Welcome Back!

The trees on Prospect Street are starting to change color. The NSO horde has descended upon campus, tasked with welcoming over a thousand new students. Jack the Bulldog is on his way home from a restful summer vacation in Turks & Caicos.

In other words, the start of a new school year is here.

View into a typical apartment/dorm room the night before classes start.

We’ve been away for a while, so 4E has placed several investigative journalists on the scene to inform you, our readers, about the current state of life at Georgetown.

1.  Late Night Leo’s is back. This reporter got eyes on a top-secret Dining Committee meeting in which, praise be, it was confirmed that Leo’s will be both extending its evening hours AND its daily breakfast hours. Things are really looking up. How to take advantage of this upgrade: take your significant other on a romantic date in the sensual ambiance of post-9pm O’Donovan’s on the Waterfront.

You back on your “Eat, Pray, Leo’s” bulls***.

2. Senseless construction projects continue to reign supreme. This reporter has gathered several receipts on the noisy, bothersome operations that disrupt the usually mediocre idyllic standard of life at Georgetown. From the Hospital Pavilion to the perplexing gated area in front of Regents, prepare yourselves for a year of getting woken up early by drill sounds.

“A Quiet Place” but the monsters are construction workers disturbing your drunken slumber.

3. Coming Soon: Big Mouth Season 2. 4E’s favorite Hoyalumni, John Mulaney and Nick Kroll, have been killing it with their stand-up specials, Broadway shows and overall hilariousness. The former GU Improv duo made puberty the ~butt~ of many jokes with Netflix’s Big Mouth. Lucky for us, more is supposedly coming our way this fall. Be sure to binge watch instead of studying for midterms. Its what John and Nick would have wanted.

Freshmen using their fakes at Opera for the first time.

4. Rats. They’re everywhere. Returning students are generally desensitized to the presence of rodents on campus, but it feels like they’ve come back with a vengeance this year. This reporter was personally victimized by several SCREECHING critters on the way back from LXR last night. Just throwing it out there—there’s no shame in taking a SafeRide from ICC to Vil A to avoid them.

Walking out of Lau at 2 am like…

5. LIL DICKY is coming to town. Not ~technically~ a Georgetown-specific event, but if you haven’t bought tickets yet for his November 6th show, GET THEM NOW. I’m totally not writing this so I can DM him and tell him that I personally sold tickets on his behalf, causing him to fall in love and have beautiful Jewish babies with me.

 

Honorary AEPi member

6. Kirstjen Nielsen. While most of us were topping off our tans and drinking vodka lemonades, this Georgetown grad spent her summer separating families and interning children in “tender-age facilities.” I can’t *smh* enough about the work of Kirstjen and her fellow #guilty alum, Mr. Paul Manafort.

What is tax fraud anyway, though?

7. Midterms! I’m not talking about the ones that give you a temporary ulcer and make you question the purpose of higher education. DC is about to be torn apart in a storm of political divisiveness, so hurry up and get yourselves Hillternships ASAP so you can watch it happen. Caveat emptor: you have to actually vote in order to participate.

Oprah for the House, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson for the Senate.

8. You’re still playing yourself. Georgetown may be one of the top schools in the country, but even great intellect can’t stop smart people from doing stupid things. Locking yourself out of your room for the third time in three days really makes you question the teachers who told you to dream big back in high school. Here’s to a year full of dumb mistakes…

You can always drink away the embarrassment.

Best of luck everyone! Hoya Saxa.

 

Sources: giphy.com, theanthemdc.com,

4Eats: Falafel Inc. Debrief

Quick Pita died and has risen again in a new and improved form. While no Georgetown establishment will ever truly take its place, Quick Pita’s successor, Falafel Inc., sure does justice to our need for a delicious and frugal late-night spot. 4E went full Guy Fieri mode to give you a rundown of what you need to know about this new spot.

Here’s a quick guide to everything you care about:

