How to Throw the Perfect Inauguration Day Party

January 20th 2017 is an important date for two reasons. First, it marks the inauguration of our nation’s 45th President and ushers in a new and unprecedented era in American history. Secondly, and much more importantly, it’s an official Georgetown University holiday, which means that we all get to be MSB students for a day and share in the luxurious experience of having no Friday classes! So if you’re searching for a fun way to spend your day off, look no further: we here at 4E have got you covered with some tips and tricks for the perfect Inauguration Day party.

Find the perfect spot to host

When you’re searching for the right place to throw your Inauguration Day bash, we recommend you choose a different location from wherever you hosted your Election Night party a few months ago- after all, nothing ruins a good party faster than terrifying flashbacks! Your best bet in terms of location is definitely the Village A rooftop. While you can’t really see the Capitol building from the roof, you can see the Washington Monument, which we all know provides the perfect patriotic background for that inevitable Inauguration Day Instagram, which you’ll probably post with an original, hilarious caption like #MakeAmericaLITagain

Invite some VIPs

To quote our next President, your party can’t be full of “losers and haters,” so when it comes to making your guest list, be sure to go the extra mile. Actually, you don’t even have to go a whole mile- just walk the few blocks to John Kerry’s house and invite him to your awesome party. He obviously can’t RSVP to your Facebook event for security reasons, so your safest bet is definitely to just go knock on his door and ask him face to face. His secret service agents totally won’t mind as long as you remember to extend the invitation to them as well. In the meantime, wander around campus and you’ll probably run into frequent Dahlgren Chapel-attendee, Joe Biden, or Georgetown’s favorite son and America’s favorite almost-first-husband, Bill Clinton. And after this election cycle, these guys are definitely ready to kick back and party, so be sure to toss an invite their way.

Make a playlist

No Inauguration Day party would be complete without the musical stylings of Trump’s new best friend, Kanye West. After the craziness known as the 2016 election, I don’t think any of us would even be surprised at this point if Kanye somehow ended up with a Cabinet position. In fact, we’re calling it now: we think a Trump/West 2020 ticket is in our future (in four years, remember you heard it here at 4E first!). And if Kanye’s ascent into the political arena is imminent, we must enjoy his musical genius while we still can. So at your party, be sure to “Runaway” from your fears about the next four years, ignore all those fake news stories and focus on the “Facts (Charlie Heat Version)” and remember that we can still be “Stronger” together even though Donald Trump will soon have all that “POWER” to “Run This Town.”

Choose beverages wisely

If you’re still feeling patriotic and want to make a political statement at your party, follow President Obama’s lead by enacting your own symbolic sanctions against Russia in the most college-way possible: boycotting Russian-brand vodka. In terms of what you can realistically afford, this basically means no Russian Standard and no Stolichnaya. Don’t worry, Smirnoff doesn’t count. If you’re looking for an alternative, we here at 4E recommend everyone’s favorite delicious (and American-made!) vodka, Burnett’s. For more information on this flavored poison refreshing beverage, check out some of our diligent research here.

There you have it: a few simple tips and tricks to make your Inauguration Day one to remember. And finally before we go, if you’re reading this, Mr. Trump (and based on your bizarre social media habits, there’s sadly good chance that you actually are), we wish you luck. Despite our differences, we hope that you prove us wrong and use these next four years to help lead our country in the right direction. But in the meantime, we here at 4E will continue to contribute to the “crooked media” by low key roasting you on a regular basis. Here’s to the next four years, neighbor.

Gifs: giphy.com, teepublic.com

Thanksgiving FAQs

thanksgiving faqsIf you’re anything like us, you’re probably #hyped to be heading home for Thanksgiving. This is the perfect time to sleep in, eat some home-cooked meals and try not to think about how you’ll be back to eating Pringles out of the vending machine on Lau 2 at 3 AM in a few weeks.

But most of all, Thanksgiving is the perfect time to catch up with your family. To make sure your dinner table conversations with your relatives go as smoothly as possible, we’ve prepared some helpful Do’s and Don’ts for answering those fun Thanksgiving FAQs:

1. “So, do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”

Do: Laugh casually and say something along the lines of “I’m too focused on my schoolwork to have time for a girlfriend” as you try not to think about the fact that you’re supposed to submit an essay you haven’t started yet by midnight.

Don’t: Mention the guy you met on the Vil A rooftop on Halloween. Don’t mention the guy from that Henle party the weekend before either.

2. “How about that election?”

Do: Change the topic as quickly as humanly possible. “Grandma, have you seen these hilarious Joe Biden memes?”

Don’t: Ask your relatives who they voted for. There’s a good chance that those of you in Wisconsin, Michigan, and/or Pennsylvania won’t like their answer.

