Cries for Help: Carvings in Lau Cubicles

As a nearly 230-year-old institution, Georgetown is host to secrets that current students can hardly fathom.

Hopefully no basilisks tho 🐍 #snakesofgeorgetown

Some of these secrets date back to the school’s founding. Messages etched by early students into the stone walls of Healy, White-Gravenor and Dahlgren — “Thou art fairer than a principled Jesuit,” “Thy perfume sweetens the scent of the stankiest Leo’s dish return,” etc. — have faded over time.

Actual footage of the Healy clock ringing every 15 minutes.

However, contemporary graffiti is alive and well in some of the newer and more utilized buildings on campus. Most anonymous messages, in fact, are located in none other than Lauinger Library, a hotspot of ~brutal~ nervous breakdowns on campus.

Lauinger? I barely know her.

Please join me as I reveal the most honest and repulsive thoughts of Georgetown students: those scrawled on the inside of Lau cubicles and Walsh restrooms in desperate acts of self-expression.

Me as I plumb Lau’s dusty depths. Also, if you don’t know what movie this gif is from, I can’t be friends with you.

Georgetown Confessions

It’s amazing that the president found time to helicopter over to Georgetown and vandalize our library! Spelling errors aside, this is 100% a rule to live by. #FightAgainstTheCapitalistCorp

This was found covering approximately 4 feet of vertical space on the lower level of Lau. I mean … say it loud, say it proud??? 😳🤷🏻‍♀️

Breaking down gender barriers one act of vandalism at a time.

You’ve got to admit, coming out and claiming the Walsh fourth floor women’s bathroom as one of your favorite spots on campus is a bold move. Kudos to this brave soul.

Slackademia

This one is honestly too relevant right now. I love how this ~poet~ backed up some linguistics major’s revelation with a quintessentially Georgetown story of academic humiliation.

4E was tipped off that this one was drawn by a struggling freshman who started their “Problem of God” paper the night before it was due and realized that they were supposed to “conduct a survey.” Yikes.

Quarter-Life Crises

If Lana Del Rey went to Georgetown, these would be the lyrics to her No. 1 song. FYI, if unlike this songwriter, the middle stall in the Walsh third floor bathroom isn’t really your vibe, check out these other spots on campus where you can bawl your eyes out.

This picture illustrates what happens when SFSers get too into their Neo-Sovietism class and then realize that they have to make themselves marketable to consulting firms for summer internships.

Classic Georgetown Elitism

Okay, Brock, that’s only because your dad donated a swimming pool there! Get off your high horse, please.

I mean… George Washington probably would have been a Hoya. #justsayin

Hoyas Reveal Their Ugly Side

This statement is unacceptable. Georgetown students are practically defined by their constant belittlement of campus dining and love for mainstream hip-hop. Do better, Hoyas.

Now that you’ve seen some of the innermost thoughts of Georgetown students, I encourage you to look around the next time you’re struggling to write a paper in Lau at 2 a.m. You may find inspiring messages, crude drawings or desperate cries for help.

Either way, the notes left behind by past Hoyas are an important part of Georgetown’s history that current students can and should bond over.

Did you know that Ben Gates holds a degree in American history from Georgetown? #NotableAlum

Best of luck with finals, everyone! Keep scribblin’ away.

Note: I’d like to apologize to all of the people I weirded out while sneaking around Lau and Walsh taking pictures.

Sources: Giphy, Facebook (Georgetown Memes for Non-Conforming Jesuit Teens)

The 5 Parents You Will Meet During Parents Weekend

Take a break from rationing your remaining flex dollars and crying at the thought of having to eat at New Leo’s, because Parents Weekend (a.k.a. Beg Your Parents to Buy You Food Weekend) is upon us. And while it’s certainly nice to see the ‘rents (s/o my fellow #millennials), there are always some moms and dads you should be on the lookout for. To help you out, we’ve complied a list of the five parents you will meet during Parents Weekend:

1. The “Alumnus”

This parent answers the hypothetical question, “What if Jersey Night was somehow a dad?” Get ready for a weekend full of some definitely-not-exaggerated stories about those “wild nights at The Tombs” and how he/she totally used to “party with Patrick Ewing” “back in the day”. The “Alumnus” can usually be found reminiscing about how “the drinking age used to be 18” or how “the basketball team used to be good,” while staring wistfully at Healy and telling you about the time his/her roommate fell out of a New South window. Should you have to interact with one of these parents over the course of your weekend, our best advice is to continually reassure the “Alumnus” that you too love the movie St. Elmo’s Fire, while casually hinting how “cool” it would be if someone could buy you a case of Natty.

