The Seven Stages of Weekend Drinking Regret

We all at some point in our college careers, whether once or twice, or every week, experience the Seven Stages of Weekend Drinking Regret. Here at 4E, we put together a step by step guide, complete with informational gifs, to help you better understand your fluctuating feelings of  weekend regret.

1. Sunday: Self-disgust

You wake up Sunday morning feeling crusty and like absolute trash. Your brain is in a haze and you enter a period of self-loathing and overall unproductivity. The two reliable constants of the day are the constant pounding in your head and your repeated mutterings of “Why did I take that last tequila shot?”

2. Monday: Mild Productivity

You may feel some twangs of post-hangover and regret, but you can get some work done. You attend classes and begin to look at assignments but you’re not 100 percent yourself yet.

3. Tuesday: Totally You

You’re feeling yourself. You’re getting work done, feeling on top of your game. This is the upward swing, the peak of the week. You might even be contemplating going to yoga and starting a juice cleanse.

4. Wednesday: Willpower Waning

It’s Hump Day! The week seems to stretch on forever. A couple of your girlfriends are having a wine night. One glass won’t hurt, right? You only have a 9 a.m. But no, you hold out until at least Thursday.

5. Thursday: Thirsty Thoughts

The week sucked. You got a C on that paper you thought you killed. Your roommate broke your blender and now all you want to do is cool off and have a beer. You casually sip on one brewsky because you’re not in the MSB and you have class on Friday.

6. Friday: Freedom

The week is over! You can’t wait to get drinks with friends before heading out for a night of dancing. You can’t even remember your regrets from last Sunday. Who was that loser? Let’s take a shot!

7. Saturday: Sipping Something

This morning you woke up with a hangover, but it’s okay. You’re sleeping until noon, going to brunch, then planning on going out to that new bar anyways. You’ll just sip the hangover away. This is when you enter peak denial phase, as you try to reason away that 10-page paper you have to wake up tomorrow and write!


Sunday: and repeat.


Disclaimer: The seven stages were created based on expert advice from 21-year-old, very legal friends.

Images/gifs: giphy.com, greatist.com

How To Throw A Holiday Party As Told By Michael Scott

how to throw a holiday party

It’s that time of year again. A time when you need to choose between spending more time perfecting that final paper or perfecting that hilarious Secret Santa gift. While it may be difficult to manage it all, 4E is here to help you make this season a bit less stressful. Here are five tips on how you can throw the perfect Christmas/Holiday party. Oh, and we got a little help from our old friend, Michael Scott.

  1. Give your holiday party a theme.

    It’s Santa Bond.
  2. Decorate. Decorate. Decorate. 
  3. Get the proper libations (if you’re 21 of course) or drinks to get the party started. 
  4. Take your Secret Santa to the next level. 
  5. Make sure you have proper holiday music to continue the party! 

While it may be daunting to throw a holiday party during this hectic time, we hope that our five tips give you the boost you need. And let’s just take a minute to remember why we are celebrating in the first place.

World’s Best Boss

Images: giphy.com, http://theofficescreenshots.tumblr.com/page/6

Club Lau TONIGHT

geurgetown-university-libraryTonight (Sept. 5) at 10:00 p.m. is the event of the year: Club Lau.

Located on the third floor (main entrance floor) of our very own Lauinger Library, Club Lau is the raunchiest, sloppiest, sweatiest night that the library experiences each year (except for non-university-sanctioned events that go on when people sneak into Lau at night???).

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Here are the Top 5 reasons you should attend:

1. It only happens once a year.
2. The Insta opportunities are tremendous.
3. It’s the only party of the year that has decent snacks.
4. You can host a sick pregame on Lau 2. Or 4. Or 1. Or 5.
5. It’s Lau’s only chance to be something good.

Be there or be square, Hoyas.

Photo: Me, last night, in the Lau elevator; thestraightorquerr.com

Mastering the Freshman Year Humblebrag

n-LEGALLY-BLONDE-LAWM-large570Congratulations to all first years on getting this far in your journey to the Hilltop! Trust me, I know it hasn’t been an easy road. Tackling the various questions of your incoming summer is always painful. These questions tend to take a toll on you as summer progresses.

Questions like: “If I do poorly on the summer reading assignment, can I still graduate Magna Cum Laude?” “Georgetown has given me no guidance, but I have to submit my preregistration in three hours; what do I do?” “Where is the Qatar building? Is it by Leo’s?” “Was what Becky S. said in the Facebook group mildly racist?”

