This is what we’ve all been waiting for. Years of technological development have brought us to this very moment.
Thank you Benjamin Franklin for flying your kite and getting us electricity.
Thank you Alexander Graham Bell for creating the first practical telephone.
Thank you Steve Jobs for the iPhone.
Thank you to every visionary that contributed to technology since the dawn of time.
Because now, after years and years of hard work and innovation, we have reached the apex of science: Rapchat.
Snapchat is a thing of the past. Who needs to send selfies, awkward videos, or overly-flashed pictures of Brown House ragers when you can send a rap instead?
That’s right. Rapchat, a new app on the App Store, gives the user anywhere from twenty to forty seconds to drop the most fire lines of their life. After recording, you can send it to any one of your lucky Facebook friends!
Now you may be asking yourself, “Do we really need an app for this?” The answer is yes. A firm, unequivocal yes. Rapchat will give you a variety of beats to choose from and you can simply record a freestyle rap and send it to your friends. Imagine that instead of drunk Snapchat selfies, you will receive incoherent, mildly-offensive raps set to underwhelming beats! I can’t think of anything better than that.
Click on this link and join the bloggers of 4E in downloading Rapchat as soon as possible. Don’t worry, you will be loudly sending incomprehensible slant rhymes with no discernible rhythm to your friends in no time!
Tired of giving your friends and family members the standard, generic Christmas gifts: jewelry, gift cards, food, clothes? This year, get a little more creative with some totally absurd presents. You can be completely sure that your acquaintances won’t have – and probably have never heard of – any of these gifts. Here is 4E’s list of unique and novel gift ideas that even the most picky loved/tolerated person on your list will appreciate and use forever.
This nifty device will notify you whenever a Facebook friend is within 2 miles of you. Stalking your exes just got a lot easier. Instead of looking through their photos (and those of the girls/boys they’re tagged with) you can go find them and actually physically stalk them. Goodbye sanity, hello psychiatrist!
The Tie Tie-r
Tired of wasting precious time tying your tie every single morning (and some nights)? Buy that friend or family member this device with settings to make all the crucial knots – Eldredge, Tulip, Trinity – in about 10 minutes!
Solar Powered Flashlight
How often are you outside in broad daylight wishing you had a powerful flashlight? Simply push the “on” button to harness the energy of the solar system’s most powerful star into a hand-held beam that shines with the same brightness as a blubber lamp. Must have access to direct sunlight to be effective.
Cargo Shorts Kit
Love cargo shorts, but hate the bulky pockets? This kit gives you the best of both worlds. The khaki slightly-below-the-knee-length shorts feature strips of Velcro on the side of each leg, allowing you to add the included fake pockets (piece of fabric resembling a pocket) in whatever design, ratio or even shape that you desire. Kit comes in a variety of colors and themes including camouflage, Hello Kitty and Disney princesses. The perfect gift for anyone on your list!
Remote Control for iPhone 6
Ever want to change the song or check social media but don’t feel like taking out your cell phone to do so? Use this remote control instead. Roughly the size of the ancient relic known as “the iPhone 4s,” this remote will fit conveniently in your other pocket and allow you to control your new iPhone 6 with just a few taps.
This computerized device will keep track of everything you argue about in your relationship: Who forgot to do their chores? Who had the last sassy remark? Who made a mean comment? Fights will be more productive than ever and revenge will be surprisingly easy. Warning: may cause deterioration of relationship.
Recipients of these gifts have deemed them “life changing” and “what gets me out of bed in the morning.”
When asked if they recommend the gifts, people on the internet said:
“The Cargo Shorts Kit saved my marriage.”
“Thanks to the Tie Tie-r, tying my tie is knot a problem.”
“I saw a commercial for the Facebook Finder while I was in prison and immediately sought parole so I could get one ASAP.”
Hurry up and get these gifts before they’re sold out and everyone’s lives are ruined forever.
