The Five Phases of Writing a Final Paper, as told by Melania Trump

melaniaWe’re sad to report that finals season is once again upon us, and the only thing that could make this worse is remembering that Donald Trump won the election. But here at 4E, we have decided to embrace reality and take these two terrifying things in stride by finding a way to combine them. With that in mind, here are the five stages of writing a final paper, as told by our future First Lady, Melania Trump.

Phase 1: Confidence

You stroll onto Lau 2 with your squad, feeling good and looking even better. You pick up your usual vanilla latte and lemon poppy-seed muffin from Midnight, snag a prime table near the vending machines, and you’re ready to crush this paper. You’ve totally got this.

Phase 2: Distraction

You’ve got plenty of time. This paper isn’t due for another ten hours. That’s like a week in college time. Before you start writing, you can definitely afford to spend five minutes stalking that guy from your French class on Facebook or searching for some fire memes to retweet.

Phase 3: Realization

Okay, so five minutes has somehow turned into four hours and all you’ve done is people-watch and take a Buzzfeed quiz to find out what Zoey 101 character you are. Time to get serious. You log on to Blackboard to look at the topic for the first time. Wait… What is this paper supposed to be about? It slowly dawns on you that this paper might not be as easy as you initially thought.

Phase 4: Desperation

Ok, it’s officially time to panic. What is going on? When did the professor ever talk about any of this? You are really regretting your decision to skip so many lectures in favor of waiting in line for a crepe at the farmer’s market. At the height of your anxiety, you seriously start to consider how serious this whole “no plagiarism” rule is. Will anyone really notice if you copy and paste your entire paper from Wikipedia?

Phase 5: Acceptance

There’s no more time for panicking. You’ve got an hour left, and if you type fast enough, you’re pretty sure you can still pull a solid B-. Don’t let the fact that you have no idea what is going on stop you! Just make things up! Literally say anything. If this election cycle has taught us one thing, it’s that you can blatantly lie and people will still believe you:

                                                       Example 1
                                                           Example 2
                                                        Example 3

So there you have it: the five phases of writing a research paper, as told by First Lady-elect Melania Trump. From all of us here at 4E, good luck with your finals and with the next four years.

Gifs: giphy.com

What Your Favorite Study Spot Says About You

Study Spot

We all have that place. It’s where, when the going gets tough, we hunker down and bust out that paper due in T-minus five hours, or cram as much information into our already occupied coffee-addicted minds. You could say that where you study is almost as important as what you’re studying. Which is why we at 4E have taken the time to prepare a little cheat sheet — not about econ or orgo but about what your favorite study place really says about you.

Lau 2

You thrive in chaos. You’re a social butterfly; however, you also suffer from extreme FOMO. You spend your weeknights sitting around a table with all of your best buds and the perfect view of the Midnight Mug line. You are either a connoisseur in the art of procrastinating or you really can get work done in the middle of pure pandemonium. If you are the latter, I commend you — you’ll survive in this world.

 

Hariri (MSB)

You are most likely in the business school or you just want to snag that booth. You are practical because you know that there will always be an outlet and it will usually be fairly quiet, until that 9 p.m. graduate business class gets out. You have an appreciation for the finer things as you soak up the light and airy ambiance of the MSB. Not to mention the bathrooms are pretty sweet.

Copley Lawn

You love the outdoors and want to embrace all and any good weather that comes along. You may suffer from seasonal depression, but when that first beautiful spring day hits campus, you’re the first one to snag the sunniest spot. You thrive while sprawled out on your plush blanket that you brought to college specifically for these lawn days. You are usually laid-back and carefree until the end of November and you see your precious lawn dusted with a layer of snow. Sorry if these next few months are a little rough for you.

 

Saxbys

You like some human interaction, but you are not willing to endure the chaos that ensues on Lau 2. You are rather sophisticated, people-watching, sipping your coffee and listening to your fantastic Spotify playlist. You like to feel cozy and independent as you rigorously study on the tiny table that can barely fit your laptop, coffee and notebook.