We’ve dealt with them all, and I can assure you, you’ll get through it. However, this isn’t even remotely the most difficult part of making the transition to Georgetown’s campus. The most difficult task you have in your first two months on campus is to master your Freshman Year Humblebrag. It’s something you won’t hear on your campus tour and there won’t be an infographic about it in your Welcome Packet, but The Fourth Edition is here to teach you how to perfectly craft your unwarrantedly braggadocios sound bites that will propel you from “irrelevant first semester freshman” to “somewhat-irrelevant first semester freshman!”

On a campus where 33% of students are fluent in more than one language, acceptance rates average out to about 16% and some clubs receive hundreds of applications only to admit a class of 3 or 4 lucky allstars, it’s not always easy to stand out among the excellence that is around you. I will always remember hobbling into class my first day with an overfilled backpack, an inappropriately-large bag of half-eaten Baked Lays and a misguided idea that I was going to take over campus in a matter of weeks with the most inflated and undeserved confidence there ever was. Fifteen minutes into my first class, after I had taken 3 pages of notes on my professor’s introduction, I thought I had this in the bag… that was until we went through a circle of introductions and I realized how deep at the bottom of the heap I was.

The girl sitting next to me wasn’t halfway into her story of starting her own environmentally-conscious company before I quickly had to hold down the Baked Lay regurgitation, as I became sickened by my overall inadequacy. Everyone has one of these moments and I’m here now to help you so that you respond promptly with an effective humblebrag to deflect as much as possible.

Here are four prime opportunities to develop your inflated backstory through a series of humblebrags:

1. The Facebook Group Humblebrag: Now, I’m not one to encourage participation in the Facebook group due to the fact that everything you post is read by all members of your incoming class and they will use it as kindling to ignite awkward conversations during New Student Orientation, but if done correctly, the Facebook Group Humblebrag could be extremely effective. With such a captive audience, there’s no better way to get the word out about your accomplishments than a quick brag hidden in language that looks to be sincere.

Examples:

  • “My graduation video came in today and my valedictorian speech was so unfunny! Maybe I should join improv to work on my jokes haha!”
  • I just got back from my extensive volunteer trip in Africa and all of the people I met asked me what a ‘Hoya’ was? LOL I didn’t know how to explain it!”
  • “Did anyone else get an invitation to this exclusive program during NSO that clearly states on the front for ‘exceptionally engaged students’? Or was that just me XD?”
  • “Does anyone know how they evaluated admissions for pre-orientation programs? Seems so hard because we’re all so accomplished! WELL ANYWAY I GOT INTO FOCI!!!
  • “Here is a picture of my schedule. So hard to pick classes when I was still waiting on all of my AP credits to be confirmed. Is 400 level hard?

2. The Admissions Story Humblebrag: This is one of the most effective humblebrag tactics in the game, especially during your first week on campus. Irresponsibly rewriting your admissions story can gain you instant credibility among your peers. There’s nothing more impactful than making someone feel unreasonably inferior to you for getting into the same elite institution that you did.

Examples:

  • “Honestly, my college counselor told me I could really pick from any school I wanted based on my grades and scores. I was like so upset he couldn’t narrow it down!”
  • “I decided to pick a school based on fit. Screw rankings am I right!?”
  • “Telling my parents that I was going to choose Georgetown over a top 10 school was like really hard.” 

3. The College Class Humblebrag: College is hard. You will do well in some classes, but you will also hopelessly struggle in others, especially if you are heavily involved. That’s why people here take academics pretty seriously. There’s no better way to hit someone at their core than by throwing in some creative tales of classroom interactions that are so over-exaggerated that they might just be believable.

Examples:

  • “Could you believe that the class average on our Macro midterm was a 64!? So glad I scraped by with that 85. Do you think that’s curved to an A? A-?
  • “OMG in my Intro to Ethics class, my professor singled my work in front of all 200 kids in the class!? I was so embarrassed.” (Still effective even if he woke you up from your deep slumber in the front row and commented about how detailed your doodles of Aristotle were.)
  • *After you find a stray syllabus of Madeleine Albright’s class on the ground* “Weirdest thing, Madeleine Albright practically BEGGED ME to take her class today.”
  • “He got a 1.4 on RateMyProfessor, but he grades me like so easily. I didn’t even study for the final and got an A!”

