The 5 Parents You Will Meet During Parents Weekend

Take a break from rationing your remaining flex dollars and crying at the thought of having to eat at New Leo’s, because Parents Weekend (a.k.a. Beg Your Parents to Buy You Food Weekend) is upon us. And while it’s certainly nice to see the ‘rents (s/o my fellow #millennials), there are always some moms and dads you should be on the lookout for. To help you out, we’ve complied a list of the five parents you will meet during Parents Weekend:

1. The “Alumnus”

This parent answers the hypothetical question, “What if Jersey Night was somehow a dad?” Get ready for a weekend full of some definitely-not-exaggerated stories about those “wild nights at The Tombs” and how he/she totally used to “party with Patrick Ewing” “back in the day”. The “Alumnus” can usually be found reminiscing about how “the drinking age used to be 18” or how “the basketball team used to be good,” while staring wistfully at Healy and telling you about the time his/her roommate fell out of a New South window. Should you have to interact with one of these parents over the course of your weekend, our best advice is to continually reassure the “Alumnus” that you too love the movie St. Elmo’s Fire, while casually hinting how “cool” it would be if someone could buy you a case of Natty.

The “Alumnus” “Back in the Day”

2. The “Empty-Nester”

This parent is still having a hard time accepting that the baby of the family is off at college. The Empty-Nester will spend the weekend doing the child’s laundry and thanklessly trying to replicate a home-cooked meal in the middle of a VCW common room. If your parent is the “Empty-Nester”, be sure to blatantly lie reassure them that you are making good choices, exercising regularly, and studying diligently every night before going to sleep promptly at 10 p.m. If you come into contact with someone else’s “Empty-Nester” mom or dad, be sure to nod sympathetically and mention how your own parents have simply replaced you with a dog.

The “Empty-Nester” at Parents Weekend

3. The “Well, MY Son/Daughter Doesn’t Drink”

This parent is hopelessly out of touch with reality. When meeting other parents, this mom or dad will immediately assert a (false) superiority by saying some variation of “Well, my [insert child’s name] isn’t much of a partier” or “Well, my [insert child’s name here] is too busy studying to really go out much”.  Nine times out of ten, this parent’s beloved child is the same child you once found passed out next to an empty can of Four Loko in a bathroom on a Tuesday night. If you meet one of these parents, resist the urge to show off all those incriminating Snapchats you’ve screenshotted, and simply go along with the naïve charade. Someday, likely in the form of a hospital bill after [insert child’s name here] is GERMSed from falling down the Vil A rooftop steps, the truth behind all those alleged “nights in Lau” will come out. But Parents Weekend is not that day.

Interacting with The “Well, My Son/Daughter Doesn’t Drink”

4. The “Is This Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend??”

This parent will spend the entire weekend launching a full-scale, Spanish-Inquisition-style investigation into his or her child’s dating life. This will include asking every carbon-based lifeform that comes within ten feet of New South, “So…you and [insert child’s name] are…friends?” If this is your parent, expect a weekend of having your room discreetly searched for evidence, and continually being asked “whom are you texting?” and “is there anything you want to tell me?” as you walk around campus. If you find yourself in a situation where this is one of your friend’s parents, we suggest you remove yourself from this situation as quickly as possible, unless you want to become the next contestant on a never-ending Jeopardy episode where every category is just “Are You Dating My Son???”

We have all met this mom

5. The “Trump Supporter”

This one goes out to you, Hoyas from Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania. So step away from the “H*yas for Choice” table and rip that “Feel the Bern” sticker off your laptop, because all your friends are about to find out that your parent(s) are wholly responsible for the horrible and embarrassing end of American Democracy as we know it voted for Donald J. Trump. If you want to keep some semblance of familial cordiality and make it through the weekend on speaking terms, follow some of these helpful tips and tricks:

  • DO NOT mention what happened when Jeff Sessions spoke at the Law School a few weeks ago.
  • DO NOT mention that Hillary spoke in Gaston last year.
  • DO NOT mention anything about her famous Hoya Husband either.
  • DO mention that Steve Bannon and Paul Manafort are alumni? (#notmyhoyas).
You, when your “Trump Supporter” parents talk to your friends

So there you have it: The five parents you will meet on parents weekend. From all of us here at 4E: be safe, have fun, and enjoy putting off that midterm paper in favor of getting brunch with the #rents.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, wisegeek.com

5 Questions I Have for Georgetown While Abroad

Hello, Hoyas on the Hilltop and abroad. I am currently studying in Hong Kong, and well, even across the Pacific, I still see snaps and get email updates, so all in all, I have a lot of questions.