Don’t: Think about the next four years. Your crippling anxiety is sure to put a damper on dinner.

3. “Are you eating/sleeping well?”

Don’t: Mention that you ran out of Flex Dollars two weeks into the semester and have resorted to signing up for clubs that you have no interest in for the sole purpose of getting free pizza at their meetings.

Don’t: Draw attention to the fact that you’ve gained the Freshman 15 despite the fact that you’re a junior.

Do: Say “O’Donovan’s at the Waterfront is an enjoyable and delicious dining experience. I frequently eat things other than chicken fingers there.” and “The fourth floor of New South is a quiet and relaxing place to sleep. Our RA does a great job of enforcing the noise rules.”

4. “How are classes?”

Do: Throw around some complicated-sounding buzzwords you’ve picked up from your IR class. “Hegemonic stability theory” and “Neoliberalist perspective” are two of my personal favorites. This is a great way to reassure your parents that you’re actually learning things and your tuition is money well spent.

Don’t: Mention that you haven’t actually gone to IR lecture in weeks and you’re less than 60% sure of what your TA’s name is.

5. “What’s a Hoya?”

Don’t: Worry about the fact that it’s been three years and you still don’t have a good answer.

Do: Just say any random sentence that combines the words “Stonewall” “Latin” “Greek” “a long time ago” and “Jack the Bulldog”.

So there you have it: some simple Do’s and Don’ts to make sure your Thanksgiving is a great one. From all of us here at 4E, safe travels and Happy Thanksgiving!

Gifs: giphy.com

Six Reasons to Fear Georgetown Snap Story

georgetownsnapWelcome back to campus guys! While I hope you’re all enjoying the fleeting days far away from Lauinger, I must warn you of two possible life-threatening dangers on campus.

First of all, there is a nearly imperceptible trail of ice in front of Walsh. It’s dangerous. I almost broke my legs while performing an accidental split over the ice. But, I recovered.

recovery

The second biggest danger to me and to all of you is very clearly perceivable and it has come in the form of a cute little ghost.

If you have a Snapchat, you know that Georgetown Campus Snap Story is NOT affiliated with, licensed by or sponsored by Georgetown University, but anyone on campus can view Our Campus Story and add to it, making it extremely dangerous for accidental screen-shotters.

Here are the things that terrify me about the new Georgetown Campus addition to the Snapchat app.

Sexting. I don’t want to see it, but it’s bound 2 happen. Before you “accidentally” post your anonymous genitalia to the story Saturday night, remember that youths may use this app on campus while walking to mass on Sunday morning.

Feeling FOMO. I know there will be a few Friday nights that I’ll sadly sit in Saxby’s, do minimal work on a paper and wish I was out on the town. Before I only had to fight the temptation to follow my friends’ nights on Snapchat. Now the entire Georgetown population will be working together to show me what I’m missing.

Regrets. My snap stories are often embarrassing, but on the weekend my snap stories are flat-out regrettable. I don’t need to share my regrets with the entire student body. But I might. I just might do it.

My Ethics Professor. He’s young, he has long hair and he cares about the environment. He’s probably hip enough to have a Snapchat. Unfortunately, anyone on campus can see the Georgetown snap story so my ethics professor could possibly see me or any of my classmates in a new, unflattering light.

Power in the Wrong Hands. Absolute power corrupts absolutely and I’m afraid a few of our Georgetown comrades will monopolize the Our Campus upgrade.

Finally, I was terrified of what the snap story would show us about our student body. I was concerned for a while that we would collectively come to the conclusion that we’re all basically the same, coffee-drinking, Friends-watching college kid. After seeing what seemed like three goofy, dancing, sweater-clad guys in a row on our story I decided that if we were all the same, at least we were fun. Then, as the snaps continued to pour in, I saw lab time, RHO work, common room leaks, canal hockey, pep-talk givers, seniors enjoying senior night, Joe Biden, beautiful, stylish people and one Ritz cracker enthusiast. You guys are actually really cool and now my fear is that I am not nearly cool enough to find something to share with you all.

Let the hunt begin.

Gif: gifsoup.com

Stolen Clock Hands: The Suspects

clock tower

For the first time since 2012, the Healy clock hands were stolen two nights ago. While they have since been replaced, who is responsible for the daring theft? Here are 4E’s top five suspects for who committed this most egregious (read: hilarious) crime.

Joe Biden

Screen-Shot-2014-10-09-at-1.48.03-PM

Motive: Sign them and say that whoever stole them sent them to him. This would instantly increase his own status as a campus celebrity.
How: The VP attended mass at Dahlgren Chapel on Monday, likely as an opportunity to scout out the front of Healy. Using mass to hide your debauchery, Mr. Vice President?