Regents

If you study in Regents you are either one or both of these things: Someone who has an established relationship with the Einstein’s swiper lady (because you take a bagel break more often than you should and need to be in close proximity to food), and/or a pre-med or science major and you only see the outside world from this building’s beautiful formula-filled windows. If you are one of the latter, you may feel at times that your social life is lacking, but have no fear. All of that studying will pay off … well, hopefully.

This campus is filled with an endless array of study spots that do not include the confines of your room. In the last few weeks of this semester, go explore these spots and at least try to study.

Gifs: giphy.com; Photo: payette.com

Struggle City: the Best and the Worst of the Finals Wall

Finals WallEvery semester, it’s the same trip to Struggle City for us Hoyas. Whether you’re writing a 20-page paper, studying for Orgo or just avoiding all of life on Lau 2, finals week at Georgetown gets really real really fast. Really. The Finals Wall, located in The Midnight MUG on Lau 2, serves as a record of all the pain and strife Georgetown students have faced – and continue to face – during this strenuous week. After examining the Finals Wall, I’ve come to the conclusion that some of us clearly struggle better than others. Here are the best and worst struggles of the Finals Wall:

The Best

This guy who made the best of a bad situation:2013-12-16-20.26.00

This post with questionable grammar neatly summarizing the struggle.

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Wow.

This person who remembered why we put ourselves through the stress:

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I can see my success in her self-titled visual album.

This person who we’re a bit concerned about. The detox that is winter break is closer than you think, anonymous orange-crayon-user!

Fear of missing out #FOMO
Fear of missing out #FOMO

The Worst

This person who is in a really tight spot.

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Good luck, bro.

This person who shares in one other struggle many of us Lau-goers have faced.

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CAPUCCINOMORE.

This person who eloquently described all of our feelings towards econ.

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AMEN!

And, finally, amidst all the struggle, the unifying theme.

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Everyday I’m strugglin’.

Whatever your strife, the 4E believes in you! Own that essay, ace that test. Remember: After enduring all these struggles you can’t possibly fail!

Photo: Matt Sullivan for The Hoya, Zelchandlerpresents.wordpress.com

21 Ways You Know You’re About to Graduate from Georgetown

21 ways you know
There are only three days of classes left (if we’re really counting Georgetown Day as a day of class), and for the Class of 2013, this is a bittersweet fact. Some of the seniors on The Hoya pushed through their sadness to compile this list. We salute you, seniors. So here it is, the “21 Ways You Know You’re About to Graduate from Georgetown”.

1. You no longer get lost in ICC…for the most part

2. Graduating high school seems like a primitive time, thousands of years ago.

3. You actually get mad at yourself for sleeping through a class because there are so few left.

4. The phrase “Class of 2017” makes you feel 10,000 years old.

5. You could (slash have done) the 2 a.m. walk to and from Tuscany blindfolded and blackout.

6. You start missing Leo’s unless you’re a S.E.A.L. (senior eating at Leo’s)

7. You say to yourself, “there was a one keg limit? Missed that these four years.”

8. You’re rocking gym clothes at Tombs

9. SWUG life has completely taken over

10. You tell every GAAP kid, “If I only had four more years to do it again”

11. You know what Philly P is (and still think it’s better than Tuscany).

12. You pour one out for our fallen friends: Saloun, Guards, Thirds, and Hook.

13. You know your liver is prepared for Senior Week because you survived Snowpocalypse

14. You could clothe a small country with the collection of free t-shirts you’ve accumulated over the years

15. You constantly get asked the worst question in existence, “So, do you know what you’re doing after college?”

16. The idea of Lau 2 now makes you nauseous.

17. Rhino feels like a daycare center for toddlers.

18. You get sad on the inside when you realize you never have to register for classes again.

19. You won’t have the opportunity to use Classy from The Corp.

20. “Half-Price Wine Night” at The Tombs is essentially etched into your Google Calendar.

21. The fact that tomorrow is your last Georgetown Day is killing you from the inside out.

Think we missed anything? Leave it in the comments below!

Georgetown eCards: Sass to the Max

It’s finals season for universities all over the country, and people are looking for ways to procrastinate. The 4E staff has collaborated to offer you a very Hilltop-specific method of getting nothing done for a few minutes. Share and enjoy!

