Amy Schumer Acts After A Hoya’s Open Letter

50742-show-93986Yes, it is possible to love Amy Schumer even more than you already do.

She is remarkable not only for her unapologetic boldness, humor, confidence and ownership of her sexuality in Hollywood, but for using the voice that she has made for herself for a serious and urgent purpose — to combat gun violence in America. Her commitment follows an  open letter written by Sarah Clements (COL ’18).

“Amy Schumer, I and many other Millennials look up to you so much. You are our generation’s epitome of what it means to be a strong, powerful, self-aware champion for the experiences and truths of being a woman and an American today. I admire your unapologetic, unwavering stature and your ability to laugh at yourself while actually pinning the joke on the audience to address often uncomfortable truths.”

Clements, from Newtown, Conn., is a gun reform advocate whose mother is a survivor of the 2012 Sandy Hook shooting. Her July 31 letter, published on Medium, garnered national attention, including media coverage in major news outlets and an appearance by Clements on MSNBC. Schumer responded the next day.

Schumer and her cousin, Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.), have paired up to fight our country’s epidemic of mass shooting through the introduction of new legislation. Both the new effort and the open letter were referenced in Schumer’s Aug. 3 appearance on “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” making it the second time a Hoya’s work on gun control has made its way to Comedy Central.

giphy-2We love you Amy Schumer and we admire you, Sarah Clements.

photos/gifs: huffingtonpost.com, giphy.com, tumblr.com

 

An Open Letter to GUSA Campaigns

An open letter to gusa campaignsDear GUSA campaigns,

I understand that all you want to do is impact change on the Georgetown community in your own respective ways, and I wholeheartedly support and appreciate your dedication to being men and women for others. However, as a potential voter, I feel as if a lot of my needs aren’t being met. I thought this open letter would be a good forum for us to hash a few things out. Hopefully we’ll see eye-to-eye by the end of it. As in, Wednesday night.

The Top 5 Reasons I’m Just Not That Into You

1. “Vote for (Insert Here)” While this sentence makes me aware that you want my vote, my third grade grammar workbook informs me that this is an imperative sentence. My problem with this is that I have a lot of excess teenage angst in my system and I don’t like being told what to do. Maybe you could rephrase it. For example, “Vote for (Insert Here), if you’re into that.” Alternatively, “Vote for (Insert Here). Don’t vote for (Insert Here). Do what you want. This is America.”

2. Door-to-Door Knocking I only open my door for two reasons: class and the promise of food. Your campaign is offering me neither of those things. Let me paint a picture for you. I’m in my room, vulnerable and nine times out of 10 watching cat videos on YouTube. Then, along you come and disturb the peace. I’ll open the door and listen to your spiel because I’m awkward and overly polite, but I won’t like it.

3. Paper products After you’ve interrupted my shut-in lifestyle with your presence, then you want to push all these fliers and pamphlets all up on me. Come on now. It’s 2014. Go green. Go social media. We’re millennials. If it’s not a gif, a blog post or a blog post with gifs in it, I’m not interested. Social media is your friend. I can throw your paper products in the recycling bin as soon as you leave. You know what I won’t throw away? My laptop.

4. Candy Let’s talk about your sales pitch. If I’m going to stand in my doorway and listen to you drone on about yourself without even asking about how my day went, I would like incentives. Incentives of the food variety. Candy. I’m not talking about lollipops either. Lollipops are weak. I’m talking about premium chocolates. Specifically, Godiva. Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Alexis, we have a budget. Be reasonable.” NO EXCUSES. If you adopt the social media marketing strategy I mentioned earlier or even take it a step further and pull a Beyoncé: The Visual Album and tell no one you’re running, imagine all the money you’d have to allocate to chocolate.

5. Beyoncé Do not promise something that you can not deliver. I understand that you’re trying to keep your campaign fun by capitalizing on the fact the Beyoncé is American royalty, but no. Stop teasing me: A vote for you is not a vote for Beyoncé. Beyoncé regularly visits that great big White House down the road. She is serious. There is no making light about affiliations with Queen. If someone ever spotted her at Saxby’s, I’d without a doubt skip classes in hopes of casually running into her and becoming Blue Ivy’s nanny. You’re playing with my dreams, people. Not cool.

Thank you for reading this and I hope we can resolve these issues before election day. After all, I vote Wednesday.