By now it should be obvious that we love emojis. As we wait anxiously for the emoji update that promises hundreds of new emojiis, let’s make sure we’re taking advantage of the emojiis currently at our disposal. But first we have one question: 1. Flag This emoji seemed particularly necessary recently with the World Cup and summer traveling. Since communication apparently doesn’t slow down no matter what continent you’re on, these emojis can be used as a constant reminder that as you suffer through your unpaid internship or commuting from suburbia, your friends are having fun on vespas in Italy or bar hopping in Germany. Basically they are Lizzie McGuire in The Lizzie McGuireMovie and you are Gordo. 2. Flag + Soccer Ball A fun little twist on the Flag (see #1). For all you World Cup watchers, combine a flag with a soccer ball and you can pretend that you know something about soccer (football?) despite having no idea who Cristiano Ronaldo was three weeks ago (myself included). 3. The little chick with her hand up This is your basic bitch. It is probably the most fun emoji to send and the most annoying to receive. It’s like this little tiny lady is telling you that she is better than you. She holds more power in her left hand than you do in your whole body.4. The single tear drop This emoji is used when your friend has told you bad news and you want to express sympathy. Warning: this is only for when your friend has missed the bus or she has to spend the night in Lau. It would be an extremely inappropriate response to actual bad news. If your friend tells you horrible news, pick up the phone and call her instead of sending a little crying man.5. Serious face + Gun This combination is the best of way of saying “I hate everything and everyone, you may kill me now.”6. Food I always wonder about the taste of whoever created the food emojis because while it seems like there are many options to choose from, there are only a few that represent foods I eat often. I personally don’t ever crave flan enough to text about it, but to each their own.
And, of course, we know that you do. Emojis (or what the older generation refers to as “those tiny picture thingies”) can enhance any text or Facebook message. But, a problem arises when these little wondrous characters are used improperly. So, to make sure that everyone is using them correctly, we put together a guide to some of our favorite Emojis.
1. The Alcohol Emojis
These little guys are perfect for any party invitation via text. Whether you’ve already had your fair share of Hot Cinny Burnett’s and don’t care to type out the word “beer” or you feel like making your pre-game invitation special, you just can’t go wrong with any of these.
2. The Chill Emoji
My personal favorite emoji is the emoji that looks like it’s just too suave for the rest of them. This can be used for so many different scenarios, but the best way to use it is when you’re trying to make moves.
3. The Poop Emoji
We had to include this little guy just because someone at some point thought, “Hey, you know what would make an awesome emoji? A SMILING PILE OF POO!” But hey, I’m glad they did. Now, when I’m in a horrible situation, all I have to do is type out this single character.
4. The Salsa Dancer and the Kissing Couple
Since the 4E bloggers are at the forefront of social and technological innovation, we know how to combine two emojis to convey the perfect message. Nothing goes together better than the Salsa Dancer and the Kissing Couple…
5. The Sad/Shocked Emoji
This emoji works perfectly in situations when you really can’t tell if you are going to scream your head off or bawl your eyes out. So when you’re in this time of confusion, feel free to throw this emoji out there; the person you’re messaging will understand your pain.
6. The Clapping Emoji
Sometimes, your friends deserve some congratulations. But when “congratulations” doesn’t suffice, give them a round of applause!
7. The Spot-On Emoji
This is a perfect emoji to use when someone does something that is on point. Whether it’s a relevant comment in class or a solidly filtered photo on Instagram, this emoji can be used to commemorate the momentous occasion.
We thought we’d let you know that Snapchat is trying to take over the world. It’s shocking, but it’s true. Never again will Snapchat be known as the app sending disappearing, embarrassing photos. Or at least that’s what the company hopes. Today, all Snapchat users received a snap and a story from the ever-mysterious “teamsnapchat” to alert them of the new text-like chat and video chat updates.
According to blog.snapchat.com, after Snapchat “honored the true nature of storytelling” with the story update, the company realized that Snapchat was missing “presence.” That’s right, now that Snapchat has perfected the art of storytelling, it’s moving on to improve its presence.
Presence, according to Snapchat, means making sure your friends are FREAKING PAYING ATTENTION! You can do this now by checking to make sure your friends are using the app while you’re talking to them. While using the new chat update, you’ll be notified that your friend is available if there is a blue circle in the bottom right of your chat window.
If your friend is there, why not check up on them and open a live video chat? Snapchat’s abilities are so extensive now that you can use Snapchat instead of texting, calling, FaceTiming and nearly all of your social media if you don’t mind your perfectly-filtered selfies vanishing from the Internet.