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Sixteen Sweet Study Songs

4E’s Study Sixteen from thehoya on 8tracks Radio.

Studying sucks. Luckily for you, music doesn’t. And for those of you whose friends are distracting you by whispering in Pierce (which is forbidden, but by friends are doing it anyway), you probably need a little chill study music to distract you. Look no farther. These sixteen songs are guaranteed to help you focus and get you through finals happily.

Dull to Pause — Junior Boys This song has been on my study playlist for at least the past two years. Great beats that ride the line between monotonous and beautiful. Which, if you ask me, is the ultimate study song.

Hurricane — MS MR If you didn’t discover this song when the Internet was making Hurrican Sandy playlists, now is your chance. Fall in love with her voice. (This is also thematically relevant for me and my studying for my climate science final).

Pull My Heart Away — Jack Peñate I love Jack’s voice. It’s soothing and oozes emotion, but not so much that you start crying from a mixture of desperation and the song’s emotional power.

Slowdance — Matthew Dear This is actually the ideal study song. I actually wouldn’t be opposed to just listening to this song on repeat until I finish my paper.

Brackett, WI — Bon Iver Justin Vernon’s musical melancholy might be a little too depressing for those of you holed up in cube. But this song’s emotion mirrors the winter outside, so it’s a great study song.

Civilian — Wye Oak This song simultaneously makes me focus and destress. It’s a win-win.

Holocene — Bon Iver It always helps to surround yourself with beauty during desperate times.

Heart Skipped a Beat — The xx and Unfold — The xx Every song by The xx is perfectly tailored for studying. Listen to their past two albums on repeat. This playlist contains a dong from each.

The Mall and Misery — Broken Bells I spent all of my time during winter finals 2011 listening to this song and managed to do well. Here’s hoping this song continues the trend!

Runaway — JMSN This is kind of a mix of study music and hipster baby-making music. It’s helped me focus so far.

Bad Religion — Frank Ocean Love Frank Ocean. After his album’s release this summer, no soothing playlist would be complete without his beautiful voice.

Mariana — Bia Krieger This song is Brazilian, so you won’t understand the words (which always helps with focusing). It also comes from Putumayo’s “Brazilian Lounge” album, and Brazilian lounges seem super chill. We’re all in need of a little carefree Brazilian music right now.

Relax, Take It Easy — Mika The title says it all. Also, love Mika. If you ever want to cry in a music video like you do in a romcom, watch this one. Wouldn’t you want someone to tell you that you were the Origin of Love? That’s actually the biggest compliment I can imagine and if that song doesn’t play on my wedding day I’m going to murder the DJ.

Cruel — St. Vincent Yes, finals are cruel. This song will make you feel better.

Pretty Girl From Michigan — The Avett Brothers I’m in Lau, staring at a pretty girl who may or may not be from Michigan.

Survivor: My First All-Nighter

Well good morning Hoyas! Or, if you’re like me, you’re wondering why it’s so bright out when the night still hasn’t ended. Yes, I have survived my first all-nighter (read as: I’m a freshman taking only 14 credits) but trust me…it wasn’t pretty. I’m going to allow you to re-live my experience and learn from my mistakes, the first of which was waiting to write this paper until last night…or…this morning? I don’t know, I’m sleepy and confused. Hopefully you’ll find this either informative, amusing, or reminiscent of your first all-nighter. Regardless, this is going to be pretty shambly.

12:05am Get out of rehearsal and head to Lau 2, sit with a friend.

Clearly these are mistakes 1 and 2. As much as you try to delude yourself, Lau 2 is not a productive place and friends are poopfaces who distract you.

1:20am Very little has been done, but now I am ravenously hungry. I go to Midnight to get a bagel but am told that they are out of ALL KINDS OF BAGELS. WHAT IS THIS MADNESS. Proceed to cry.

Mistake number 3 is made, but not by me. By all other bagel consumers: why did you take all my bagels. Why? Why would you do this to me.

1:35am Research Grubhub delivery places, contemplate options, be indecisive. Then get convinced that we should make a caffeine run to Midnight then go to Vittles for snacks. But we have to hurry because “Vittles closes at 2”!