The “Alumnus” “Back in the Day”

2. The “Empty-Nester”

This parent is still having a hard time accepting that the baby of the family is off at college. The Empty-Nester will spend the weekend doing the child’s laundry and thanklessly trying to replicate a home-cooked meal in the middle of a VCW common room. If your parent is the “Empty-Nester”, be sure to blatantly lie reassure them that you are making good choices, exercising regularly, and studying diligently every night before going to sleep promptly at 10 p.m. If you come into contact with someone else’s “Empty-Nester” mom or dad, be sure to nod sympathetically and mention how your own parents have simply replaced you with a dog.

The “Empty-Nester” at Parents Weekend

3. The “Well, MY Son/Daughter Doesn’t Drink”

This parent is hopelessly out of touch with reality. When meeting other parents, this mom or dad will immediately assert a (false) superiority by saying some variation of “Well, my [insert child’s name] isn’t much of a partier” or “Well, my [insert child’s name here] is too busy studying to really go out much”.  Nine times out of ten, this parent’s beloved child is the same child you once found passed out next to an empty can of Four Loko in a bathroom on a Tuesday night. If you meet one of these parents, resist the urge to show off all those incriminating Snapchats you’ve screenshotted, and simply go along with the naïve charade. Someday, likely in the form of a hospital bill after [insert child’s name here] is GERMSed from falling down the Vil A rooftop steps, the truth behind all those alleged “nights in Lau” will come out. But Parents Weekend is not that day.

Interacting with The “Well, My Son/Daughter Doesn’t Drink”

4. The “Is This Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend??”

This parent will spend the entire weekend launching a full-scale, Spanish-Inquisition-style investigation into his or her child’s dating life. This will include asking every carbon-based lifeform that comes within ten feet of New South, “So…you and [insert child’s name] are…friends?” If this is your parent, expect a weekend of having your room discreetly searched for evidence, and continually being asked “whom are you texting?” and “is there anything you want to tell me?” as you walk around campus. If you find yourself in a situation where this is one of your friend’s parents, we suggest you remove yourself from this situation as quickly as possible, unless you want to become the next contestant on a never-ending Jeopardy episode where every category is just “Are You Dating My Son???”

We have all met this mom

5. The “Trump Supporter”

This one goes out to you, Hoyas from Michigan, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania. So step away from the “H*yas for Choice” table and rip that “Feel the Bern” sticker off your laptop, because all your friends are about to find out that your parent(s) are wholly responsible for the horrible and embarrassing end of American Democracy as we know it voted for Donald J. Trump. If you want to keep some semblance of familial cordiality and make it through the weekend on speaking terms, follow some of these helpful tips and tricks:

  • DO NOT mention what happened when Jeff Sessions spoke at the Law School a few weeks ago.
  • DO NOT mention that Hillary spoke in Gaston last year.
  • DO NOT mention anything about her famous Hoya Husband either.
  • DO mention that Steve Bannon and Paul Manafort are alumni? (#notmyhoyas).
You, when your “Trump Supporter” parents talk to your friends

So there you have it: The five parents you will meet on parents weekend. From all of us here at 4E: be safe, have fun, and enjoy putting off that midterm paper in favor of getting brunch with the #rents.

Photos/Gifs: giphy.com, wisegeek.com

Presidential Debate Drinking Game

Drinking game

To be blunt, we at The Fourth Edition are just plain sick of this year’s Presidential Election season. November 8th just cannot come fast enough. Luckily, tonight will bring us one step closer to Election Day. Ladies and gentlemen, the final Presidential Debate will be coming to you live from Las Vegas, Nevada on October 19 from 9:00 PM – 10:30 PM.

If the debate will be anything like the previous two, it may call for a tall glass of, uh, “water.” Check out our guide to drinking your way to Election Day, if you’re 21+ of course.

Our game will be broken up into 6 categories that mirror the 6 topics on the table tonight.

Immigration-
Drink when Trump mentions that big ole wall of his.

Drink when Hillary mentions “comprehensive immigration reform” again, and again, AND AGAIN.

Entitlements and Debt-
Our country is in debt. Big time. However, both Trump and Clinton have been conspicuously avoiding talking about the federal deficit. 4E’s advice is to actually pay attention for these 15 minutes, or at least until Hillary mentions eradicating student loans or Donald starts yelling. Or maybe Hillary will mention those cat gifs she loves watching so much.