  1.  WHAT IS THE NEW LEO’S LIKE?? Is the food good? Is the renovation lovely? Are there lines? How is the food? What is your favorite “station” or whatever you call the different dining options upstairs? How do you like the food?
  2. How long is the line at Chick-fil-A? Last year at 3pm the masses would convene in Hoya Court to hit up Subway, Così and the other two or three places at which you could use a meal swipe. I’m assuming that whenever Chick-fil-A opens there is a large line. How do you pass the time? Do you wonder why it is not open on Sunday’s? Do you contemplate the Problem of God?
  3.  Where is the new Uncommon Grounds?
  4.  Does Patrick Ewing enjoy being back at campus? Honestly, I bet we’re all asking that. And also wondering will this be our year to make it to the NIT March Madness?~Coach Ewing enjoying himself at his 1985 Georgetown graduation~
  5.  And when did we become a football school? Now, I’m not a math major, but if you add Georgetown football  to RFK stadium, we are still not a state school.  I guess pretending we’re a football school for a day will have to do until we turn into one.

Roll Hoyas!

Photos/Gifs: Giphy.com, Quickmeme.com, redbubble.net, hoyas2015.georgetwon.edu, wikitravel.com

Who Should Georgetown’s Next Basketball Coach Be?

Many Georgetown students and alumni have been waiting in high anticipation as the school searches for a new men’s basketball coach to replace the recently fired, John Thompson III. Names including Shaka Smart, Tommy Amaker, and Patrick Ewing have been discussed, but nobody really knows who the new coach will be until Georgetown announces it. In the meantime, here are some creative suggestions from Tyler Park (COL ’18), a contributing editor to The Hoya, on who might be able to fill the role.

1. Allen Iverson

Pros: A true Georgetown legend and perhaps the coolest player in NBA history, Iverson would have no trouble recruiting talent to come play for his team. Iverson said recently that he would never coach in the NBA because, “I ain’t coaching no motherf****** that make more money than me.” Well, good news — NCAA athletes, theoretically at least, aren’t paid at all! It’s a perfect fit!

Cons: The team would never practice, which might not bode well for their chances on the court.

2. Michael Scott

Pros: An exceptional leader who has built a strong culture in his current job, Michael Scott would bring a great sense of humor to the locker room, and to the media. Also, he has shown an interest in mentoring young people in the past, as shown by “Scott’s Tots” — you should re-watch this episode.

Cons: Showed questionable judgment during the one basketball game he actually coached. Inexplicably cut Kevin Malone from the roster, which is one of the worst managerial decisions any coach has ever made.

3. Bill Belichick

Pros: Winning Super Bowls might be getting too easy for Belichick, who could look for a new challenge in a new sport and a new city.

Cons: Unless we can recruit Tom Brady to play point guard, this might not go as well as it has for the Patriots.

4. John Thompson IV

Pros: Keep it in the family!

Cons: As far as I know, John Thompson IV does not exist.

5. Chris Grosse

Chris Grosse, Assistant Athletics Director for Marketing at Georgetown University

Pros: For those of you who don’t know Chris Grosse, he is the mind behind many of Georgetown’s recent creative marketing ideas, including “Hail to Kale” night, “Dad Bod,” day, and the Skater Jack bobblehead. Grosse is a creative talent and would be able to design a unique style of play to befuddle Georgetown’s opponents.

Cons: Grosse is pretty much irreplaceable as Georgetown’s marketing guy, so we would probably need to conduct another nationwide search to find his replacement. That seems counterproductive.

6. Eric Taylor

Pros: A true leader of men and a championship-level coach, Taylor has mentored some of the greatest athletes of our generation, including Tim Riggins, Vince Howard, and Matt Saracen. Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose.

Cons: He would probably have a pretty big adjustment transitioning from being a football coach to a basketball coach. Also, he’s another fictional character who doesn’t actually exist.

7. Barack Obama

Pros: Obama is currently out of work, knows the D.C. area, is passionate about the game of basketball, and would be able to recruit basically any player in the country. He also knows how to handle the media and is an excellent communicator.

Cons: I can’t really think of any reasons why this isn’t a great idea. Make it happen, Lee Reed!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, guhoyas.com

Manly Monday: Georgetown Alumni Facial Hair Review

manlymondays

Movember is upon us. And if “moisture is the essence of wetness and wetness is the essence of beauty,” then facial hair is definitely the essence of manliness. Plus you can celebrate Movember to raise money and awareness for a good cause. With that in mind, let’s take a moment to appreciate some of the most famous beards in Georgetown history.

