4E’s Thanksgiving Countdown

It doesn’t seem valid to get excited year after year about a holiday that in truth commemorates our subjugation of native peoples and destructive colonial ways, but let me tell you: I am excited for Thanksgiving break.

You may ask me, “What could be so exciting about five days in central New Jersey?” Well, first of all, New Jersey is the most underrated state. Second of all, a brief reprieve from midterms is exactly what I need to restore my sanity.

Please join me on a ~journey~ to cozy, fall-time feels. Whether you’re travelling home for Thanksgiving or not, these activities should allow you to start healing that part of your soul that a semester-long midterm season has sucked out of you.

First, play this song for maximum reading experience.

Day 1: Nov. 5

Divine your Thanksgiving horoscope. What’s in the stars for you this year? If you’re going home, will you finally hook up with your high school crush? Will you get taken to the hospital with an irreversible food coma? Only one way to find out…

Day 2: Nov. 6

Go vote. If you haven’t voted yet, please motivate yourself with the thought of Great-Grandma Pat’s wrath when you tell her you abused the right she fought so hard for back when they only showered like once a week or whatever. This way, when your family members start arguing at the dinner table, you’ll be able to validate the opinions you’ve honed in all of those SFS classes by proving that you’re an active participant in our democracy.

Day 3: Nov. 7

Plan out your plate. Everyone knows that going into the holiday meal without an attack plan is a fool’s errand. Use the below image to prevent future discomfort and maximize future deliciousness.

Image result for thanksgiving plate outline

Day 4: Nov. 8

Get the 411 on those crazy relatives you’re afraid to see. Call your mom. You should probably do this anyway, but for your own safety, ask her to give you an update about Aunt Linda’s “situation” so you’re not blindsided on the big day.

Day 5: Nov. 9

Start filling up your shopping carts. Two weeks before Black Friday, go against your better judgment and let those natural consumer instincts run wild. I’ve never actually shopped on Black Friday before, but I like to imagine that filling up online shopping carts is just as good.

Day 6: Nov. 10

Check out those fall colors. Get out of your musty apartment for once and take a walk somewhere in the city — it’s actually very beautiful here and we tend to take that for granted too often.

Day 7: Nov. 11

It’s cuffing season. Have you found your big/little spoon yet? It’s getting pretty chilly outside; you should probably get on that.

Day 8: Nov. 12

Convince your dad that a turducken is a bad idea. Tell him the hard truth: 55 is too old to spice things up, especially with the multi-meat equivalent of the Human Centipede. Like him, sometimes oldies are goodies — no more of this millennial nonsense.

Day 9: Nov. 13

Start packing. I’m serious. If you do it this far in advance, you’ll avoid that last-minute packing nightmare in which you somehow only bring home booty shorts, a turtleneck and over-the-knee boots.

Day 10: Nov. 14

Do something ~cute~ with your friends. Make a pie. Drink some chai. Discuss the best moisturizing strategies for preventing dry winter skin (non-spon but pls check out this account @dewydudes). Put aside homework for a sec and appreciate the value of good, wholesome fun.

Day 11: Nov. 15

Come up with a fake major to get your grandparents off your back. They don’t understand that you’re not wasting their money; you’re just finding yourself. So, pose as a Future Government Official/Investment Person to get out of hot water with the old folks.

Day 12: Nov. 16

Learn how to play football (?). I’m very thankful that my family does not maintain this tradition, but if yours does, it’s probably time to tighten up that spiral. Who knows, maybe you’ll get concussed and won’t have to take any more exams!

Bradley Cooper in “A Star is Born,” 2018 (colorized).

Day 13: Nov. 17

Thank your roommate(s). Whether you’re best friends or mere living partners, be grateful to this person for putting up with you. This way, your inability to wash dishes and sexiling habits won’t weigh heavy on your conscience over the break.

Day 14: Nov. 18

Friendsgiving! Get together with all of your friends for one last hurrah before going your separate ways. A group dinner feat. Leo’s turkey and mashed potatoes never looked so cute.

Day 15: Nov. 19

Watch the twurkey dance. This is a good distraction that will get you hype for the holiday.

Day 16: Nov. 20

What? Sorry. I’m already gone. If possible, remove yourself mentally and/or physically from the Georgetown environment. This could be done in the form of a really long nap, ripping up a blue book — you name it.

Hoya Saxa! I’m grateful for you <3

Sources: festival-collection.com, giphy.com, youtube.com, people.com

4E’s Weekly Horoscope

Mercury is entering retrograde. Are you ready? Find out below in 4E’s weekly horoscope.

Aries

It it is your time to shine, Aries. Although Mercury is entering retrograde, it won’t stop you in your zodiac season. This week you will embark on a treasure hunt of passion and connection. Be prepared this weekend, as the stars will align and someone special will enter your sphere of love!