The manager at Leo’s

Motive: Revenge on the students who steal all of his/her forks (and knives/spoons/dishes/cups).
How: While everyone was all the way across campus using meal swipes at Hoya Court, the manager snuck out of the now-abandoned Leo’s and took the hands. 4E fears that our precious clock hands will be melted into raw metal to replace all the stolen cutlery.

A freshman with a huge crush

Motive: Girl asked, “Can I have the time?”
How: I’m not really sure about this one. Some freshmen still don’t know what Healy is, so it’s impressive that he even knew there was a clock, let alone that its hands were significant.

The GU Rock Climbing Team

dsc_0344Motive: Tired of hearing, “Wait, we have a rock climbing team?”
How: They climb rocks for sport. Scaling the face of Healy? Child’s play.

That a-hole who always steals my spot in Lau

Motive: Because he’s a jerk, that’s why. You know the one.
How: I have no clue, since he has been in my spot in Lau every time I’ve checked.

Whoever the perpetrator is, it was pretty rad of them to steal the clock hands and offer us a little reprieve from the burden of finals season. 4E only hopes they send the hands to someone cool.

Photos: http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nbihK0FLU08/T59DdKW-P5I/AAAAAAAAATc/GqpjGki53mc/s1600/clock+tower.jpg; http://boston.barstoolsports.com/; gubulldogblog.wordpress.com

Vice President Highlights Georgetown in Summit Speech

Joe Biden

At Thursday’s White House College Opportunity Day of Action, Vice President Joe Biden stole the show with four shout outs to Georgetown in his half-hour long closing speech.

While these mentions had no relevance to the day’s goal of discussing ways of increasing college opportunity, his rambling anecdotes ensured Georgetown was included in the major higher education summit.

The first nod to the Hilltop came as Biden discussed his son, Hunter who started Yale Law School after getting his B.A. at Georgetown. According to our Vice President, a Georgetown degree could mean you’re smarter than someone with an Ivy League PhD.

“My son Hunter is a very very bright young man. He’s a grown man now with three beautiful daughters. I remember when he got into Yale Law School he said ‘Dad, you know, 69 in my class have already their PhDs. It’s going to be hard.’ And he went to a great school. He went to Georgetown before that. I remember he had a court competition and after it was over he came out and went to a phone booth. And I know where this phone booth is. And he whispered and said, ‘Dad, I won.’ And he said, ‘Dad, you know, I’m as smart or smarter than a lot of these guys.’”

bidens_2
Joe Biden with son, Hunter.

Less than two minutes later, Biden highlighted how our expansive mass schedule saved him in an embarrassing family moment.

“Two years ago at the convention, Michelle and Barack and Jill and I were standing waiting to go out to be introduced, this is a true story. And you’ve got to see Michelle. She is an incredible, incredible first lady and incredible mother. As is the President. As a matter of fact, one of the great byproducts and a point of personal privilege, their two daughters and two of my granddaughters are each others’ best friends. They vacation together, spend time together. I told my granddaughter last year we’re going to 10:00 mass, and she said ‘Pop I can’t.’ And I said, ‘Oh, this is your grandfather. You’re going to 10:00 mass.’ She said, ‘I can’t. The President’s picking me up in five minutes.” Well what am I going to say? The good news is that I have one son that went to Georgetown and I said, ‘They got a 7:00 mass at Georgetown.”

It is still unclear how a speech on education policy evolved into a discussion of time at mass, but thanks anyway, Vice President.

Photos: thepoliticalinsider.com

4E Drinking Games: VP Debate Edition

The vice presidency is one of the strangest offices in politics. The vast majority of the 47 men (yes, they’ve all been men) who have held the office have done, well, nothing. It’s a mostly ceremonial position, discussed extensively during election season and largely forgotten afterward.

Unless, of course, a president dies.

This grave hypothetical makes the VP candidate a vital component of any presidential ticket. This year, Democratic incumbent Joe Biden faces off with Republican challenger Paul Ryan. It’s seasoned foreign policy wonk against up-and-coming budget hawk; lovable loudmouth against pretty-boy pragmatist; your crazy great-uncle against your high school quarterback. While neither candidate provides the getcha-popcorn-ready unpredictability of 2008 Republican candidate Sarah Palin, tonight’s TV special should bring plenty of high-quality entertainment.

But to our readers of legal drinking age who need a little extra kick in your debate-viewing experience — have no fear! Our official unofficial vice-presidential debate drinking game is after the jump.

Continue reading “4E Drinking Games: VP Debate Edition”