Oh Hillary, you have so much whimsy.

The Supreme Court-
Drink anytime either candidate mentions their “short list.”

Drink if Trump applauds the Republican senators promise to block any Hillary Clinton Supreme Court Justice nominee.

The Economy-
Upon hearing “TTP” from either candidate, immediately go refill your glass.

Baby sips of that drink whenever Trump mentions “China” or “keeping jobs in the USA.”

Drink when Clinton calls for tax cuts for middle class, equal pay for women and simultaneously quotes her BFF Michelle Obama’s now famous speech from last week regarding the rights of women in America.

*shimmy shimmy shimmy*

Foreign Policy-
Drink if Trump says we have to “Make America Safe Again,” bomb ISIS first and definitely not let any refugees into our country.

Drink if Hillary sticks to her promise to honor the Iran Nuclear Deal and slyly mentions that she was the Secretary of State.

Fitness to serve as President-
Drink if Donald mentions that he called for a both he and Clinton to be drug tested before tonight’s debate.

Drink when Hillary turns a cartwheel on stage in an effort to prove how physically fit she is.

Drink Responsibly!!

Images: http://bit.ly/2dr4FWt, giphy.com

2016 Presidential Nominees As GUSA Presidents

Banner - 2016 GUSABy this point, we are all well aware of who this year’s presidential nominees will be. Like ’em or not, barring some extreme circumstance or ~political revolution~, either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton will be moving into prime D.C. real estate early next year.

The average Georgetown student is pretty politically savvy, but for those of us who aren’t, 4E has created a guide to the nominees by making them a little more relevant to Georgetown. Here are what the candidates’ platforms and personas would be if they were running for Georgetown University Student Association President instead:

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The Likely Democratic Nominee, Hillary Clinton:

  • Creation of a new email system. Google Apps was glitchy, anyways.
  • Officially recognize H*yas for Choice.
  • Someone will tell her to lower tuition, and she will give in.
  • The number of Georgetown students getting Wall Street internships will increase tenfold.
  • Public Safety Alerts about attacks on students may disappear mysteriously.
  • Incentivize more speakers to come to campus by paying them hundreds of thousands of dollars.
  • Jack the Bulldog will wear a pantsuit.hillsuits
  • The front gates remain open.
  • If GUASFCU fails, it must be bailed out.
  • GUSA Vice President will get into battles on Facebook with opposing campaigns.
  • #1 Customer of The Corp, yet has a problem with the way it operates.
  • Already had a seat in her classes before the class primaries (i.e. pre-registration).

trumflag

The Presumptive Republican Nominee, Donald Trump:

  • Studying abroad in any country that participates in international trade deals is no longer allowed.
  • Build a giant wall around campus, and close the front gates.
  • Somehow gets all of his classes during preregistration, stunning even the registrar.
  • Will apply for financial aid, then default on his student loans.
  • New Corp storefronts: a casino, a vineyard and a steakhouse.
  • His possible Vice Presidential nominee may close the Key Bridge.
  • Model UN will receive no funding and be removed from CSE budgets.
  • The entire campus is a free speech zone.
  • Shut down the Qatar campus and relocate it to Tel Aviv.
  • Repeal and replace the student insurance waiver.
  • Will actually enforce the 100% ID check on GUTS buses.
  • Will cut tuition and funding for campus news outlets (Dishonest media!)
  • Attack Villanova hard and fast. They have been beating us badly, folks.trumpdunk

Perhaps this will help you make your decision, or it might have just frustrated/annoyed/perplexed/(insert your feeling here) you, but in any case, just remember to VOTE!

Note: Neither The Hoya nor The Fourth Edition officially endorses candidates for political office or otherwise.

Photos/Gifs: reddit.com, giphy.com

Rock The Vote: Celeb Style

Banner - Rock the VoteWith the primaries in full swing and the election looming, it’s impossible to escape politics here in the nation’s capital. When people are not busy interrogating you about your major and future career plans, they’ll ask the question on everyone’s mind: “Who are you voting for?”. If your answer is an awkward smile while you rack your brain for the name of a candidate, never fear. 4E and your favorite celebrities are here to help you out.