Warmly,
Alexis

Gifs: tumblr.com, wordpress.com; Photo: weheartit.com, gustudentassociation.org

An Open Letter to Mother Nature

To: Mother Nature
Cc: Mr. Sun, Jack Frost, President Obama
Bcc: Mom
Subject: WWTWD? (What will the weather do? Duh.)

Dear Mother Nature,

As a D.C. citizen and a lover of weather-appropriate fashion, I want to (read: must) express to you my ultimate confusion. I simply do not know what shenanigans you are trying to bring upon the District of Columbia.

Exhibit A
We went from this…

tumblr_mzkpcjh8HV1sj5h4oo1_1280

… to this …

hot … in a matter of four days.

Hello? Is this a joke? Am I getting punk’d?

I mean really, come on. It is February. No one loves spring as much as I do, but all of these weather changes are totally messing with my head — and don’t get me started on what this is doing to my closet.

Example: Yesterday I wanted to take a nice walk down to Chipotle because it was beautiful and warm out. What happens? Ice, and then snow and then all of a sudden I was on the floor.

I slipped and fell.

Please, explain this to me. It was 60 degrees out. There should not be snow on the ground. I should be basking in the sunlight, not laying in a pile of dirty winter precipitation.

What do you think this is, Canada? We ALL know the real reason we came to D.C. was because it has warmer weather than our northern neighbors. It is the thing that I brag about every time I see my family — and I am from Long Island, not Antarctica.

The worst part about these crazy weather patterns is how it is messing up Georgetown’s style. I have seen everything from woolen sweaters to shorts to heavy down coats in the span of a day. That is not normal and, honestly, it just makes me want to cry.

So please, Mother Nature, next time you feel like going on a weather bender, keep in mind that I, Courtney Klein, will not be happy.

Also, I blame you for my cold. You should honestly be trying to get on my good side. Please step up your game before I apply to a school in a normal city.

Sincerely,
Courtney Klein

Photo: Huffington Post; Gifs: tumblr

The Procrastinator’s Guide to the Galaxy: McSweeney’s Open Letters

Screen-Shot-2013-01-27-at-3.43.24-PM

Well, Hoyas, that’s all she wrote. Not only has everyone finished classes for the school year, but everyone (in the Class of 2013) has also graduated. You might be thinking that you no longer have anything to procrastinate about, but I – along with this esteemed writer – completely disagree. You merely can shift your procrastination into its summer form, and without the stress of classes, you now have more time to do it!

For example, you might want to procrastinate on your summer reading. You might want to procrastinate on applying sunblock before going outside (though you should still apply it, because it is very good for your skin). You might even want to procrastinate putting on pants and leaving your bed in the morning … and you can because it’s summer vacation!

And what a better way to procrastinate on your summer activities than by reading McSweeney’s Open Letters to People or Entities Who Are Unlikely to Respond? We’ve had our fair share of open letters here on 4E (like this, this and this), though it’s safe to say that the hilariously outrageous letters on McSweeney’s put our snarky antics to shame.

Like who could resist this complaint to Jif? Or this one about the lifestyles of the newly graduated Hoyas? No matter which you choose, you’re set for gold.

Happy summer procrastination, Hoyas!

An Open Letter to Mark Zuckerberg

Dear Mark Zuckerberg,

When you were sitting in your dorm room at Harvard, writing out math calculations on a really cool glass whiteboard that I’m sure you didn’t actually own, (thank you David Fincher for allowing me to once again lose myself in the world of hyperreality) I don’t think you foresaw what exactly your little creation would do to the rest of us.

What I currently need to be doing is drowning myself in population means and Max Weber; instead, I’m rating the girls in my ex’s most recent tagged photos and gagging at the impressive number of chins I have in the pictures my friend added from this weekend. I should mention that I just do not have the time or energy to go through pictures 1-460. Whoops. That just happened.

What’s worse is that I am so uninterested by the prospect of finals that I’m procrastinating by writing an inbox to my mother. In fact, it’s a haiku about how I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing. The least you could have done was use that extremely large and competent brain of yours to predict that this would be a problem for easily distracted college students like myself and create some sort of application that would remove your dumb site from our computer’s knowledge. I don’t always have the self-control to turn on Self Control.

I’ve sunk so low that my new hobby is poking people with whom I share a very distant and barely friendly relationship. This is fairly amusing and I can objectively (though, really, it is completely subjective) laugh at the awkwardness I know they feel.

In conclusion, I am mad at you.

Please, Mark, change your ways. (Or at least take my Probability & Statistics final for me? Thanks.)

Shannon