What to Do on GAAP Weekend: Prospective Student Edition

Dear Class of 2021, and so on and so forth,

WELCOME to the Hilltop. D.C. or, as both the cool kids and the geotag call it, “the District,”  is breathtakingly beautiful and the Georgetown bubble (aka my happy place) is nestled in a cozy corner of this vibrant and inspiring city. Home to an ambitious and driven student body, professors for whom one is willing to spend hours studying on Lau 4 and one well-loved bulldog, Georgetown is well worth visiting. Sign up to have a Blue and Gray tour guide escort you along patios strewn with empty beer cans the Vil A rooftops and point out where Bill Clinton lived in Harbin Hall, before he left communal bathrooms and his cluster for a marginally-more-upscale White House residence. Additionally, please make note of following important “Do’s and Don’ts” of visiting our campus.

Don’t try to join the meme page

Please don’t pretend that you’re a non-conforming Jesuit teen. Prep school has not prepared you for this type of meme mastery. One ~incredibly persuasive~ reason to attend this university and surround yourself with peers who also did quite well on the SAT, is the high caliber of meme quality that you will find here. However, seeing as you don’t go here (yet), you probably won’t be able to fully appreciate our self-deprecating jokes. Additionally, by bemoaning the state of Leo’s, Lau and the basketball program, the meme page fails to highlight the many things that make Georgetown so wonderful, and we don’t want you to get the wrong impression.

Don’t disrespect Leo’s

What are the odds that Leo’s will look like the Hogwarts’ Great Hall after the remodel? (unfortunately slim..)

To the hordes of red-sweatshirt clad minions getting WAY too excited about the weird ice cream flavors and groups of parents concernedly poking at salads, I don’t really understand why you are here. First of all, it’s O’Donovan’s by the Waterfront, to you. You are not allowed to poke fun at Leo’s mysterious lack of forks, soggy scrambled eggs, or constant abundance of gross Rum Raisin ice cream unless you have spent 14-18 meals a week in this fine establishment, and Kim Kim knows you by name. Second, while Georgetown is truly an incredible place, our on-campus dining options are not the reason that my future children’s first words will be “Hoya Saxa.”

Don’t brag about going to Georgetown “Frat Parties”

I would like to help you make the important distinction between a “frat party” and a party (or awkward, sweaty gathering) thrown by a frat in a cramped and dimly lit Henle apartment. I suppose I am powerless to stop you from putting a video of yourself singing along to Closer on your Snapchat story or taking a shot of Vanilla Burnett’s (Disclaimer: teen drinking is very bad, and also illegal). Just know that you’re not as cool as you think you are.

Do bask in the glory of Healy Hall

Does looking up at the Healy clock tower give you chills? Copley Lawn, peppered with Hoyas studying on blankets, throwing frisbees and laughing with their friends, feels so perfectly collegiate. The idyllic-ness of the hundreds of color-coordinated tulips gently swaying in the breeze by the front gates (almost) justifies the exorbitant cost of arranging such botanical displays. Can you resist taking a picture with John Carroll? Of course not. He is the GOAT, and you probably won’t get in if you don’t document meeting him (in statue form). Please note, this is not all too good to be true. I can assure you that one year later, when I am hammocking with my favorite people on the front lawn, it still feels just as magical.

A few additional points of clarification:

  • If you got the impression on your tour that The Corp rules this campus, this intuition is quite correct.
  • Jack the Bulldog and I are in an exclusive relationship. Take as many pictures with him as you would like, but he and I have already booked a date for our Dahlgren Chapel wedding.

Photos/gifs: msfs.georgetown.edu, giphy.com, facebook.com

10 Things I’d Rather Listen To Than 3 Doors Down

January 20th has come and gone, and Inauguration weekend has commenced. What does that mean? Only that 3 Doors Down has risen from the dead! If you don’t know who they are, don’t be surprised. You’ve probably spent your entire life unconsciously avoiding them, as one Twitter user explained. Their most famous song “Kryptonite” isn’t the worst, but honestly it probably belongs where I found it: middle school. At this point, I would almost rather do anything than jam to my middle school tunes, but the following situations made the top of the list.