Taurus

Stubborn Taurus will run into trouble this week as Mercury will create interpersonal conflict with those you most care about. Try to endure and boast your strong skills in patience. This week may not be your best but fear not — good times are on the horizon.

Every taurus rn

Gemini

Gemini, you have had a tough couple weeks, but it’s time to let loose and have some fun! Shed your nervous skin, as Mercury will usher in a new period of blooming friendships and romance for you. Keep an eye out for that special someone this Saturday!

Cancer

Sensitive moon child, it is time to let go. You have not been able to shake the past, but retrograde marks a fresh start for you. Throw away your insecurities and suspicions; they only bring negative energy. Be social, work hard and have fun this weekend. A big surprise awaits you on Friday!

Leo

I hope your bags are packed, because this week commences a journey of spiritual and physical discovery. Take time to think about the past and envision the future you desire. Your stubborn, inflexible side will be challenged as retrograde presents some complications along the way, but such is life!

Virgo

This week is all about you, Virgo! Take time for self care and personal reflection. This Thursday, you will be tempted to return to bad habits — be cautious. Your strength on Thursday will be rewarded on Saturday with a night of friendship.

Libra

Child of Venus! After months of reflection, it’s time to show everyone why you’re led by the goddess of beauty! If you’re confident and keep a positive attitude, you shall surely reap the rewards. This week’s retrograde will bring up feelings of the past. Be careful, Libra — dwelling for too long can revert all the progress you’ve made. 

Scorpio

Control is key, Scorpio. With retrograde swirling your emotions into a frenzy for the next few weeks, you will need to keep your cool. This time of chaos can be difficult for you, as it disrupts routines. Just think positively, and keep those hotheaded emotions in check! I fear an emotional blowup ahead if you cannot keep the passion to a minimum. 

Sagittarius 

Look forward to flexing those sociable skills, adventurous one! This week may be your time to shine, Sagittarius. Despite the retrograde, you stay strong in times of uncertainty. Embrace this radiating energy — others will find you irresistible, so be on the look our for similarly irresistible new partners. You will be successful in romantic endeavors. 

Capricorn

Play time is over, Capricorn! After weeks of fun, you need to bring your focus back to self-betterment. Instead of painting the town red on a night out, Netflix and chill alone instead! With the communication chaos of this week’s upcoming retrograde, try mending your most important relationship — with yourself.

Aquarius

Be ready to be tested, Aquarius! As a sociable sign, I know it’s disappointing to hear there are academic and professional challenges ahead. Don’t expect any straight A’s or pay raises — you’ll have to put in work first. Stay grounded, and study up!

Pisces

It is a bittersweet week, Pisces! The season of your sign is over. Keep note of your finances; after getting all that birthday money, you should spend it wisely. You’ve been a bit casual with your finances lately, and there’s no need to take this into the retrograde.  Keep note of any other financial opportunities this week, Pisces. 

Children of the universe, that’s all the stars have for us for now! See you next week!

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, i.ytimg.com

4E Horoscopes

horoscope-gallery-sagittariusSo I’m actually way more prophetic than people give me credit for.

Check out your horoscope below to see how your future, love life and Halloweekend is going to play out. 100% accurate or your money back.

Capricorn (12/22 – 1/19)

Your life has been crazy and hectic lately, but after this week you’ll finally settle into a more normal rhythm. In your time of desperation, you’ll find a wrapped item of a food on the ground, but you should not eat it. You’ll think about it though.

LoveLyfe: Your side-bae is going to be a side-bye. Get ahead and start moving on.

Halloween-o-scope: You have way too many options for Halloweekend. You’ll be overwhelmed if you try to do them all, so pick carefully. Stay away from group costume ideas.

Aquarius (1/20 – 2/18)

Next Thursday will literally be a #tbt. Some ghosts of Christmas past will walk back into your life in a way that you were not expecting. Though you may feel overwhelmed at first, take a deep breath—this isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

LoveLyfe: You normally live by the commandment, “thou shalt not text first.” But next weekend, if you get over yourself and just go for it, something good will happen.

Halloween-o-scope: You’ll meet a tempting someone dressed as a promiscuous animal on Halloween night. Stay away.

Pisces (2/19 – 3/20)

You know that listening isn’t your strong suit, but you know who really deserves to get listened to? Yourself. You’re in desperate need of some #me-realtalk and just be honest with yourself.

LoveLyfe: The moons have shifted in a rare fashion. Your love interest will acknowledge you sober and in public … potential keeper here.

Halloween-o-scope: So your Halloween costume might be more on the risqué side … but this isn’t something you should feel self-conscious about. If you got it, flaunt it.

Aries (3/21 – 4/19)

You’re stressed out about post-grad plans, but you should not be. Things are going to work out a lot more seemlessly then you’re anticipating, and then you’ll realize that all this nervousness now was unnecessary.