Patrick Ewing (CAS ’85)

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Although we generally associate handlebar mustaches with creepy neighbors and fictional 1970s television broadcast teams in the greater San Diego area, Ewing pulls off this ‘stache with pizazz. If you’re also a Hall-of-Fame-caliber basketball player, then you might want to consider growing out a handlebar mustache. Otherwise, we’d advise you to stay away.

Nick Kroll (COL ’01)

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Kroll has tested out a few different beards and mustaches over the years, everything from the classic lazy beard to the 80s-style creeper ‘stache. His Larry Bird mustache might be somewhat ahistorical, but at least it’s manly.

John Mulaney (COL ’04)

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A pupil of Nick Kroll, Mulaney has dominated the comedy circuit in recent years, but he hasn’t quite mastered the facial hair. Maybe someday, John.

Bill Clinton (SFS ’68)

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You may know him as a polished former President and potential “First Gentleman,” but Bubba used to showcase a shaggy beard in his college days. For those you hoping to follow in Bill’s footsteps, consider growing out your facial hair. Plus, it might help you attract a smart hippie like Hillary.

Happy Movember everybody!

Photos: respondmississippi.blogspot.com, thedistractionnetwork.com, galleryhip.com, funny-pictures.picphotos.net, lockerdome.com, ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com, dailymail.co.uk

Simply Science: Frizzy Hair

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I see right through you all, Hoyas. You all seem so happy about the recent change in weather: the warmth, the birds, the flowers. We have flocked to the “Healy Beach” (an apparently taboo term) , to the esplanade, and to that unnamed patio in between Regents and Hariri (ideas?). But, we cannot ignore the inevitable calamity that approaches: frizzy hair.

Hair connoisseur and fellow Hoya Emily Schuster (COL ’13), who reportedly washes her hair EVERY day, said, “My hair doesn’t get ‘curly-hair frizzy’, but it slowly elevates…” “Like a lion’s mane,” adds Kyra Adams (SFS ’16), another hair enthusiast.

You can sense the frizzy-hair-induced-terror in their words.

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Patrick Ewing isn’t concerned about frizziness…

No matter what type of frizzy we experience, we still beg the question: WHY? Why are we cursed with such a horrid first world problem? Most of us realize that frizziness is somehow related to humidity; in fact, you can even construct a hygrometer with hair (Here’s a link to the definition of hygrometer). But here’s some more info.

Bundles of long keratin strands are a huge part of hair’s composition. Two different chemical bonds are formed between these strands: disulfide bonds and hydrogen bonds. Disulfide bonds are permanent, and are unaffected by humidity. Hydrogen bonds, on the other hand, are weak and very susceptible to the polar properties of other hydrogen.

Have you ever noticed that if you let your hair dry in a weird shape after a shower it can stay that way? The water actually breaks the hydrogen bonds in you’re hair, and they are reformed when your hair dries. These newly formed bonds can preserve the form of your hair when it dries.

A similar thing happens with humidity. There’s more water in the air, which means there’s more hydrogen. This messes with the bonds in your hair, causing you’re hair to go crazy. So not only do you have chemistry to blame for the delayed Cherry Blossom blooming, but for frizzy hair too. But don’t hate on chemistry; the same science is responsible for Burnett’s and baked goods.

Yet again, we see first-hand why Patrick Ewing is a brilliant man—he’s frizzy hair free.

Photo: USAToday.net

Source: http://blogs.smithsonianmag.com

Simply Science is a reoccurring post that aims to make recent scientific discoveries accessible and applicable to the Georgetown student.

 

 

 

 

 

 

MARCH MADNESS: Notable Alumni Round 1

 See full bracket and results herebradley cooper patrick ewing

Welcome to the first installment of 4E’s March Madness: The Best of Georgetown. Our first matchup: Bradley Cooper vs. Patrick Ewing. (Scroll down below the poll to see the second matchup)

First off, how can you say no to this smile?

bcoops smile

But on the other hand, you can’t say no to this swag either…

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In their time on The Hilltop…

BCoops took the stage as Casanova and was also a member of the crew team

bcoops casanova

While Ewing … well, of course, was on the courts being Patrick Ewing

patrick ewing

Bradley Cooper has starred in many popular movies, including The Hangover and Silver Linings Playbook

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BUT PATRICK EWING WAS IN SPACE JAM…

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Let’s look at the numbers, shall we?

Bradley Cooper has been nominated for an Academy Award, a Golden Globe, three People Choice Awards, three Teen Choice Awards, five MTV Movie Awards and two Screen Actor’s Guild Awards.

Patrick Ewing was NBA Rookie of the Year (1986), All-NBA First Team (’90), All-NBA Second Team (’88, ’89, ’91, ’92, ’93, ’97); 11-time All-Star; named one of 50 greatest players in NBA history (’96); and a two-time Olympic gold medalist (’84, ’92).

