Georgetown Basketball: Season Predictions For The Non-Sports Inclined

Amid finals season, the promise of this year’s basketball team under newly appointed head coach Patrick Ewing may be something to look forward to. Or perhaps not…

You, colorized, ca. 2017.

As someone whose GPA would suffer tremendously if athletics were part of the core requirement, you don’t really know what to make of the hype around this season. You were convinced to buy student season tickets by the incessant emails , but you’re not sure you made a wise investment. You once played basketball during eighth period P.E. in middle school, but your goal was primarily to jump and grab onto the net rather than to score. You honestly just want to get on the DanceCam. While it can be overwhelming for someone like you to understand at all what’s going on within 10 miles of the Verizon Center Capital One Arena, there is hope. You are ~not alone~. To help people like you, 4E presents our season predictions for the non-sports inclined:

  • Patrick Ewing will continue to look like a stock photograph for memes. While many are wondering what the former Hoya and NBA superstar will bring to the table as we head into conference play, one thing is certain: His meme potential is astronomical.

    Exhibit 1
  • The student section will continue to look like we’re constantly in the middle of finals season. From the mumps outbreak to the never-ending midterms season to the existential crisis to be an #academic, it appears Hoyas are staying at home in increasing numbers.


  • Jack the Bulldog will lose his job to robots. As technology continues to leave humans jobless, what’s to say that this trend won’t spread to man’s best friend? Certainly, a robo-dog would be even better at riding a skateboard than an obese bulldog that pants at the thought of moving.
  • Rocket Bar will continue to be the main highlight for going to a basketball game. Honestly, when is this place not the main draw?
  • Hoya Blue will continue to make us look bad on national television. It seems as though the same six people sit in the front row at every game, looking confused and hopeless and realizing they made a grave mistake by buying another year of season tickets. Hopefully, the major television networks that make the mistake of broadcasting our games will pan to the empty parts of the stands, which present a better ~aesthetic~.
  • Capital One Arena’s chicken tenders will continue to outshine the new Leo’s. It’s unfortunate when $14.99 chicken fingers can outshine anything, but these babies do just that to our beloved only dining hall.

As the season gets into full swing, you’re now prepared to be ~on top of your game~! See you not at the game!



As midterm season wears on and Lau becomes our home-away-from-dorm once more,  we here at 4E have noticed that some of us are in desperate need of a quick refresher on proper “Lautiquette” (that’s Lau- etiquette, for all you #normies out there).

Before you head on back to your cubicle, take a minute to check out 4E’s Official Guide to Proper Lautiquette:

1. Have your GoCard ready when you walk in. It is not that hard. You know you’re supposed to have it ready. I know you’re supposed to have it ready. That line of sleep-deprived people waiting behind you at 1:58 a.m. during finals week know you’re supposed to have it ready. So don’t be that person. Instead, be the considerate student who awkwardly stands outside near the smokers by the steps while frantically emptying out their entire backpack in search of the card before they attempt to enter the building.

2. Do not take up an entire Lau 2 table by yourself during peak hours. Peak hours are officially designated (by the staff here at 4E) as anytime between 2:00 PM and 1:00 AM on Sundays, and 7:00 PM to 12:00 AM on Mondays through Wednesdays. I don’t care how hard that bio midterm is going to be- there is absolutely no need for you to take up an entire  table with your flashcards and highlighters.

Full Disclosure: I am sitting at a cramped table far from an outlet and glaring at a well-documented serial Lau 2 tabler-taker-upper as I write this. You know who you are. Please move.

3. Do not eat anything that smells weird. The litmus test for this one is extremely straight forward: if you have to ask if your food smells weird, your food smells weird.  Do not consume this food within the confines of Joseph Mark Lauinger Library. None of the windows open and we will all be forced to endure the stench of your microwaveable Four Cheese and Four Meat Hot Pocket (TM) for the duration of our study session.

4. Do not talk on Lau 5.

5. Do not take the elevator down one floor. Look, we’re all tired after a long night or an early morning, but the elevators are slow enough already without your shenanigans. Get it together.*

*However, it is nevertheless completely acceptable to take the elevator up one floor. The difference between walking up a single flight of stairs and walking down a single flight of stairs cannot be overstated. Much like a certain father-son Georgetown basketball coaching duo, one is undoubtedly much worse than the other (#tbt).

So there you have it- a few friendly reminders to make sure your time here in Lau is as Lauwesome (that’s Lau-awesome, #normies) as it can possibly be! Now please go passive-aggressively share this with your friends and/or the stranger who is currently taking too long to decide what they want to order at Midnight.


Madness at Midnight

HEY! Guess what today is?! Yeah, that’s right. Tonight, at midnight, there will be madness. Madness, I say! For all of you newcomers to the Hilltop, when the clock strikes twelve, our beloved 2012-2013 Hoyas basketball team is officially permitted by the NCAA to begin regular practices. Can you say, celebration?

You know what else today is? Exactly one month (minus one day) from our first home game of the season at the Verizon Center, mark your calendars. Be there. It’s also one day from the Georgetown/Lehigh football game on Harbin Field – Patriot League match-up that cannot be missed and a fierce Big East battle between Georgetown and Marquette in Men’s Soccer (#paranoia). It’s also 44 days until Thanksgiving.

So, you get a wristband from waiting outside the gym tonight – now what? What actually happens? I am a freshman and I am confused – what happens?! (I am a sophomore and I am wise, so I will tell you).

1. Hoya Blue, lead by the fearless Andrew Rennie, will reveal the WAG slogan, chosen by students (yeah, like you!). Exciting. This slogan will be on your Georgetown t-shirt for the next 9 months, don’t you want to know what it will say across your back? (“Kick Me”? Lol, jk)

2. All of the basketball players come out to a different song that they pick and they dance, and it’s cute, and I love it. I caught sophomore center, Tyler Adams, outside Healy Hall yesterday and asked him if he’d reveal his song… no go on that one. I guess we’ll all have to wait and see.

3. So many student groups will perform. They cannot be missed. If you miss them, you will not see this.

Speaking of singing and dancing, I heard the best news (via the Twitter, of course, and our friends at Casual Hoya). Yes, it is true. Doug E. Fresh is going to be in attendence at Midnight Madness which means aggressive beat-boxing, dancing, singing and just getting weird in McDonough. So if you like those things, and generally just like fun, get over to McDonough tonight to celebrate the Hoyas. And if you don’t like fun, you need to get your priorities straight. Maybe hang out with me, and we can have fun together because I am a big fan of it.

So, advice. Don’t stand outside Brown House tonight in pink shorts or a tight black skirt (in the cold, it’s cold, people) to see if they’ll let you in. Stand outside McDonough instead, where they WILL let you in, and love you, and welcome you.

Photo by: The Washington Post, The Examiner, The Daily, Silky Kadakia