Candidate 1: Hillary Clinton

No one can deny that Hillary has been hot on the social media scene and, in doing so, has snagged the endorsements of some trustworthy and notable celebrities. Most recently, Ja Rule publicly endorsed Ms. Clinton saying “I like Hillary, I like Hillary. But you know, it’s crazy because…I also think Jeb is a good candidate as well, but, you know, I don’t — I’m a Democrat, so yeah, so I would vote Hillary.” Not only is Ja decisive, it’s clear that he’s thoroughly researched Clinton’s platform. Feel free to use this quote at your next dinner party.

murdaaaa

If Ja was not enough to sway you, let us turn our attention to celebrity endorser number two, Waka Flocka Flame who reasoned that “A woman could do it. I’ve seen my momma raise five boys — that’s super hard, so women can do the same s*** that men could do.” Waka has even hinted that he may help Clinton with her campaign if she promotes his latest album “Flockaveli 2.” In short, anyone’s mom can run for president, but since Hillary’s offering, she deserves your vote.

wakaaa

Hillary has additionally been supported by numerous other major names in the rap industry including 50 cent, Snoop Dogg and ASAP Rocky. She has even earned the vote of the selfie queen, Kim Kardashian, and the actual queen, Beyonce. 

kimmmy
Word Up Hill!

Candidate 2: Donald Trump

As if Trump’s trendy “Make America Great Again” snapbacks were not enough of a draw, multiple big names have publicly voiced their support for the outspoken candidate. Before we hit the celeb scene, let’s hear from a renowned and respected politician, Sarah Palin who was quoted saying, “He is from the private sector, not a politician, can I get a ‘Hallelujah’?” Hallelujah, Sarah! Not only does she understand the definition of a private sector, she also seems to have a distaste for politicians, fitting for someone of her occupation.

palin

If you’re not concerned about private sectors, you may be concerned about other strengths of Trump’s campaign. Look no further than his strongest supporters, Hulk Hogan and Ace Ventura! Hogan says “I don’t want to be in the ring with any candidates – I want to be Trump’s running mate.” Ventura, on the other hand, stated “If Donald Trump were to ask me to be his running mate, I would give it very serious consideration because anything to break up the status quo of this country.” These quotes are just a peek into Donald Trump’s extensive network of intellectual advice. Who could say no to a candidate with both Hulk and Ace on his/her side?

hogan

If you’re an animal lover, Trump is the president for you. He has seen an absolutely overwhelming outpouring of support from the feline population.

trump cat

With Trump as president, America could move ~meowntains~!

Candidate 3: Bernie Sanders

Will Ferrell is feeling the Bern…Need I say more?

ferrell

You are now prepared to rock any cocktail party, class discussion and most importantly, to rock the vote.

Photos/Gifs: dailymail.co.uk; nydailynews.com; tumblr.com; giphy.com; totalprosports.com; today.com; funnyordie.com, epmgaa.media.com

2016 Presidential Candidates as Told by 90s Songs

Banner - Presidents

As the 2016 Presidential race heats up, there is a lot of information to digest. The candidates’ platforms (or lack thereof) are constantly mutating and they are saying crazier things every day. If you’ve missed out on some of the news about the candidates, here is what you missed, as told through the greatest music hits of the greatest music decade: the 90s.

 

Ben Carson

Dr. Carson may have had a hot temper as a young child but one day he got The Sign (Ace of Base) from God and, ever since, has mellowed out. Syrian refugees, which he likened to rabid dogs, have him asking: “Who Let the Dogs Out (Baja Boys)“.

carson nod

Hillary Clinton

When Hillary asks herself “What a Girl Wants (Christina Aguilera),” her only answer is “…Baby One More Time (Britney Spears)” in the White House.

hillary music

Jeb Bush

As the son and brother of former Presidents, he has lived a Semi-Charmed Life (Third Eye Blind). But don’t let this “semi-charmed” life fool you: he also speaks enough Spanish to do the Macarena (Los Del Rio).

jeb nod

Donald Trump

He wants to build a Wonderwall (Oasis). He also wants to say Bye Bye Bye (*NSYNC) to anyone who doesn’t fit in his image of a “Great Again” America.

trump nod

Chris Christie

The only place to Drive (Incubus) in Christie’s home state was Under the Bridge (Red Hot Chili Peppers) because the traffic on the bridge was almost as gridlocked as Congress. He was cleared of the charges of closing the bridge but only after he said “It Wasn’t Me (Shaggy)”.

christie dance

Marco Rubio

This Florida senator, the son of Cuban immigrants, was born in the city of Miami (Will Smith). Ever since, he’s been Livin’ La Vida Loca (Ricky Martin) and wants to do that in the White House.

rubio drinking

Bernie Sanders

This senator from Vermont wants the top 1% of the income bracket to Give it Away (Red Hot Chili Peppers). He may or may not have threatened to Eat the Rich (Aerosmith).

sanders laughing

Now that you’re more informed, you can get out and vote!