4. The Social Humblebrag: There’s more to college than grades and an effective social humblebrag can be quite the boost to your standing in the absolutely meaningless freshman pecking order. This is where you can get really creative. You can literally say the most ridiculously irrelevant statements to add to your credibility.

Examples:

  • “Dude, I don’t even mind the taste of Burnett’s. Like what’s all the hang up about?”
  • *Throws up after 1 Natty Light* Boot and Rally is my life motto. Seriously, it is. Check my Twitter bio.”
  • “It’s so weird. I got into this party of all seniors last night and I didn’t even have a sick ratio! It was just me and the boys.”
  • I made it into (insert prominent Georgetown student’s name here) Insta last night. It was no big deal, but you can see the side of my head right there back on the Vil A rooftop.

5. The Hoya Relative Humblebrag: Please don’t ask me why, but mentioning that you had an older relative that went to Georgetown immediately catapults you to celebrity status amongst your first-year peers. It’s as if that relationship means you are the social sage of your class. Try to leverage that as much as possible. And if you don’t have any family members that went to Georgetown, just say your distant cousin went to school with Bill Clinton like I did!

Example:

  • “When I visited my older sister, we went out to the Rhino, the Cuates and also the Tombs. I’ve been over the bar scene ever since.”
  • “My cousin basically ran this school, but like I want to forge my own path you know? Hypothetically, do you think our relationship will help me get into the Credit Union though?!”
  • “When my dad went here, there was a pub under Healy. I bet he definitely DFMOed with Maria Shriver.”
  • “My brother said that dorm parties are a thing of the past. I hear Brown House is the new spot. Maybe I can get some of you in?

I hope you take this advice to heart and good luck on weaving that one obscure Leadership Conference you attended during your sophomore year of high school into your NSO introduction!

Gifs: tumblr.com; huffingtonpost.com; mtv.com

The New Way to Party: Wigo

wigo

Ever had trouble locating where your friends are partying? Find yourself confused by their indecipherable texts, trying to tell you where to find them?

Partying just got a whole lot easier with the up and coming app, Wigo. Since September 2014, Wigo has rapidly become one of the hottest apps across college campuses, next to the beloved Yik Yak.

wigo-logo-phoneinhand

Wigo helps college students, like us, find out where their friends are going to meet up and party without any added confusion or strain. What makes this app even more desirable amongst campuses is that it is not as simple as just downloading it. Before students can freely use the app, approximately 5% of the college’s population must be signed up for Wigo for it to be unlocked. It has become somewhat a contest across campuses over which school will be the next to unlock the coveted Wigo. No longer will we have to ask ourselves, “Is Brown House the move tonight?” Rather, we can simply look down at our phones to discover which parties are the most happening.

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The student-only app filters out randos, townies and adults, ensuring that your night is both safe and fun – cheers to that!

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Are you convinced yet? Just imagine what your life would be like without having to trek to 5 different houses in this 20-degree weather before finding the one party that was actually worth it. Plus, now that Rhino is closing, what better way than to download Wigo to make up for our tragic loss?

Sign up for Wigo now and let’s bring the fun to the 20057.

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Photos/Gifs: blog.wigo.us, college.usatoday.com, dailyappdesk.com, simplysenia.com, mixmag.net

Forever 21 Has Opened

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Calling all shopaholics, if you didn’t think M street could get any better well think again because Forever 21 opened their doors this Saturday.

The stages of going to a Forever 21…

Stage 1: The thank god it’s the weekend, but I have nothing to wear tonight stage.

The struggle

Stage 2: The walk to the nearest Forever 21 in order to find a party outfit in t-minus 1 hour stage.

Stage 3: The incredibly overwhelming, yet excited “I just walked into a Forever 21 and will find the perfect outfit for tonight” stage.

yes, yes it is happening

Stage 4: The f*** yes, I just found what I needed for only $25 and that means I could technically throw up on it tonight and be okay with it stage.

 

Gifs: giphy.com

Wednesday Fixat10ns: Our Blunger Games Party Edition

Wednesday FixationsHi, y’all. Happy Wednesday. I hope your Hump Day is passing along smoothly, and I hope your first full week of classes is going splendidly. I’d also like to strongly urge you to apply to The Hoya and, more specifically, to 4E. When you do, you’ll get to write fun posts like this one and go to parties with us. *shameless self-promotion*

Speaking of, 4E is actually having a little party this weekend. It’s going to be Hunger Games-themed and we’re calling it the Blunger Games (Get it? Blog + Hunger Games?). It’s probably going to look like this:

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P.S. You aren’t invited.