  1. Listen to the basketball score from last Monday’s game on repeat.

I promise this is the most heartbreaking sound on here.

2. The Sound of My Own Voice

Have you ever heard your own pre-recorded voicemail? Count yourself lucky if you haven’t. It is one of the worst sounds you’ll ever hear, but I’d still prefer it to 3 Doors Down.

3. “Friday” by Rebecca Black

Honestly, this might have been a better choice because the Inauguration was on Friday. And in the wise words of Rebecca Black, “Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday/ Today it is Friday/ . . . We gonna have a ball today.” There was an Inauguration Ball Friday night, after all.

4. “Meme Machine” by Pink Guy

We’re now losing our favorite meme. At least this song can honor that. Also, it’s #5 in the Australian Top 50, so there’s that.

5. Paolo from The Lizzie McGuire Movie singing “What Dreams Are Made Of

SING TO ME, PAOLO.

6. “The Guacamole Song” by Dr. Jean

If you squint kinda hard and close one eye she almost resembles Hillary Clinton!! I would definitely listen to this horrific song over “Kryptonite” if I could see Dr. Jean perform it.

7. “Sweatshirt” by Jacob Sartorius

After listening to everyone under 13 blast this song at the pool this summer, I’m honestly tired of it. It’s pretty autotuned, but at least it’s kind of catchy.

8. “Let it Go

This song was great when it came out, but it is so overplayed that I honestly cannot hear it one more time. But when faced with the choice of 3 Doors Down or “Let It Go,” I’ll stand in the light of day and let the storm rage on. The song never bothered me anyways. (Side note: fun inauguration remix here)

9. Watch all of the Buzzfeed Unsolved videos alone AND in the dark

This is the scariest possible thing that I could think of.

10. “Amigas Cheetahs” by The Cheetah Girls

Honestly this song isn’t even a problem. I found it in my iTunes folder and it’s just beautiful. I would definitely go to the concert if they were there. 11/10 would recommend.

I hope that this gave you a laugh or at least gave you some ideas of what to listen to instead of 3 Doors Down!

Photos/gifs: giphy.com, genius.com

So, You Agree? You Think You’re Really Funny?

Screen Shot 2013-01-16 at 9.39.02 AMhipsterYou read the title of the post, and now you’re reading this because you do, in fact, think you are really funny. It’s fine. I would have done the same.

We’re all into inclusivity here at the Fourth Edition. This is a blog by students, for students. We want your contributions. Your humor. Your spark. We want you.

So, here’s the idea. Throughout the month of January, we’ll take photo submissions from you to be entered into a photo caption contest. The editors here at the Fourth Edition will pick our favorite photo, and for the month of February, you all will be able to email in caption submissions to BlogContests@thehoya.com The funniest five captions will be published with your first name and year for all of the world to see.

As much as using a pre-existing meme or of a baby and a fist is fun, we want to find something Georgetown — someone’s face (as long as you get their permission first … we don’t have an attorney for that kind of stuff), something on campus: You tell us. We will definitely have some fun with it. So scroll through dem iPhones and find us a gem. Soon enough, you can let your imagination run wild and reap the fame of submitting to, and potentially winning, a Fourth Edition contest.

Photo: Georgetown Hipster

THIS…IS…THE FOURTH EDITION!!!!

”Remember to read us.”

As simple an order as an editor can give.

“Remember why we write.”

For we do not do it for shiggles, nor self-gratification, nor for our resumes, nor valor. Our wish is simple.

“Remember to read us,” I say to you.

That is our hope, should any free soul come across our blog, in all the countless semesters yet to be.

May all our sassy voices whisper to you from the computer screen.

“Go tell the Hoyas, passerby, that here by 4E law, we write.”

 

This is the blog’s 300th post!!! We’d like to thank you, the lovely readers for the upwards of 80,000 views, and all of the writers on the staff for giving us their snark and wit. REMEMBER TO READ US!