What Your Georgetown Study Spot Says About You

Less than a month into the school year and it’s already ~midterm szn~. As Hoyas are still recovering from the aftermath of homecoming and the unfortunate loss of Wingo’s (I still don’t want to talk about it), we are nonetheless forced to transition from our summertime laziness into the academic school year.

Whether you study diligently on Lau 2 or walk into the classroom not knowing you even had an exam, here are what your Hilltop study spots say about you:

MSB

MSBro by day and white button-down/Gucci Belt enthusiast by night, you dive into the textbooks in order to someday become a big-balling investment banker. You’re probably that person who not only brings an abundance of pens to class, but also refuses to lend any of them them to anyone. On a Saturday night, we can find you generously hosting a pre-game but also anxiously telling your friends to “SHUT UP AND HIDE  EVERYTHING” at the sound of a suspiciously loud knock on your door. Although you epitomize the “my daddy is richer than yours” complex, we still appreciate your ability to work hard and play hard– especially when you’re flaunting your clout goggles in the basement of a sweaty GPB party.

Lau

Whether you’re working on Lau 2 or Lau 5, we all know you only dragged yourself here because you have to pull an all-nighter. Odds are you ‘prefer’ to buy Burnetts simply because it’s the cheapest option. You are also probably that perpetually sick person who coughs every ten seconds during a 200-person lecture in the ICC (it’s okay though, we understand that setting up an appointment at the health center is literally impossible, so you’re excused). The lock screen on your iPhone is most likely still a screenshot of your schedule, and you are ~wild~ enough to address your professors by their first names in emails. Despite all this, we at 4E applaud anyone who chooses to spend time in the ugliest building on campus.

Bioethics Library

If you’re a girl, you probably paid for Premium Vsco X, and if you’re a guy, you probably pay for meals at Epi instead of using your meal swipes at Leo’s or Royal Jacket. Your motto is “fiscally conservative and socially liberal”, and there’s no way you’re not showing up to every SAE darty without knowing a single person there. Yates? Never heard of her– your boujee ass goes to Soul Cycle. You constantly talk about how much you love DC, yet you take a plane to NYC every weekend.

Front Lawn 

You truly believe that you are the Georgetown Poster Child, signing up for every club at CAB Fair and insta-storying in front of the John Carroll Statue. If you ran for GUSA, your campaign most definitely promised to “lower tuition” and “add Chick-Fil-A to the meal plan”. If Jack the Bulldog is walking around , you’re bound to stop whatever you’re doing to document it on an ~unnecessarily~ long Snapchat story. You probably got GERMSd at Club Lau (RIP) and speak Intermediate II Spanish while lit at sweaty Henles.

Your Room

In just ten hours of studying, you can accomplish an astounding twenty minutes of work! Of all the personalities we have covered, you are by far the laziest, as shown by the fact that you refuse to leave your humble abode. You would rather wait ten minutes for the Walsh elevator to go from floor 1 to 3, and your primary roommate tension stems from your refusal to abandon your comfortable bed when it’s time to get sexiled. If it rains (s/o every day for the past two weeks), you will hold yourself hostage in your own room, even if that means resorting to calling Wisey’s for delivery. Chances are you’re getting absolutely no work done and are either playing video games, watching cooking videos on Youtube, or napping.

Wherever you decide to study, we at 4E are impressed that you’re at least attempting to be an ~academic weapon~. Your parents are proud. Happy studying to all the Hoyas, and good luck on your midterms!

 

Sources: giphy.com, hercampus.com

 

GTFO: Hidden Study Spots, Finals Edition

As you begin to recover from the aftermath of Georgetown Day, we regret to inform that it’s officially Finals Season. And if you can’t stand the thought of spending the next two weeks studying in hell Lau, fear not: we here at 4E have got you covered with some of the best hidden study spots on this side of the Potomac.