But even though you can’t join us for the endless amounts of fun and shenanigans that we will engage in this fin de semana, we didn’t want you to leave here empty-handed. That’s why we made this playlist for you. Usually we do this on Fridays, but that’s when we’re having our party. Sorry, not sorry.

We’re going to use this at our Blunger Games rager. You can use it whenever you’d like:

1. The Hanging Tree (DIA Plattenpussys Edit) — Jennifer Lawrence We’re going to start the night with this one because it’s from the Mockingjay soundtrack and the remix will get us hyped for battle. Also, who knew Jennifer Lawrence was such a phenomenal singer?

2. Hungry Like The Wolf — Duran Duran Obviously at the Hunger Games, people are hungry. At the Blunger Games, we are Hungry Like The Wolf.

3. Tainted Love — Soft Cell This song really seems to hit at the heart of the whole Peeta-Katniss relationship drama. So I added it.

4. I Knew You Were Trouble — Taylor Swift Yup. President Snow, this one’s for you.

5. Boss A** B**** — Nicki Minaj featuring PTAF This is how Katniss must feel every time she hits somebody with a flaming arrow.

6. Here In Your Arms — Hellogoodbye Here’s another one for Katniss and Peeta. Or do I mean Katniss and Gale? (The world will never know.) Also, I never got over my angsty phase in middle school.

7. I Will Survive — Gloria Gaynor Number one objective at the Blunger Games: Survival.

8. ***Flawless (featuring Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche) — Beyoncé Remember that part where Katniss is on the TV show and she spins around and her dress lights on fire like she’s some volcano? Good, because I’m sure she had this song in her head while it was happening.

9. Coco — Gnash (O.T. Genasis Cover) This one goes out to our Deputy Editor, Courtney “Coco” Klein. It will also provide us with a nice respite from all the violence of the Games.

10. All I Do Is Win — DJ Khaled featuring Ludacris, Rick Ross, T-Pain and Snoop Dogg In the Blunger Games, as in life, there are losers. But not my Blunger Games team. We are going to win.

Yep, that’s about it. Happy Wednesday.

Just to reiterate: You’re not invited to our party this weekend, but maybe you will be next time if you join us! So do it. May the odds be ever in your favor.

Photos: car-memes.com; bodysmartinc.com; hottopic.com

Party Themes 2.0

Party Themes 2.0

Whiteout. Anything But Clothes. Toga. Flannels and handles. In a report released this afternoon by the Frat Boy Association of America (FBAA), these time-honored, critically acclaimed college party themes have all earned the widely sought-after “ratchet” status.

These findings reveal a lack of innovation across the board. Although these classics never fail to deliver their fair share of jungle juice, Natty, crop tops and shame, we at 4E believe it’s time to make some cutting-edge contributions to today’s antiquated party theme options.

Your Favorite Handle

A good party theme is all about the double entendre/puns. Sport @yourfavoritetwitteraccount on your T-shirt or dress up like your favorite flavor of Burnett’s. Recommendations include @LILBTHEBASEDGOD and @amandabynes. If you go the vodka route, get creative with your flavor choice. Tropical punch, perhaps. Just not maple syrup because we told you that’s disgusting.

I Woke Up Like This

Channel your inner Sasha Fierce or wear slippers and a nightgown. This theme presents a juxtaposition between divas and bedheads that will keep the party interesting. There is also the opportunity to put the absolute maximum or the bare minimum effort into the costume depending on whether you choose to be Bey or a lazy pajama-clad college student for the night. Earn extra points by merging the two and somehow finding a way to pull off being Beyoncé in a onesie.

Basic and Basic

Although the term “basic” has started to grind my gears, it has party theme potential. Either incorporate some chemistry knowledge into your outfit via a cute and flirty pH scale drawing on your tank top or opt for yoga pants and Uggs (with the fur rolled down) while toting around a Starbucks holiday cup.