  1. Prices: 10/10. You’d be hard-pressed to find a cheaper, more filling meal. There are plenty of bougie options in Georgetown, but this isn’t one of them. The price for the value is the best around. Both the main selections (falafel bowls and sandwiches for $4 each) and the sides ($3 each) are well-priced.
  2. Food (Variety): 8/10. While there aren’t many options on the menu, you can easily customize your order with the plethora of add-ins that are traditionally included for free (such as cabbage slaw, tomatoes, etc.). They also have some Middle Eastern specialties you’d have difficulty finding easily elsewhere, such as Barbican, a non-alcoholic fruit and malt soda.
  3. Food (Taste): 9.5/10. Definitely blows any other falafel I’ve ever had in D.C. out of the water. While a falafel sandwich is a pretty basic concept, Falafel Inc.’s execution is pretty close to flawless, and they put a unique blend of toppings that make the mundane falafel sandwich tasty and exciting.
  4. Food (Sauces): 9.5/10. There is just something spectacular about being able to smother a falafel in their garlicky habibi sauce. I don’t know what’s in it, and they probably wouldn’t tell me if I asked, but make sure to try this out (and all of the others, which are equally tasty) when you go.
  5. Ambience: 8/10. The inside of this place harkens to a refugee camp, and for good reason. The dimly lit, plywood walls truly create a unique atmosphere directly emulating the falafel shops in refugee camps. The only thing that would make it better would be more seating, but the lack thereof gives it a more authentic feel.
  6. Staff: 9/10. Very friendly people who work hard to get the food out quickly and correctly. It’s just hard not to think back to Quick Pita’s staff and wonder what ever happened to Sammy.
  7. Hours: 5.5/10. This is probably the only let-down, though the hours aren’t truly bad by any means. We’ve all been itn dire need of a piping hot pita around the wee hours of the night, and unfortunately Falafel Inc. closes at 11pm, making it a great lunch and dinner spot, but not so much a late-night post-game spot.
  8. Bonus: +0.5 for being FTR (For the Refugees). For every $10 spent, the shop feeds a refugee for a day by donating part of its revenue to the World Food Programme, so you can feel even better about having tahini drip down your face as you stuff yourself with falafel.

Final Rating: 9/10

While we all dearly miss Quick Pita, Falafel Inc. is more than worth a try (or several).

Photos/Gifs: washingtoncitypaper.com, giphy.com

Seth Meyers Nailed It At GW

Seth MeyersA few months ago, we received word that legendary Saturday Night Live writer and Weekend Update host Seth Meyers would be doing a show at George Washington University in October for their parents’ weekend (part of some nonnegotiable contract, probably). A few Georgetown students decided to purchase these coveted tickets to see the great comedian and current Late Night host.

He nailed it. For almost 90 minutes, Seth Meyers owned the stage, captured the audience and absolutely nailed all of his jokes. He also taught us a lot of valuable life lessons. Here are a few.

We really do have a lot to worry about here in America.

“We worry about Isis, we worry about Ebola. We worry about Isis getting Ebola and using it as a weapon. We worry about everyone except Isis getting Ebola. Isis really needs to pick a name – they are way less intimidating if you can’t decide whether to call them ‘Isis’ or ‘The Islamic State’ or ‘Elsa’ or whatever. Also, if you see Isis don’t tell them I made a joke about them.”

Obama doesn’t need us.

“I think Obama is ready to be done being president. He doesn’t need the love of the American people. Bill Clinton – he needed the love of the American people. If he could be president again today, he would. George W. Bush might still think he’s president. To make the transition easier for him, they probably told him that he could continue doing the job from Texas.”

Not everyone was happy about Bin Laden’s death.    

“Obama is tough to make fun of because he’s really self-aware, but at the White House Correspondent’s dinner I really nailed it. I felt so good about it, and I thought that I would be all over the news on Monday morning; I was just hoping no big news would break over the weekend.

Of course I turn on the news Monday morning and see that we f**king murdered Osama Bin Laden. Honestly, I was so pissed. Like, we chased the guy for 10 f**king years and they had to pick THAT day to finally kill him?

But I do have a theory about this to make myself feel better: I think that Obama knew that I was going to get all the attention, so he assembled all his advisors and was like, ‘Hey, we need to do something, I don’t want jokes about me to be on Monday morning news’, and they were like, ‘Oh, we could kill Bin Laden’ and he said, ‘Do it.’ So, you’re welcome America.”

Paris is tricky.

“I dated my wife for a long time before I finally proposed to her, and by year 4 she was getting really antsy about a ring. For her birthday that year, I suggested we go to Prague but she insisted on Paris. We were walking on a bridge and I dropped my passport. I realized that it would have been easier to kick the passport into the water and say ‘Well, we live in Paris now’ than to get down on one knee in the middle of Paris and come up without a ring in my hand.”

People who live abroad are insufferable.                                                      

“They come back and all they talk about is how great it was wherever they lived and how terrible it is here in the United States. They feel the need to show off their new language and insert words randomly into conversation – after dinner they’ll say, “Goodnight, goodnight, buonanotte, WHAT? Wow, why did I just say that? Oh yea, because I lived in Italy last semester!”

Don’t tell me that doesn’t sound a little like one of your study abroad friends (we say it with love!).

So Seth, thanks for teaching me more real life things in your 90-minute show than I’ve learned all year. Saturday Night Live isn’t the same without you.

Photo: eonline.com