So, quick review: Snapchat is trying to take over the (social media) world, Snapchat knows what the “true nature of storytelling” is and your friends need to FREAKING PAY BETTER ATTENTION TO YOU!
Facebook has just unveiled a brand new app called Paper, which, according to the company, will allow users to “explore and share stories from friends and the world in immersive designs and fullscreen, distraction-free layouts.” The app aims to give users a streamlined and engaging way to read their newsfeeds and view photos, like a unique, customizable newspaper.
Here at 4E, we like Facebook. And we like paper. We also like “immersive designs,” and we certainly love storytelling. So we downloaded Paper for ourselves to see if it lives up to the hype surrounding its release. Here’s what you need to know about our experience:
1. Paper is pretty We aren’t kidding. The app divides your newsfeed into easy, customizable categories. Photos are vivid and crisp (tilt your phone and watch what happens!), and just check out all that glorious white space!
2. Paper is also pretty pointless If you’re looking for a new Facebook experience, you’ve come to the wrong place. That being said, if you’re looking for a new place to read the news and stories you like, you’ve come to the right place.
3. If you have a tablet, Paper is great iPad users, you’re in luck. Paper’s simple, clean layout will be wonderful for your tablet device. It’s almost meant to be viewed on a Goldilocks-like screen: not too big, not too small, just right. For all you iPhone users out there, the app really seems lukewarm. Does Paper make for better viewing than the original Facebook phone app? We think yes. Is it dazzlingly better on such a small screen? No.
4. Who says my paper can only have nine sections? Another downside is that your customizable “Paper” can only have nine sections that you choose. These sections can range from Headlines, to Tech, to Pop Life, to Score, to Glow. (Side note: What in the world is Glow? Name one newspaper that has ever had a Glow Section. Is Glow like a Lifestyle section for aliens? If I choose Glow for my Paper, will I get a glow stick?) If you’re anything like us, you’ll want all the sections in your Paper, and having to choose is a bit of a letdown. Actually, never mind. We’ll just stick with Glow.
5. Try Paper for yourself And when you do, let us know what you think about it. Is Paper the next big thing? Is it revolutionizing media? Will the app bring Mark Zuckerberg some major “paper?” Or is it just a prettier newsfeed? Let us know in the comments below.
Oh, and in case you were wondering, Glow is a section about “Style, substance and beauty that’s more than skin deep.” I think it’s a section about Beyoncé.
What if I were to tell you that, as of Summer 2013 (just one short month away!!!), your brand-spanking-new iPhone 5 will be outdated. You know, the one that was the envy of your friends and the enemy of your wallet? The one that, as of a few short months ago, was literally brand new? Well, it’s time for the guys at Apple to frustrate you again. According to the Wall Street Journal, Apple is expected to release its iPhone 6 (or 5S, still unclear) sometime over the summer.
All 4E has to say about it is, “Really?”
Initial reports have made it seem like the only significant improvements will be an better camera and other color possibilities (think the new iPod Touch). They might put an improved processor chip and slightly improved battery life too, but so far, it appears that it won’t come with iOS 7 or any drastic development like Siri was for the iPhone 4S. The display size will even be the same. So what, exactly, is going to be so awesome about it?
Maybe they will give more options for Siri to make it more all-inclusive. I have always thought it would be cool to have Morgan Freeman giving me GPS directions or restaurant suggestions. Maybe, instead of spoken commands, your phone could just read your mind. That would be awesome. It probably isn’t too far off the Bump App, right? Better yet, maybe it will come with some useful attachments. iMicrowave? iATM? iParty? (OK, that last one was pretty bad.)
It might be a little unfair that I’m bashing Apple for this one. I’m a huge Apple supporter and user, and I definitely admire how they’ve been able to become so successful. And Steve Jobs was one of the greatest innovators in his field, if not the greatest. But I just can’t figure out what could justify people spending $600 on a new phone, which is about as durable as a China Doll, less than 10 months after Apple’s latest release. Regardless of how ridiculous it is, however, the iPhone 5S is coming. Will you be ready?