LoveLyfe: You may think you’re the only one courting your crush, but you’re very wrong. Time to step up your game so that someone else doesn’t step on your toes.

Halloween-o-scope: Halloween will not be what you’re expecting this year, but just be prepared to go with the flow.

Taurus (4/20 – 5/20)

Your next CTF experience will not be what you’re hoping for.

LoveLyfe: You’re kind of in a rut here. You’re bored with the people around you, and you’re anxious for someone new to walk into your life. But maybe it’s not someone new you should be looking for, but someone old. Not like middle-aged old, but someone you already know. Re-examine the boo’s in your life and do some soul-searching to find out which one could be bae.

Halloween-o-scope: You’re in for a fright this year. Stay cool though, everything will be alright.

Gemini (5/21 – 6/20)

Your next Facebook profile picture will get more likes than you ever thought possible.

LoveLyfe: You feel like a stalker when it comes to your crush, and in some ways, you kind of are. Next time you’re in the same area, introduce yourself in a not-creepy way. They’ll be flattered you took the time to pay attention to them.

Halloween-o-scope: You feel like you’re just over Halloween. You’ve done this for twenty-odd years now, and the routine of going to different houses and collecting candy/shot of Burnetts is getting old. Holidays are just a social construct, right? Isn’t this just a way for the candy companies and Victoria’s Secret to increase their profits? While you may be right, ditch the indifferent attitude just for one night. Have fun with it, put on some animal ears, and go with the flow.

Cancer (6/21 – 7/22)

Work has been going super well lately, and this isn’t just a fluke. You’re really hitting your stride and expanding your skills, so give yourself a pat on the back.

Your frenemy Tequila is going to stab you in the back next weekend…stay away.

LoveLyfe: Your wheelhouse is going to expand…but can you juggle all these new love interests? No need to get serious with anyone yet, but your options are going to increase. In a month or so you’ll have to make a hard decision about one of them.

Halloween-o-scope: You’re going to eat too much candy, but that’s okay.

Leo (7/23 – 8/22)

You feel like your outer appearance has been a bit ratchet, and in all honesty, it kind of has been. That’s mostly because of all the stress you’ve been feeling lately. Give yourself a detox day to give your skin the healing that it needs. You’ll feel better inside and out.

LoveLyfe: Someone in your extra-circular activities has recently caught your eye … don’t let that person out of your sight. Don’t be a stranger, but don’t be a stalker either.

Halloween-o-scope: Your kitty costume isn’t be the only thing that is blacking out this weekend.

Virgo (8/23 – 9/22)

Everyone thinks you’re perfect and you have your life together—but do you really? You feel like the answer to this question is no, and having to pretend like you do is driving you mad. It’s a good idea to confide in those you’re close with to say you feel like a mess, and their advice in this situation will be invaluable.

LoveLyfe: You really need to be less self-conscious about yourself, bae and/or side-bae isn’t as judgmental as you think.

Halloween-o-scope: Your kitty tail isn’t the only thing you’re in danger of losing this Halloweened—keep a close eye on your wallet and iphone. You may be in need of an upcoming screen repair.

Libra (9/23 – 10/22)

You may think you’re under-appreciated, but the people in your life value you a lot more than you think. You’re very popular in your inner circle, so don’t forget that.

The wifi at your residence currently sucks. This isn’t going to change.

LoveLyfe: The mixed signals you’ve been getting from a certain someone lately are finally going to clear up. Don’t force this though, this honest conversation will occur organically.

Halloween-o-scope: This Halloween may be the best one you’ve had in a while. Your costume is going to receive a lot of praise, even if you need to explain to some people first.

Scorpio (10/23 – 11/21)

Tension between you and a certain nemesis will peak this month, but try best not to let your annoyance with this person escalate in a way you’ll regret. Like a poster in my second grade classroom said, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will hurt forever.”

LoveLyfe: Remind your bae and/or side-bae of you interest in them, because they may be uncertain at times. Don’t be afraid to be more forward than you usually are, and slap a couple extra emojis in your texts to show that you really do care.

Halloween-o-scope: So you’re panicking that you don’t have enough costume ideas—but don’t fret. Revisit your childhood costume ideas for inspiration (and maybe ask your mom to FedEx a couple accessories).

Sagittarius (11/22 – 12/21)

You feel like you’ve just run a marathon. Life has been busier than you ever thought possible, and you’re deserving of some much need relaxation. Next Thursday night, bring a glass of pinot into an extra-hot shower to calm your nerves.

LoveLyfe: You’ve been feeling really frisky lately. Go to your favorite bar next Friday, and you’ll be sure to DFMO.

Halloween-o-scope: Your costume idea for Saturday night is destined to be hot and snarky. Though you may not remember all of this weekend, people are definitely going to give you lots of compliments.

Photo: likewise.canoe.com