1.  The Library of Congress

Located in the heart of D.C., the Library of Congress is the perfect place to reenact scenes from National Treasure get some serious and productive studying done! Visiting the Library of Congress is a great opportunity to try to finally figure out the whole GUTS bus/Metro system, get frustrated after three minutes, and resort to calling an Uber like you always do.  Once you get there, be sure to blatantly ignore the library rules and take plenty of pictures of your beautiful surroundings- you can send some to your parents as proof that your college experience also involves some non-Burnetts-related activities !

4E Fun Fact: My own Library of Congress card has the unique distinction of being the only picture of me in existence that is worse than the one on my GoCard.

Actual footage of a Georgetown student Snapchatting his friends at the LoC.

2. The Aisles of Vital Vittles

If you’re too lazy to venture more than five minutes from campus looking for something a little closer to your Hilltop home, there are still plenty of options. One of Georgetown’s best study spots is located in the aisles of Vittles. This is exactly what it sounds like: just grab your backpack, go sit on the floor of the campus grocery store and get to work! Trust us, all the cool kids are doing it. As you study, you can enjoy the questioning stares of your fellow Hoyas while munching on one of the snacks you settled for because they were inexplicably out of your top five snack food choices.

4E Bonus Tip: If you’re feeling really adventurous, go study in the lone aisle of Snaxa.

3. VCE

Home to sophomores who skipped every “What’s a Hoya?” and freshmen who weren’t told this was even an option during their GAAP weekend, Village C East is truly a hidden treasure. Frequently forgotten and perpetually overlooked in favor of its better-known sibling to the west, VCE is basically the Jeb Bush of Georgetown dormitories. So while it may be “low-energy,” sometimes that’s exactly what you need after another wasted night spent in the distraction-filled mosh pit known as Lau 2 during finals. I personally recommend grabbing a spot at the tables in the laundry room, mostly because it reminds me of a simpler time, during freshman year, when I actually did my laundry on a regular basis instead of wearing the same pair of jeans for a week straight and hoping no one notices.

Remember when people were worried about him becoming president? We were so young…

4. The ICC Bathrooms

We’ve all been there: your professor assigns you a “collaborative final project” and everyone in your group is a total stranger. You’re probably freaking out- group projects are soooo awkward! But luckily, we here at 4E have found a quick fix to your problem: the ICC bathrooms. Spending time in uncomfortably-close physical proximity is a surefire way to get to know each other. And what better place to build this camaraderie than in the inexplicably-tiny restrooms of the Edward B. Bunn S.J. Intercultural Center? Just think of all the built-in conversation starters that will help break the ice: “Why are we working in a bathroom?” “This is so weird”- you’re sure to be best friends in no time! And best of all, you won’t have any of that pesky “reliable wifi access” to distract you from the task at hand.

4E Bonus Tip: If you’re really looking to get close with your peers, head on over to the White-Gravenor bathrooms, which have the cool added bonus of being extremely small and extremely old.

5. John Kerry’s House

Now that the Secret Service agents outside of his house are gone, this basically means we all have an open invitation to go hang out with Johnny K whenever we want. Though I personally have never actually been inside his home, I’m assuming it’s extremely classy (John Kerry is pretty much as #bougie as it gets- here’s a picture of a him on a yacht with JFK) and it also probably has pretty decent wifi, because we all know how much former Secretaries of State like to send emails!

Disclaimer: Yes, I know that joke was terrible, but I got yelled at for writing too many articles roasting Trump, so just consider this my attempt at being bipartisan). Additionally, the Kerrster can totally help you study for your IR final, and will almost-definitely be down to walk across the street with you for a Wingo’s study break

*Side Note: If anyone ever actually sees John Kerry at Wingo’s, please alert me immediately.

The Internet was made for moments like this.

So there you have it- five ways to shake up your study routine this finals season. Best of luck from all of us here at 4E, and please remember to keep procrastinating by reading our articles!

Photo source: jfklibrary.org; Gif source: giphy.com 

4E’s Declassified Freshman Survival Guide: Club Lau

Banner - Club LauDuring the first few days of your Georgetown experience, you will undoubtedly hear of a very “unique” tradition we have. You will hear of Club Lau, perhaps from an upperclassman friend, perhaps from a sign in the library, or even from an equally confused fellow freshman.

