that chem test on Monday, but instead you’ve got your heels in hand sitting on the 35th and Prospect. Pull yourself together, honey. Enjoy your night because there’s nothing you can do now, and worrying won’t add to your test grade.
Drink something to hydrate (jungle juice doesn’t count), and I promise you will survive.

Pauly D

You’re the cool guy that every girl and guy wants to talk to. You walk home alone, but that air of mystery that you don has people texting you all night asking what you’re up to. Listening to your Beats, you know all of the latest hits and you heard Gangnam Style before anyone else in the U.S. did. You non-
conformist, you. Stay warm, bro. Because being cool is too mainstream.

Snooki

A Potomac Shore Snooki is the guy or girl who will be seen the most on the security cameras. You’re best friends with the guys down at Tuscany, who no longer try to overcharge you for drunk pizza. Attempt to stay classy because you know that one day you’ll really want to run for a public office, and saying “It depends on what the definition of ‘is’ is” can only work once in a lifetime – props to our alum Slick Willy for that one.

Stay classy, Hoyas.