 

Photos/Gifs: usatoday.com, giphy.com

Things We Forgot Happened in 2014

2014M3MS

2014 was a long year – 365 days, to be exact. This might have felt longer or shorter depending on if you had a good year or a bad year. Nonetheless, there are a ton of things that we forgot happened in the last 12 months. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Sochi Olympics

Tweets made fun of the Sochi Olympics #sochiproblems

Justin Bieber got arrested

Someone scored for their own team in the World Cup

Obama appeared in “Between Two Ferns”

11-obama-between-two-ferns-2

Georgetown was in the NIT

People were obsessed with Flappy Bird

Erdogan got elected president of Turkey

Lauren Conrad got married

Johns Hopkins mistakenly sent acceptance emails to 296 rejected students

Kim Kardashian was on the cover of Vogue

Orlando Bloom and Justin Bieber fought

Adam Levine got married

Suarez bit someone

Taylor Swift took all her music off Spotify

Ellen took a celebrity selfie at the Oscar’s

We landed on a comet

Chris Christie (NJ) caused a traffic jam as political revenge

Malaysian Airlines had a tough time

“How I Met Your Mother” ended

Kim Kardashian tied the knot for the third time

Jay Leno’s Tonight Show ended

Jimmy Fallon started his Tonight Show

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon - Season 1

Solange and Jay-Z fought in an elevator

Robin Williams died

“Wrecking Ball” got video of the year

The iPhone 6 made its debut

Derek Jeter retired

The ice bucket challenge took over

Marijuana was legalized

Kim Kardashian’s butt broke the internet

images

Ebola happened

A person with Ebola flew on a commercial airplane

Maya Angelou died

The Republican party won the majority of the House and the Senate

Starbucks released their first new holiday drink in forever – chestnut praline latte

California Chrome didn’t win the Triple Crown

“The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1” premiered

Phillip Seymour Hoffman died

Hillary Clinton spoke to an empty Gaston Hall

2048

game-2048-java

Hoyas, we at 4E hope you had an awesome year with some truly unforgettable moments.

Photos: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/; http://www.nbcnews.com/; http://blog.datumbox.com/; http://www.brunchnews.com/; time.com; zap2it.com

HILLDOG: Hillary on the Hilltop

HillToday, the Georgetown Institute for Women, Peace and Security (GIWPS) will graciously host the former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton in Gaston Hall! Along with U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry and former First Lady Laura Bush, Clinton will talk about promoting peace and progress in Afghanistan in order to advance Afghan women.

Hillary Clinton, former First Lady, former Senator of New York, former Secretary of State, is without a doubt one of the most respected politicians in America. She is often known for her quick retorts, solid stances on the issues and fantastic pant suits. Let’s review what makes Hillary so glorious:

This is Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Hillary-Clinton-9251306-2-402

This is also Hillary Rodham Clinton, circa the time she embodied the peak of coolness at Wellesley College:

hillarywellseley

Hillary’s fashion sense has only gotten better since then. For example, her hair in the 90s:

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(Although the hair changed, Clinton never did. Pure poetry. As she once snarkily said “If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.” Preach!)

Some First Ladies might feel inferior to their husbands. Not Hillary. Bill knows Hillary doesn’t care about what he says. She is one of the world’s most eloquent supporters of women’s rights

Human rights are women’s rights, and women’s rights are human rights. Let us not forget that among those rights are the right to speak freely — and the right to be heard.

We need to understand that there is no formula for how women should lead their lives. That is why we must respect the choices that each woman makes for herself and her family. Every woman deserves the chance to realize her God-given potential.

Too many women in too many countries speak the same language — of silence.

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It’s not easy being the best, but through all the stress, Hillary has remained classy and strong. She composes herself masterfully. For example, she can be totally hip,

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or totally get-out-of-my-way serious

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or even crush those who stand in her way.

tumblr_m20wcoExrm1rt7gleo1_500

She stands up for herself when she has to

hillary-clinton-benghazi-51

and stands up for what she believes is right.

clinton12_6x390_0

It’s time that we move from good words to good works, from sound bites to sound solutions.

Hillary has always been truly amazing and isn’t even close to reaching her peak. You can be sure to see this class act when you go see Hillary speak in Gaston tomorrow at 10:00am!

Photos: Buzzfeed, Washington Post, Biography