What is Club Lau? Where is it? How do I get in? What’s it like?

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You ask, and 4E has answers. If you want to do this Georgetown tradition right (note: this is a survival guide for a reason), listen up…

Every year, on one fateful night early in the schoolyear, our very own Lauinger Library turns into a sweaty dance moshpit. From the outside, you can’t see anything. That’s because the temperature inside rivals a sauna and the windows are completely fogged up.

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Everyone waits in a seemingly never-ending line for the chance to grace the Lau 3 dance floor, see all of their friends make fools of themselves, and relive past memories.

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Live footage of a Club Lau pregame

A DJ will play an aggressive set to pump up those in attendance, including:

  1. You. The confused freshman who just showed up because everyone else said they were going. You didn’t want to miss out on the fun.
  2. The senior crying upon realization this is his/her last Club Lau. You know what they say: 50 percent of Hoyas marry other Hoyas. If you haven’t found a spouse by senior year, this is basically your last opportunity to do so.
  3. The valedictorian who came to check out a book. Not even the deafening music can keep this student from his/her books. Wouldn’t be caught dead on the dance floor.
  4. The “GERMS’ed” record holder. If there’s one place someone is likely to need medical attention, it’s definitely here.
  5. Confused library staff. They’ll have to look up the meaning of the words “lit” and “ratchet” online if all of the dictionaries are checked out. There isn’t anything they can’t find in Georgetown’s Dictionary, though.

What you should expect:

  1. Losing your GoCard.
  2. Never being able to look at your roommate the same way afterwards.
  3. A constant smell of body odor/bodily fluids.smell
  4. Learning new things about people you may or may not have wanted to know.
  5. DFMOs (Dance Floor Makeouts).
  6. A damn good time.

Now that you’re up to date, you’ll be able to survive Club Lau 2017.  It’s on September 2nd from 10 PM to 2 AM, if you didn’t already know. See you there!

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Photos/GIFs: Karen Bu (COL ’16), giphy.com, playbuzz.com

 

Cupcake ATM…?

cupcakeATM

Rumor has it that Sprinkles cupcakes tried to make a cupcake ATM on M street. This would be kind of sick – you could walk up to the store, type in your selection and a perfectly frosted cupcake would be delivered straight to your outstretched hand. It was slated to open last fall, but for some unfortunate reason it never did.

Although this walk-up ATM would have been super cool, it’s really nothing compared to these crazy drive-thru’s:

Stanford Hospital and Clinics: Stanford made a drive-thru emergency room for highly contagious patients.

Ottawa Public Library: A Canada library opened a 24-hour drive-thru window. I didn’t even know Canadians could read. Whoops.

Double Shot Liquor and Guns: This Texas drive-thru obviously sells both guns and booze. This sounds really dangerous.

Adams Funeral Home: A funeral home in California allows mourners to pay their final respects to the deceased in a large glass display window. I think it is the largest cause of nightmares in the United States.

The Donut Hole: This might have been the inspiration for Sprinkles’ ATM. Customers drive through a huge donut to get to the pickup window. Getting donuts inside of a donut? Donut-ception.

Compared to these unconventional and mildly sacrilegious establishments, we have no idea why Sprinkles’ cupcake ATM failed. Hopefully they’ll try again this year.

Photos: forbesimg.com

The Atlantic Calls Lau ‘Soul-Crushing,’ Confirms Everything We Already Knew

lau

Lau is “soul-crushing.” Or at least according to an article in The Atlantic out today looking at the role that architecture plays on mental state. As any of us who have spent an all-nighter in the concrete fortress can confirm, this is definitely true.

The article, which looks at the positive effects of architecture on the brain, uses Lau as an example of just the type of architecture that doesn’t produce these outcomes.

At a particular moment during every tour of Georgetown’s campus, it becomes necessary for the student guide to acknowledge the singular blight in an otherwise idyllic environment.  