1:47am While waiting for our drinks, I run into my lovely deputy editor, Kate Wellde who works at Vittles. I go over to her, intending to ask her to text the person with the last Vittles shift of the day to ask them to stay open for just 5 more minutes. Kate apologetically tells me that Vittles closes at 1 every day…

Mistake number 4= not knowing the hours of Corp locations. Even Kate Wellde couldn’t cushion this blow. Deep sigh…

2:00am Go to Hariri to study anyhow and order pizza from Grubhub to be delivered to the Hotel lobby because my stomach is growling more than a wild Zigoon with no attack moves.

Best decision of the night. It got there in 16 minutes. Delicious. Worth it.

Continue reading “Survivor: My First All-Nighter”

The Five People You’ll Meet On Lau 2

Midterms. You’re stressed, you’re scared, you’re underprepared. Your hall is loud at all hours of the night, the Leavey center is just too far from your dorm, and you’re desperately looking for a place to study. You also can’t stand extreme silence while you work and so you head to Lau 2. Here’s a little guide to the five people you may find there:

1. The Loner They tend to sit alone at a table built for six with their headphones on and their heads buried behind their Macbook pros. You’re probably wondering to yourself why they aren’t just in a cubicle. It would serve them the same purpose and then you wouldn’t have to push those awkwardly shaped tables outside of Midnight Mug together so that your Spanish study group can actually sit in the same place.

2. The Crazy Whether they’re sitting on the ground in defeat after trying to get their laptop charger to reach the closest-but-still-not-very-close outlet, or they’re pulling their hair out at 3am while poring over Hobbes’ Leviathan, they kind of scare the living crap out of you. These people have clearly lost it and you should probably steer clear of them in case they have a nervous breakdown and go psycho on you.

3. The Social Butterfly There’s always that one person flitting from table to table, engaging their masses of friends in conversation as though they don’t have a care in the world. They’ll probably return to their respective table at some point, pull out their computer and Skype with a friend while browsing through some of last weekend’s Facebook pictures. They might even pull out a deck of cards and play Spit with their fellow butterflies.

4. The Sleeper This is pretty self-explanatory. This poor soul has fallen asleep in one of those red-ish/brown chairs in the middle of the room with their mouth lolling open while their forgotten psychology reading falls from their lap. Maybe they’re just field-testing Freud’s philosophies on dreaming?

5. You You’ve got Self Control turned on with an extensive blacklist, your trusty Red Eye in hand to get you through the 1 a.m. slump, and you have a six page theology paper due tomorrow of which you have finished approximately zero pages of. And now you’ve just wasted a solid half hour watching the other people on Lau doing questionable things… and then another 10 minutes reading this blog post. Better get to work!

Freshman Fails: What’s a DFMO?

So I’m a freshman – you were all in my shoes at some point, but it doesn’t make those shoes any less awkward. And nothing is funnier than the misfortune of others, so here is a list of 10 of my more embarrassing Georgetown moments that only a freshman could have:

1. I walked into the library, located the stairs, and proceeded to walk UP to find Lau 2.

2. I didn’t know that Wisey’s was a nickname for Wisemiller’s and tried to figure out where it was by Googling “Wisey’s”.

3. I’ve still never had an Oreo cookie from the aforementioned Wisey’s.

4. I thought you could use flex dollars at Sweetgreen and was accordingly confused when my card said insufficient funds.

5. I left my laundry unattended… bad choice.

6. I had to look up “dfmo” on urban dictionary.

7. I still don’t know where Brown House is, or why it’s called Brown House. I’m assuming it’s because it’s brown. But I wouldn’t know.

8. I wore uncomfortable shoes to D.C.’s Fashion’s Night Out and have the blisters to prove it.

9. I tried to take a sandwich and a fruit cup from Grab-and-Go and got yelled at by the attendant. Apparently EVERYONE knows that a fruit cup is considered an ENTRÉE. DUH.

10. I walked all the way through the University Hotel to get to Starbucks, unaware that there was a much faster and direct route through Hoya Court.

I do genuinely hope this will be my last ‘Freshman Fails’ post, but let’s be realistic, I still have a lot to learn about Georgetown. So stay tuned for more humor at my expense.

Photo credit: warningsignshirts.com