In the end, the seeding came down to the incredible amount of attention Bradley Cooper has received by the readers of this blog and the deplorable lack of sports knowledge by a vast number of people at this school. Who will win? VOTE HERE:

Notable Alumni Round 1: Bradley Cooper or Patrick Ewing?

[POLL NOW CLOSED! STAY TUNED FOR RESULTS ON 3/24)

——————

Bill Clinton Zoey Bartlet

 And here is the second Round 1: Notable Alumni matchup.

President Bill Clinton vs. Fictional presidential daughter Zoey Bartlet

At the time of his inauguration, Clinton (age 46) was the third-youngest president ever elected.
Clinton-First Inaugural

Zoey Bartlet is the third-youngest daughter of President Josiah Bartlet on The West Wing

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President Clinton graduated as a member of Phi Beta Kappa and Kappa Kappa Psi and earned a Rhodes Scholarship

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Zoey graduated summa cum laude from The Hilltop. On the day of her GU graduation, she was kidnapped and held hostage for several days.

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Zoey dated Jean Paul …

Trent Ford

… While Bill snagged himself one of the most powerful women in the country

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These two political figures will have to duke it out for the votes of the many Hoya West Wing fans and Billary’s many supporters. VOTE HERE!:

Notable Alumni Round 1: Bill Clinton or Zoey Bartlet?

[POLL NOW CLOSED! STAY TUNED FOR RESULTS ON 3/24)

MARCH MADNESS: The Best of Georgetown

CLOSED: We have a winner! GEORGETOWN DAY!

Ah March: the beginning of Spring, the excitement of two separate vacations, the unpredictable weather, and, of course, MARCH MADNESS.

To celebrate March, 4E has decided to have a little March Madness bracket of our own! We took some of the best parts about living on The Hilltop and being a Hoya and formed “The Best of Georgetown” bracket: full of controversial match-ups and age-old debates.

Over the coming weeks, we here at The Fourth Edition will be posting the matchups and laying out our arguments for and against each contender. That is, however, where our role ends. The results of each matchup will be determined by YOU, our faithful readers, in a poll at the bottom of each round.

So who’s ready to see the bracket? You are. So here we go. The regions will be Wisey’s Sandwiches, Georgetown Bars (West Georgetown only, sorry Adams Morgan), Notable Alumni, and Georgetown Traditions.

Click the picture to get a better look at the bracket!
Click the picture to get a better look at the bracket!

 

UPDATED:

bracket final winner

And here is a schedule of the matchups (so you can carefully plan your study schedules around it):

Notable Alumni

Round 1: Monday, March 18th polls open. Wednesday, March 20th, polls close

Bradley Cooper (1) vs. Patrick Ewing (4)bradley cooper patrick ewing

Bill Clinton (2) vs. Zoey Bartlet (3)Bill Clinton Zoey Bartlet

Round 2: Monday, March 25th polls open. Wednesday, March 27th, polls close

Patrick Ewing (4) vs. Bill Clinton (2) 

Patrick Ewing Bill Clinton

Georgetown Traditions

Round 1: Monday, March 18th polls open. Wednesday, March 20th, polls close

Georgetown Day (1) vs. Swimming in Dahlgren Fountain (4)Georgetown Day Swimming in Dahlgren Fountain

Running to the White House (2) vs. Sitting in John Carroll’s Lap (3)white house john carrolls lap

Round 2: Monday, March 25th polls open. Wednesday, March 27th, polls close

Georgetown Day (1) vs. Running to the White House (2) 

georgetown day running to the white house

Wisey’s Sandwiches

Round 1: Thursday, March 21st, polls open. Saturday, March 23rd, polls close

Chicken Madness (1) vs. Gangsta Wrap (4)

Chicken Madness Gangsta Wrap

Burger Madness (2) vs. Hot Chick (3)

Burger Madness Hot Chick

Round 2: Thursday, March 28th, polls open. Saturday, March 30th, polls close.

Chicken Madness (1) vs. Hot Chick (3)

Chicken Madness Hot Chick

Georgetown Bars

Round 1: Thursday, March 21st, polls open. Saturday 23rd, March polls close

The Tombs (1) vs. Mr. Smith (4)The Tombs Mr Smith

Rhino (2) vs. Mason Inn (3)Rhino Mason Inn

Round 2: Thursday, March 28th, polls open. Saturday, March 30th, polls close.

The Tombs (1) vs. Rhino (2)

the tombs rhino

Final Four

Hot Chick vs. The Tombs vs. Bill Clinton vs. Georgetown Day

FINAL FOUR fi

Polls open Monday, April 1st. Polls close, Saturday, April 6th