“Lauinger Library was designed to be a modern abstraction of Healy Hall”: a sentence that inevitably trails off with an apologetic shrug, inviting the crowd to arrive at their own conclusions about how well it turned out. Much of the student population would likely agree that the library’s menacing figure on the quad is nothing short of soul-crushing. New research conducted by a team of architects and neuroscientists suggests that architecture may indeed affect mental states, although they choose to focus on the positive.

These researchers, led by Catholic U. professor Julio Bermudez, looked at the effect that “contemplative architecture” (basically the opposite of Lau, I think) has on the brain, finding a positive impact. And even if they didn’t use Lau in their study, I think we all know what they would have found if they had.

So the next time you’re in Lau and you feel yourself dying a bit inside, know you’re not alone — and there’s even research to back you up.

Photo: Alexander Brown/The Hoya

How It Feels to Start Classes Again

First Day of SchoolBy now most, if not all, of you are done with the Christmas cookies and never-ending family time. The holidays were fun, but now it’s back to the Hilltop we love and the schoolwork we hate. It goes a little like this:

You get back to Georgetown, so excited to see your friends…

emma-stone-amanda-bynes-scream

… even though it’s been only 3 weeks. (But it seems like a lifetime and a half.)

Everything is fab, until you realize you actually have to take classes.

tumblr_mg3jorsMT21qh402go1_250Like any good Georgetown student, you spend an unimaginable amount of time picking out that perfect “back-to-school” outfit, which seems to not exist.

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Finally, you find “the one” and you feel like a million bucks (or like a 4.0 GPA).

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But Wednesday morning is not too friendly.

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And there is always that one person who is way too excited.

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Your teachers actually expect you to learn.

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But your mind is blank. Or possibly still frozen from the cold.

Blankstare

The bookstore is a total mess.

too-many-people

And then you see someone in the library already. GOOD. FOR. YOU.

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You realize that Leo’s is once again your main food option and all happiness disappears.

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But being back with Jack the Bulldog makes everything much better.

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And despite the teachers, classes and long lines at the RHO, at least you are back on the Hilltop. Now you will have about a week or so until you are actually allowed to be stressed again. So enjoy the time off, Hoyas … we are all going to need it!

GIFS: tumblr.com, Photo: paulgerst.com

Laungevity: Signs You’ve Been in Lau for Too Long

Lau StrugglesReaders, let me give it to you straight: I am writing this article to you from Lau 2 at 5:30 a.m., ending an all-nighter preparing for my looming finals that started at 7 p.m. yesterday. I don’t know where the time went. I don’t know how I managed to survive on only vending machine Fritos and hours-old coffee. I’ve been in Lau for so long that I don’t even know if the sun set last night. All I know is that I’ve been in Lau for too long.

So now, I am sharing with you the telltale signs of Laungevitythe long duration of time spent in Lau, so you can avoid it for your sake. Here’s how you’ll know:

Every. Single. Person. Is. Gone.

Lau 3 is completely empty. Literal ghost town.
Lau 3 is completely empty. Literal ghost town.

Yet someone is vacuuming (and it makes your head feel like it’s exploding).

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But eventually, even the workers go home. Then, all you see is cubicle after ominous cubicle.

Nobody on Lau 1, just Post-It Notes of a lost student. Probably a ghost at this point.
Nothing but cubicles and the Post-It notes of a lost student. Probably a ghost at this point.

Then, Lau stops being a library.

Wow it's so late even the BOOKS are gone on Lau 5!
Wow! It’s so late even the BOOKS are gone on Lau 5!

You start feeling all sorts of weird emotions.

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Finally, common sense (and the clock) tell you that you have to leave.

For the love of God, PLEASE GO HOME! DO NOT BE HERE AT THIS HOUR!
PLEASE GO HOME! DO NOT BE HERE AT THIS HOUR!

Then you step outside … and even though you’re cold, exhausted, miserable and borderline delusional, you feel like this:

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Good luck on your finals, Hoyas, but please be wary. Avoid Laungevity at all costs!

Photos/Gifs: Matt Sullivan for The Hoya, Tumblr, Blog.Visual.ly, Wikipedia