Middle School Dance and Cargo Pants

This theme aims to take you back to your school gym in the seventh grade. Party attire can include a combination of any of the following elements: Apple Bottom jeans, denim mini skirt, pink Converse, a choker and/or a Juicy Couture track jacket. For the boys, cargo pants with so many pockets that you could simultaneously store all of your Yu-Gi-Oh cards within them. (Also acceptable: those sweatpants with fifteen zippers that allowed one to change from pants to capris to shorts to boxer-length shorts in a few easy unzips). If you’re not chasing your drinks with Sunny D and following those body shots with a sip of Capri Sun, you’re doing it wrong.

And that’s all for now. Use these last days before Thanksgiving to give these themes a try or hold out until your last free weekend before finals. Because you can only dress in ABC so many times before you start to realize it’s cold out.

Photo: noisey.com

How to Prep Properly for Spring Break

Spring BreakWhy does it seem like we just came back from winter break and we are already taking midterms? For everyone who feels like they can’t study for one more second or wake up early anymore: There’s still hope.

SPRING BREAK is only 12 days from today, and preparation time is officially upon us! If you still haven’t made plans, stop everything you’re doing, forget about your midterms (there are more important things in life) and start planning.

1. Find some friends Sorry, not sorry, family, but this week is for getting away from the Hilltop while taking some of the Hilltop with you. Plan a trip with a group of your closest friends, with your favorite club or sports team or even with those friends you haven’t seen for the past few months and need to see again.

2. Look for the best destination Consider nightlife, money, fun activities and weather. Here are some recommendations…

  • California If you want to feel young, wild and free, consider flying out to the West Coast. It is definitely not that mainstream of a plan, and possibilities range from camping in the wild to roadtripping around Cali to visiting San Francisco or just hanging out on one of the many beaches. And consider that California boys and girls are undeniable! You might want to have a share…
  • Miami, South Beach: Good food (well, everything not related to Leo’s is good food), a nice beach and the best nightlife possible sounds like a full package to me. Plus, traveling inside the country might be easier and cheaper.
  • Islands around Latin America or the Caribbean I recommend Punta Cana, Cancun, Puerto Vallarta or the Bahamas. These are my favorite of all the options, but I’m obviously biased because I just bought my ticket to Punta Cana. Say ciao to this cold winter and welcome the sun from these tropical islands. Palms, white sand, crystalline water, all-inclusive hotels, exotic cocktail drinks, concerts in the sand, PARTY, PARTY, PARTY. You will have the opportunity to get that piercing you always wanted (but your parents did not let you have), go parasailing, get a henna (or real) tattoo or just do nothing in a hammock.

3. Talk to your parents Now that you’ve decided where to go, show them how much you’ve worked during midterms and how much you love them. It’s all a matter of being convenient and praying for mercy.

4. Prepare Create multiple music playlists, go shopping for sexy bikinis, go to Yates as much as you can (in two weeks, miracles might happen) and, whatever you do, ignore the calorie count picture in the bathroom stalls around campus; we don’t want you to get depressed.

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5. Study now Work, work, work. When spring break comes, you should not have pending work to distract you from relaxing! Remember: In 12 days, you’ll just be disconnecting from everything.

Buena suerte con todo, Hoyas! And start booking if you haven’t already!

Photos: Lupita Humbert for The Hoya, mi9.com

Flawless? Your Saturday Morning Story

beyoncc3a9-flawless-2We’ve all been there. After an aggressively long week of midterms, papers and presentations we were just a little too jazzed about the weekend. In truth, we were very jazzed. So we indulged a little (a lot!) in whatever it is that we do to bring in the weekend. It’s not our fault. We’re only human.

Since Beyoncé’s new song “***Flawless” has brought the phrase “I woke up like this” into recent prominence, 4E decided to juxtapose our various Friday aftermath narratives and Saturday morning predicaments to the tune of “***Flawless.” Watch the video below so you’ll be able to put a beat to your Saturday morning Leo’s brunch shame. How did you wake up this Saturday?

Where am I?

I woke up like this.

Uh… Pants, where you at?

I woke up like this.

Attack of the Bedhead: The Sequel

I woke up like this.

When did I fall asleep? Oh, wait. I didn’t.

I woke up like this.

Yep, still drunk.

I woke up like this.

Netflixed so hard that you forgot how to blink.

I woke up like this.

After a full eight hours of sleep.

I woke up like this.

The never fun: I just got GERMSed.

I woke up like this.

***Flawless? I think not, Hoyas.

Gifs: Tumblr; Photo: afrogeekmom.blogspot.com